Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 casperella
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 92
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!Page 4 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
My parents were married for over 30 years and then my mom decided she wasnt happy and divorced my dad. Or so I thought. I found out later , because my mom told me, She hadnt been happy in years. She said she stayed with my dad for the kids. The way she put it, she wanted a divorce when I was about 2 years old. But back in those days women STOOD BY THEIR MAN blah, blah, blah. She wasted 25 years of her life with a man she couldnt stand in the end. Needless to say I didnt marry well and I didnt stay married for 25 years for the kids! But my attitude is not jaded on marriage . I'm willing to try again With the right person.
 Steel Phoenix
Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 93
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/7/2009 1:34:59 PM
"Why pass negative judgement on someone you don't know, just because of the poor choices you make?"

Exactly, and amen to that, Lone Hawk. Personally, I hope those types who think that way about never-married people past 40 avoid me. I don't want them contacting me, chatting me up, or even looking in my direction. I'm not interested.

If a woman is going to be that judgemental about someone she doesn't know, never even met and knows next to nothing about, then she is not my kind of woman. Go find some guy in and out of prison with a lengthy record for domestic abuse who was married before. After all, since he's been married he's normal!! Yeah, that's the ticket!! Good luck with that.
 -Denise
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 95
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 11:47:25 AM
from my experience, people I know in their 30s and 40s and have never been married, there are very good reasons why--and they usually have issues.

I'm not speaking for everyone. I know you can't classify all of them together, I'm just speaking of those that I know.
 Kayakin1
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 96
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 12:09:48 PM
Well, I am 39, and I have never been married. I want to be married, but it has not happened yet. I started late in my career, 27 to be exact. I was with someone for 6 years, in between then and now. I do not understand when people say it is a Red Flag, as I am an honest hard working individual that is meeting people that are not yet fully matured and able to handle a responsible relationship. My last G/F was a disaster area of immaturity, jealousy, and we broke up after a year, and talk of marriage and kids. I just could not see this person raising my children, and I put a stop to it. We tried to work it out 4 months later until I caught her sleeping with a bartender downtown. So, just because people raise the Red Flag card, well I raised a hell of a lot more flags, and as a result am still not married. I am ready though, the next one will be the one, it is only a matter of time.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 97
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 2:55:27 PM
"...I have never been married. I want to be married, but it has not happened yet. "

Me too! And from what I had experienced in the dating scene, it's just been my luck (good and/or bad)! You know, that's JUST the way Life has turned out for me.

I'm glad that I'm single today and I could care less if anyone thinks that it's a "bad thing" at my "age".

I certainly make mistakes and have learned my lessons/have a lot more to learn but does that make me a "bad person" because I'm still single and not married at my age? Certainly NOT!

If there's some kind of rule book as to which ages and stages of Life we should be accomplishing and doing things, then I've already broken quite a few of them!

One fine day, I would like to marry & settle down but for now, it hasn't happened yet!
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 98
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/10/2009 6:40:12 PM
I'm 41 and it's been said here in this thread that if someone is not married by the time they are 40 or so they must have "issues" Yer dang right i have issues.. Issues of out of print books, collectable issues of magazines,issues upon issues of various publications... And I can blame none of them on anyone but myself! What can i say? I love my issues and don't do anything to rid me of them!

Seriously... goodness me oh my! I have never been married.. well treat me like a leper! There are a plethora of reasons that could have contributed to this.. Working two jobs to support myself,getting an education past High School,Being a commercial fisherman for a while,traveling,going back to school so I can add to my list of licenses,caring for a sick father,attending school to become a tradesman,studying and research just for the heck of it,the list goes on and on... Ever stop and think some people don't especially enjoy the thought of getting into a legal binding agreement with someone and then having to hand over everything that they worked a lifetime to get,for whatever reason? I've been engaged,she ended it. I guess there is a huge red flag over me.. wait.. someone please turn off that glaring spotlight on me! it's high lighting all my "issues".
 Langenleiten
Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 99
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:26:09 AM
I don't think a divorced person is "damaged goods", but I would prefer to be involved with someone never married. I think maybe I would worry about the ex-wife, but then I would also worry about ex-girlfriends. But I really would avoid a divorced person because of my religious beliefs. I believe that the only Biblical divorce is for adultery. If someone was divorced because of adultery, I'd be more open minded, but I'd still worry. I would wonder why someone in their 40's would be never married, but there are lots of reasons.
Every person is an individual and I wouldn't say over 40 and never married is a red flag, but it is probably unusual, but getting more common as co-habitation is widespread and people are working on careers and just don't seem to marry as young as they used to.
I married my first boyfriend when I was 20 and he was 23 and I expected to live with him for life. I hate divorce and I like being tightly bonded to someone. I am now 43, mother of 3, and single. I don't know how picky I can afford to be and not be alone for the rest of my life. I used to think I'd never date a divorced man or someone with kids, but if my alternative is being alone, I may become more flexible. I have only been "single" for less than 2 years, so I am still in an adjustment period, I think.
 Langenleiten
Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 100
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:29:52 AM
I like your confidence and attitude.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 101
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:44:54 AM
"Over 40 and never married--damaged goods?"

NO--I think it shows wisdom, foresight and common sense!

Maybe I haven't met "the one" who fits into my life and fills in all the right pieces, but I don't want to be married at this point.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 102
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/12/2009 2:31:43 PM
Not sure about "damaged goods", etc. but it does make you wonder how important a relationship is to them, or whether they're just too picky either!
 lara2009
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 103
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:36:18 PM
Everyone would like to find the right person and get married but unfortunately it doesn't always happen.

There are alot of reasons people why people haven't married by the time they are 40.
I personally didn't want to get married young-How can you sleep with the same person for your whole life? someone is bound to cheat.

Some people have money and can't just marry anyone, they prefer to find someone of equal value; which is very difficult.

Besides married people are always complaining about their husbands and wives, that's all I hear from them, when I tell them to get divorced they get offended.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 104
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 3/23/2009 6:20:00 AM
bunomatic, the hell with married, not married or what is wrong or right with you. I will tell you something about you. You are a self-serving narcissist. You displayed so many photos of yourself in your profile. Just one would do. Good for you that you never got married! At least you look happy. I prefer being around not married happy folks than miserable married or divorced ones.
 camiekay1
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 105
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/16/2009 9:37:47 AM
I never thought about it too much until I dated a guy that hadn't been married .After a while it became abundantly clear. why he hadnt ..LOL.Because of that experience I would stop and think now before entertaining the thought of dating a "never been married" and over 40.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 106
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/16/2009 10:33:55 AM
You are entitled to your opinion, but if I painted all divorced men with the same brush based on at least half of the ones I have met (they seem to be seeking a supermodel who has a hot friend so they can have a 3 some whenever they want)...I would not be interested in men at all, since most of the men my age are divorced....I try to look at each man as an individual, and do not rule out any man, be he single, divorced, or widowed, based on him having been married or not.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 107
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:03:59 AM
^^^^ Hey, you don't have to be divorced to be seeking "a supermodel who has a hot friend so they can have a 3 some whenever they want"!

Which just goes to show there's really no difference between divorced, never-married, or whatever. It's simply an irrelevant piece of information, except maybe for the sort who are desperately seeking RED FLAGS.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 108
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:19:17 AM
Unfortunately, few women on POF seem to be supermodels with hot friends who will have 3somes at the drop of a hat ( if they wear hats)........(guess men can always dream)
 Souther Gent
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 109
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:12:10 AM
Yes. I have been married twice. the second, over 34 yrs. Maybe I just gluten for punishment, but I don't want to be alone. Only, this time, a lot more realistic. Life is too damn short no to feel love. Maybe your standands are too high or maybe you're looking in the wrong places. You will nevr find gold under a rock, only a snake.

Try goiing to church and join single groups. Ask yourself. "What are you looking for and why are you waiting?"

The Hawk
 Souther Gent
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 110
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:13:38 AM
Yes. I have been married twice. the second, over 34 yrs. Maybe I just gluten for punishment, but I don't want to be alone. Only, this time, a lot more realistic. Life is too damn short no to feel love. Maybe your standands are too high or maybe you're looking in the wrong places. You will nevr find gold under a rock, only a snake.

Try goiing to church and join single groups. Ask yourself. "What are you looking for and why are you waiting?"

The Hawk

PS. My philosphy: "Is it not better to concentrate on the things we have in common, rather, than too dwell on those we do not"
 Souther Gent
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 111
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:14:58 AM
You're a smart lady.......What are you doing for the rest of your life??

The Hawk
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 112
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/17/2009 7:03:25 AM
Yeah, like one at work is 46 yrs old still waiting around for the "right one". She has to get passed his mommy first!

He said he's settling for one at the VFW hall who drinks him under the table--his and her drinks! It's cute for now, but he'll be pouting about her later!
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 113
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/17/2009 10:41:07 PM
For me, there is no one size fits all rule for this.
If you eliminate unmarried 40 year olds automatically, just because they are unmarried... well, you may just be denying yourself a good relationship.
Or looking at it another way... If you reject them based on this, then perhaps that's a favor to them.
They'll find their source of happiness regardless of what judgement you automatically place on them.
In the end, only you who judge them may lose.
 rrjones
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 114
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/22/2009 10:12:15 AM
Right... forget the red flags... (except when driving)...

better for someone to marry late than say 21 or whatever age if not emotionally or mentally ready for it... next question please.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 115
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 4/26/2009 12:34:21 AM
40 and never married a Red Flag?.....
I keep hearing that it would have been better if you were married and divorced.... Really? At this rate I will be 50 and never married. And now for the dancing plantine. Hell even my grandparents are divorced and miserable, why would I ever want to join that bunch?>
 oilshortage
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 116
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:01:01 PM
if I haven't been married by 40 then is that a red flag?
I'm 45 and never been Married. I am not emotionally immature
I have two children 18 and 22 , and both of their fathers are dead. I am not a widow The times I have thought of getting married are sighs of relief now. I am not divorced
I'm getting the idea here, that to have been married and divorced a time or two before you become "single" is some how better then to never have been married at all.
Ok if I met a men or women who had been Married three or four times. (and I have)
That is a red flag!
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 117
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2009 5:39:26 PM
OP a single man at or over 40, never married, no kids, means he's not paying child support or alimony from past divorces. So really it's a bonus not a red flag. Talk to people who have been married and divorced and they all say the same thing DON"T DO IT, it's good that at or over 40 singles did not get married, it means they did not settle for what they did not want which means when they want you, it's for real!
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!