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 bluebeltbjj
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 198
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
The "smileforgzus" profile is what led me to this thread. It confused me. I am sure she posted the makeout one to prove she was serious about being with him and to mitigate against dudes contacting her.

So...I just learned a few minutes ago of this subculture/community of people who use the site for just the forum purposes. You people have to admit you are NOT the NORM for the site. A small percentage really. Most people are looking on the site to meet people in person, generally, in hopes of a romantic interest.

I know the original intent of the site was to just be a dating site. The NEW listings of "Not Looking" was only an adaptation because of individuals of this subculture perverting the original idea of the site. The developers correctly decided to adapt to fit your needs as opposed to having you leave and go elsewhere and lose the traffic.

I would care to wager that the VAST MAJORITY of this subculture did NOT START on the site for the FORUMS...but grew a liking to them even after their relationship status changed. True, people are FREE to do whatever they want. But, the backlash you receive is not 100% make believe and without warrant as you want to bash and say.

Some want to protect the original intent of the site so that it still holds that integrity. If EVERYONE changed to being in a relationship but just wanted to use the forum then the single people would need to find a new home. It's akin to THREAD HIJAKING. You guys are web site hijacking!

Other than that...I guess they could argue a bunch of other points like cheating and such. The whole..."my profile obviously says I am not interested and I am happy in my relationship" holds as much weight as saying "i would not cheat on my husband/wife because I have a ring on my finger"....similar form of advertising. Now you tell me...do you think people could still cheat even if they have a ring on their finger? (The answer is Yes by the way)
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 202
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:59:30 PM

(Msg 231) So...I just learned a few minutes ago of this subculture/community of people who use the site for just the forum purposes. You people have to admit you are NOT the NORM for the site. A small percentage really. Most people are looking on the site to meet people in person, generally, in hopes of a romantic interest.


If you go to almost any site offering something there are usually testimonials. People who have met here and post pictures/maintain profiles are showing others the site works because there is no lack of "nobody answers my AD" posts.


Some want to protect the original intent of the site so that it still holds that integrity. If EVERYONE changed to being in a relationship but just wanted to use the forum then the single people would need to find a new home. It's akin to THREAD HIJAKING. You guys are web site hijacking!


As far as I can ascertain the original intent of the forums was to assist others in the dating process. That's why the threads remain for years. Who better to offer pointers than someone who has found their mate and are happy?

As someone noted in another thread it's hilarious watching one guy who continually strikes out attempting to offer counsel to another guy who continually strikes out.

Perhaps people should be a little more appreciative of those who have found a mate and are sharing their experience.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 204
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/8/2009 4:18:59 PM
I'm not in a relationship, and I only come here for the forums.
4 years ago I was in a horrifying accident, that made it impossible for me to be intimate with humans, and also oddly enough this same accident granted me the ability to speed read forum topics.
 Shylent
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 208
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:36:33 AM
Yes.
I started out on this site as a single person. While here i got into the forums.
Them i got back together with an ex girlfriend from when i was much younger, and thus no longer single.
Yet i still want to be able to post on the forums form time to time so i kept my profile.
However i have taken steps to discourage interest.
Including mentioning in a couple of places that i am taken, that i am not looking for anyone at the moment as well has having my profile hidden so it doesn't show up on searches.
I also have it set so it is not shown if i view another profile.
My girlfriend also does know about my account here and is able to check on it as she chooses, as i am not hiding anything from her.

If it were to come to pass that we were to break up then i would go back to having an open and visible profile after my heard has healed form the breakup.

For now i just read and occasionally post on the forums, it is these forums why i am still even here . :)
 Ezzee
Joined: 7/26/2004
Msg: 210
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/9/2009 1:15:29 PM
I can't believe that this thread is still active after 10 pages.

I think it is kind of ridiculous.

Yes, it is a free dating site. However, one of the main features of this site is the forums. And the forums are well kept and fun.

My wife knows I"m on here and what I do, and she has no problem with that. If your relationship is so fragile that one of you is out here trying to cheat, or you don't trust your significant other to be here just for the forum, then your relationship is pretty much worth a crap anyway.
 LexyAlexia
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 211
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:16:56 PM

Just about anybody would cheat at anytime if they know they could get away with it, including myself.


It would not be difficult at all to find a man to have sex with right now. Given how easy it would be and the opportunity, you belief nearly all people must be cheating at all times. Is very silly.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 214
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/11/2009 8:59:11 PM
Yes.. really.

Why do people have such trouble with this concept?


I agree with James. Just about anybody would cheat at anytime if they know they could get away with it, including myself.


Yeah.. um.. don't speak for everyone, pal. We're not all so lax with right and wrong.
 LexyAlexia
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 215
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/12/2009 3:28:44 AM
As I said though I do believe that most would if the right opportunity knocked at their door. Yes it is sad, but that does include myself.


As I say, it is very easy to be in position to cheat. The belief of more than half of people must be cheating at all time is silly.

Your fantasy of attractive person giveing proposal is reality to others. Only because you are type who can never turn this down is not good evidents of how other react.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 221
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/14/2009 11:45:48 AM
We're all wired differently. I'm sure there are those who might never be immune from cheating, should the right opportunity come along, but many, many others just flat out would never cheat regardless the situation.

For me, once I'm in a relationship, it's like a switch gets flicked. I have no interest in being intimate with anyone else. As a result, I've never cheated, nor even come close, really. Sure there have been opportunities. Sometimes I think it's a variant on Murphy's law that whenever I'm not available women find me more attractive. But you might as well offer me hot chocolate on a hundred degree day - something that in other circumstances would be wonderful just doesn't even seem appealing.

There are also people who would sell anything if the right price were offered. Others of us consider certain things to be priceless, fidelity among them.

It's not my intention to pass judgment, but simply reiterate that we're all unique in our values and how we live them.

Dave
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 223
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:02:59 PM

"Just about anybody would cheat at anytime if they know they could get away with it, including myself. "


So you aren't speaking for everyone... only speaking for 'just about anyone...'? Sorry, I fail to see a difference.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 225
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/17/2009 11:59:35 PM
i stayed on pof as "not single" for the three years i was in a relationship, mostly for forums and for male and female friends i had "already" made along the way before i met him. there was no "flirtation". my man could read my posting anytime. however, not sure i would have joined pof "after" i met him. it was a no biggie. we treated it as friends and as we would any other "interest group". he was pretty comfortable in our monogamy and vice versa.

now that we are no longer a couple for reasons having nothing to do with all this, many held me up in the aftermath. also, no flirtation while i was in relative mourning.

ok. that being said, it's six months later. my mourning is over and i am now ready to flirt!
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 226
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 4/18/2009 4:49:28 AM
Just don't flirt with me....I'm not interested.

My switch gets flipped regularly!
 jmim
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 229
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 6/11/2009 4:58:07 AM
Yeah, if you hide your profile I see no problem using this place just for the forums.
It also depends on how you date.

If you subscribe to the "Ladder theory" where people simply date the "Best they can get" while actively looking for something better... Well then you are not a good person to be dating in the first place. And using POF for the forums might highten your chances of accidently comming across something better.

Most women dump me for another guy.
But I guess you can either be dumped for someone else or be dumped because, "You suck so much that they'd rather be single."

I digress from this rant.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 231
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:58:37 PM
I would have no problem if my bf had his profile up, just chatting or keeping in touch with his friends and post forums like I do... as long as we both mutually agreed exclusively and have 'not single/not looking'. There has been trust somewhere.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 233
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:59:09 PM
I've noticed a few folks have mentioned there are other "friendship" sites available so why be on a dating site. Being in a relationship I decided to try out a "friendship" site. One such site is called "IMVU". Avatars, virtual room scapes.....looks like the perfect "friendship" site.

Be forewarned. Let me just say the male and female avatars can "interact". No more need be said!

If anything, POF is as benign as they come when talking about "friendship" sites.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 234
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:11:09 PM
I doubt people in a relationship will really fess up. Temptation is there, people. If they want "friends" and they are in a relationship, try Myspace or Facebook.

I alway say because of actual not single/not looking I won't want to pay for a site. I have been lied to in the past from married men on a dating site and one man living with a woman for 11 yrs.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 238
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:05:49 PM
I wouldn't cheat on my fiance even if I knew I wouldn't get caught.

I actually met my fiance on this site and he knows that I am stilll a member



I'm not just a club member I'm the president.







Were you single when you signed up for an account on POF, or were you in a relationship when you signed up for a free online dating site?



(very weird, if you ask me)


Well Mr Sherlock Holmes we actually met on another site and then came here.......LOL!!!
 Ideoform
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 239
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:22:02 PM
I am in a relationship with someone I met here. Its been less than 6 months. He knows I'm on here and I have offered to give him my password, but he refused to accept it. He can read everything I post regardless.

I would take my profile down if he asked me to. But he knows I like reading the forums and you need a profile to post.

My profile is hidden from searches; you can only see it if you link into it from the Forums. .... Where you will find that I say more than once that I am in a relationship and am not single/not looking.

The man I am dating decided to take down his profile because he is tired of internet dating, having been on the sites longer than I have. Perhaps someday I will feel the same way. But for now, I learn so much about people from reading here, and I am enjoying the non-dating type forums, such as the ones sharing recipes, the Quotes threads, the discussions on dieting, religion, politics and current events, things that concern us all, single and not single.

I also think that people in relationships can have a lot to share with people who are still looking. As for cheating, that is not what I mean by sharing.

I agree that relationships are fragile, and need attention and care. We see each other a lot, and I am very open about everything. I read somewhere that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing, so I am very transparent about my life with him.

I have never been cheated on, and neither have I cheated on anybody. I feel if you want loyalty and to trust someone, you have to be loyal and trustworthy yourself. I guess this means that I am not super-worried about it since it hasn't ever happened to me. I really am sorry that some people have had their trust betrayed by others. I hope that everyone here is careful about who they put their trust in, and that they have good instincts and good internet dating practices to keep them out of harm's way.

I hope that my simply having a profile doesn't offend anyone. I read that the Forums are only looked at by a relatively small number of PoF people, and so I hope that my participation here will be unlikely to mislead anyone who is seriously looking.

If someday I am single again, I might come back here as a single, since this site did help me to meet several people I have liked and dated for more than a few months each.

I really was distracted myself by many married people here, and by those who are in relationships but are here looking for another...

So in case that's the issue, I would like to state that I am not looking for another person to be in a relationship with. I am only here for friends and forums, and by friends, I don't mean friends with benefits. All true friends have benefits, but the kind that don't include sex are what I am referring to.

I really don't want to be the one to cause another woman pain or problems. We should all be considerate of the other people we might be affecting in our choices about dating.

As for the relationship, so far its been great. I am cautiously optimistic that I won't be needing to date anyone else for a long time. I think presuming that everything is going to work out forever is putting a lot of pressure on things this early.

But I have decided to put this out there to say that even the seemingly hopeless can have hope...I thought no one would be right for me with all that I have in my life...and yet, I found someone -- a good person -- I would never have met in a million years if it hadn't been for this site, because of the search engines. So thank you PoF.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 240
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:39:42 AM
Some of us enjoy reading the forums whether we're looking or not. Really.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 241
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:34:20 AM
I'm on here for the forums,and I'm pretty sure my profile explains that. Maybe somebody could let me know if it doesn't? I originally found POF when my girlfriend and I had broken up for a while. We got back together,but I'd found the forums by then so I stayed for them. My girlfriend has my password so she can see what I'm doing anytime she wants.

I do enjoy looking at profiles once in a while,and I like making new friends. I don't usually mail anyone else,but often people mail me looking for chat partners. For example last year a lady from Thailand mailed me hoping I'd be interested in chatting with her. We talk frequently on MSN.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 242
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:01:47 AM
Yes, really! I've had a profile on here since 2004. I have been in and out of relationships since then, and change my profile accordingly.

If you will notice, there is a forum specifically for relationship issues. It is very helpful to go there when you are in a relationship and having problems.

And peole DO make friends here.
 shadowm89
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 244
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:51:40 PM
I may not be dating anyone right now but i am talking to this one girl i meet on here about a week ago. So fare i find her really interesting and all and hope things do work out between us. But since I'm talking to her now i change my profile and just come on here to read the forum and see whats up.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 246
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You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:37:54 PM
Very possible because of the diversity of the site with the forums.

I have a shortcut in my favorites that take me straight to the forums and there are periods that I never even see a profile or notice an email. That's even while single and available.

Now, I am not comfortable logging on while I am dating someone even though my intentions on the forums are completely innocent. I do think that you have to consider what the primary focus of the site is and how much you respect who you are seeing.

While dating, perhaps it's even best to not be on the internet at all except to check for movie times, recipes, or ideas for something do via google and not participate in any forums or chat rooms because you need the time to either accomplish your tasks such as bill paying, house cleaning/home improvement, and daydreaming of your romantic interest when you're not with her.
 JMars
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 251
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:56:00 PM
There are tons of online forums out there. Seems at least a little bit, ahhh, "fishy" for a person in a relationship to be a member of a DATING site.

Now, maybe it's entirely innocent. Wouldn't be the first time. But personally, I would be a little more concerned with how it appeared to my woman, and how it might make her appear in the eyes of others, ie. like a chump.

I mean, considering I could get the same internet conversation from a non-dating site forum, it's not a big deal to switch it up. But if one doesn't mind leaving themselves open to criticism like that, it's not my honour in question.
 Spitfire1956
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 252
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:01:26 PM
Yep, ...as far as my life- I'm just here for the forums. No boyfriend or girlfriend..I prefer my life as it is so I'm just here for the forums.
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