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 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 26
F*ckers vs. LoversPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I agree with everything you said in your opening statements OP. That has been my experience too.

So I can't imagine having both with the same person but I'm open to finding him one day................LOL
 Closer2U
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 27
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:33:26 AM

you people are sex perverts


You say that like it's a bad thing....and really....since you are "watching".....what does that make you?

As for the topic....I have found that the line between the two seems to be emotion/respect.
A man who loves you....can't treat you like an object.
And a man who objectifies you,can't seem to love you.
It's the good 'ole Madonna/Whore complex that keeps us all from getting what we REALLY WANT.

Riding that line.....is my goal.Nothing like being man-handled by someone who cares about you.

I think I found just that.....YAY for POF!~FINALLY!
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 28
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:47:36 AM

And then again, my ex was a bit of a prude, to put it mildly.


Its' a shame that she never felt secure enough, pretty enough or perhaps even loved enough to communicate her desires to you and shed her inhibitions but perhaps its' because you were negative about her then too.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 29
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 9:16:03 AM
Yes I beleive you can have both with one person... As long as you feel complete comfort with each other. If you feel like you're going to be judged then it wont work.. If you're open minded and care for one another you can have the best of both worlds..
 tuezdaye
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 30
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:54:34 AM

...I've had bf's tell me their fantasy's and when I say "lets do it!" they say "No, you're my gf, I would never do that to you"...


I've gone through something similar with every man I've been involved with. It's extremely painful, for both parties. It's also a tipping point.

I remember one night during one of those delightful "We have to talk" fights I was having with the man I loved, he said, "I find it difficult to treat you in this manner consistently because I respect you so much." This manner being subjugating me, controlling me, humiliating me, hurting me -- something that turned us both on, a language we both understood to be loving, a road that led not only to my heart but also to his.

Well, let me tell you, I lost it. I blasted him.

"You don't respect me. You haven't even bothered to notice who I am! You respect conventionality. You are lazy. You are weak and cowardly. You are intellectually conformist and emotionally shallow. If you respected me you would know who I am, communicate to me as I am, expect me to be who I am and demand from me that I be who I am, at all times, in all situations, without fear or shame. You would respect me, not respect your idea of what respect is."

I think it almost killed him. But he had a choice. Reject the concepts and in so doing reject me, or he could endeavor to communicate with me and interact with me in the manner I claimed to need to see how he liked it.

He chose B. And in choosing B he then commenced his own personal work. How did it feel to interact with me as owner, Master, director, head of household, decision maker, passionate sadist, center of attention? It felt good. So he combed over his own past to see when and how he had sold out so he could avoid that temptation in the future. He combed over his own past to find out when he had been true to himself and how that had worked out internally and socially.

It really is a tough hurdle and men have to leap it over and over again. In our experience it required a few things from him:

1) Dump the hallmark card version of love. It's a card company for chrissakes. All expressions of love are not sweet.

2) Vigilantly record factual data and allow it to take the place of old fantasy constructs. Factual data proves over and over that subjugating the girlfriend results in a well loved and highly functional human being. Coddling the girlfriend results in a total fvcking mess.

3) Be willing to take the risk that his partner is lying and will call the cops, a lawyer or torture him verbally for months for being evil and irresponsible. If the factual data shows that the partner really does like it? It's low risk.

4) Redefine respect. Holding someone in high esteem means trusting that person knows him or herself. I am repeatedly irked by people who claim "I can't humiliate my wife, I respect her too much." You don't respect YOUR wife. You respect a mental construct of wifedom you carry around in your head.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 31
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:01:54 AM
^THAT. Brilliantly put, tuezdaye.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 32
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History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 11:15:32 AM

I've had bf's tell me their fantasy's and when I say "lets do it!" they say "No, you're my gf, I would never do that to you"...I mean, I understand and appreciate the respect that was just shown, but f*ck, it's just sex, lets do it already!


I don't know what these guys were thinking; but it doesn't make much sense to share a fantasy with a g/f, and then not follow through with it when she is willing. Anyone who is faced with that kind of partner just needs to screen prospects better.
 danzandsing
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 33
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 2:18:28 PM
One day maybe. I know I can be each and don't have a more dominant side. Well, maybe one day I'll get to show someone, sooner than later.

It's possible to be both, either, or neither.
 tmotts
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 34
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:20:25 PM
Nothing like a partner that can make love to you one day and f*&%k you the next. I feel you should be able to try and fulfill each others every desire.
 tmotts
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 35
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:21:30 PM
and for the ones you are not comfortable with....there is always role playing.
 *pisceseyes
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 36
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:06:57 PM
lol, it IS possible to be both....lady in the streets, freak in the sheets
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 37
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:00:55 PM

YIP! It is possible to have both in the same person. Let him follow your lead!


Yes,and let her follow your lead. Imo, to have a relationship like this, you have to have love,respect and a desire to be open and honest.

It does wonders and makes sex fun and pleasurable. Because it's more open[physically& emotionally] yet still intimate after the after glow. ~smile~

To be in love and to let down your hair with each other is, mavulusss........
 bhi99
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 38
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:50:22 PM
Yeah I have a hard time with this because I hardly ever feel the need to ****.

Sex for me has always been something I reserve for a woman when I actually have some feeling towards them, not madly in love, but I wouldn't want to just have sex with someone for the sake of having sex.

I once dated a girl who often wanted to have sex because she was horny, this was first year College and she would call me usually so that I would come over and have sex.

This for me, got very old and tiring.

After roughly a month I lost all interest, the worst part is that I went in and out of interest during the course of that month, course I had no difficulty in getting an erection so I often had sex because she wanted to.

People are different, I just don't have that high desire to **** like a mink.

Quite honestly I'm a guy who would much rather prefer to have sex 2-3 times a week.

But then again, my idea of passionate love involves a lot of foreplay and the whole session is from 1-2 hours.
 adorablebeast
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 39
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:33:40 AM
What are we defining "fvck" as?

It has always seemed to me like sex was a large playing field full of different emotions and methods, and I have always sought out partners that were versatile, and could slide from one type of sex to another, although I must confess that I never gave it much thought, and I never lasted long with those who could not do this.

There are just so many different kinds of sex to be had, and it is all influenced by where two people are in any given moment. Feverish sex, needy sex, hungry sex, grudge fvcking, make up sex, soft sex, caring sex, brutal sex, degrading sex, terrifying sex, painful sex, heart wrenching sex, longing sex, distant sex, disconnected sex, close sex, intense sex, ecstatic sex, relief sex, maintenance sex, touching sex, contented sex, morning sex, afternoon sex, New Years Eve sex, bondage sex, quickie sex. Hell can you really make "love" in a bathroom stall? It seems to me, if I loved someone then I would want to experience the gamut of emotion with them. Because that allows me more opportunities to get to know them, to share things with them, to see how they respond in different situations.

I like dirty girls, and I personally find that I do much worse/ kinkier, more raw things to the women I am more involved with, partly because I have time to develop a rapport and determine more about what my partner seems to be open to, and turned on by, and partly because I don't want to get arrested. To me, getting kinky has required more feeling and closeness with my partner rather than less because I risk more. Lots of "loving" sex is not my natural inclination so if that is what you have with me then we really aren't very close. If someone wants to get close to me, then their best bet is to let me have my way with them, and want more.

That being said I did have a very long affair with a woman I had great sex with, but damn if I could not get the girl to look me in the eye when we had sex. Ever. Maybe I just got an ugly mug.
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 40
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 9:47:39 AM
I think you can have both in same person. That's what true sexual compatibility is all about. We all need to feel 'loved and wanted'/'cherished' and then there are times when we just have the savage physical need of just being a slut to our man/woman in the bedroom. This of course is JMO!


Message: Is it possible to have the best of both worlds?

It is in my opinion, thus far, that sex can be divided in to two categories:

1. Making Love - intimate/passionate; generally shared with a significant other or someone you have genuine feelings for.
&
2. F*cking - more casual; needs driven/just WANTING to have sex.

I have been fortunate enough to have had an amazing "lover" in my past, and to have had the most amazing "f*cker" (both literally & figuratively!). And both are amazing and pleasurable and tend to different needs (i.e. physical needs, emotional, fantasy, etc.)

Here's the dilemma...can you really have both in one person?

I've had bf's tell me their fantasy's and when I say "lets do it!" they say "No, you're my gf, I would never do that to you"...I mean, I understand and appreciate the respect that was just shown, but f*ck, it's just sex, lets do it already!

And obviously, the booty call (a.k.a your f*cker) is just that. Good sex, nothing else.

Thoughts? [/qoute]
 CREngineer
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 41
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 10:46:17 AM
There is an old expression Brown that most take the wrong way but is not meant bad, many do not read into it enough but it is somethign like "treat your woman like a queen out of bed and a whore in bed" OKOK others, before you rip into me think it through!
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 42
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 10:52:00 AM
I love that expression.....but, you can also treat her like a queen in bed at times too.


Posted By: crengineer on 5/22/2009 1017 AM
Subject: F*ckers vs. Lovers
Message: There is an old expression Brown that most take the wrong way but is not meant bad, many do not read into it enough but it is somethign like "treat your woman like a queen out of bed and a whore in bed" OKOK others, before you rip into me think it through!
 CREngineer
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 43
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:04:32 AM
True and good point Kelly, versatility is always a good thing
 Cavilierdude
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 44
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:15:18 AM
You know what???? This is all crap!!!!!!!!!

The VERY BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.......is to have a BEST FRIEND and lover. Sex is a small part of any real love and its shallow BS to put so much importance on sex!
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 45
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:20:38 AM
Dude, you may think that way now but you are older. You can have and need to have the best of both in one person or you get bored. Google what is the #1 cause for divorce/seperation, I bet sexual incompatibility is #1 or with in the top 3 reasons why people are divorcing/separating. At your age there's more to it than just sex at any age there is more to it than just sex. But, Sex at my age or younger is also a BIG part of it.
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 46
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:32:54 AM
We all have needs as humans to have sex for pleasure (whether it be for physical or emotional pleasure). We also have the need as humans to have sex for procreation. Dolphins and Humans are the only animals to have sex for pleasure (just a bit of off topic information).

<div class="quote">Posted By: JohnEyer on 5/22/2009 1127 AM
Subject: F*ckers vs. Lovers
Message: f*ckers vs .Lovers....lol. Isn't this thread akin to having a "philosophical" discussion about the differences between "taking a sh*t" in a bush, as opposed to having a "bowel movement" in the luxurious marble lined bathroom of a 5* hotel?

...at the end of the day, two people f*cking is...well, two people f*cking....c8ck goes in...c8ck comes out. The ole' "in-out/in/out" as my droog Alex might say. No different than two dogs humping in a back alley. Just two more animals doing what they are hardwired to do...seek out a member of the opposite sex for the purpose of reproducing/ensuring the survival of their genes.

..in related news , 2+2 = 4.
 blowmydoorsoff
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 47
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:46:56 AM
Just press da easy button OP and poof. Real answer though, iz like just about everything, in a relationship. Sex takes work, communication, openess and all that junk. So if a couple wants to spice things up and keep them spicy. They can surely do it. With a lil research and footwork.

misc related observation: Also assuming that U started, with the kind of person. Who haz either the inherent, or the necessary disposition, to meet your needs. Ummm, saying its not really possible to turn an old plow horse, into a Thoroughbred. Or a volkswagon, into etc.
 Cavilierdude
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 48
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/22/2009 5:50:13 PM
Kelly

You have a right to your opinion....but putting too much importance on sex is self-centered and shallow!!!

And, my being older doesn't have a thing to do with it!!!!! Its common sense!
 colorado4x4
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 49
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/25/2009 6:24:42 PM
I think you have been meeti the wrong guys, Im a loveing repectful guy , but as the old saying goes, a lady on the street and a freek in the sheets is most guys fantasy.
 Sincere__friend
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 50
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:42:35 AM
either or 1 or the other 1 wants 1 . 1 wants the other and has ulterior motives . you being in and experiancing love on the same page have a tremendous appriciation for each other or you want to get off and want some gratification it's a lifestyle do you want love or lust ? do you want an empty shallow screw or do you want passionate love sure paces may change but the principles don't . applause: like Will Smith said in his version of just the 2 of us no love for the haters . wham bam thank you mam is different than passionate kisses . have you heard the song by Cher it's in his kiss if you want to know if he loves you so it's in his kiss .
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