Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > F*ckers vs. Lovers      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 51
F*ckers vs. LoversPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Here's the dilemma...can you really have both in one person?

Absolutely!!

You can have and need to have the best of both in one person or you get bored.

Hm..I am "older" as well, but I agree with Kelly's comment.
I like to start out as lover, than -excuse my language-, fvck the sh1t out of her.
 MikeM1968
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 52
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:55:26 AM
This is like the female equivalent of men always wanting the whore and the housewife.

I too used to be clueless to this, but have observed this and have attempted to adjust to it. It was never easy when I had little to no experience and I'd bear all kinds of judgment against myself because I "respected" her "too much" to ever consider doing some things I thought / fantasized about doing with her (whoever she was at that time). The thing is, as I've seen, women want a man to be a MAN in the bedroom (at least in most of my more recent experiences). They want us to be aggressive.

So, men, the trick is to be nice, respectful and still PLOW HER HARD / be totally uninhibited when you're alone with her. Remember if you try something and she says No, it still means NO, that's all you need to know. There's a time for "cuddling" and "snuggling" and then there's a time for some FREAKY WILD ANIMAL PORNO SEX. You can be both to the same woman and have both with the same woman.

It's psychological really. It's brainwashing. It's the way men have been programmed to think. I blame society, the media, "social customs / rules / restrictions" in general.

The problem is that men are told to respect women so much that we develop our own inhibitions about women. It is tricky for us men who have always been told to treat a woman like a lady and always to be a gentleman. It is tricky when men hear women always telling us that we're all pigs and only have one thing on our mind. So that when we do finally have the woman that actually WANTS that one thing (to get down and dirty) from us, we place them up high on a pedestal. We've already developed this kind of "shame" of our own basic sexual instincts / or of just being a man - based on societal brainwashing and programming. It's almost like we feel we have to "ask for permission" or something.

I can relate to this phenomenon because I used to be like that until I gained more and more experience with and understanding of women. Hell, I was still like that after my divorce because I'd spent a total of 7 yrs of my life with her and she was my first. It turns out that where sex is concerned women aren't much different than us men. In fact I'd say in the over-all way of a relationship we're not so different either. I mean (again) I refer to the whore and the housewife fantasy that most men have also. Well, I believe women KNOW we have that fantasy (in those ways women seem to always be a little smarter than us - we tend to have to play "catch-up" with them in terms of intuition).

One day I just realized that a woman I was with wanted me too, I realized that if she didn't like something she'd tell me to stop. I stopped feeling like I had to "beg" for it. I stopped feeling inhibited and just went with the flow - did what I wanted to do. Stopped feeling like I was a taker - instead I became a GIVER. I flipped the script on that thinking and I've never gone back. Since then I've had ZERO complaints about sex or concerns about it either.

Sadly, I also believe I missed many opportunities with women based on those kinds of brainwashed inhibitions. Eventually, for me anyway, I had to re-evaluate my notions of what I believed was "right" and what was "wrong" where relationships and sex are concerned. Did I want to be "right" (in the view of the world, society, whoever / whatever) or did I want to be happy?

To quote YODA from Star Wars - "You must un-learn what you have learned".

Mike
 forums_only_thx
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 53
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:21:16 AM
My personal opinion is that you should be able to have a combination of both in a relationship or you're eventually going to get bored. Maybe you don't need them 50/50, perhaps having 70/30 would work better for you, but they should both be there to some extent.
Just a thought OP, maybe the respect thing was just an excuse, some people have their fantasy's but would prefer they would remain just that, because once done in real life a lot of times these things don't live up to one's expectations.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 54
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:36:20 AM
When you are with someone you love, it's all making love. BUT, I believe there are 3 different types:

Making love: Taking your time, intense in a loving way.

Having sex: Usually those quickies or morning sex lol.

F*cking: Dirty, sometimes rough, sometimes short sessions, sometimes long sessions.

I think one needs all 3 in their sex life.

Excellent post MikeM. I think it's a good read for both men and women. And I'm totally with you on the whole "what we were taught to think" issue!
 longlocks40
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 55
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:42:33 PM
I prefer the term making love or having sex , the term lets f*ck sounds so crude and cold. Making love is more sincere and personal.
 bebe_doll
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 56
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:27:44 PM
That's why I would need two men in my life... one for love making and one for pure f*cking! LOL.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 57
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:38:08 PM
Somehow, bebe doll makes sense. I like having a lover who can do both. Now that is a major freaking turn on!
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 58
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/14/2010 11:50:03 AM
I'm a lucky girl....I have one of those!
 redheadruby
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 59
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/14/2010 1:38:18 PM
Outmind has the right idea.......

Svetlana likes to f*&k.......hard......Pippy likes to giggle and squirm......Susan likes to make love.......and on a good night....and there have been many......all three show up......
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 60
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/14/2010 1:55:20 PM
A lady in the streets and a whore in bed.


A man's dream....


BUT- we don't raise our women like that anymore...


ladies take note...

It truly is WHAT we want...dont' get it twisted and you'll find exactly what you want...



I've had bf's tell me their fantasy's and when I say "lets do it!" they say "No, you're my gf, I would never do that to you"...



sounds like you are dating the wrong guys...i WANT to do all those things to my gf...



 redheadruby
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 61
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/14/2010 7:03:12 PM
^^^^^^if sex for you is something on the domestic to do list.....something is wrong!!!!!!! No one should expect their partner to do it all......and when it's mutual......whether it's lovin.....or f$%in.......it's gooood.........honey......put it on my to do right now!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 62
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/15/2010 7:20:56 AM
i am 38, i have had 3 long term relationships
all of the women i lived with , are, intelligent , creative,and open minded, not to mention very sexual,

i would not have it any other way

i have found that casual sex is boring, you do not even know your partners body, or mind
so i need both, in a woman
 *closer
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 63
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/15/2010 7:27:47 AM
Ditto^^^^^^^^^^^

"F*cker's", imo,are way too afraid of love and commitment to be worth the investment of time,care or risk.

Give me a man with the balls to stick around long after the lust dies down a bit,and we have a WINNER!
 *closer
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 64
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/15/2010 11:20:40 AM

"to stick around long after the lust dies down"
Why? By that time the woman is long gone... Men are made out to be the horn dogs, but I found that beyond the honeymoon phase women want sex more. They'd leave before I do.


OK....I get the point..it's not a male/female thing.It's an individual thing.My bad.
All I know is that a Lover is someone who loves...and a f*cker is just that.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 65
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/15/2010 1:36:47 PM

Is it possible to have the best of both worlds?


A lady in the streets and a whore in bed.

Yes, it is possible and it is called a two way street
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 66
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/15/2010 2:46:57 PM

All I know is that a Lover is someone who loves...and a f*cker is just that.


You can love someone you're f*cking, and f*ck someone you love. In my experience, that's the best kind. If I can't have both, then I probably won't stick around.
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 4/18/2010 12:08:53 PM
^^^^What he said!
 usmcjohn1142
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 68
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/16/2015 8:19:18 PM
I had both once and I let it slip away. Nothing beats a lover and a friend.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 69
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/17/2015 5:43:56 AM
To me they are kind of the same thing, or perhaps that is because I am demisexual/ kinda asexual lol.
1. Making Love - intimate/passionate; generally shared with a significant other or someone you have genuine feelings for.
&
2. F*cking - more casual; needs driven/just WANTING to have sex.

Cant have 1 without 2 and can't have 2 without 1. Or maybe all of it for me is 1 but a bit of needs mixed in. Although considering I haven't had sex for months and haven't and wouldn't ever bother to seek anyone for 2 (casual emotionless sex), it further supports my theory for it being only for 1 (sex with genuine feelings) for me.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 70
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/17/2015 7:11:22 AM
funny, I thought a fcker was the a$$shole who just cut you off in traffic.

there are times where a quickie with your lover is fine. you both just want some wild monkey sex. An eye-opener to greet the new day. an orgasm may just be a gift to your lover, an experience to share. just hopefully not the beginning of a pattern.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 71
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/17/2015 9:46:34 PM
Sounds like a good way to get STDs or end up on the Maury show.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 72
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/17/2015 11:09:30 PM

Is it possible to have the best of both worlds?
A lady in the streets and a whore in bed.
Yes, it is possible and it is called a two way street


YES I agree.
The same way you can have a gentleman on the street and a fabulous lover behind closed doors.


Much better than the alternative.

A whore in public and a cold fish behind closed doors. Who wants a man like that!!!!
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 73
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/17/2015 11:56:40 PM
brown eyed woman

The Madonna/whore complex. The men who want a respectable wife, i.e. not sexually uninhibited, soon look for the sexy lover elsewhere. They are the victim of their own double standard. It is possible to have both in one woman but some men seem to be intimidated by that. Had a guy do everything he could to sexually stimulate me and when I responded, called me "bad". Religious indoctrination has a lot to answer for. I could tell I would be nothing but FWB to him, so I didnt see him again. What women want is really "ravishment and respect".

I have had love and no sex and sex with no love, and then both together. I prefer that and would not settle for less ultimately. .
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 74
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/18/2015 1:09:24 AM
physical is just that but in many cases one or the other get caught up....when Im with a woman I give my all and enjoy her to the fullest which sometimes gets me in trouble......lol
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 75
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/18/2015 3:15:54 PM

Here's the dilemma...can you really have both in one person?

Yeah. I guess when you're in an LTR, you can't get that heightened "thrill" to a high degree -- although some couples will role-play and dress up and do stuff where they'll get a good taste of that. But you'll still have your truck-stop quickies with your GF/wife, and you'll have your times with candles and such, too. Just like you'll have your romantic Valentines Day with them, and then on March 14th you'll have Steak & BJ Day. A relationship doesn't have to carry one theme. If you only look at your SO as a "romantic entity", and that's all they Can be in your mind, then there's something missing.

I had both once and I let it slip away. Nothing beats a lover and a friend.

Oh, a Friend w/ Benefits? Yeah, I guess so. ;)
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > F*ckers vs. Lovers