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Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 6
Help!Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I have another perspective on this scenario.

You invited her into your life when you helped her. You cannot call your relationship with her abusive if you keep opening the door to her. And, yes, I mean literally opening the door to her.
When she knocks, don't answer. You've clearly stated that you don't want to help her again, now hold that boundary.

Wishing you had a ****** gun gives me the impression that someone else in your neighborhood has some issues--specifically, anger.

Lastly; your 'welcome' wasn't really 'neighborly'. I'm not sure why you helped her at all, given the way you feel about her.
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 8
Posted: 2/20/2009 11:28:32 PM
You don't live in Sunnyvale Trailer Park by chance do you?

Ricky Bubbles and Julien ok?

A dope trailer is no place to raise a kitty!

Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 10
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:43:18 AM
OP when you are dealing with an addict you need to remember one thing.
This person's mind and body has been taken over by the disease of addiction.
You aren't dealing with this person, you are dealing with the disease and there's nothing you can ever do
to help them until they get into recovery. Don't worry once they accept the fact that you are no longer their enabler,
they'll seek out a new one and leave you alone.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Posted: 2/21/2009 11:21:07 AM
I use to have a neighbor like that, she loved me because since I'm a naturally nice, friendly person, I spoke to her in the normal way one speaks to a neighbor. Seriously, had I known who and what she was, I would have ignored her from the start. It's not my fault someone is an addict, I know full well how addictions work and the truth is, you want to stop. then you stop, if you don't stop, you don't want to all that badly. And don't give me the BS speech, I've done my time in AA and NA meetings and the truth is, you have the control, it's all up to you and how you use yourself. A lot of us have had hard lives and had awful things happen, yet most of us do not end up in the gutter sucking the life out of everyone who's kind enough to be nice to us. Your neighbor is making a choice, let her live with the consequences, which one happens to be, that you will no longer be nice to her or help her out. Don't back down, don't answer the door, if she catches you off guard, say no, mean it and cut her off.

My neighbor once came to me bawling that she just had to get to Omaha (an hour away) to go into rehab and nobody would help her. I had just worked a 10 hour shift in a hot, dirty factory and was tired as hell, but I took her, waited with her because she was scared, and then finally went home hours later when they finally excepted her and took her to her room. When I got home, an hour driving later, she was sitting on the front porch of our apt. building having some drinks and smoking some weed...she'd left the hospital, found a ride and made it home before me! I'd like to say that was the last straw, but I let her use me many more times after that. It wasn't that I liked the drama, I hated it, it wasn't that I felt anything for her, I never did, it was that it was easier to do what she wanted and get it over with than to stand up for myself and cut her off. I enabled her, big mistake, huge mistake, and it made me as much as the problem as she was. Just say NO! It's the only thing that works, but you have to mean it and stick to it.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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Posted: 2/21/2009 11:56:25 AM
I do understand but it's the only thing you can do because she's an addict, she knows full well how to use people to the max. She's going to keep at you, even when you do stop helping her, she will keep at you until it finally sinks in that you won't do it anymore. I wish I had a better answer for you, but aside from moving (and I know that's not always an option and really, why the hell should you have to move because she's a pain in the ass!) but your only real option is to ignore her as much as possible and when confronted (because I know you can't and shouldn't have to hide in your home all the time) say no, mean it and stick to it. Since it's illegal to shoot them, sticking to your guns and saying no is the only real answer. Also, by all means, keep turning them in for illegal behavior, but watch your back, I've seen cops tell who turned someone in, loose lips and all, so do be careful, addicts aren't known for their upstanding behavior or grasp of reality.
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 18
Posted: 2/21/2009 2:17:55 PM
If you go back and re-read everything you posted about this woman, there are many clues to who you are in the situation.

Instead of focusing on her, let's lay some things out:
You wish you had an expletive deleted gun in order to deal with her.
You told that ***** not to die in your car.
You bawled her out.
You opened the door, discovered what she was like, and then continued to open the door.

I have a feeling that you wanted some validation for being so generous, but what comes out of your posts is an angry woman, and I will not validate that. I'd venture to guess that many/most of us have had an addict or two in our lives, so, yes, we DO understand your situation.

Ask yourself why you keep saying 'yes' to those who seek your help, when you end up angry and resentful of them.
Ask yourself what your true motivation was in 'helping' your neighbor.
Ask what need inside yourself you are feeding by opening your door to the collection of needers you've encountered.

You both need help.
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