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 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 2
Mastecomy and DatingPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
OP - we all have our little "features".

Me - I fart dust and drool around cute females. Not to mention too dang old to still be "looking".

Not only those but .... I am greedy.

I've already have had over my limit - of females in my life (over 40 years of having a female in my life). Now I am after some other guy's portion lol.

---------------

Just hold your head up (I do) and strut it girl.
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 3
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Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 3:10:16 PM
I would put it on your thread. I think you say it simply and make no apologies, express no worries and hold your head up high. Perhaps, "I am a Cancer survivor who has had a Masectomy" Don't start or end your profile with it. Put it where you're talking about yourself. My hobbies are........ I was born in.......... I have always dreamed of........whatever you've written. I would place it there, where it's neither hidden or broadcasted. It's an aspect of who you are, that's all. I have friends who have had the same procedure and like you they sound so brave that they shame the rest of us. And YES, I would date a woman who'd had a Masectomy. Don't despair, I'm sure he's out there.

love,
doug
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 5
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Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 3:12:04 PM
Being honest is the way to go! Glad your still here. You'll find more responces for you being stright up and front. Maybe yours words will be helpful to others to do the same!


 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Mastectomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 3:14:15 PM
Until men post the size and shape of their manhood and the cup size of their man boobs, I do not think women are required to post about theirs in their profiles. Seriously, that's a private matter between you and someone you are thinking of getting intimate with. I am not a handicap waiting to be fulfilled by someone accepting me, what I am is a whole person with some handicaps.
 agenteightysix
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 8
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Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 3:20:04 PM
I think whatever makes you feel comfortable is the best policy. Sometimes we have to many people giving us advice.
Sure you may get less responses, but it means you can weed out quicker.

How should you put it in your profile. I would use humor. Unlucky man can knock on wood. I will show you my scar if you show me yours. At least my t its are not saggy.

I think you just come out with it. If you show you are comfortable with it maybe he will be too. Or more capable of letting you know his flaws.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 10
Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 3:31:18 PM
Not to be rude but your breasts are none of my business.
Any more than my health history is yours.
I don't think it belongs on a dating site profile.
Your male friends said not to post it.
Your social worker said not to post it.
So you have the opinions of men + a professional
I'd listen to them
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 15
Mastectomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 4:20:05 PM

Until men post the size and shape of their manhood and the cup size of their man boobs, I do not think women are required to post about theirs in their profiles.

Absolfreakinlutely! OP...when you go out in public do you wear Tshirts that say " I don't have any breasts"?
If you feel a need to post a caveat...somewhere on your profile mention that you are a breast cancer survivor. That will at least keep away the dumbasses that will think that cancer is contagious, or that you won't be interested/won't be able to have sex.
Men with their heads on straight( they can't possibly have become extinct,though some days it surely seems like it) who are interested in dating can't say that the situation caught them flatfooted.
Best of luck to you !
Cindy O
 jugularpot
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 16
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Mastectomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 4:49:11 PM
It is so difficult to "walk in your shoes" without being in your situation. I have lost friends and family to cancer and would rather have them here - without limbs, breasts, whatever, than to lose them. Surely, a person is more important than what parts they lose. I would hope I would standby my partner whatever surgery he had. My boyfriend died 6 months ago from a heart attack, if I could have had him live in whatever state I would have done and I would have cherished him whatever. I believe in accepting people for what they are and not what they look like. Love and be loved and cherish it every day.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 19
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Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 5:44:44 PM
I'm on the "don't post it" side of this fence. You're a beautiful woman.. you've got great legs btw .. It's something I think should be discussed when/if you see that glare of attraction rearing it's lovely head. You'll date a few before that happens, no doubt. Posting that you're a survivor is info enough I say.

 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 20
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Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/23/2009 5:59:06 PM
First of all.. congratulations for being a survivor. My mother was diagnosed when she was about your age and she's now about 7 yrs clean and clear.

I don't think you should post it in your profile. I don't think you should hide it.. I mean, unless you are using prosthetics, it will probably be noticable when you meet someone the first time.

However.. posting it will automatically eliminate the shallow people. You don't need them in your life.

Breasts are not the only thing that identifies a woman as being a woman. I think having a conversation is kind of a tricky thing. When to do it. Too soon and you freak someone out. Too late and you feel like you are hiding something or they feel like you aren't being honest.

Good luck!!
 albert496
Joined: 10/7/2005
Msg: 25
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Mastecomy and Dating The secret is out!
Posted: 2/26/2009 5:11:35 PM
I think that people looking at the profile see only the last 5 posts.If this is correct, then you can make this drop from your profile, if you wish.
Getting back to your original question,I think the men who would avoid you because of the mastectomy are not the men you need to meet.
 plebayo
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 31
Mastecomy and Dating
Posted: 2/28/2009 9:40:25 PM
I think it's great you're being honest, but I don't think it matters either way whether you mention the fact ahead of time, or later. It might be better later because at least 50% of the guys you meet you won't see again and they probably won't make it in your pants anyway.

They're just breasts. Maybe you had an attachment to yours, but they're gone, and with them your life is saved and you're cancer free and able to continue living your life. I have a friend who had a double mastectomy and I've always thought if that happened to me... they're just boobs, and I could easily get rid of them to save myself. Not to mention freedom from bras! OMG how awesome. I have a scar down the middle of my chest from heart surgery... I mention it sometimes, but if someone is going to flip out over a freakin' scar they aren't worth my time or getting in my pants.
 docmpg29
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 34
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Mastectomy and Dating
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:58:41 PM
Hello from the Big Apple. This is Docmpg29 signing in by saying what a wonderful,upbeat,courageous,beautiful woman you are.
From my point of view, I can only tell you that I underwent bladder and prostate surgery in Feb,2007. I had retired from federal law enforcement in Jan,2006. Six months later,there was blood in my urine. I never had a problem like this ever. Maybe it was from Agent Orange in Vietnam when I was there in 67-68. Maybe it was from the jet fumes, having worked at an airport. Who knows. I'll never know for sure.
One thing I do know. As a man,it is hard to accept the fact that I cannot be as intimate with someone as I once was. I had been with someone for a long time. While I was recuperating, she suddenly got very sick. Needed a liver transplant, and died during the surgery. I was devastated, and am still alone almost two years later.
I guess I never truly understood or maybe never realized that cancer or other serious illnesses can hit at a moments notice. How much your life changes. But, it doesn't have to. I try to tell myself this everyday. Still, it has been very very hard to connect with anyone, even without mentioning my bout with cancer.
Fortunately, I am recovering nicely,but, am very self-conscious about how to deal with the issue should I meet someone. I almost forgot, I had one date whom I told about my cancer, and she was very accepting of it. The only problem is that through a mutual friend, she knew my ex-wife, and felt uncomfortable seeing me again. Oh well, you win some and lose some.
I can only tell you that you look and sound like a beautiful person. If all we measured women by was boobs and butts, no relationship would survive. What ever happened to loyalty,loving someone for what they stand for, their heart and soul. I would have stuck with my significant other through thick and thin, and I believe she would have for me. Where is the commitment?
Sorry you don't live in the New York area. I definitely would have liked to have met you face to face,share laughter and tears. But, I am a friend who you can contact on POF anytime.
I have not posted my cancer on my profile,but, I'm sure it will be read here. I feel that telling someone face to facebefore things might get serious works for me. There are no set rules.Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you and may you be blessed everyday of your life. Keep trying. The world can't be full of only shallow,callous people can it?
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