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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women question a man over 50 and not been married?      Home login  
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 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 26
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?Page 2 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
First impressions are not always reliable and I was only being honest in that I might think that initially.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 27
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 2:19:37 PM
sodturner,

Whatever a woman's problem is with a man over 50 who never married is her problem, until you make it yours by worrying about it.

The reality is you are over 50 and have never been married. You can't change that. While the posted opinions and experiences are helpful in terms of perspective, what does it change except to maybe make the "search" appear to be more of an exercise in futility?

Stay the course. If someone has a problem with your "status", you know that's not the one for you. Next. If a woman forms a quick judgment without giving you a chance...next. It's a good word when used appropriately. Like weeding a garden.

AH3...........
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 28
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:23:15 PM
Well, I have been single now for 16 years...............doesn't that make me a newly reinvented not been married person.

Seriously, I wouldn't put up with someone questioning me about my lifestyle. Who am I to question others about their choices!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 29
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:45:14 PM
I concur, and was wondering when you were going to show up.......
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 30
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:13:06 AM
People also wonder how come so many people vow to love, honor and cherish til death do us part, do not adhere to those vows, and why the divorce rate is so high? Married people who practice infidelity seem very selfish to me, as do married people who stay together for the sake of their children. However, since I am not married and do not walk in anyone's shoes but mine, I try to at least meet divorced men and hear what they have to say about why their marriage ended before I decide if they are people I want to have in my life or not.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 31
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:15:03 AM
Why should anyone be offended if someone wonders if they spent 30 years as an incarcerated person? That comment is beyond offensive, but of course that is merely my opinion.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 32
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 5:41:32 AM
I will not change my stance on those who are divorced multiple times possibly having commitment issues. Sure, they have no trouble taking the vows, but for whatever reason cannot live by them. Yes, I know that there are two people in the relationship and the blame for the end is not always the mans, but I still question their "viability"
for me when looking for my last love.

The last divorced man I dated spent most of our first date bashing his exwife, and gave me little chance to share about my own life. My single status in no way indicates that I have not lived life, experienced heartache, joy, success, failure, and longterm love.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 34
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:29:11 PM
Sunnybunny makes reference to those who have never been married/in a committed relationship. Our never having been married doesn't necessarily mean we have never been in a committed relationship. One of my long ago commonlaw relationships lasted 9 years, which is more than some marriages. Please do not lump us all in one basket, and I will try to do the same for those of you who have been married more than once.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 36
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:17:19 PM
Many women question a man over 50 been never married and come to a quick judgement...

Simple, OP: it's because they really don't think about it any more deeply than whether or not you "put out" in the way they care about. Your resume shows you're not "easy", not a "real man", not "not the marrying kind". Therefore you're way beyond both their limited abilities and their willingness to do any hard work. The last thing they care about is any possible rationale having to do with your circumstances or life story, etc - i.e., you. As much as they they go on and on about "that special someone", the tolerance level for anyone out of the ordinary (i.e., like them) can be quite low. They would never understand no matter how much you tried to explain.

So if you suspect you're with one of those types, you have to fake it and just make something halfway convincing up.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 37
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/2/2009 9:36:22 PM
Re: Msg #39 tinkerbellcqy


Would I look like a better catch if I had been married for a year and went through a nasty divorce rather than to have decided to stay single?


Apparently so or it would seem from the responses of those who have tried and were unsuccessful at marriage.

Never mind the fact that those who married and divorced were unable to sustain a commitment. If they were able to make and sustain a comittment then they would not have divorced. Or, were the vows that they took at the time of the marriage merely disposable words that could be thrown out, overlooked or just plain forgotten when the parameters of their marriage started to falter?

Just putting another slant on this topic for the narrow minded who hide behind smoke and mirrors.

Many of us who have been divorced didn't do it willingly. You cannot prevent someone who wants to divorce you from doing so, at least not here in the U.S. Also, few people go into a marriage thinking "Well, if it doesn't work, I'll just get a divorce.". Most of us truly believed our marriages would last forever when we took our vows. It wasn't something that was done lightly. But, to stay in a bad marriage that is abusive or destructive to either party is worse than breaking those vows. And NO ONE should be denigrated for escaping an insufferable situation. Nor should anyone be denigrated for not having gotten married, no matter what their age.

We all need to be tolerant of each others' choices. Isn't that what makes the world go 'round? We are all unique and have the right to make our own choices. None of us is perfect and none of us should think that our choices are better than those of someone else. Why can't we just accept each person on their own merits instead of labeling them before they have even had a chance to show us who they are? Don't we all deserve better than that?
 ladydi1962
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 39
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:39:09 AM
Someone who's never been married GENERALLY doesn't have as much baggage as a divorced person. A man won't have alimony payments nor have to give an ex half his pension or pay for health ins. or keep her on their life ins. policy. Yes, I dated someone who was divorced and had all of these attached to him. He also had 2 kids - one great adult son and one lowlife problem adult son. Naturally the problem kid, even though he was an adult, was the cause of 99% of the arguments between his dad and I. After that unpleasant relationship I would welcome a date with a man in his 50's who hasn't been married. I myself have never been married but have been in LTR's and lived with someone. Unfortunately, due to several relocations for my company and the unfortunate passing of my fiance, I have not found the right one to walk down the aisle with - YET.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 40
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:54:08 PM
Maybe they want someone who has "suffered" the same divorce woes as they have, as misery loves company. Avoid women like this like the plague.

I'm beginning to think more and more that marriage will NEVER be for me, at least in the sense of a full-time domestic living-together arrangement. I can be monogamous, but I just want to date...and keep our separate residences and separate lives.

My thinking, and I don't care if women scold me for this, is that any man who has never been married at 50 is one intelligent man who has a lot of common sense!
 EmbraceHug
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 41
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:42:19 PM
I totally agree Army Mom.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 42
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:01:41 AM
Men who have been married do not have the same life experiences that I do, but I do not see that as a big deal, if we are both at places in our lives where we can make a relationship a priority without letting our pasts control the future. I fail to see why the fact that he has had a spouse and children and I have not to be such a big deal unless he still has a lot of issues with the ex wife or the children are problems . I prefer to date men who have grown children who do not cause them a lot of grief, and who get along with ex wives. This might greatly limit my field of choices, and I know that I cannot change someone's way of thinking if he will not date a woman who has not been married. I refuse to date a man if he acts as if I have to prove that I am okay, since I have not been married. I have encountered this numerous times, which is a waste of my time, effort, etc.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 43
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:40:42 AM
Hi poet. I tried, several times, to change the subject. Seems the only thing that worked was to leave the restaurant and go for a walk. He is a nice guy, with the potential to be at least a good friend. His handle has the word Ready in it...and he is far from ready for a relationship.

Strangely enough, during the many IMs and phone calls we exchanged before the first face to face meeting, his ex was only mentioned once or twice...as were my longterm exbfs.

I thought that the first meet was so that we could get to know each other better, not so that one person could be a captive audience while the other ranted and complained. The next time a man starts to do that, I will simply get up and say "good bye."
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 44
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:52:40 AM
You might want to rethink your profile....it reads like a shopping list. Your expectations are so high that no woman will ever be able to live up to your standards. Your profile suggests that your very fugal.......now its okay especially in this day and time to be fugal.....but it reads to women as tight. And no full length picture suggest that you are either ashamed of your body....or that you may have a weight problem. Your profile cuts out 90% percent of the female population. Most of us in your age range could never be what your looking for so why bother? It is a holier than thou attitude with no leeway. A partner is what your looking for.....she almost has to be so pure that no one is going to rate. Most women in your age group have lived a full life and will never live up to your expectations.
OP you might want to look at this at a different angle. You might just want to meet different people and get to know them. The only thing I ask myself is this person going to be fun? That's it. If I can have a great time at least I have made a new friend. Even if there isn't a love connection I now have a friend.....and they have friends. I have parties for single people and they bring single people. I have gotten to meet some of the best people in the world by keeping my options open. Male and Female. I have a whole new world of friends with different lifestyles and they have opened my life that it has been amazing. And a great experience. I don't pretend to judge anyone. I don't narrow myself so much it cuts me off from the outside world. Good luck. You seem to be a very nice person........Cheers
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 45
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 8:50:10 AM

Many women want someone with the same miserable experiences. I've seen that previous marriage requirement on many profiles. I guess it's better to be a man who has been divorced at least once and bunch of kids to support.


A Lot of people's profile read like a shopping list. Maybe mine included. But he is asking for our help. He has great qualities....volunteers, very firm in his religious idea's which is great. But to meet his standard's is a very hard thing for anyone. I understand he has a agenda. Which is a very good thing. But feel he is narrowing his dating field. People with commitment on their mind ... men and women seem to narrow in what they want. Instead of making this and issue about the sexes because everyone has a opinion we need to stay on issue.....why isn't he getting dates? His profile is limited.....not a full picture. To much information on being fugal....which in this day and age everyone needs to be.....but don't scream it to everyone. Most of us are understanding in today's economic crisis....and most women insist on paying their way for a first meet and take turns if they are dating. Or at least I do. So he is narrowing his dating field quite a bit. I don't think this is a issue about never being married before. I feel if he was more focused on just meeting people and having a bit of fun that he will meet whom he wants. Because people like people that are open to differences. The settings on his profile will limit those who want sex and that is all that they are looking for. There are plenty of things the OP can do. To open his dating world. He has to be willing and able to do it. He can stand with his convictions and limit his self. Everyone at this age has some baggage. People understand that. Carry that baggage and screaming it the whole worlds limits you. He can sift through the profiles that don't seem up to snuff....he can limit the phone calls to new people that sound off the wall. But opening yourself up to new experiences and new people is hard. But you can meet some worth while people by being a bit more open. I would be put off knowing all that information upfront. But giving people a little information whenever they are getting to know you isn't overwhelming. And it is easier to be accepting of one's idea's about relationships. But putting everything out there at once is emotional throwing up. Taking the time and getting to know someone in this day of instant dates and messages is harder it takes time and effort....you don't snap your fingers and find what you want.....Good luck OP.....you are a very brave and nice man to put this out there........peace
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 46
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:15:50 PM
I tend to think a man has commitment issues if he is over 50 and unmarried
 Ree734
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 47
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:31:58 PM
I think a man or woman for that matter who is 50 and not married, may simply not have found such a person to make the commitment. My sister remarried a man over 50 who had never been married. He was simply just taken with her, in love and all that yummy stuff that goes with it. His friends male and female were just shocked. It was no big deal, he simply hadn't met the love of his life yet. But when he did, he was gobsmacked and they are very happy.
 sammiman
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 48
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 11:00:58 PM
I have had to deal with the assumption of "If he has never been married, there must be something wrong with him". When I over heard this I chimed in "Maybe he is smart enough to not marry the wrong person".
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 49
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:42:38 PM
into: So I guess a divorced man is much more socially adept, etc. Makes a lot of sense. Well, at least he TRIED to "play nice" with another lol...

Maybe marriage is for some, but, I'll say it again--a man who is 50 and never been married sounds like a sensible man with a lot of common sense!

Good luck selling that to a WOMAN, of course lol...
 tornado1
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 50
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:16:50 PM
I've only ever met one man who had not been married (we had one date several years ago), and I have to admit, it put me off . On the other hand, my 60 year old friend, a widow, married a 60 year old bachelor last year, so I guess the lesson should be "never say never"!
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