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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women question a man over 50 and not been married?      Home login  
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 eilalie
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 51
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?Page 3 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
We learn our biggest lessons in life through our close relationships. That said, a man or woman who hasn't had much experience with the opposit sex nor raised children may not be as learned. Middle aged women do not want to raise their mate.
I would never asume a man is imature because of a lack of marriages, but might if he has a lack of close relationships. I do kind privately scoff when a man brags about his clean slate and their lack of baggag. I would keep that to myself at first as to not be judged immediately. I run from personals that say "no baggage" etc as they are the baggage carriers.
 wishfulthinkn
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 52
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/19/2009 10:49:44 PM
i don't think there's anything wrong with a man over 50 having never married, i mean what with the proposition passing in California the only place they can marry now is Massachusetts (so i think you're reference to Mississippi is erroneous by the way) . i've had lots of gay friends of all ages and i don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. it's this kind of backward thinking that keeps gay men from coming out of the closet and living their lives to the fullest. don't let them keep you down and best of luck!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 53
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 3:46:18 AM
Men who are over 50 who have not been married are not all gay.....good grief.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 54
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History
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 7:15:10 AM

i don't think there's anything wrong with a man over 50 having never married, i mean what with the proposition passing in California the only place they can marry now is Massachusetts (so i think you're reference to Mississippi is erroneous by the way) . i've had lots of gay friends of all ages and i don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. it's this kind of backward thinking that keeps gay men from coming out of the closet and living their lives to the fullest. don't let them keep you down and best of luck!


I had to re-read the above post several times because it is so incredible. This type of narrow minded thinking just blows me away. I believe the poster is indicating that if a man isn't married by the age of 50 then he is gay. That way of thinking is just unbelievable! So, I guess if you are an over 50 unmarried female then you are a lesbian?

To paint all never married, over 50 people with the same brush is ludicrous.
 wishfulthinkn
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 55
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 5:41:46 PM
Men who are over 50 who have not been married are not all gay.....good grief.

oh.


I believe the poster is indicating that if a man isn't married by the age of 50 then he is gay.

he isn't? lol


So, I guess if you are an over 50 unmarried female then you are a lesbian?

hmm.....could be i suppose.


To paint all never married, over 50 people with the same brush is ludicrous.

no kidding, there's just too many for one thing. try to get them all to stand still....have to use one of those power sprayers i suppose.

now lighten up, take a deep breath and release that sphincter please....there, that feels much better now, doesn't it?
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 56
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:26:53 PM
...Yep, that is a BIG RED FLAG!!!... I assume there's something "Rotten In Denmark"...lol
 BlueEyes2love
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 57
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History
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/21/2009 4:51:22 PM
The question lies with the person who is asking: In 50+ years, how have you NOT found someone out of over 6 billion people in this world to have a grand connection with?
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 59
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:08:30 AM
His reason not to do so might very well be that he has not met a woman he felt he should marry. I know that is my reason for not marrying, I have not met a man who was the one that I should marry. It has nothing to do with him not being able to committ to a marriage, few people realize this is possibly the reason or understand where he is coming from. I have always wanted to get married and have children, and when I realized that it was probably not in the cards for me, I felt grief of some sort that I had to work through. People who have been married cannot understand where I am coming from with my experiences and I cannot relate to their being married experiences. We either have to accept that the past has made us who we and divorced people date people who have not been married without condemnation, divorced date the divorced, or single date single. I cannot change the fact that many divorced men overlook women who have not been married, or that many single men seem to prefer women who have been married who have children.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 60
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:47:33 AM
for moundpuppy and Levi501. They both raise some valid points re the judgment of others for the choices we make and the place we find ourselves in in society.

Do I have regrets re never getting married? Certainly, but not because I failed to accomplish what is "expected" of me re fitting the norms of society. One thing I do not regret is marrying a man just so I wasn't lonely. I have been in longterm, live in relationships in which I had never felt lonelier. The only true regret I have in this life is that I never had children, but again I wasn't going to marry someone I didn't love just so that I could have children.

My never having been married in no way indicates that I was never asked!!

If and when I do marry it will be because I have found a man with whom I share the same values, a deep love, and a desire to walk through life together, sharing the bad and the good, the joys and the sorrows...and not running at the first sign of trouble.
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 61
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:27:41 PM
...Okay...never married at 50?...How about children?....Never married? No children?
Red Flag!!!!..
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 62
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:38:54 PM

IMO, this is a very niave perspective.

Of those 6 billion people in the world, how many have you come in contact with in your life thus far? Ummm, maybe .000000000000001%?

Again IMO, those that judge other people that have, or may not have, been married are no less dispicable than racists.

To judge before understanding an individual speaks volumes more of the one judging than the individual being judged.

just my thoughts


Touch a nerve, did she ? I don't know - you're sounding awfully defensive.

Judge ? Evaluate ? Generalize ? Stereotype ? What's in a word ? It's a topic of conversation - don't get your panties in a twist over being "judged" or being on the "wrong" end of it. Besides, it IS, after all, a generalization. YOU personally are not being "judged".

OK, so you don't spell very well and you're not that good in Math. So what ? Doesn't make you a bad person.........

Oops. Sorry. Was I "judging" you ? I apologize.
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 63
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:46:54 PM
Interesting topic.

About 7 years ago I went out with a lady that borders on brilliant. Welllll, at least other than the fact she went out with ME !!!

Just so happens she had a PhD in Psychology, formed a company and created (one of ?) the foremost psychological evaluation test(s) for police and firemen in the world.

She basically told me not to bother contacting women who hadn't been married by the age of 50. They (guys too of course) just can't commit. Simple as that. Now, of course, that IS a generalization. There ARE exceptions (to every rule). But after all generalizations ARE generalizations because they are,,,,,, ummmmm,,,,,, wellllll,,,,, generally true.

There are other reasons of course; too picky, never grew up, doesn't want a family, etc, etc, etc but "can't commit" tops the hit parade.
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 64
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:50:04 PM
That was very interesting!..LOL...
" Looking for a Good Woman" somebody explain that request.
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 65
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:59:23 PM

humungo..."That's was just Funny!!!...Don't care who ya are"

 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 66
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 7:38:52 AM

You're a lot more transparent than you might think.
Just step up to the plate and ask her out.


Apparently I'm not that transparent enough - ask WHO out ???



On Topic?


If YOUR post was "on topic" then my response HAS to be, no ?



Some people will always think their experiences/credentials put them ahead of others. However, if a Phd toting businessman suddenly found himself isolated in the Australian outback, I'm sure the Aboriginies would suddenly appear very intelligent to him.


First of all, it was a "her".

And secondly, I seriously DOUBT the Aborigines would appear very intelligent to HER.



Someone finding themselves suddenly single might be able to learn from another that has never married. Visa versa.


That would be vice versa - but your spelling IS getting better.



just a few thoughts


Yup. VERY few. But thanks fer playin' !!!
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 67
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 7:53:35 PM

legacypqmr, what was this psychologist's take on people who are married and divorced multiple times? seriously, I would like to know.


You know, I'm not sure we ever really discussed that all that much (or even at all) being we'd both been divorced once (her fairly recently (then)) and me since 1987.

We're friends and we stay in touch. I'll try to remember to ask her next time I talk to her.



as for finding different groups of people intelligent, there are many types of intelligence in this world. unless your friend had been trained extensively in survival skills in a harsh environment, I think she would welcome all the help she could get from the aborigines. yes, she may be smart, brilliant even, but if she didn't know where to find water (crucial for survival), food and shelter in the outback, as well as knowing that you don't eat the fuzzy ones, what good would that PhD hanging on her wall back in civilization do her?


Not sure where this (really) came from but "intelligence" is measurable - inexact maybe but measurable nonetheless.

Finding water and surviving in THEIR element doesn't make the Aborigines "smarter" than her. She'd just be in THEIR world and of course they would know THEIR world far better than anyone that didn't live in it. That DOESN'T make them "intelligent" (nor her "stupid").

I can program a mainframe computer. If you cannot does that make me "smarter" than you ? Of course not.
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 68
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 8:02:40 PM

From your age you were about 52 when you dated this PHD and how old was she?


She was 47 - why ?


Apparently not married, how many divorces?


Her or I ? Actually both divorced once.



I think each individual deserves some consideration depending on the circumstances which kept them single over the years. Disabled people get their SS cut in half if they get married, widows collect money on their deceased husbands, women have had their tubes tied, and men find these women and maintain a relationshiop for years but the circumstances are that they don't marry or have children. I think the PHD may be smart but she is generalizing and that should be a no no in her practice.


I think I already said that there are exceptions to EVERY rule. So, because there are exceptions there should never be any "rules" ???

Generalization is something people do ALL the time. PhD's are no different. She would NOT be "diagnosing" a specific person but a GROUP of like (NOT identical) individuals.
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 69
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/24/2009 8:24:14 PM

I can't believe a 59 year old man is trying to draw me into a pissing match.
Guess it's true, age really is just a number.


Thanks for the compliment (No, I'm NOT going to tell you what it was)

Guess *I* had a tough time with a 48 year old making such a condescending and obnoxious post (#126).

Blueeyes2love posts "The question lies with the person who is asking: In 50+ years, how have you NOT found someone out of over 6 billion people in this world to have a grand connection with?" and you shoot your mouth off, call her "naive" and then, because she's "judged" someone else (you apparently) you imply she's as despicable as a RACIST ? Now THAT'S despicable !!! CLEARLY she "touched a nerve" just like I told you the FIRST time.

And she's not someone that YOU would like to know ? I expect she's RELIEVED to hear you say that !!!

So if someone rubs elbows with say, just for argument's sake, 6,000 members of the opposite sex in 35 or so years of adulthood without finding Mr/Ms Right, that's not enough ? The VAST MAJORITY of people on the planet seem to be able to find someone to COMMIT to with that small a sample. Or do YOU want to meet the other 2.95 BILLION or so people (not 5.9 BILLION because I'll assume you're hetero and only want to meet HALF of them ) to meet Ms Right ??? Good luck - you'll need it.



There are many reasons one might have never been married by the age of 50, besides being a committment phobic.


We know, we know. It's been said before (a number of times)



For me, pursuing my degree, career and research in Wildlife Biology caused me to travel a lot and put me in very, very isolated locations for more than a decade.


What did you do for the other 20 years ?



I believe it's best to look at each person as an individual, rather than lumping them togather by a common trait.


Asked and answered. Again. And above.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 70
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 1:21:09 PM
Questioning a divorced man to get the bigger picture is reasonable to us never married people, however many seem to get offended and defensive if we ask questions, but they feel as if they can ask all kind of invasive and nosy questions as to why we have not been married, and/or make a lot of negative assumptions about us as people without asking questions or getting to know us.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 71
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 2:25:40 PM
He probably did not meet his match when he was younger, than as he got older he found it difficult to date since women assume things about him and will not date him since he has not been married.
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 72
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 2:50:50 PM

I can understand why the female psychologist is no longer dating you.


My guess is you're probably wrong. If you must know it is *I* who discontinued our relationship. And if you must know why it was because she traveled in an entirely different social circle than I did AND she was RICH and I most certainly am not.


Your anger issues are plain as day.


I may be the least "angry" person you'd ever run into. I can introduce you to at least a DOZEN friends who would tell you I'm the most easygoing guy they know.



I've known people like you. People that attempt to intimidate. To win.
Funny thing, when you look them in the eye and they see that you don't care if you win or lose, by their standard, you see fear. Because they see someone that isn't intimidated.
I'm sad for you, but I hope you have a better day tomorrow.


Thanks. You too !

But intimidate ? What ? Quoting your OWN WORDS back to you is trying to "intimidate" you ? Sorry about that. You call a lady naive and despicable because she made a "judgment" (valid or not) and you think *I* have "anger" issues ???

Glad to see you're not trying to "spin" your way out of the way you "spoke" to Blueeyes though. Surely if you did you'd just dig yourself deeper. Just ignore it - it'll "disappear" soon enough.

And YOU call ME "angry" !?!?!?
 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 73
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 3:12:48 PM

legacy, thanks for the reply. I'd really be interested in what she thinks about people who have been married and divorced multiple times.


As I mentioned she and I are still friends but we do not talk on a daily basis. If I remember I will ask (and reply here or start another thread)



I find it interesting that neither of you discussed the reasons why people get divorced. you don't seem to remember even touching on the subject. now, is this because you both are divorced? interesting too how both of you apparently had no trouble dumping on unmarried people, assigning the usual reasons why we aren't. a little introspection is a good thing.


Please don't take it as "dumping" on anybody. Everybody has the right to live their lives the way they want (even "Levi" ) regardless of the reasons for doing so. Just because *I* want to do something doesn't mean YOU have to (want to).

As I recall she and I were discussing internet dating and the type of people we'd both met (you know, swapping "war stories" ) We hit upon the category of "Never married" and she told me all about it.

The only things I can remember about "divorced" was that it's "normal" for people to promise to be with one another for the rest of their lives but that's a promise that's very difficult to keep. And being human people make mistakes all the time but that doesn't stop them from TRYING (in THIS case, TRYING to commit totally to someone else). And, we all fail at times, at many different things, don't we ?



ok, intelligence. it certainly is measurable, and, when tested, it's contigent on the experiences, culture, etc., of the person being tested. I'm sure your psychologist friend will agree with that.


I'd have to ask her but I'd say "no". WHAT people "know" is certainly contingent on experiences, culture, etc. but an IQ test is pretty standard and really has no bearing on the "conditions" under which one grew up and learned, only on what they actually know.


it's been proven that inner children who are given tests geared to kids raised in totally different circumstances score lower on those tests. however, when given tests geared to their experiences, etc., gee guess what? they score pretty high. turn it around to the middle and upper class kids. when given the inner city test, they score pretty low. so, the aborigines may not score high on a test that your friend will, but I bet she scores pretty low on theirs.


Of course but I believe you're talking "specialized" knowledge and not any sort of standardized IQ Test. See below - computer programmer vs. ???


as far as you being smarter than I because you can program a mainframe, yes, I think it does, as far as computer knowledge and logic go. a lot of life is relative; it's all about where you're standing.


See ? Now here I would have to disagree. Programming that computer is a "specialty" that I have learned and you never have. That, in itself, does NOT make me any smarter than you.

Perhaps YOU may know how to measure a person's eyesight and provide the proper prescription for them for their glasses and I wouldn't have the first clue how to do that - but that wouldn't make YOU "smarter" than I now, would it ?
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 74
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/25/2009 7:14:58 PM
Moundpuppy!
Now that I know your personal reasons I'm more then happy to put my "red flag" down. But, I can not honestly say that I don't judge people..I do!..
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 75
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:32:55 PM
If someone has lived woth someone else for a long time and has a history of long term relationships without being married those are red flags to me, as I believe in the committment of marriage and wonder why they were not able to commit to marrying someone if they lived with them or were in a series of long term relationships. We each have our opionions based on what we have experienced, neither one is wrong or right.
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