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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women question a man over 50 and not been married?      Home login  
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 IDK58
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 101
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?Page 5 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
Having dated, long term, two what I call professional bachelors I think I have insight into this question. And my answer is also reflective on the women who find this an issue. Personally I prefer professional bachelors and will always choose them over divorced men who are coming from a long marriage. But the bachelor should have had at least one time that he has seriously considered marrying or else it is an indicator that the man has problems with intimacy - that is he cannot trust and therefore become bonded intimately with a woman. A major Pro to a man over 50 and never married is that it is unlikely that he will want to take the relationship to a marriage/cohabitation level! For a woman who is not seeking that level of relationship it is a great plus because she will never have to tell the gentleman 'no, I'm not interested in that, ever', and thus the relationship can continue without the man ultimately feeling he needs to move on. The major con to a professional bachelor is that there can be the trust issues I described earlier. And if the gentleman has repeatedly come close to marrying and never managed to do so, it is a big red flag. So if you are being passed over I would suggest that unfortunately, it is because the ladies are at some level seeking marriage/cohabitation and realize that it will be a long, long road to get you to that point. Hope this gave some insight.
 SweetSmartNSassy2
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 102
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/13/2009 5:24:45 PM
Libby333, you rock, girlfriend!

I agree totally that the data from studies of anything can be manipulated to provide answers geared towards the attitudes of the people who are conducting the study to prove their point.

I also have to agree with posters who put out the theory that someone people from failed marriages are somehow more desirable, stable, mature and a better bet for another relationship than someone who hasn't been married. how?

I wonder if among all those earmarks in the latest package is any money for a study on this topic?

BTW, the Prez wasn't really happy about signing that package, because of the 9,000 earmarks. he stated as much and promised again to end the pork problems. I'm not a fan of his, and he is a politician, but I hope he's truthful about this.
 hamango
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 103
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:43:35 PM
It's asking a lot of anyone 50+ to have figured out by then that generalizations about relationship history are not a good indicator of any one individual's particular suitability for a specific relationship. Each stereotyped trait can be countered with one representing the other group.

never-marrieds can't commit
divorced people can't be trusted to keep a commitment

I'm not saying not to throw rocks, just be prepared for some to come back at you. Let he who has never sinned be the first to get stoned.
 tornado1
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 104
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:16:50 PM
I've only ever met one man who had not been married (we had one date several years ago), and I have to admit, it put me off . On the other hand, my 60 year old friend, a widow, married a 60 year old bachelor last year, so I guess the lesson should be "never say never"!
 eilalie
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 105
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/19/2009 9:38:59 AM
We learn our biggest lessons in life through our close relationships. That said, a man or woman who hasn't had much experience with the opposit sex nor raised children may not be as learned. Middle aged women do not want to raise their mate.
I would never asume a man is imature because of a lack of marriages, but might if he has a lack of close relationships. I do kind privately scoff when a man brags about his clean slate and their lack of baggag. I would keep that to myself at first as to not be judged immediately. I run from personals that say "no baggage" etc as they are the baggage carriers.
 wishfulthinkn
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 106
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/19/2009 10:49:44 PM
i don't think there's anything wrong with a man over 50 having never married, i mean what with the proposition passing in California the only place they can marry now is Massachusetts (so i think you're reference to Mississippi is erroneous by the way) . i've had lots of gay friends of all ages and i don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. it's this kind of backward thinking that keeps gay men from coming out of the closet and living their lives to the fullest. don't let them keep you down and best of luck!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 107
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 3:46:18 AM
Men who are over 50 who have not been married are not all gay.....good grief.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 108
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 7:15:10 AM

i don't think there's anything wrong with a man over 50 having never married, i mean what with the proposition passing in California the only place they can marry now is Massachusetts (so i think you're reference to Mississippi is erroneous by the way) . i've had lots of gay friends of all ages and i don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. it's this kind of backward thinking that keeps gay men from coming out of the closet and living their lives to the fullest. don't let them keep you down and best of luck!


I had to re-read the above post several times because it is so incredible. This type of narrow minded thinking just blows me away. I believe the poster is indicating that if a man isn't married by the age of 50 then he is gay. That way of thinking is just unbelievable! So, I guess if you are an over 50 unmarried female then you are a lesbian?

To paint all never married, over 50 people with the same brush is ludicrous.
 *Don*
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 109
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 10:52:06 AM
Every time I see this topic, I think: "Yeah, well they're 50 and they've never married. So what else haven't they done ??"

... (sorry, couldn't resist).

D
 wishfulthinkn
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 110
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 5:41:46 PM
Men who are over 50 who have not been married are not all gay.....good grief.

oh.


I believe the poster is indicating that if a man isn't married by the age of 50 then he is gay.

he isn't? lol


So, I guess if you are an over 50 unmarried female then you are a lesbian?

hmm.....could be i suppose.


To paint all never married, over 50 people with the same brush is ludicrous.

no kidding, there's just too many for one thing. try to get them all to stand still....have to use one of those power sprayers i suppose.

now lighten up, take a deep breath and release that sphincter please....there, that feels much better now, doesn't it?
 SweetSmartNSassy2
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 111
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 8:01:58 PM
hey, wishfuletc., you'd better hurry up and get married a fourth time before you're 51. people may think you're a lesbian if you don't!
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 112
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:26:53 PM
...Yep, that is a BIG RED FLAG!!!... I assume there's something "Rotten In Denmark"...lol
 blueeyedbabe
Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 113
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/21/2009 4:14:46 AM
Your right op, I make the judegement as well. Or is it an assesment? I have yet to encounter someone over 50 who is my type, unless they have experienced some of what I have.


JMSO
 strawhat
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 114
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/21/2009 3:09:22 PM
if he hasn't married by 50 it means he has had no reason to do so,it does not mean he is inadequate in any way
we are all different after all
a man who has been married twice has a lot of past to bring into his future i'd worry more about that
 BlueEyes2love
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 115
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/21/2009 4:51:22 PM
The question lies with the person who is asking: In 50+ years, how have you NOT found someone out of over 6 billion people in this world to have a grand connection with?
 SweetSmartNSassy2
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 116
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/22/2009 7:03:03 AM
magickman, I have to agree with you. not everyone either wants to be married or is destined to walk down the aisle. it's unfortunate that most of society can't recognize this and feel it their "duty" to brand unmarried people with some pretty cruel labels.

I wonder how the multiple-marrieds would feel if they had such vitriol and b/s aimed at them? now I suppose I'll read stuff like, "you have no idea how painful it is to be divorced." you'd be right; I don't. by the same token, YOU would have no idea how painful it is to hear relatives, friends and co-workers ask, "why isn't a nice woman like you married? what's wrong with you?" why does anything have to be "wrong" with me? contrary to one poster on here, not everyone who isn't married by some certain age is gay, selfish, self-centered, idealistic or unrealistic.

I may hear things like, "you have no idea what happened in my marriage (and how dare you ask or make assumptions)." by the same token, YOU have no idea why I'm not married, and nothing will stop you from asking or making assumptions about my character or sexual orientation.

works both ways, folks. people never marry for many, many reasons. half the marriages in the USA break up for many, many reasons. why can't we just stop casting asperions on each group and mind our own business?
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 117
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:13:03 AM
if he hasn't married by 50 it means he has had no reason to do so,it does not mean he is inadequate in any way
Exactly He might be totally perfect just not to a woman who is looking for a life-time commitment (not marriage maybe but being with someone 24/7)
If a person never experienced this until he/she is 50+, mostlikely it won't happen. It's very hard to learn compromising in such age.

A few of us have not wanted to take that risk
You are right as well. When we all were young and pretty, it was easy to find someone to spend good times together. More money, more fun, great health etc Now, when we are not on the peak of everything, some people who never wanted to take that risk, all of the sudden start thinking about it.
As a person who is very experienced in these risks, I wonder WHY? Maybe they need someone to take care of them? Or what?

Let's say, for me any form of commitment is very natural thing. I know that people are created to not be alone, they function better when in couples. So, the people who were fine whole their lives alone, would definitely make me wonder -- why now?

If they want just to spend some time with random people like they always did - they are not for me anyway. I need one good man to spend the rest of my life with and he better be as commited and loyal as I am. End of story
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 118
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:08:30 AM
His reason not to do so might very well be that he has not met a woman he felt he should marry. I know that is my reason for not marrying, I have not met a man who was the one that I should marry. It has nothing to do with him not being able to committ to a marriage, few people realize this is possibly the reason or understand where he is coming from. I have always wanted to get married and have children, and when I realized that it was probably not in the cards for me, I felt grief of some sort that I had to work through. People who have been married cannot understand where I am coming from with my experiences and I cannot relate to their being married experiences. We either have to accept that the past has made us who we and divorced people date people who have not been married without condemnation, divorced date the divorced, or single date single. I cannot change the fact that many divorced men overlook women who have not been married, or that many single men seem to prefer women who have been married who have children.
 FunnyFace4U2
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 119
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:12:29 PM
Other things to consider might be that it gets more difficult as time goes on. We're not grouped up like college students. Single people just don't pop up and say --- Over here!! Over here!! Of course as more time continues, some people brand the person as worthless, and should be relegated to the ash heap.

One thing that you cannot do is to pin down individuals with a universal behavior and attitude. For every person you meet, there is a different biography at work. Everyone is unique. I recognize that fact, and it wouldn't bother me at all if a woman had never married before. She is still a valuable person, and it there is great chemistry, I'm fine with her relationship history.
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 120
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:35:53 PM

The question lies with the person who is asking: In 50+ years, how have you NOT found someone out of over 6 billion people in this world to have a grand connection with?


IMO, this is a very niave perspective.

Of those 6 billion people in the world, how many have you come in contact with in your life thus far? Ummm, maybe .000000000000001%?

Again IMO, those that judge other people that have, or may not have, been married are no less dispicable than racists.

Not someone I want to get to know, because apparently they don't want to get to know me.

To judge before understanding an individual speaks volumes more of the one judging than the individual being judged.

just my thoughts
 moundpuppy
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 121
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 2:16:33 AM
it is strange how people look at someone for something that may have eluded them. I personally am 57 and never married and no kids that I know of. Been close a couple of times and things just went wrong. funny thing is I am still friends and close with each and every GF I ever had. Time just slips by when you just live your life from day to day and don't go looking to just marry someone for the sake of having someone by your side. I can do that with a girl friend living with me. sometimes a person believes the vows that they would give and respect that issue very much. sometimes people find that they are not worried about marriage and just enjoys the people that they date and forget time and it slips by. so many reasons for one not to marry. Mine is simple I dated a younger lady in my 20s and when she found I could have no kids she walked. no problem she wanted her kids naturally so I started dating older women. Most of which we all know have had thier kids and want no more. Not to mention have been married and usually are very gun shy on committing if it is leading to marriage again. either way I have remained single and for the most part have enjoyed the single life. theres times that one looks back and think why didn't I do this or that but why and for what. If you lived your life and you were honest in what and why you never married then why should someone judge you because of it. I never ran from marriage just never found the right one to make the step finally. still may happen I never count my chickens before they hatch.

Moundpuppy
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 122
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:47:33 AM
for moundpuppy and Levi501. They both raise some valid points re the judgment of others for the choices we make and the place we find ourselves in in society.

Do I have regrets re never getting married? Certainly, but not because I failed to accomplish what is "expected" of me re fitting the norms of society. One thing I do not regret is marrying a man just so I wasn't lonely. I have been in longterm, live in relationships in which I had never felt lonelier. The only true regret I have in this life is that I never had children, but again I wasn't going to marry someone I didn't love just so that I could have children.

My never having been married in no way indicates that I was never asked!!

If and when I do marry it will be because I have found a man with whom I share the same values, a deep love, and a desire to walk through life together, sharing the bad and the good, the joys and the sorrows...and not running at the first sign of trouble.
 Hank Evans
Joined: 6/9/2006
Msg: 123
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:40:41 PM
Ismene1 Appears to have "left the building" but,


--A man like that might ensconce himself into your life, literally try to change you to suit his life style but be unable to share life with you and that means you will still be married to a bachelor anyway. They get a cook and maid and you get to live upstairs while he surrounds himself with his 'stuff' in the basement.

Absolutely, a man who has been married does not ever want the woman he is interested in to change her life at all; in fact,he is the one who is going to adjust himself to her life.


So;

BAD - a man that will mold a women into his life.

GOOD - a woman who will mold a man into her life.

I've never been married because when I hear statements like this I put on my running shoes and skeeedadle
 starfish322
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 124
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:07:32 PM
Actually there are some of us women who have been single a long time, I divorced after 5 years of marriage and have had a relationship which worked for me and a son from it for over 22 years and chose not to marry him. I kept my own place with my children from my first marriage. I find many of the men who are 50 and never married had hooked up with women like me who didn't feel that a piece of paper defined our relationship. They wanted to marry and have children but the woman they were with were not able to have them. My significant other died of lung cancer and I didn't date for 10 years and started this online stuff and have made some friends,met some players, some married men, and my own son(I posted about this event),and just some guys who were nice but our interest and lifestyle were not a match. I may be selfish not wanting to get married but that does not mean I don't want a relationship with someone who I can laugh,cry, moan, groan, smile, frown, and I am not expected to be the cook/maid and the sex is out of this world. I know someone will think I am a weirdo but there is someone who thinks just like me and looks fade so they aren't that important to me. It is hard to see the red flags online so expect to meet some who are not what they are portraying. Personally I find that a waste of energy and my time.
 enszygirl44
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 125
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:27:41 PM
...Okay...never married at 50?...How about children?....Never married? No children?
Red Flag!!!!..
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