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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women question a man over 50 and not been married?      Home login  
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 legacypgmr
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 101
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?Page 5 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

In response to the above post: Exactly WHO is it not socially accepted by? Oh yeah, women themselves. How convenient.


Apparently you failed to read MY last post #215
 LuvnLafs
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 102
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/27/2009 3:38:51 PM
"Never mind the fact that those who married and divorced were unable to sustain a commitment. If they were able to make and sustain a comittment then they would not have divorced. "
That's a disturbing lot of assumption and judgment going on there. We have no way of knowing what efforts were made to save a marriage, what difficulties were insurmountable, what situations led to what painful outcomes. "narrow minded" indeed. Unless you've walked the mile...
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 103
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:55:24 PM

I never could understand why women think there is something wrong with a 50+ man that has never married.


Not all women, only some. I don't see a problem with it.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 104
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:36:28 PM

Women question a man over 50 and not been married?

Geesh...don't you know that "misery loves company"!
How can a woman who's been married and miserable for years possibly relate to a man who has never been married or suffered the consequences....
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 105
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:14:05 PM

"Never mind the fact that those who married and divorced were unable to sustain a commitment. If they were able to make and sustain a comittment then they would not have divorced. "
That's a disturbing lot of assumption and judgment going on there. We have no way of knowing what efforts were made to save a marriage, what difficulties were insurmountable, what situations led to what painful outcomes. "narrow minded" indeed. Unless you've walked the mile...

Yup, it was me who wrote those words a few months ago and yanno what - they are still as true today as they were then. It's really ironic how so many of the separated, divorced, and widowed can make assumptions, judgments and very often nasty and cutting remarks about the never marrieds and why they have chosen to never marry but you, as as divorced woman, seem take issue when a never married points out something you find distainful. Frankly, Scarlet, I don't really give a rat's patootie what efforts were made to save the marriage or what difficulties were insurmountable or what situations led to what painful outcomes - you see, some of the separated, divorced and widowed very often don't give a second thought to the reasoning behind why never marrieds have never married either so as the saying goes .... what's good for one side is good for the other side.

Perhaps you might want to read up on a few more of the threads on this topic and you will see just how many assumptions and judgments have been made by some of the separated, divorced, and widowed about the never marrieds . Let me assure you they are cutting, nasty and very hurtful. About those shoes that you think I need to walk in.....hmmmmm, maybe you might want to try walking in the shoes that never marrieds walk in. With the some of the attitudes expressed in these fora, it often isn't a pretty sight.

Okay, now back to regularly scheduled programming.....
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 106
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:20:37 AM
^^^thank you, tink! you've said a mouthful and expressed a lot of what i feel about the comments made about those of us who have never married.

 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 107
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:25:43 PM
I don't get these threads at all to be honest.
It's like a big giant game we play here.
Someone starts a thread about widows/widowers...
someone has to make a comment about how
widowers/widows are better able to make a commitment...
which in turn pisses off the divorced/single people.
Someone starts a thread about never being married and someone
has to make a comment about never being married
people not only unable to commit...but now they are
somehow selfish.
Someone starts a fat thread and someone just has to say something
about all the skinny people out there.
Who the fark cares seriously about ANY of this? If you don't
like someone or you have no interest in someone because of
their status or lack of it...just move on.
I don't know how you guys do it...I would get really weary
feeling the need to defend myself all the time.
Especially to a group of strangers.
 1Walker1
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 108
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:14:10 PM
Even though this is a real life issue, it all seems soo trifle. First off, over 50, who really cares if you've been married or not? What, are we diseased? Are we defective? Do you think we don't understand relationships because we haven't been married and divorced? Divorce is just as likely then, as it is at 20. At 20 they're immature and at 50 they're set in their ways. SOO??
I have no problem dating a lady with or without kids AND regardless of if she's been married before or not. (However, the number of kids and their age DOES matter).
I have no problem if a woman has never been married but the "red flag" for me is when she has been married & divorced 2 or more times...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 109
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:40:06 AM
These days its easy for someone, male or female, to have had 2 or more marriages, each of which lasted many years. Its modern life. Who knows what the reasons were? For some reasons, things stopped working, and they made the decision to switch rather than struggle. It may not be your way, but it does not mean that they are defective people in any particular way. If you were not there, you can't really know the details, and divorce is so easy these days, its no wonder people make use of it so readily.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 110
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:27:48 AM

These days its easy for someone, male or female, to have had 2 or more marriages, each of which lasted many years. Its modern life. Who knows what the reasons were? For some reasons, things stopped working, and they made the decision to switch rather than struggle. It may not be your way, but it does not mean that they are defective people in any particular way. If you were not there, you can't really know the details, and divorce is so easy these days, its no wonder people make use of it so readily.

You are absolutely correct. Your comment about divorced people It may not be your way, but it does not mean that they are defective people in any particular way
can and should also be used for never married people. There are as many reasons for people not to have married as there are for people who chose to divorce. However, a great number of people who chose to divorce seem to find any of their reasons for divorcing acceptable but they seem to feel that any reason for someone to choose to not marry is unacceptable. A large number of these divorced people seem to feel the need to denigrate the never married people.

When it becomes clear that the never marrieds take a free-for-all bashing in these fora from the once-married, I usually choose to play devil's advocate by putting the shoe on the other foot. It is then that you will see the once-marrieds take issue when the finger is being pointed at them. I am a firm believer in equality and what's good for one side is also good for the other side.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 111
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:05:04 AM
Well, looking back on my own life, I would probably have never "married" had I known what was going on when I was younger. Up this way marriage has become a complete joke, providing the legal profession and the tax man with ways to oppress people and collect huge amounts of money from them. To me its all a big racket.

I don't know how, however, aside from some rather restricted situations, someone could get to their 50s or 60s and never have had some type of serious relationship which was more or less the equivalent of marriage, although, oddly, I do know people like that, and they are not at all odd. Usually, however, those people are not even trying to find someone, so they are not in the game.

It takes all types to make up the world. I do think, however, that for me to start a relationship with a 50 something spinster type of person would be very unexpected, but who knows.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 112
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:55:22 AM
I was using the word in its common sense, as a description, not as a pejorative. Perhaps vielle madame? Not really the same, however.

I don't think there is another term for a woman who managed to avoid the trials and tribulations of relationships with men throughout her lifetime, is there?
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 113
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:32:03 AM
I married a guy who had never had a relationship last longer than 2 years. OK. Let's just say that was a clue I should have listen to.



The women are more picky then me. I give all the women a chance they seem to be more picky then me. I never turn down a date. Always willing to give every women a chance for one date.


I turn down dates all the time. It is too much work to sit there acting interested when in reality you arent in the least bit. So I say NO to first second and third offers. Why lead someone to believe you are interested in them when you arent?

And no I dont mean I am interested in marriage. I just not interested in what he has to say......

So as men you have never had an offer from a person you know you wont connect too?? I mean wow...... that must be great to only have offers from women you would connect too.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 114
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:55:33 PM

there should be an equivalently hideous word used for a male who has not married...
the word "bachelor" always brings to mind a cary grant type,
carousing his way through life......

i hereby nominate "spunster"...

How about "feminist hero", because we've successfully resisted the overwhelming urge to oppress some woman (or many women) by marrying her (them)?

I fully expect a statue from N.O.W. any day now.


So as men you have never had an offer from a person you know you wont connect too?? I mean wow...... that must be great to only have offers from women you would connect too.

You're being myopic and thus are ignoring the possibility of there being a third option, namely the "no offers" one. I'd suggest it's by far the most common. Almost all men are wallflowers; they don't sit around entertaining non-existent offers from women. The idea of getting offers from women we would desire and/or connect with is beyond the fantasy lives of guys after the age of ~15.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 115
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:06:07 AM
I must admit I wonder about men who havent been married after the age of 40. I am sure they have a very good reason but I cant understand it.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 116
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:13:29 AM

I am sure they have a very good reason but I cant understand it.


Simple. They have lots of friends who have been married and therefore realize how lucky they have been....javascript:smilie('')
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 117
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:39:51 AM
I can't say that it makes much difference to me ... as long as he's still relatively sane, and is serious about the relationship. As long as he's already housebroken and exercises the flexibility that it takes to be in a meaningful relationship ... no problems.

Example A ... men over 50 who have been married and are so set in their ways and inflexible that they seem to drive every living being from their lives.

Example B ... men over 50 who have never been married who are very flexible ... easy to get along with and would probably go out of their way to pamper a partner to death.

I'll take the guy in Example B any day over the guy who is set in his ways!!!! Who cares why he has never been married!!!! Maybe he was so busy pursuing a successful career that he just never got around to it. There's nothing wrong with that.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 118
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:17:39 AM
Everyone has the right to reject anyone at any time for any reason,there is no bill of rights in dating and most who complain about rejection have rejected people themselves and felt perfectly justified in doing so.
 Just one shark
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 119
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/23/2009 10:10:21 AM
I kinda got into this discussion in another forum, and wonder why would a woman be so quick to judge a book by its cover. Of course, the never married guy is much less committment minded, and careless with his life decisions, thats why he doesn't have several failed marriagess under his belt, not to mention, the children, from the that marriage (s), oh and of course your marriage failed because it was all HIS fault. Someone probably vowed "till death do us part" and it wasn't him; Hmm whats that say about your judgement or even your promises? So why would a never married guy be interested in a DIVORCED woman? she already PROVEN she can't maintain the realtionship she vowed to hold above all else. While trite, marriage is a word written on paper, committment is in the head, heart, and character of a person. Perhaps, he may believe "marriage" encompasses much more than a ceremony, honeymoon and divorce.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 120
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/23/2009 12:29:59 PM

So why would a never married guy be interested in a DIVORCED woman? she already PROVEN she can't maintain the realtionship she vowed to hold above all else.


I think one might have to ask here who did the leaving? That would be something I certainly would want to know.

thecatsmeoww
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 121
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:16:32 PM

So why would a never married guy be interested in a DIVORCED woman? she already PROVEN she can't maintain the realtionship she vowed to hold above all else. While trite, marriage is a word written on paper, committment is in the head, heart, and character of a person. Perhaps, he may believe "marriage" encompasses much more than a ceremony, honeymoon and divorce.


I can't believe that someone actually wrote this and seriously believes it to be
true.
I guess you've not heard of husbands who cheat, or husbands who run off,
or husbands that beat their wives...or several other reasons WOMEN might
be divorced that had nothing to to with proving that she can maintain a
relationship.
This works with women also...but since you directed this towards women...
I'm only speaking to that.
Conversely, why would any woman want to marry a man who has never
been married and is therefor unable to prove that he is capable of maintaining
a relationship?

What a bunch of ignorant nimcompoopery.

Not all marriages are good and not all divorces are bad.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 122
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/23/2009 10:46:42 PM
I have been married twice, first one lied nonstop and drank, second is bi-polar, sexually addicted pedophile....if I was a man I wouldnt want to marry me cause well who knows what you would have to come up with to top that!

Women question everything a man does, men question everything women do...see I am a firm believer that we LOOK for reasons ...things WRONG with someone...not things that are right and as long as we continue to look for things WRONG with someone...we will find them!

We should see what is wrong inside of ourselves and go from there.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 123
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/24/2009 3:48:06 AM
pitbull - msg 230

"I have no problem if a woman has never been married but the "red flag" for me is when she has been married & divorced 2 or more times..."

It's not a red flag for me, it's a strike out, that's it, over and no questions asked. I probably should not post this as some people here will think of me as an unhappy and negative person.

I knew a woman who's been divorced at one point only once, but had a number of affairs while she was married. Those relationships wouldn't be counted in spirit of this thread.

Was she a better marriage material than someone who's been divorced more than twice? Her second ex didn't think so.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 124
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/24/2009 4:13:33 AM
Some of the thoughts in this thread have shown me just how very narrow minded and shallow some folks can be. Whatever happened to people taking people at face value? Not everyone is meant for each other and unfortunately, some of us don't figure that out until AFTER marriage. For those of you who sit so highly on your judgemental throne, me thinks that you will be sitting there for a very long time while life simply passes you by. If you are happy with that, then good for you.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 125
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 11/24/2009 5:10:22 AM
The good news is that there are so many of us divorced/widowed people out there that there is quite enough choice and we need never concern ourselves with those who choose to judge us negatively based on their perceptions of our lives.
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