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 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 23
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Good manners are optional in your world?


Good manners are optional, period!


I must respectfully disagree. IMHO, a consistent lack of good manners shows a general disregard and lack of consideration for fellow humans. And that is something I find to be sad, disheartening and unacceptable.

To me, good manners are not optional. They are required. Both on my part and on the part of the people I associate with.
 Lusciuos
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 26
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:40:23 PM
Maybe I'm weird but I always say Thanks. It's just polite, my kids do the same and we have been told before that it was surprising to get appreciation. On the comment of people from money.... You can have money and No Class!!!!!
 ShrpndTrvlr
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 27
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:05:50 AM
If they don't have the heart and warmth to say thank you for buying dinner "kick em to the curb". as the saying goes. Not literally of course but do you really want to spend your life with someone who does not appreciate you? As a therapist said to me " to feed someone is to love them". First dates notwithstanding, We only owe are dependent children food and care without consideration. No even first dates don't count - women are liberated and equal. All adults should show appreciation for gifts.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:50:45 AM
If you read the OP's comments, he does not feel like he is owed nothing more then common courtesy, as in a "thank you". Git of yer high horse if you read anything else into it!

Um, she read it just fine. If the OP felt he wasn't owed anything more than a thank you, then he felt he was owed something. What it was or the size of it isn't the issue.

I grew up in a house of entitlement, so in particular it irks me.

Yes, I appreciate most things done for me and thank people for doing them, but by and large I try and keep myself from situations where I have to consider thanking someone. I learned over the years that few people REALLY do something cause they felt it should be done. Most are looking for a pat on the back, approval they are good people, recognition.

There's a big difference between someone doing something because they want to and someone secretly hoping for admiration/appreciation for what they do. Seems subtle in everyday life, but they are eons apart.

Someone who TRULY wants to do things for someone either won't notice the lack of thank you (if it happens that way) or won't care; they'll just shrug at it and say it's that person's problem - but they won't think they should stop doing for others.

Someone who secretly wants to be appreciated for what they do will not only notice the lack of thanks, but will ask others about it and question doing what they do based on it.

I agree with the poster above me. Manners/politeness, although nice when encountered and appreciated when given are optional. You can't expect it from others, you can only try and follow it yourself. Millions and millions of people are out there with all kinds of backgrounds and upbringing and general personality traits. You can't expect them all to react to kindness the way you would. You can only react to what others do in a way that keeps you from pissing yourself off...bluntly put.
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 29
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:41:52 AM

manners cost nothing ...


My Nana always said that..........as did my Mom.................as do I....................as do my two Daughters.....................

Four generations CAN'T be wrong - can they??

It's a sad, sad day - when saying "Thank You" becomes the exception and not the rule.................

B.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 30
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:19:49 AM
^^^^ That's what I was gonna say...


I don't expect worship or sex; just two simple words.

Perhaps you should expand your list of things not to expect by adding those two simple words. Generally, the less you expect the better. Human beings are unreliable things.


Is there some aspect of dating/female psychology that I'm missing that would explain this as not being impolite?

Yea, but you'd have to buy me dinner or something to prove that the info had some value to you.

Besides, it's what men are supposed to do. You want to be thanked for doing your chores?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 31
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:00:44 AM
In response to a poster who condemned women, I changed "women" to "men" and wrote:


Simply put: some men are arrogant twats with an air of "entitlement" in which a return of sex or other physical contact is something they expect for their "thoughtfulness" and "money" they put into buying dinner or a gift . . . and women should be grateful for what they are given.


Optimistically Cynical wrote:
Gwen you are sadly confused.......


Cynical, I suggest that you wade through all the posts before you inform me of how confused I am. If you read all the posts, then I must assume that it is ok for a poster to call a woman an "arrogant twat," for not saying thank you, but men who expect something for buying dinner are within their rights? "Arrogant twat" is sexist and the poster was a bit vehement in her judgment of women.


FFS are good manners that far out of style???? Surely someone of your age was raised in the era of good manners. I know I was raised to say thank you when someone does something nice for me.


I guess you don't read posts because my first one said I do say "thank you," BUT if it were expected, then I probably wouldn't. The pivotal word there is "probably," but I find that most people can't understand nuance.

My subsequent posts were to explain why I wouldn't say "thank you" to some men.


The more I read on here the more I see why so many people are single.


Do you always resort to ad hominem (personal attacks) when you are discussing issues? You have no idea why I am single, and the reasons are certainly not my willingness or lack of willingness to say "thank you."

Stick to the issues: it cheapens you to attack the person rather than the argument.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 32
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:33:13 AM
To banana anna - in as much as your point is that no one is required by law to be polite, I certainly would agree. So in that respect maybe I did misunderstand what you were saying, for which I apologize. However, I remain convinced that each of us, as free adults, have an ethical or moral obligation to treat each other with a measure of respect, including good manners, whether such behavior is required by law or not. And while I agree you can't force rude people to be polite, you can choose to associate with and spend time with people who are not rude.

As for expecting people to be polite, well, it really isn't about the expectation. Rather, as Frasier Crane once said while giving an "etiquette lesson" - ". . . it's about the erosion of common decency. . . when you treat me this way you encourage me to be discourteous to another, and so on, and so on . . . "
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 33
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:31:13 PM
four pages of whether or not someone should expect a thank you after you pay for a meal....
sheeesh.
Short of thanking a robber or someone who was trying to do me bodily harm...I can't imagine why I wouldn't say thank you for a common courtesy. Someone invites me out...I thank them... Someone pays for my dinner...I thank them. Someone holds the door for me...I thank them. I don't bother considering whether or not they EXPECT it...it's just something I do. When did being courteous in your own way become a bad thing?
A lot of this seems like one upmanship to me...having the upper hand or whatever you want to call it. I neither have the attention span or the inclination to get into a battle over whether or not either I or someone else is "owed" a thank you. I don't think you spontaneously implode should thank you slip out of your lips when its not deserved.

Thank you. Thank you very much.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 35
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:16:39 PM

Gwyn..... you continue to be confused.....

The OP was about SAYING thank you, not about expecting sex or something else in return for buying dinner etc.


It's "Gwen" with an "e."

If you had followed the trail of posts, you would have seen that I was saying there are incidences where a "thank you" is not warranted. I KNOW what the OP was saying, but as forums often do, they meander from one aspect to another, to another, to another.


So you don't so things that are expected of you?


In the case of someone EXPECTING a "thank you," the action was not done in the spirit of gift giving. Why would someone perform a "kind" act with the intention of receiving something in return? It defeats the intent of altruism. The people who began answering the OP did so blanketly, not examining reasons why someone wouldn't say "thank you."

I don't see bathing in the same category as expressing thanks--you are throwing in a red herring and are comparing apples with oranges.


My statement about seeing why so many people are single was not directed solely at you.


But it was directed at me--you singled me out for a post and ended it with your coup de grace of why SOME people remain single. But then, I am used to rude people who resort to name calling instead of sticking to the issue. Your ad hominem was far more off the forum topic than me discussing why "thank you" simply isn't in order sometimes.


And for the record i am not attacking you as a person, I am simply attacking your statements which to me are errant.


Ah, but you were attacking me as a person; in fact, every post in which you have addressed me has been a personal attack on some level. When I made the comment about not doing what was expected of me, it wasn't aimed toward you--it was a general comment, but you jumped on it like a duck on a june bug and seemingly, couldn't wait to tell me what a horrible person I am!


If that exists in your world then i would not want to live in the word of bitterness and cynicism that you live in.


I didn't ask you to live with me--and more ad hominem.

The most I will say about you is that you are extremely touchy and very judgmental.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 36
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:19:46 PM
By the way, Cynical, I also said in the same post:

I always say "thank you" for dinner or anything else that ANYONE does for me.


Did you notice that statement? Did you see the use of the word "always"? If not, let me point it out to you now.

Have I offended you in some other forum? That is the only reason I can come up with that you would take an offhand comment and blow it so much out of proportion!
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 37
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:48:11 PM
"Just a quick question here--most of the young women I have taken on a date rarely say "thank you" for anything I purchased them. I try not to create dates that involve a lot of buying things, but sometimes it is unavoidable. I don't have an issue with paying--it just seems a bit impolite for her to not say "thank you." I don't expect worship or sex; just two simple words.

My circumstances have meant that I've mainly dated girls from a wealthier background; perhaps this has something to do with it?

Should I be annoyed by this? Is there some aspect of dating/female psychology that I'm missing that would explain this as not being impolite?

Thanks much, I really would like others' opinions on this."
-----------------
*Laugh* One question: are you loaded?

Girls from a "wealthier background," those two words make my stomach turn up side down. Not only because I dislike rich people but the fact that you actually pay for their meals or whatever. Personally I don't pay for anything because I don't have to. I don't expect women to pay for me either by the way. No. I expect us to pay for our own things. If she insists, fine, but I won't return that gesture only because she bought ME something. If you think that money will make you more successful with women you could just as well go to a prostitute. You get the same personality and they don't care about YOU as much as for your wallet. The chicks that you're dating use you, nothing else. That's impression I get here. The richer the cheaper if you get the point.
 HVACtech
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 38
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:34:06 PM
For whatever reasons, a sense of entitlement runs deep in today's culture. Financial and social stature has little to do with it.

[quote="nickinaz"]I try not to create dates that involve a lot of buying things, but sometimes it is unavoidable. Gotta question this. How can a date unavoidably involve a lot of buying things? It's a date, that's it. If there's even a hint that you need to flourish a gal with gifts just for her to say "Hi" to you (proverbially speaking), then you will be buying her stuff forever and never get as much as a "thx" in return. Without being insincere or superficial, have the confidence to have the confidence in yourself to meet women who don't fit the patterns causing such grief.

Key to this is to honestly assess what it is that you're looking for ... i.e. what is it that attracts you to that type of person? I think it's safe to say you're a "giver." As with magnetic poles, givers & takers repel the same but attract the opposite. The reasons are obvious. There are a lot of humble, respectable women ... and there a lot who are much less-than-honorable. And yes, the same goes for us men-folk. If you keep doing the same thing, time after time, but expect different results, nothing will ever change and you'll go on feeling this way indefinitely. A dumb analogy, but one everybody understands is, if you hit yourself on the head with a frying pan and don't like it, there's a simple solution. Stop hitting yourself on the head with a frying pan.

Whatever you do, though, don't compromise your core values and dignity in an effort to become what you think others think you should be. You'll do just fine and find out the whole world is not full of ingrates.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 41
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:46:13 AM
"Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this person makes my skin crawl. I am so glad I've never come across him in the dating world. I'd give up and get some cats if all men were like this."
------------
Maybe you feel that way because you felt accused? Don't worry. I'd rather date my friend's dog before you in that case.
 *KissinAir*
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 44
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/8/2009 11:01:09 AM
I believe that if a man pays for dinner, a movie.....or even cotton candy that he deserves a simple thank you to say the least. I mean I know when I pay I want someone to atleast say thank you or give me a sweet kiss on the cheek. But trust me, I can speak my mind when it comes to those matters.
 Goin_mobile
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 45
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/8/2009 10:06:03 PM
To answer the original question....Yes.

If you don't get it, that tells you a lot about that person's manners and civility.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 46
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:59:27 AM
This is a long post, sorry, I skipped a few pages of replies...

I think a lot of the posters got off on a tangent about who should pay, etc., but I don't see that as the question here! And it's certainly not about "owing" anyone anything! If ANYONE, male or female, on a date or just in the same place at the same time, does something for me, I say thank you. It's all about manners, common courtesy (which is awfully uncommon anymore) and upbringing. If you buy me a coffee, I say thank you. If you hold open a door - I say thank you. If you push me out of the way of a speeding car and save my life - I say thank you.

After dinner every night - my son THANKS me for cooking for him...imagine that! Upbringing!
 10fingers
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 47
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/14/2009 12:08:38 AM
You know..it would be a sign of quality. It's respect and manners...but only if you deserve it. I mean...maybe you were a complete jerk off. Seriously though...if she doesn't it could be a sign you will be taken for granted. Since I don't know you..I couldn't say.
 jmim
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 48
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:32:46 PM
Everyone grows up in a slightly different culture.
For example, I'd find it weird for a girl to say "Thankyou" because I buy her food.
Its just money.

However, if I pick her up from somewhere in the middle of the night because she calls me.
That is a more personal effort and deserves a "thankyou".

On a last note though, if you go on a huge date.
At the end of the night, "Thankyou for a wonderful night." would make sense to me.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 49
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:55:00 PM
It's only right. I say "thank you" as I really appreciate when someone does something for me. I know they don't have to.
 giants84
Joined: 12/10/2008
Msg: 50
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 4/24/2009 12:10:33 AM
I would hopefully expect a thank you, i had a good time. But thank you after paying for a meal not really, i don't see the big deal either way.
 Lily0923
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 51
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:43:46 PM
If she doesn't say thank you, I woudn't take her out again...

On my WORST dates I've said thank you for dinner/drinks whatever.
 Impulsv
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 53
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:56:54 PM
I think I do expect a "Thank you". Its natural for the man to take the bill for the first date, and it's polite to say thank you. Just common courtesy.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 55
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Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:06:09 AM
Yes a thank you is appropriate. If she does not say that I tells you something about her. Your choice to keep dating or not.
 canoga77
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 61
Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:04:20 AM

If you can't do something for someone else without the expectation of something,even a thank you, then don't do it at all. The fact that you are "annoyed" by someone not saying thank you for a meal you paid for suggest that you are only doing things for others for selfish reasons.

Once again men are expected to be "chivalrous" and "selfless", while not even the most basic display of common courtesy is expected of women. This is why modern dating sucks, and men need to stop tolerating this kind of nonsense by making women pay for their own meals.
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