Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 11
The ick factor ...Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Yeap. Met this girl online. She was hot. We started talking. She told me that she used to be a stripper. So who cares, she still looks hot. Right? We meet in person and ouch. She smoked a lot and her teeth were, well too stained for my taste. And even though she still had a great body, she looked a little rough, as if perhaps she had fallen asleep in a tanning booth for about a year. Also she asked me if I had done time.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 12
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/9/2009 2:39:52 PM
Whoah there army mom! ;)

If there were no surprises... and you saw each others pictures and were attracted, why would you cringe at the thought of that person touching you? Because it didn't flow as well as you were giddy about and spent all those days visualizing?

Key tip, just in case: Don't be pen pals with people for very long before meeting. Don't give it that much more than a week to set up a time and place to meet (which would likely occur even days after that, too). Being pen pals with someone is just a creature comfort -- it's not safety. If you correspond a lot, you'll weed out red flags much sooner than weeks and weeks of talking... and the more time you spend pen-paling past a certain point, the more time you wasted when you come to find out he's not your type!

I think you should think about why there is always ZERO chemistry... ever thought maybe it was you taking it too far on expectations? I'm not talking about raw pickiness... but maybe you expect people to be like store-bought robots to fit your visualizations? ;)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 15
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:03:37 PM
^^^^^^
Oh, I understand sometimes that people can be repulsive even though physically attractive... but it'd be hard to say that could be if they looked like their pictures, you had email exchanges showing their communication ability in general and talked on the phone, that they'd be repulsive! I think that'd be a very odd situation.

So given that, if that happens to a gal often instead of once in a blue moon, then I'd say she has some issues herself... Judging guys beforehand... or doing the whole "talk for a month before meeting". No sympathy for folks who play that game!

But I understand that rarity situation, yeah, that can happen even if there were no surprises otherwise.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 20
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:00:51 PM

I've posted no uglies, etc. and still get the fatsties, crazy's and uglies! most without a photo. What gives with people's audacity? Donm't they look, in thier mirrors and know?


Yeah, don't ALL people look in mirrors? I mean, how dare they think they might be attractive when we damn well know they aren't!


and you saw each others pictures and were attracted, why would you cringe at the thought of that person touching you?


Because pictures can't show everything. I talked to a man for two weeks--he lived in another state but had a lake house here in MO. His pics looked fine, but when I met him, the first thing I noticed were his hands. I can't even pinpoint it, but they made me shrink back.

Other pics are intended to fool the viewer. Another man had "athletic" as his body type. His pics were all from the shoulders up. I THOUGHT he looked large, but considered that he might be very muscular. When we met, he didn't have any muscle that I could discern, and the bigness was merely fat.


ever thought maybe it was you taking it too far on expectations? I'm not talking about raw pickiness... but maybe you expect people to be like store-bought robots to fit your visualizations? ;)


I can only speak for me and no--sometimes I have been attracted to men who aren't my "type," and even I was surprised.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 21
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:20:53 PM

When I say the "ick" factor, I'm not saying it was a simple no chemistry thing. That happens pretty frequently. I'm saying there was something about the person that made my skin crawl and my tummy do a little bit of churning. He looked like his pic., smelled okay, was dressed okay, but there was something about the guy that made me feel bluuuckkk.

See, this is really odd. If their persona wasn't way off base, and their looks were like you expected... their style was fine... but there was "something" that did more than ruin the chemistry but made you freak out? lol

Very very odd. I have a hard time thinking that it's limited to those wacky extremes, too. If you can freak out when a guy's attractive, has good style, no surprises about him or his looks, then I would say that when you don't freak out but are put off, that probably comes VERY easily to even more smaller blips on the radar!

"He ate his peas with a fork! Who does that?"
"He ordered water when I ordered a coke! Who does that?"
"He touched my shoulder like TWICE!"

Razzing of course... but the people who are like that also think there's nothing wrong on their end and they're "just picky". I think it goes beyond picky! (And for the record, I do believe people should be at least -somewhat- picky!)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 23
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/9/2009 6:05:04 PM

this has only happened to me when i've met someone without a picture. usually they tell you they *look* like someone. don't EVER believe them!! also NEVER EVER meet someone who has no photo, trust me on this. i've only done it a few times and each time i've been extremely disappointed.

That reminds me - never bother with someone who says "trust me, let's meet/look at my picture, you won't be dissapointed". Fastest way to get dissappointed is to fall for that one.

I don't meet people without pics, I tell them to message others without pics, so that it's a fair shot.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 26
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/9/2009 7:07:02 PM
Happened to me. Shortest meeting historically yet. 4 minutes after meeting his tongue was touching my lungs! Vomit!!!!!

I am choosy.
But ya know.....choosy Mothers choose.....!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 30
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:10:07 AM

TheHarvey have you looked in the mirror? Your profile sais you're athletic and in your pictures you ARE NOT. No fatties? Your a fattie yourself. I dont mean to insult but your self image is way off! No uglies? Well dito to what I said about the fattie thing.


This is what I wanted to say but didn't because I have been banned for not being PC enough toward other members!

TheHarvey, in addition to what dar-lin says, one of your pictures is EIGHT years old. Even if you tell us it is eight years old, why the heck do we care? You are every bit as guilty as the fatties and uglies whom you scorn.

But this does point to perception and how we see ourselves. Harvey sees himself as an athletic, handsome man; he looks in the mirror and that is the image that looks back at him. The irony is that he is VERY insulting to others who do the same thing.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:52:09 AM

Also she asked me if I had done time.

Well I would have assumed the same thing Outmind, if i hadn't been entertained by your thoughtful and illuminating postings over the years! lol Your picture makes you look pretty rough!


Hahahaha. That's funny. Maybe it was I the one that scared her. I look very scary after a bike ride.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:57:21 AM

I've either been here too long or not long enough.
I thought TheHarvey was being sarcastic...and was responding to
the original post.
my bad.

I thought so too...but figured I was the only one. It seemed too outlandish and offensive to be a serious post, I assumed it had to be a joke.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 34
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/10/2009 9:00:19 AM

I've either been here too long or not long enough.
I thought TheHarvey was being sarcastic...and was responding to
the original post.
my bad.



I thought so too...but figured I was the only one. It seemed too outlandish and offensive to be a serious post, I assumed it had to be a joke.


I would have thought it to be sarcastic if he had NOT listed his body type as "athletic." And I have seen too many other outlandish and offensive posts that are serious to assume that this one might be a lark.

Where's Harvey? He can clear it up for us.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 35
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/10/2009 9:26:54 AM
NotNative,

But, at the other extreme, you can also have a better relationship with someone you've corresponded with and traded insults with for a long time before you actually even met, or even know what each other looked like, for that matter. Sometimes that familiarity paves the way to a level of intimacy that makes you not care so much about whether physical appearance or other criteria are met.

I agree that one will be less anal on physical appearance if you've talked for a decent time and you both are pretty open in the looks department to begin with. But being a pen-pal for a long time? I disagree. And it's not just about "you wasted your time", either. Your imagination and visualization will skew things, your brain will be locked into what you expected -- and when you meet, it will f' things up. Oh, not for EVERYONE, but for many people -- and they don't know it until they try. And among two people, all it takes is one to see/feel things that way.

Now, there are exceptions, don't get me wrong. But everyone thinks they are the exception. If they live within standard driving distance and ya play that game, something is awry! In this case, higher chance of one being married or living with their SO... higher chance of them hiding something... it's a big problem. The pen-paling for such a long time is going to more often than not screw things up IF and when you finally meet and they live within your broad general area. It's a huge red flags ("I'm really ugly in person, so I'm shy, but I'll call it security", "I'm really married", etc.) And if they live far away, that can be fine, unless you're taking it seriously!
 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 50
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/10/2009 9:10:15 PM
Girly, you are not way too picky, it's just simply a matter of chemistry, and it's either there in person or it's not... in my business I hear this a lot, and sadly there is no secret weapon, there is no AHA moment of truth, it just is what it is, and you either have IN PERSON chemistry or you don't, and if you don't you have the whole ICK factor at the thought of having said person, touch, kiss, or otherwise be intimate with you. We've all been there, and the bottom line, you can either laugh it off together and be friends and joke about it or you can't and part ways.

Suz
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:08:50 AM
Yeah, I took offense to what TheHarvey said also. But he is 69, so I cut him some slack.
Talk about looking in mirrors????? Maybe he should step up to his, or put in stronger light bulbs.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 53
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:20:10 AM
I knew the second he walked through the door of the restaurant. ick. the pic on his profile was a body shot, from a distance. Really couldnt see his face. His face wasnt really the problem. His teeth, (some were missing, some were brown), his clothes, (left over from the 70's) and his voice were the problem. He spoke like a 4-year old. "Me a good guy" "I no hurt no woman". He graduated high school, he said, but I wondered if it was Special Ed. I did sit through the meal, tried to be gracious, and ignore the stares from fellow diners.
Really I felt sorry for him. I hope he has found someone.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 58
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/18/2009 8:01:11 PM
oh......been there.......
I came straight home........looked at his pics again......
and wondered how his pics could look so durn good?!

I think all these special editing tools on photo programs are the reason for this!!
 ~Katillac~
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 60
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/19/2009 11:07:56 PM


Touche' Jan, TheHav's post ignited a fire within me too!
Good for you! I wanted to say the same...self image is WAY off!
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 61
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/20/2009 1:00:09 AM
I've met someone and gotten the ick factor, but it was because their pof pic was about 5yrs and 100lbs old.
 ~Katillac~
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 63
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/24/2009 11:20:36 AM
blueyes is right...nothing like a woman's intuition.

By the second email you can feel whether or not there's something off...Though it is not just the women....I have heard this from some MEN too!
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 64
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/24/2009 12:27:22 PM
winnerforyou: Possibly the smartest post ever. Sums it all up pretty good. Seriously, how perfect do you think you are that another person's look or how they walk can totally "disgust" you. Does anyone think before they type this kind of garbage or create a thread this dumb? It's like everything must be 100% perfect right away or a man isn't worth anything. I seriously hope every person that thinks this way dies miserable and alone. That probably wouldn't happen though because these type of people are so egotistical, they would probably be thrilled just sitting there alone staring in a mirror the whole time.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 67
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/25/2009 10:32:09 AM
come on winnerforyou. get off your horse. this is just a forum for venting. where do you get off condemning all the women, when there are quite a few guys posting also? what would be the use of posting in the "ick" forum if you didnt have the experience? From a female standpoint, there ARE some dirty, nasty guys, {and girls as the guys have said} out there, looking for someone and never realizing why they cant find someone. If they read this and realize they might stink, or possibly need to make a better effort on their appearance, isnt that a good thing?
Oh, FYI. You will not find an 18 year old nurse. Maybe a nurse aide. By the time a nurse gets out of nursing school, (1.5 to 4 years) she is a bit older than 18.
 marisia
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 69
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:01:45 PM
Yes it has happened to me. The bloke was extremely nice and good company but i just did not fancy him at all.
He kept grabbing my hand and saying we are doingok arent we.
Then in the middle of a crowded coffee shop he suddenly lept on me and stuck his tongue so far down my throuat i thought he might fall in.
In that spit second i was torn between sheer embaressmant disgust and the effort not to push him off and go urrrrg get off me.

I dont think you are being to choosy. No point in having a partner you dont like.
I find bad manners very off putting and had sucha run of meeting men with appauling manners i too began to wonder if I was too choosy but decided beggers can be choosers and Id rather be single than be with someone bad mannered, controlling or bad tempered.

Good luck and have fun.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 72
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:55:13 AM
So you connected very well but it seems that you were only concerned that he looked exactly like a photograph. If looks are that important that someone has to be just like a photograph or else, then you obviously aren't looking for a very deep relationship. If I really "connected" with someone, the exact way they looked wouldn't matter very much to me.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 80
The ick factor ...
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:42:28 AM
op get over yourself; yes you are too picky; it sounds like you sure think a lot of yourself if you are saying ick and you dont want them touching you.

You sound very arrogant; not getting you in the least. A normal person would just move on and say not the one but acting like you are so much better is a bit much.
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 83
view profile
History
The ick factor ...
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:59:06 AM
"Also she asked me if I had done time."

hahaha...oh man!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >