Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 240
What does Friends First really mean?Page 12 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

"A poor way to do it. It's playing games, and if you say "Well, it doesn't mean JUST friends though, maybe..." -- citing situations where it leads to actual dating, etc -- all it does is perpetuate the notion Not to believe what a girl says. It'd be in the same boat as a guy saying "Friends First" meaning friends w/ benefits first. Don't play games -- unless you mean what it actually says -- be Just friends as your desire/intent."



whoa. chill. different syntax entirely, "friends first" is not even written the same as "be Just friends as your desire/intent" ....and yes, I see men's bios with "friends first" too. Nothing wrong with actually liking whomever you bed--or is that so unusual? If so then call me a fossilized hadrosaur, cuz I am obviously waaay out of touch with things.

norwegianguy you are normally so level headed in your posts--what set that off? I do not have either "friends first" or "friends always" anywhere in my bio, it was conjecture as to why many women do, speaking as a woman who can see their point of view.

And, conversely "I like to take things slow" almost sounds promiscuous, seriously, as if the reader is just another in a long line of "things".

Whatever, I am about as far from a player as anyone can be here. I answer all of my messages, do not shut anyone down unless the guy is really obnoxious, and love the forums. Color me naive.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 241
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/27/2015 3:19:39 PM
whoa. chill. different syntax entirely, "friends first" is not even written the same as "be Just friends as your desire/intent"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends first is about control. Women who say that just want to play games.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...and yes, I see men's bios with "friends first" too.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course. Guys aren't stupid. They can play the game too, to suit their agenda.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nothing wrong with actually liking whomever you bed--or is that so unusual?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not at all. I've never had sex with a woman I didn't like. I've also never done the friends first non-sense with
any woman I've been in a long term relationship with. I have had sex with a female friend or two though.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 242
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/27/2015 3:43:37 PM

Not at all. I've never had sex with a woman I didn't like. I've also never done the friends first non-sense with
any woman I've been in a long term relationship with. I have had sex with a female friend or two though.



You just made a strong case for keeping "friends first" in a girl's bio. In your above post, you didn't say a thing about "loving" in your "long term" relationship, but you mentioned "sex" twice. Get it? Ladies who put this in their bio are not looking for the same thing you are and don't want to meet you-- and that is ok.

Slam dunk...Done.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 243
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:31:47 PM
I think the issue most men have with the whole "friends first" concept is that it feels like you're being presented with "ground rules", and being informed that you're going through a trial period.

Yes, we know that you need to know if you can even stomach us before you decide to start banging us. No need to tell us. Sometimes words can really kill a mood, and I think it certainly does in this case.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 244
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:45:53 PM

whoa. chill. different syntax entirely, "friends first" is not even written the same as "be Just friends as your desire/intent"

"Friends First" = "Just Friends". At first. Your initial desire and intent is based on what you say. You say "Friends First", you mean JUST friends ... at first.

norwegianguy you are normally so level headed in your posts--what set that off?

Whoah, chill out. I'm just being Direct about it. Many times it has to be repeated because people don't get it. :) "Friends First" = Just Friends, at first. It's simple. Friends First-- First before what? Being more than just friends. It's why it's said. To avoid non-platonic confrontation -- or as said later -- Control. Many people don't Consciously think about it so much per se -- but it doesn't take away from the fact that that is what they want.

And, conversely "I like to take things slow" almost sounds promiscuous

It doesn't have promiscuous overtones at all. Not any more "promiscuous" or sexual intent than someone saying "Things are moving too fast with Bobby/Sally" or "I don't want things to move too fast". It's commonly applied when one goes out on too many dates too seriously in a relatively short amount of time. It's not (necessarily) about sex, using "fast" or "slow". At all.

Whatever, I am about as far from a player as anyone can be here.

I'm not accusing you of being a (sexual) player, or any kind in fact. That's not what's implied. People can be boxing out for control -- not in the sense of manipulating others or anything -- but "looking out for themselves" and "what works" for themselves, etc -- and will defend it because that's their comfort zone. "Friends First" = Just Friends (at first). It's common sense. A gal says that -- ok. She's laying it out that they're on the same level as, say, a cousin. He can get the waitress' number in front of her -- flirt with one of her friends in front of her who may show interest in him -- without threatening any type of said (platonic) relationship between them anymore than it would with one of his buddies.

Friends First is game playing -- whether one fully realizes it or not, sorry. :)
 waverunningeek
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 245
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/30/2015 9:55:44 PM
Depending on the woman, it could mean any number of things...

She's a reformed sloot (or thinks she is) because she's tired of the pump-n-dump.
She's a foodie prostitute and wants to score a free meal without being expected to put out.
She genuinely wants to go slow because she's an old skool romantic.

I know this much... I don't buy my "friends" dinner... so go dutch.


But when you meet someone online, what does "start with a friendship" mean?
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 246
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/30/2015 11:24:16 PM
You just made a strong case for keeping "friends first" in a girl's bio. In your above post, you didn't say a thing about "loving" in your "long term" relationship, but you mentioned "sex" twice.
---------------------------------------

I didn't say anything about eating sushi or reading, either. So what?

------------------------------------------

Get it?

---------------------------


Yeah. Grow up.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 247
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/30/2015 11:54:08 PM
Friends first means nothing

Friends first is setting a precedence for friend zoning. And friend zoning being something that can be applied at any time during the dating period - being a natural condition in potential outcome during the dating process... Ultimately means that there is a reserved right to friend-zone, and serves as warning, nothing more.

Equates to nothing, it is simply a reservation to zone. Or disclaimer if you will.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 248
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/31/2015 12:35:03 AM

I know this much... I don't buy my "friends" dinner... so go dutch.


Exactly, and my "friends" don't care if I have sex with multiple women.

Final verdict - friends first is still pretty dumb.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 249
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/31/2015 9:08:32 AM

think the issue most men have with the whole "friends first" concept is that it feels like you're being presented with "ground rules", and being informed that you're going through a trial period.


No no, this is not gender specific, I also feel like it's placing a limit, like I'm being "managed", and he has the power of making it into something more, complete on his own, no! I like to freestyle, I like the freedom of starting nowhere and mutually deciding where this is going if anywhere.

Friend's first=you feel no obligation toward me, you could less about seeing me or not, it's not going anywhere now or ever, and likely you won't treat me to things but expect that I see some romantic future between us. While I have all the time in my life to decide, I'm not gonna start with labels. Some people you f*ck, some you don't, some people are relationship material, some people are f*cking material, and then you get the combo of 2 in one, lol. Let's not start with taking pieces out of the puzzle and wondering what happened at the end, when you can't complete the puzzle.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 250
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/31/2015 10:13:42 AM

While I have all the time in my life to decide, I'm not gonna start with labels.

Establishing things as "Friends First" is a label, loud (but not necessarily clear). Friends First = just friends at first. First before what? More than just friends (platonic). It's basically saying "Let's just be friends" -- BUT with a *possibility* that things Could become non-platonic in the future. "Let's just be friends" is a label, just as "Friends First" is a label. Friends First just means that Can Possibly change in the future.

If you don't want labels, don't mention anything. There's no need to. By default, there is no "label" between the two people walking into a 1st meetup/date. You can just tell people you don't like jumping into things and you like to take things slow, as you like to get to know the person first before anything somewhat serious would arise. No labels. They get the picture. They're going to take heed if they want to bring you back to their place to pork or to take you to their friends and introduce you as their new GF. They're already warned that things won't roll between ya fast. Now -- why do some people Not want to apply "I like to take things slow and not rush into things"? Because they still feel the non-platonic pressure. They want one-foot-in / one-foot-out. Have their cake & eat it too.

They want zero (self-applied) 'pressure' of it being non-platonic, so they want the Theme to be just platonic -- but they'll want the Benefits of it being non-platonic. A lady still gets to eat from the restaurant trough and/or have drinks for free, along with possibly at least a hint of courting theme -- and a guy using the "friends first" line, he'll want the benefits to be... well... "benefits" at the end of the first or second night. :)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 251
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 3/31/2015 12:14:15 PM

Yes, we know that you need to know if you can even stomach us before you decide to start banging us. No need to tell us. Sometimes words can really kill a mood, and I think it certainly does in this case.


I agree with this...I think it works both ways.

Other things I dislike hearing as much as friends first:

I'm taking things slow
I'm not in a hurry
I'm not sure what I'm looking for

All of the above things go without saying (IMO) if you are interested in that person for a relationship.
Might as well come out and say, yeah, you seem okei, but I'm not sure, so let's hang out for a while
until I am....then you hand out the boobie prize. That's what dating is supposed to be...you hang out with
someone until you know you want to be exclusive or not...you don't need to SAY it.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 252
What does Friends First really mean?
Posted: 4/1/2015 1:36:06 AM



Other things I dislike hearing as much as friends first:

I'm taking things slow
I'm not in a hurry
I'm not sure what I'm looking for


Yep. All crap.

I had a new year's eve date about 5 years ago, and she gave me a kiss at midnight. A few minutes later, she said " Just so you know, I'm very attracted to you, but we are NOT going to be having sex every time we see each other. We're actually going to do other things."

Totally out of nowhere. I was dumbfounded. I felt like saying "how do you know we won't? You haven't even had me yet, dummy!"

So yeah, there are things that are just better left unsaid.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >