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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?      Home login  
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 vtsnowflake
Joined: 1/21/2011
Msg: 76
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm 52, never married and no children. I don't feel I missed out, it is just something that wasn't meant to be. I had a lot of struggles in life.
Because I am maternal and had free time, I watched after my nephews when my sisters worked. I give my love to them .
I would love to have a husband to love and care for...and scold and hug, lol. But at the same time I cannot put my life on hold until this happens. If I did, it would indeed be a midlife crisis.
I can still get married and baby my husband!
 Mermaidtoo
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 77
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No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 6/10/2011 2:33:05 PM
Good for you!! Sounds like you might have been a bit emotionally abused by your family/mom? Anyway, I say live up to your own standards & values! You're a mature woman now, no need to give all your power away to dysfunctional family members. Get your power back by creating a 'family' of friends who love you & accept you the way you are. Join a women's group. If alcohol is a problem within your family, Alanon for women is excellent for your self-esteem & sence of yourself.
Mega congrats on your home, now how about driving lessons?
 Mermaidtoo
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 78
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No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 6/10/2011 2:39:47 PM
DivineBovine, I wrote you a reply, but somehow it ended up on page 4. Just wanting tolet you know...
 LoveTheThunder
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 79
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 6/18/2011 9:24:37 AM
I think that any sane person reaches a point in his/her life where they realize that more sand has passed through the hour-glass than there is remaining. One thinks about dreams and goals they had, and there comes a point when you realize "you can't have it all or do it all". At that point, people reassess what is important enough to them to change their life priorities, regardless of marriage or children.
 blueyeguy4u
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 80
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 6/18/2011 11:57:37 AM
I'm 49,never married and no kids.I rode jetskis for a living most of my adult life.I have heard of the mid-life crisis but dont think I will have one.I dont feel like I have missed out on anything in life.Dating at 50 is another story all together.It seems women over 40 that still look good and take decent care of themselves as I do,are looking for a guy with money or a guy with a harley.Finding a woman that isnt going through a mid-life crisis is almost impossible,lol.....Or maybe its Oklahoma.Has anyone actually ever seen a height to weight chart?. Its called a BMI,body mass index..I dare you to look at yours,lol..
 forumchickonly
Joined: 4/30/2013
Msg: 81
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/8/2013 3:12:19 AM
I have not bred nor have I married .But I do do what makes me happy and gives me "me "time . Be it a road trip in the ute or ride my motor bike or go travel overseas.Nothing to crisis about here lol
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 82
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/8/2013 5:43:47 AM
I haven't had a mid life crisis. I guess my entire life has been one long, extended mid life crisis.
 pageforyou
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 83
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/8/2013 6:21:17 AM
It's been too long since I've heard your "voice", Serenity! I'm glad to see you around. : )

I'm having a stage but not a crisis. Having children does not mean they will be around you, for some people.
I had a son who has recently made me a grandmother. As he ages ( now 25) I become more and more of an inconvenience than anything else, in his eyes. THAT is how his "group" of men friends have always treated their Mothers, if they are single ones. He held out and we enjoyed each other' company till he turned 18. Then for some reason ... everything about me was "The Devil" ( no he's not religious). It certainly knocks the perceived notions I had about my future with him, right out, especially now that my son has a son of his own.

I'm not the cloying type and live in a different city. Still ... it's become "work" to go see him and the baby. He seems to have no basic social clues, even though he was noted for it by those he touched, till he left home. He enjoys putting me down for the brief time I am there and his wife is often conveniently absent.

Never have I put people down for not having children. For treating their dogs like they are ... maybe. : )

I did my best to ensure I didn't have the outcome I do with my now adult child and it wasn't enough to achieve that. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I feel for my grandson, didn't think I would, so I keep the visits going, albeit less often and shorter. ;/
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 84
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/8/2013 6:53:07 AM
Those people that never been married or had children , most likely , are very happy people .I bet they are the smart people who saw this mess arriving with the failure of the institution of marriage . They avoided the trap most of us fell into .
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 85
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/8/2013 10:04:55 PM
Well 46 here never married and no kids, As happy as a clam. No idea about the midlife crisis what it should feel like or be like. What kind of effect it should have on me if I do go thru one right now? ? Need to lose 30lb but I'm very healthy no problems ... One thing I do know that if I would have dated or god forbid married the ex GF, I would have never been doing as well as I'm now... Damn life is good and I swear my life gets better midlife crisis or not.. So when people say that married men are better off then single men they should look again. I know that I'm not the only one who feels like that. I'm one of those people who are truly happy. Sometimes I wonder if there is any benifit what so ever to actualy be in a relationship.
I think midlife crises is when people wake up one morning and feel that they wasted most of there life and want to find what they could have had.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 86
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 8:24:11 AM
I found many middle aged people who were happy to be alone now have health issues & financial worries, now they see the benefits in being partnered & are scrambling in the 11th hour...

THAT turns me off, big time!


I concur. In fact, that's where the old expression, "They're either looking for a nurse or a purse" comes from. I've noticed this is especially prevalent in people that had a close brush with death, e.g. a health scare such as cancer, heart attack, etc. or those that were involved in a major accident of some kind.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 87
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:52:15 AM
^^^^^^^^ It could be the type of people are you around... Most of the people I see are active and in fairly good to excelent shape. If you go to meet up group that I go to, You would meet anywhere from teens to early 80s. With most are being between early 20s to late 50s. Almost all of them are single, So that would say being single is good for many people. I meet those people at outdoor activities most of the time. Maybe If I hang around Bingo places there would be diffrent kind of people to meet.
Change the places you go to and the type of people you meet. I'm more worried that I would end up having to take care of someone be it money or health.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 88
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 11:40:12 AM
It could be the type of people are you around... Most of the people I see are active and in fairly good to excelent shape. If you go to meet up group that I go to, You would meet anywhere from teens to early 80s. With most are being between early 20s to late 50s. Almost all of them are single, So that would say being single is good for many people. I meet those people at outdoor activities most of the time. Maybe If I hang around Bingo places there would be diffrent kind of people to meet.


It has absolutely nothing to do with the people with whom I socialize. A debilitating car or motorcycle accident can happen to anyone at any time. Moreover, there's often a genetic component involved that predisposes a person to develop heart disease or certain cancers---even in a person who appears to be fit and active. I once met a seemingly fit man who had suffered a heart attack while playing tennis.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 89
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 11:54:47 AM
Heart attacks and strokes can happen to anyone regardless of conditioning. All it takes is a blood clot.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 90
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 1:20:27 PM
^^ when I was married and went thru stage 4 cancer...I was basically alone he was diagnosed bi-polar the year before and so heavily medicated that he was awake barely 9 hours a day...it was more like I was still taking care of him...just cause someone has had something happen like cancer, or heart issues...doesn't mean they want a nurse...might mean they realize the value of having someone in their life...making those empty moments count...
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 91
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 4:28:49 PM

Subject: No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?


I have heard that they suddenly sell their nice car and buy a beat up, trash filled junker. They dump their attractive, younger partner and start buying magazines filled with pics of worn-out, frumpy looking mid-lifers. They give up the annual month in the Caribbean and instead spend summer vacations driving their unreliable car with no a/c to places with nothing to see/do, and staying with family members they don't really like all that much.

I'm kind of hoping to catch one on the rebound :)
 theanswerguy2
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 92
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/9/2013 9:18:09 PM

No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?


A crisis of disbelief that people actually seem to prefer to pursue the other people with the mid-life crisis problems.
 _babblefish
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 93
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/10/2013 1:44:35 PM

It could be the type of people are you around...


can't disagree with this sentiment . .when "many" was used as the identifier,

or the midlife crisis of grabbing at dating straws to form anything that resembles a "partnership"
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 94
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No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/10/2013 2:52:43 PM
None here. I've been able to live and work in quite a few countries. Now financially independent. Still have a few decades to experience 'whatever' life has to offer next. Re those with kids....know lots of people who didn't use children as an excuse not to relocate, etc. I doubt many who felt 'tied down' are much more adventurous after the nest is empty.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 95
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:25:17 PM
To msg 108 I used the bingo places as an example, Didn't mean that you play bingo.
Halcyon_sky I don't see what being in a car accident or having a heart attack has to do with midlife crisis.
I know that I might get hurt or killed doing some of my fun things ... But I done them before and it has nothing with midlife crisis. Maybe I missunderstood the reason behind the post.
I got no idea why people would think that if someone is married with kids they are in much better health and doing better money wise??? Kids cost money, Unless you are putting them to work early you would never get your money back. If the wife is rather stay home to take care of the kids you know the men would have much less money left for him self to enjoy. I think and I might be wrong on that. But midlife crisis is when someone wakes up one morning and it dawns on them (man/woman) that they never done what they planned on doing when they were younger. That there life was spend doing the same thing all the time. giving everything up for others. So they wish they could redo there life over. They go out and meet someone younger, As they want to regain there youth back. Drive fast cars go on trips and take some chances in life to injet some more excitment into there lifes. That they missed all those years.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 96
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:51:44 PM

or the midlife crisis of grabbing at dating straws to form anything that resembles a "partnership"


...and let's not forget the midlife crisis of restless married folks joining dating sites with faceless profiles and claiming to be "separated", when it's just by a bedroom wall.
 Vesta_ceres
Joined: 4/5/2013
Msg: 97
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/11/2013 4:58:06 AM
I'm unused to writing about something like this, so I'll give it a shot.

I worked for and served people with developmental disabilities. Nearly all of the clients (I use this term, advisedly, because not everybody is familiar with HS jargon) I served at this location did not have marriages or children. Their ages ranged from 25- 70 (reaching 70 is still somewhat uncommon, in this population).

In my work, I met one of my very good friends, who's one of my co-workers; we've been friends for 16 years since. Though I had left the program to relocate down to Southern US, we had kept in touch, and she'd update me on what she ethically could, about my clients in my program.

She recently told me about a former client whom I served, as well, who is now in his early forties. He's fairly high functioning but he is further restricted by a mental illness which has impeded the progress of his own developing friendships and romantic partnerships.

Lately, he's been particularly aggressive and depressed. Mind you, this man is fatherless and childless. He said he feels lost and that he always wanted a family. (This is not the first time I have witnessed a client express this wish and it's a natural feeling for anybody to have) Still, nobody could figure out that he is working through a difficult time because he is in the midst of a "mid-life crisis"... biologically, because of the changes his body is experiencing, and of course socially, because it's expected at this age that certain external milestones (material accomplishments) should be met.

For him, he acts out his grief in various ways, and there has been an increase in behavior because of it. People who are not confounded by mental illness and/or a developmental disability, may experience, like him to some extent, irrational decisions concerning mates or money, sadness, regret, profound worry, as well.

For me, I'm almost 40, and though I had been married and I have two great children, I wake up with profound worry, because I feel as though I haven't accomplished what I needed to do, by this age. My reproductive years are also coming to an end and I worry about the status of my self-worth. My body is also disposing of the rest of the eggs, so a surge in fertility and emotional heights is present, but absolutely normal. My grandmother warned me about a Second Spring. Ever since then, I have watched myself, but it may be inevitable. I suppose it's relative to the process.

A lot of my worry now is centered around the future of my children and future grandchildren. So I feel this incredible need to make a bigger, safer nest for all of them. Maybe this is what mid-life crisis means for me.

I feel that the mid-life crisis is an important time for self-evaluation. It should not be to the extent as you had it when you approached your 30th year. OTOH, it means different things for different people; it's hard to devise a litmus test for this, IMHO.
 Verde100
Joined: 12/23/2012
Msg: 98
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/11/2013 8:35:21 AM
You just realize that your window for having children is over. I enjoy the children in my life - nieces, nephews, friends children or grandchildren. It's an acceptance, more than anything else.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 99
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No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/13/2013 7:33:05 AM
Some of us are lucky enough to have their ex-partner do it for them...:)
I have been wondering why I am not having one. Turns out she had enough for both of us. Never saw a person change so much once they turned 39.
So now Im divorced, have a great girlfriend and have managed to manuever myself into a healthy financial situation...Some days I think I should send her a thank you card for leaving me.
Maybe a "Congratulations on Surviving your Mid life Crisis." card.

OT-While it may not be listed in the DSM, its a definite factor and it does play. If you want the real number for it, it's V62.89, although any of the 209 series would probably cover it. Its not listed because the insurance companies dont want to pay for it. Trust me when I say this I was a Counselor for 17 years and we always had ways of moshing the numbers to protect our clients and to ensure billing was paid. If you use a change of life code, the INS CO usually calls you up and tells you that you have 10 sessions and thats it.

It DOESNT impact every person the same way, but you have about a 65% chance to have one in some form...and it can really happen at any point in your life. Its just that the mid life version is quite popular this century.
For those of you who have had them, my condolences.
For those you you who havent...consider yourself lucky!
Its life and we all have a different path to follow.
Telling someone the crisis they are experiencing is non existent is like telling somebody who fears spiders that their fear isnt real. Doesnt matter how it influences you because you are not the one in the throws of the crisis and your attempts to deny them their experience are just your way of resisting the same thing happening to you.

...and we all know how much resistance can bring to our lives.
 tallshyman
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 100
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No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 5/31/2013 9:11:31 AM
I have No kids and never married Because NO woman will have me.
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