|One linersPage 2 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)|
|My favorites........."I refuse to have a battle of wits with someone so unarmed."**************************************""If you only had a brain, you'd be dangerous!"******************************: |
Posted: 10/9/2011 4:40:30 PM
|why is six afraid of seven? BECUASE SEVEN EIGHT NINE |
Posted: 10/17/2011 6:56:33 PM
Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
... Lord please keep Kevin Bacon safe!
Posted: 10/18/2011 2:07:08 PM
|America is such an amazing place they have the largest skyscrapers, the biggest theme parks, the biggest casinos, the biggest banks and of course the biggist lunatic asylums.|
How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Only in America......do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House. (when Clinton was in office)
Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
''Friendly Fire'' was an invented term to excuse the incompetance of Americans who could not distinguish an enemy for an allie??
And to think that when America goes to war we all follow them ??
Posted: 10/18/2011 8:16:10 PM
|Mechanic walks over to a gal and says, "I'm prelubed and ready to go."|
Posted: 10/20/2011 1:51:55 AM
|Do you think duslexics believe in Dog ?|
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:11:10 AM
|If I promise not to crush your wings or disturbe your halo can we have a dance ?|
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:29:41 AM
|Man's bestfriend is a dog. What is a pirate's bestfriend? a pARRot! I thought of that after work when I ran into a scruffy old man with a parrot on his shoulder.|
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:37:53 AM
|if a woman from poland is a pole then why is a woman from holland not a hole?|
Posted: 10/31/2011 8:11:26 PM
|Guy to girl- "Do you know what it feels like when you have to urinate?"|
guy- "so can you tell me if I have to urinate?"
Posted: 11/1/2011 3:59:55 PM
|Teacher says to Johnny :|
''Johnny are you going to start writing or what?
Johnny ''Sorry miss I'm exhausted cos of sex''
Teacher: '' No excuse use your other hand''
Whats the difference between a wank and an egg?
You can beat an egg
Why did the good lord give women legs?
have you seen the mess snails make ?
My mate was so excited with his pack of flavoured condoms and couldn't wait to try them on and starts to pull down his pants.
He said to his Mrs ''Ok turn the light off and see if you can guess what flavour''
''Well'' She said ''The first one is Gorgonzola''
''Hang on'' He replied ''I haven't started yet''
Posted: 11/7/2011 1:41:38 PM
|You have to start using.......if it was raining p**sy I would get hit with a d**k|
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:04:06 PM
|More than one line but oh well...|
A pretty girl is skipping thru the woods and comes across a little old man who is sat on a log. ''Oh hello'' She says ''You look just like a leprechaun''
The little old man smiled and said''I will grant you three wishes if you will grant me one favour''
The young girl swept her long blonde locks back and coyly looked down at the ground ''And what favour would that be sir'' She replied.
''Well'' said the little man ''I'd like you to remove your pants now and let me screw you senseless. After I am finished with you I will grant you your wishes''.
She pauses and then does as he asks. The little old man takes her in every position he can manage and finally when he has spent gets up, smiles and starts to walk away.
''Wait'' She says''What about my three wishes''??
''How old are you?'' Says the little old man
''I am 24 '' replies the girl
The little old man laughs '' 24 and you still believe in leprechauns and three wishes? jeesh''
Posted: 11/7/2011 7:51:41 PM
|If I told you had a nice body would you hold it aginst me? |
Posted: 11/10/2011 6:55:09 AM
|A woman only needs two animals in life. The horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it.|
Posted: 11/23/2011 10:05:48 PM
|Are your feet tired?......................................"cuz you've been running around my mind allll day long!|
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:42:10 AM
|My mate said he was thinking of swimming round all the islands of Italy - I told him dont be si silly|
so sillt ..Sicilly ??
Posted: 11/25/2011 4:59:20 PM
|I'm so HOT, I give the polar bears frost bite. |
Posted: 11/27/2011 11:39:31 AM
|No I am not hung like a donkey but I do have a tongue like a rattle snakes tail |
Posted: 11/27/2011 8:55:59 PM
|i get it !! heheh|
Posted: 11/28/2011 8:52:26 AM
|A cheesburger goes into a bar and says''Hey give me a Bud'' The barman replies ''Sorry we dont serve food''|
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:42:21 PM
|Christmas lights remind me of my homies half dont work and the rest arent too fuken bright!|
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:11:55 PM
|what did the bar tender say to the jumper cables?|
i will sevre you as long as you don't start anything
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:13:41 PM
|well you must be with the fed ex man cause real men take well over 5 minutes |
Posted: 12/28/2011 8:50:25 PM
|thats nothing, i have a six pack with a straw!|