Posted: 1/2/2012 12:07:04 AM
|My name is Milk and i can do your body good |
Is that a mirror in your pocket because i can myself in your pants .
You want fries with that shake?
Did it Hurt? ...... When you fell from heaven
Posted: 1/2/2012 9:34:47 AM
|I'm so cool, I give the polar bears frost bite. |
You are soooo HOT, you melt the elastic in my underware.
Do you know what would look good on you??? ME
Yes, you can have my baby.
It's swollen, kiss it and make it feel better.
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:20:57 PM
|The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,|
so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
Posted: 1/2/2012 9:49:56 PM
|can you sit on my face an learn me to lip read|
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:06:50 PM
|If you think you feel good, you should feel me!|
If you're going to act like a turd, go lay in the yard.
Yes I do, but not with you.
Posted: 1/8/2012 5:12:49 PM
|She said'' WHAT YOU WANT A DIVORCE?''|
I said Noooooo I just want you to eff off and live somewhere else - Divorce is far too expensive
Posted: 1/8/2012 10:12:22 PM
|how much does an elephant weigh? Enough to break the ice!|
Posted: 1/9/2012 1:25:44 PM
|Are blue jeans just depressed chromosones? |
Posted: 1/10/2012 11:04:00 AM
|I got kicked outta the second grade!|
Teacher says "you've got to raise your hand to go to the bathroom." I said "no you don't, Watch!"
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:47:09 AM
|My mate said to me ''Pete I was so drunk the other night, I went to kiss the Mrs, slipped and kissed her belly button''|
''Steve'' I said '' I have been wayyyyyyyy drunker than that''
Posted: 1/11/2012 2:24:09 PM
|I'll tip a bad waiter a condom so he won't reproduce...|
Posted: 1/12/2012 2:54:01 PM
|1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.|
2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar
5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why
Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second
Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise
23 . Ok, So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have
Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In
The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work Pays Off In The Future. Laziness Pays
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do
Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked
Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person
Wondering What Happened.
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We
Would All Fall Off.
Posted: 1/14/2012 7:35:32 AM
|My wife loves a sale, she'll buy anything that's marked "down"|
last week she bought an escalator
Posted: 1/16/2012 6:22:34 PM
|I just lost 200 LBs of ugly fat --- But I let her keep the house|
Posted: 1/16/2012 6:24:55 PM
|Women are only called birds cos of the worms they pick up|
Posted: 1/17/2012 12:00:02 AM
|Id like to kiss you passionatly on the lips and move my way up to you're belly.|
Posted: 1/18/2012 11:34:59 AM
|Did you gals know that there is a "penis" in happiness??? |
Posted: 1/21/2012 2:29:40 AM
|I know your way out of my league but can I at least have a trial?|
Posted: 1/21/2012 5:37:37 AM
|Caught my friend drinkin break fluid the other day ... he said not to worry he can stop any time!|
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:00:01 AM
Did you gals know that there is a "penis" in happiness???
Technically there's only a 'pines', unless you start rearranging letters. And then there's also a 'ship', a 'shape', a 'shine', 'apes', 'pipes', ...
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:53:44 AM
|"I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone"|
Posted: 1/30/2012 11:39:26 PM
|Never tell a parrot your secrets|
Right before I die, I'm gonna to say to whoever is next to me, "I left a million dollars in the...
Believe in reincarnation? When you die, don't put RIP on your gravestone, put BRB
I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated"
It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen
Posted: 2/1/2012 7:48:38 PM
|Godd I was remembering losing my virginity the other day....|
There I was with my arms around my girlfriend we were so ready for it. I looked across and there was my mum and dad, dad had a knowing look in his eyes...
I turned to my girlfriend and whispered ''Cmon darlin - Upstairs now we havent got long''......Godd it was awesome, we made such a noise but didnt care and wow did she orgasm!!!!
And the people on the bus ...My god they clapped and cheered so loud.
Posted: 2/4/2012 4:28:02 PM
|"You want to go halves on a baby?"|