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 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 102
One linersPage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Disturbing on so many levels!
 Ninjastar123
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 104
One liners
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:07:04 AM
My name is Milk and i can do your body good

Is that a mirror in your pocket because i can myself in your pants .

You want fries with that shake?

Did it Hurt? ...... When you fell from heaven
 Kansasflyboy
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 105
One liners
Posted: 1/2/2012 9:34:47 AM
I'm so cool, I give the polar bears frost bite.

You are soooo HOT, you melt the elastic in my underware.

Do you know what would look good on you??? ME

Yes, you can have my baby.

It's swollen, kiss it and make it feel better.
 Kansasflyboy
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 106
One liners
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:20:57 PM
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
 mobey1
Joined: 1/5/2011
Msg: 107
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One liners
Posted: 1/2/2012 9:49:56 PM
can you sit on my face an learn me to lip read
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 109
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Posted: 1/4/2012 8:06:50 PM
If you think you feel good, you should feel me!

If you're going to act like a turd, go lay in the yard.

Yes I do, but not with you.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 111
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Posted: 1/8/2012 5:12:49 PM
She said'' WHAT YOU WANT A DIVORCE?''
I said Noooooo I just want you to eff off and live somewhere else - Divorce is far too expensive
 areacode651
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 112
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Posted: 1/8/2012 10:12:22 PM
how much does an elephant weigh? Enough to break the ice!
 druffaluffagus
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 113
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One liners
Posted: 1/9/2012 1:25:44 PM
Are blue jeans just depressed chromosones?
 druffaluffagus
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 116
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One liners
Posted: 1/10/2012 11:04:00 AM
I got kicked outta the second grade!

Teacher says "you've got to raise your hand to go to the bathroom." I said "no you don't, Watch!"
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 117
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Posted: 1/11/2012 9:47:09 AM
My mate said to me ''Pete I was so drunk the other night, I went to kiss the Mrs, slipped and kissed her belly button''

''Steve'' I said '' I have been wayyyyyyyy drunker than that''
 druffaluffagus
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 118
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Posted: 1/11/2012 2:24:09 PM
I'll tip a bad waiter a condom so he won't reproduce...
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 119
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One liners
Posted: 1/12/2012 2:54:01 PM
1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.

******
2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, Night.

******
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.
******
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar
Territory.

******
5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The
Spot.
******
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why
Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.

******
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel
Universe.
******
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.

******
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below
Average.

******
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.

******
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.

******
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second
Mouse Gets The Cheese.

******
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.

******
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some
People Have.

******
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your
Week.

******
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad
Memory.

******
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending
Machines.

******
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great
Trade!

******
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.

******
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!

******
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple
Of Payments.

******
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise
My Hand.

******
23 . Ok, So What's The Speed Of Dark?

******
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible
Ink?

******
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have
Obviously Overlooked Something.

******
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In
The Wrong Lane.

******
27. Hard Work Pays Off In The Future. Laziness Pays
Off Now.

******
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do
Not Have Film.

******
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy
Her Friends?

******
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without
Sponges?

******
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked
Into Jet Engines.

******
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death
Twice?

******
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept
Falling Out.

******
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your
Horn Louder.

******
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?

******
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person
Wondering What Happened.

******
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We
Would All Fall Off.
 druffaluffagus
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 122
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Posted: 1/14/2012 7:35:32 AM
My wife loves a sale, she'll buy anything that's marked "down"

last week she bought an escalator

-Henny Youngman
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 123
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Posted: 1/16/2012 6:22:34 PM
I just lost 200 LBs of ugly fat --- But I let her keep the house
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 124
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Posted: 1/16/2012 6:24:55 PM
Women are only called birds cos of the worms they pick up
 funguy334
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 125
One liners
Posted: 1/17/2012 12:00:02 AM
Id like to kiss you passionatly on the lips and move my way up to you're belly.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 126
One liners
Posted: 1/18/2012 11:34:59 AM
Did you gals know that there is a "penis" in happiness???
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 127
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Posted: 1/21/2012 2:29:40 AM
I know your way out of my league but can I at least have a trial?
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 128
One liners
Posted: 1/21/2012 5:37:37 AM
Caught my friend drinkin break fluid the other day ... he said not to worry he can stop any time!
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 129
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Posted: 1/21/2012 9:00:01 AM

Did you gals know that there is a "penis" in happiness???


Technically there's only a 'pines', unless you start rearranging letters. And then there's also a 'ship', a 'shape', a 'shine', 'apes', 'pipes', ...
 druffaluffagus
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 130
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Posted: 1/23/2012 7:53:44 AM
"I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone"
-Steven Wright
 REVmountain
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 133
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Posted: 1/30/2012 11:39:26 PM
Never tell a parrot your secrets

Right before I die, I'm gonna to say to whoever is next to me, "I left a million dollars in the...

Believe in reincarnation? When you die, don't put RIP on your gravestone, put BRB

I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated"

It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 135
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Posted: 2/1/2012 7:48:38 PM
Godd I was remembering losing my virginity the other day....

There I was with my arms around my girlfriend we were so ready for it. I looked across and there was my mum and dad, dad had a knowing look in his eyes...

I turned to my girlfriend and whispered ''Cmon darlin - Upstairs now we havent got long''......Godd it was awesome, we made such a noise but didnt care and wow did she orgasm!!!!

And the people on the bus ...My god they clapped and cheered so loud.
 MiniCooper06
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 137
One liners
Posted: 2/4/2012 4:28:02 PM
"You want to go halves on a baby?"
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