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 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 133
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Are Looks so important???Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
^^^ Long hair melts me every time
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 134
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 12:34:22 PM
^^^^ With me, it depends on how the long hair is styled. I've never been a fan of long layered shag styles or mullets.

Getting back to the subject of general attractiveness, I sometimes see men's profiles where they describe themselves as being "reasonably attractive". That always cracks me up.

What is "reasonably attractive", as opposed to "unreasonably attractive"? And if I don't find the man attractive, does that mean I'm being unreasonable?
 butheremails
Joined: 11/1/2017
Msg: 135
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 1:34:51 PM

Are Looks so important???


Yes and No.

Yes, in the sense that they are one of the criteria we use to select a mate.

No, in the sense that we have no choice in what we find attractive.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 136
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 4:29:55 PM

What is "reasonably attractive", as opposed to "unreasonably attractive"? And if I don't find the man attractive, does that mean I'm being unreasonable?


Not really. You're being honest. Besides, I'm sure that many have said that you are attractive. You know where you stand. Some do not know where they fit into the equation of attractive/not. So you get that sort of nasty job of pointing out who goes where. I know you didn't ask for that job, but you got it.

I'm on the opposite side of that. I thought I might be reasonably attractive. Instead, I had to learn that I'm exceptionally nasty looking. Not what I wanted to know, but I excepted it. I still haven't bought into the idea of tall men having some sort advantage in dating. That's entirely possible. (Or it just adds an extra little insult to what I'm already aware of)

Looking at this objectively, I think I'd rather not have to be judge and jury in the looks department. No one would get mad at me. Weekends are for relaxing. I can get things done and not have to worry about making appearances at social events. I don't have to make plans and attempt to entertain anyone. Drama get to be someone else's issue.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 137
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 4:44:45 PM

I still haven't bought into the idea of tall men having some sort advantage in dating.


Would it help if I gave you a 20% discount at the register?

I have seen plenty of women state in their profiles that they are looking for the proverbial "tall, dark, and handsome."

After reading literally thousands of women's profiles over the years, I have yet to see anyone state that they are seeking "SHORT, dark, and handsome."

Even the few women who explicitly stated that they were actually looking for someone under 6 feet tall (but not necessarily SHORT), those women were very short themselves, like around 5 feet tall.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 138
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 5:02:14 PM
Then tall is only part of it. I counteract tall, with a lot of other unsuitable aspects. One plus doesn't offset a bunch of minuses.

That 20% discount hasn't showed up on my receipt. I think the sales tax has offset it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 139
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:25:44 PM
well, i'll sit corrected--the only dudes I knew with long hair getting any play, were in good shape--and so was the hair. It was long and straight, not shaggy. As for "reasonably attractive", I suspect that's the guy who isn't sure just how attractive he is. He gets some attention, but not from the women he really wants in bed. They are in that middle territory, like say a seven out of a 1-10 range if 5 is average looking. Like the guy who makes $80K a year and describes himself as "relatively rich".
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 140
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/7/2017 11:57:38 PM
If a guy is going to have long hair, it also helps to have some size, poise, and not dress like a f*cking slob. Otherwise, they will just look like a dirty hippy, which I have always tried to avoid.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 141
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 12:24:55 AM

~Eye of the beholder~
Is very true.
I have a friend, sad to say she is not very attractive 3-
The man that fell in love with her is a 10+

If all looks were, were in the eye of the beholder, there would be no #s. :) There wouldn't be "but he/she wasn't attractive". It's basically people willing to settle in looks when it also is of a certain type they like so they could squeeze it out, etc. -- the folks in the minority. It's warm & fuzzy for those "remember that one time" -- but that's about all it is.

I had a friend who was not even close to average looking. He was a nice guy at heart, really was. But he would go up to girls out of his league like nobody's business, not even needing to shotgun 6 beers to do so, either. And he didn't have good game, nor tact. He'd offend girls, make them feel weird, make them feel sorry for him -- much more than 9 out of 10 times. NY would be calling the police on him with his approch on her - lol. BUT, he'd get some dates, and occasionally get laid. And he ended up moving in with a gal solidly out of his league -- seemingly great gal. By some people's rationale, what he has done not only OK but hey, just go out there -- looks are relative! Uhhh, not quite. Doesn't mean cute girls like guys like Ugly Jimmy, nor is it evidence that there's not really any variance of attraction and it's just in the eye of the beholder.

It's just an example that if you hump enough rocks over enough time, regardless of your tact, you'll find some fruit. There's always an exception under one of those couch cushins. But it's not evidence everything's close to just relative.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 142
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 7:25:45 AM


I still haven't bought into the idea of tall men having some sort advantage in dating.


Talk about beating a dead horse, we’re talking about “tall” again? Here it is, once again, in a nutshell. Tall is not an advantage. Short is a disadvantage. Got it now?


gtomustang
Like the guy who makes $80K a year and describes himself as "relatively rich".

Do people do that up in your part of the world? I’ve never seen that down here where I live. I think the threshold down here would probably be $200k to $250k before anyone would make a statement like that.


Cynderella
^^^ Long hair melts me every time


gtomustang
the only dudes I knew with long hair getting any play, were in good shape--and so was the hair. It was long and straight, not shaggy.


ThePigOfYourDreams
If a guy is going to have long hair, it also helps to have some size, poise, and not dress like a f*cking slob. Otherwise, they will just look like a dirty hippy, which I have always tried to avoid.

There is one regular monthly Meetup, which I sometimes attend, where there are a large number of “scruffy looking men”. (Not my words, heard it from several ladies who were in attendance.) They tend to have long scraggly hair and dress in 20 year old t-shirts. I rather doubt any of them are getting much play. Several of the women in the Meetup group have told me they won’t be back to that venue because of the “scruffy looking men”.


norwegianguy456
It's just an example that if you hump enough rocks over enough time, regardless of your tact, you'll find some fruit.

That is, in a nutshell, my motivation. Why I belong to Meetup, why I keep sending initial messages, why I have been on several hundred initial meetings.


He'd offend girls, make them feel weird, make them feel sorry for him -- much more than 9 out of 10 times.

Now this extreme I try to avoid. But you know what? It happens. Some women just have a lower threshold for annoyance than others. I try to pay attention to facial expression, body language, tone of voice, pick up on when I am not going over so well. But there have been occasions when women have complained, and I just apologize and move along.

The society we live in says that men must do the approaching, must take the chances, must risk the rejections. Hell, I just got another one last night, an initial meeting that seemed to go well, but obviously didn’t. That’s okay, I have another one tonight. As NG expressed it (and so eloquently, I might add) : “if you hump enough rocks over enough time … you’ll find some fruit.”
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 8:16:58 AM
"I’ve never seen that down here where I live. I think the threshold down here would probably be $200k to $250k before anyone would make a statement like that. "

>>>just like in Texas, it depends upon which part of the state one is making the statement. Unlike Texas, we're smaller and denser-packed, so a median house price in a town, may be expensive two towns away and a half hour's drive down the highway . The eastern half of our state is rust belt industrial, and $80K goes a long way. An hour away to the north, and that's middle, and an hour and a half to the east, its NYC stock brokers making billions. Which is why its relative :) In TX one might travel hours from Austin to find a land rich farmer with very little liquidity.

I too believe that there are different types of long hair, but i'll accept the notion that there are women turned on by the right hair style. Also, since the topic is sort of in the news lately, there are times when every guy has been so focused on getting a girl, he hasn't paid attention to the signs she's giving him to get lost. Which isn't the same as forcing a kiss on her, but its still harassment of a sort. All humans have their own threshold of discomfort.

It helps to be a good salesman

https://hbr.org/2006/07/what-makes-a-good-salesman

but I won't be humping rocks to find fruit, b/c "where I live", fruit grows on trees :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 144
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 1:28:44 PM

Here it is, once again, in a nutshell. Tall is not an advantage. Short is a disadvantage. Got it now?

That's a great way to put it for those who are tall and don't get the concept. To add to that though:
- Overtly tall has it's disadvantages, but it still has it advantages (among notably Tall women) -- which you won't find with guys who are even only a little short.

- Guys who aren't overtly tall but are "Tall" -- they do have an advantage over guys who aren't short or tall, when compared to above-average height gals in heels. A 5'8" gal in 3" heels is going to be 5'11"... a 5'9" guy in regular shoes is going to be at or close to 5'10". A 6'0" guy is going to be at or close to 6'1", so there's an advantage there. Mainly because, a guy who's not tall but not short -- may seem/feel "short" to some degree compared to her... and a guy who is a bit taller than her instead of ~same height -- will be refreshing.

Now this extreme I try to avoid. But you know what? It happens. Some women just have a lower threshold for annoyance than others.

It'll always happen if you approach gals even semi-frequently, even with good game that Mom has a stamp of approval on. It's going to happen. It what shys men away from approaching, when gals complain about too many "weirdos" approaching them. What they don't realize is that the cordial non-weirdo is still going to get a similar reaction once in a while from a gal seemingly like her. Just a matter of time, and it certainly doesn't take an eternity. But yes, as a guy, you can Minimize it.

Which brings me to the comparison of Approach & Looks. A guy like my old friend Ugly Jimmy -- he could use the same "it's all relative/random tastes" argument that the "eye of the beholder" people have, when it comes to good/bad/weird/ok Looks.... but instead, about good/bad/weird/ok Approaches. He could use the argument that his "game" is Just Fine -- and you can't call his "game" bad -- that's just in the Eye of the Beholder! See? A guy with bad game picked up a real cute gal! AND he's not good looking at all! Therefore, it's just random -- there IS no "good" or "bad" approach! ;)

It's an argument gals will certainly Chuckle at (unlike the looks thing). I think with Approaches it actually has more taste-variance -- but there's still an underlying "kosher" / "non-kosher" way about it. Much like giving yourself a punk-rock hairdo or styling yourself in a unique/odd way -- the same can go for Approaches -- where it'll help you get shot down, but, with certain types, may get their attention in an appealing way.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 145
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 4:02:42 PM
so that ^^ made me think about all the times I approached women when younger. The majority of them said something along the lines of "sorry, but thank you for asking". Perhaps they woke up that morning in a mood to be noticed, dressed appropriately for that goal, deleted the "ice queen" resting b!tch face, and so I responded, and then they were receptive more than they usually would have been.

not to overanalyze it or anything :) but i'll suspect some beautiful women are more used to getting approached, and thus may naturally be receptive to an approach that isn't trying to get her pants off, but may be a first step in courting.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 146
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 4:21:44 PM
Henry
Talk about beating a dead horse, we’re talking about “tall” again? Here it is, once again, in a nutshell. Tall is not an advantage. Short is a disadvantage. Got it now?

NG
That's a great way to put it for those who are tall and don't get the concept.

+1
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 147
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 6:05:39 PM
I don't know. Take Hawking, for example. Even though I believe he can succeed with women the way he is now, being 6 feet tall would make things much easier for him, so it would be accurate to say in *his* situation, it would be an advantage.

However, being tall with nothing else appealing to back it up certainly isn't an "advantage"
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 148
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 6:08:38 PM

However, being tall with nothing else appealing to back it up certainly isn't an "advantage"

+1
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 149
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 9:45:09 PM

A few year ago I fell for a man that was "not my type"


A few year ago I fell for a man who was "not my type".

People are never 'that'; they are always 'who'.

Sorry. Grading papers tonight.
 JCOptimisticXO
Joined: 8/18/2017
Msg: 150
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/8/2017 10:42:53 PM
Hello,

Eye of the beholder. One does not view the same person as the most beautiful person in the world. Everyone is beautiful, to me at least, given that each human is uniquely different and awesome. A physical appearance can be beautiful in many different ways, depending on how you present yourself to others. Your smile and unique expression is a part of what makes a person beautiful. Without emotion, we cannot communicate the full extent of who we are.

Don't judge a book by its cover - Sometimes, we may feel uncomfortable, observing someone from our eye and we pass them by without an introduction. This happens all the time. I believe until the book has something written by what you have read and interpreted, live your life to the fullest greeting everyone with an expression that is you. I prefer to uplift others, and bring smiles with my expression in greeting new individuals. You never know who it could be--maybe even an angel.

Best, XOXO, God bless,
JCOptimisticXO - John

-I see emojis and I want to use them but I am new to the form for now. Lol.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 151
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/9/2017 12:52:22 AM

but i'll suspect some beautiful women are more used to getting approached, and thus may naturally be receptive to an approach that isn't trying to get her pants off, but may be a first step in courting.

Actually, whether she is or is not "out of your league" -- a hot gal is so used to it, one of the advantages is to be cordial but Not trying to court said type of gal... almost like she's the hot girl's cool friend. They're not used to that. They either get guys throwing themselves on them wildly or guys too shy to even say anything. It actually goes a long way. Executed the right way, in the environment that allows it to be so -- it's a great litmus test to tell whether you can nab that. Who knew that being a guy who's not picking up a gal can get you a gal? (Shhhh! That's how it's done)

Take Hawking, for example. Even though I believe he can succeed with women the way he is now, being 6 feet tall would make things much easier for him, so it would be accurate to say in *his* situation, it would be an advantage.

I would agree. It'd be to his advantage -- oh heck yes. Not even to be tall, but to be non-short would be an advantage. I think the concept was -- it's more that it's a Disadvantage being the shorter guy in the room, than any advantage to be "Tall". Which is so true. Hawking though -- he is very short -- but he Could get gals. He's willing to write messages Online in his way as a method, but nothing more. That said -- it is more of being short-changed, than being more-changed when it comes to the height thing.

However, being tall with nothing else appealing to back it up certainly isn't an "advantage"

Yep. Being tall isn't being Ripped. Being tall means you got that base covered well. Being non-short means you have the base covered. Neither are going to send a gal to ya on a silver platter -- it's just not going to rule ya out. Indirectly, if many are ruled out, you have less competition thus an indirect advantage -- but mainly, that's among gals who are taller + heels. IMO, it's just a two-step breakdown:

1) Is she not taller than You in her gear? No? Okay, proceed to Step 2, otherwise chances are Small.

2) Are you not the shorter guy in the room? No? Okay, you're all good. No problems.

That's all it really breaks down to. The "advantage" is not having a "disadvantage" when too many others do - lol.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 152
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/9/2017 7:57:04 AM

Seki1949
People are never 'that'; they are always 'who'.

Sorry. Grading papers tonight.

Seki, correcting their grammar is NOT going to get you laid. I learned that valuable lesson all the way back in high school. All of the pretty girls wanted help with their homework, and many wanted to cheat off of my test paper. But come Saturday night, they already had a date, thank you for asking.

Of course, no one ever got lucky from here in the forums anyway.

Well, on second thought, there was that famous case involving the ex-moderator and the beautiful woman, a thousand mile plane trip, etc, etc. Of course, that was all just rumors and speculations, so …


gtomustang
Perhaps they woke up that morning in a mood to be noticed, dressed appropriately for that goal, deleted the "ice queen" resting b!tch face, and so I responded, and then they were receptive more than they usually would have been.

I watched a program on Discovery or PBS or somewhere like that, quite a few years ago. Researchers went to a hot night club, and did cheek swabs and body scans of the women there. All young, all hot, my kind of place to be sure. If only.

But back to the program. They used the cheek swab to determine the woman’s point in her ovulation cycle, and the body scan to determine what percentage of her skin was exposed. There was a very high correlation.

YMMV
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 153
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/9/2017 4:30:17 PM
oh, I totally agree with that observation. it isn't true with all women, but in the years I've been here, I've watched women post about men who look for sex are pigs, and then when the period of ovulation arrives, they're talking about their attempts to score, and legitimizing why its perfectly normal, and then when the period has passed...gone back to criticizing men who give sex an importance in a relationship.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 154
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/10/2017 6:08:29 PM

Here it is, once again, in a nutshell. Tall is not an advantage. Short is a disadvantage. Got it now?


Height is often just 1 piece of the puzzle. A tall man may not match a woman's other requirements. Whether it's body type, race, income or education level, smoking and drinking habits, having or wanting kids etc.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 155
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/10/2017 7:41:54 PM
Height is also a factor for men. It's rare to see a 6 foot tall man being with a 3 foot tall woman.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 156
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Are Looks so important???
Posted: 11/12/2017 6:51:29 PM

Height is also a factor for men. It's rare to see a 6 foot tall man being with a 3 foot tall woman.

It's rare to see a 3 foot tall woman, period. :) Also, it's a misleading statement as height-taste is a totally different animal with guys than it is with girls, and it's a much bigger issue with girls. Plenty of guys, guys on the tall side included, like "spinners" (gals not just shorter than them but short as a girl). Might not be the Most ideal, but still open for most and many times liked at least.

For even short gals, height is more important than it is for guys. Typical short gals who say height doesn't mean much to them just means hardly ever is a factor (big difference btw). You get a guy who's 5'2" along with a gal who's 5'3" -- yeah, sorry, that is statistically speaking a Big Deal when she's sizing him up (no pun intended). For short gals, going thru life meeting & greeting dudes, the height thing on their end just has it's bases covered most of the time, is all. But even still though -- a hot gal who's short and always dolled up -- if you're a guy who's notably short & a nice looking guy (but still solidly taller than she), you statistically have a thin chance at garnering her sexual interest when you don't know her from Adam.
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 157
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 12/21/2017 6:44:22 PM
I don't care about personality I just want them to be good looking .If they have a personality that is deemed good then that is acceptable I guess in very small doses .If their personality is say very polite and nice then I would have to let them go though. I like outspoken ,opinionated guys but if they talk to me in that tone I'd just have to let them go. If they were mild mannered I'd let them go.If they were republicans I'd let them go too because this is a civilised society. If they were very vindictive I'd leave because that shows immaturity .
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