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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 64
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..Page 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
wouldn't want you on a jury either. Both the bank robber and the chocolate bar thief are thieves.


So if you are doling out punishment in that oh so black and white stance, then a person who commits adultery should be sent to the electric chair just like someone who has committed murder and a person who steals a chocolate bar should receive the same penalty as someone who robs a bank....being that guilty is guilty and all that jazz? We are basically talking about punishment fitting the crime here. If you believe turning your back on someone who has hitherto been a very good friend is fitting punishment, again, I wouldn't want you on a jury.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 65
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..
Posted: 3/23/2009 1:29:42 PM
No, pro-filer. In my world things aren't black and white and I don't throw out the same "punishment" because not all crimes and circumstances are the same. You were the one saying that "theft is theft"; therefore, the deduction, through your examples, would also be that you believe the punishment, no matter the degree of the crime, should be the same. You only have to look at the judicial system to see that's not the case. Each transgression needs to be weighed on its own merit and circumstances. In this case, I don't believe that a person continuing to have contact with someone within a circle of friends should be thrown from the group because she has a differing opinion or a different association with the perpetrator. As it turns out, from the OP's further postings, the group came to their senses after giving it further thought. Good on for them. We all have our varying set of principles and even those principles have varying degrees within each set. I wouldn't snub you even though I disagree with you and that's basically what the group's stance started out as. They didn't want to associate not only with the one having the affair (their choice), but with anyone who didn't follow the herd.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 66
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..
Posted: 3/23/2009 1:54:24 PM
Dave...and I willingly accept your apology. Not that I'd be all bent out of shape even if you still thought I was addressing you. I like a good debate (obviously) and I don't hold grudges because someone might happen to disagree with my point of view - not unless dirty tactics are used.

Pro-lifer....it would seem that this is a day for apologies and I owe you one! Serves me right for multi-tasking.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 67
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:34:59 PM
verityone and seaga - my examples have to do not with the "crime" (adultery) but with the punishment (excessive). Now you've thrown in an armed chocolate bar robber of all things - sure, if a person wanted to steal a chocolate bar using a gun - throw the book at him. I'm talking about degrees of punishment for degrees of a crime. As explained - I do NOT condone adultery but the "punishment" to the person who will maintain contact with someone else who has committed the act, in my eyes IS excessive punishment if the group of women won't have anything to do the OP who decides to maintain a long standing friendship with the adulterer. It's not about the adultery itself - it's about the treatment of someone who wasn't the adulterer. You are of the opinion that the friend of the adulterer (the OP) should not associate with her and if she does, the group of women should shun the OP as well. Quite the harsh ripple effect, if you ask me. I'm not one who bases my associations on what someone else's dictates are and I take things case by case, not on a one size fits all basis as you do. Had the OP's friend shown a pattern of this throughout their friendship, yes, I would have distanced myself from her long ago. They have a friendship history that bears consideration when making a decision. Even the group of women relented and found they were too harsh on the OP.

Having said all that, I also stick by my own sentiments that I would not turn my back on a friendship with someone who did commit adultery - I just wouldn't be a party to it. I would express my displeasure, and would tell her I wouldn't cover for her if confronted by anyone who had a need to know. I'd attempt to counsel her in the error of her ways, whether she liked it or not and whether or not that counsel made her angry to the point of her discontinuing our friendship. I take friendship seriously when it's someone I care about and when they're acting in a way that will ultimately harm themselves and others.

Dave: I'll get your head spinning so much you'll pass out from shear exhaustion
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 68
A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake..
Posted: 3/23/2009 6:46:11 PM
You're absolutely entitled to your parameters, however, when you want to back up your own arguments by stretching things to someone stealing a chocolate bar and suddenly having them using a gun in the act, don't accuse me of being the one using strawman arguments. This is the end of the debate for me, personally. I believe myself, and everyone else to this point, has pretty much made their position clear. Thanks for the fun everyone and the insight to your personalities. See you around in the next topic, whatever that may be.

Best of luck to you, OP, with your friends.:
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 69
Ahh irony
Posted: 3/24/2009 5:19:19 PM
It's ironic that the thread above this one is called
"Husband of 26 yrs. Left for a girlfriend 15 yrs younger "
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