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 mitgrad00
Joined: 2/28/2005
Msg: 4
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am a "workaholic". I usually date other "workaholics".

If he is really "into you", he will always make time for you.
 manthere
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 8
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:09:40 PM
I wonder if someone who uses "Work" as an excuse is not all that into, but they have even convinced themselves that they are busy.
 Phenomenally43
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 21
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History
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 8/15/2011 4:27:40 PM
I realize this is a very old post, but may still be helpful to new searchers, so here goes... I met a WONDERFUL guy on another dating site a few months ago. He was bright, funny, romantic, interesting and handsome. We live a few miles apart and share many interests, goals and have similar values and sense of humors.

Our first date was a meet & greet that lasted 5 hours...we closed the restaurant and a few sweet smooches were enjoyed. We began text conversations and arranged a second date that he cancelled the day of, citing work conflicts. I thought little of this and wished him a good day.

He'd told me a funny story about a prior dating scenario wherein the woman, after having him cancel a few first dates, showed up completely inebriated...This was a red flag I ignored.

We eventually had our second date a few weeks after the cancellation and after I suggested that we table future dates until his schedule cleared, (I'd actually broken off with him due to lack of contact). I relented because he made it clear that he was VERY interested and able to date me. Communication increased and was more consistent.

Dates 2-4 were wonderful and the attraction quotient increased exponentially...I was hot for this guy and his kisses made me melt. I arranged an intimate wine tasting for us and wouldn't you know, he cancelled AGAIN the DAY OF...I was exceptionally hurt and upset, but took it in stride wishing him a great day and asking that he call me that evening so he could explain how he'd planned to make it up to me...flirty but firm.

I did not get a call, but began to replay prior conversations wherein he detailed a failed marriage that ended when he decided after 5 years that he did NOT want kids, although they'd both agreed on the timeline. I began to suspect that Mr. . Wonderful was Mr. Chronically Unavailable or worse, Mr. Disappointment.

I texted that I would have liked to hear from him, and since I didn't I thought it best to conclude things between us. His response was snide and really showed his true colors...No cursing but just the completely wrong attitude for someone who failed to keep a date that he'd confirmed then failed to even call.

I asked him what he was looking for and what he had to offer and he truly couldn't answer...I suspect he has deep fears about getting close and hides behind his desk...I told him that it was futile for me to stay because that would only make me dislike him even more and what sensible woman wants to be put in a position to argue with a perspective mate abo0ut earning money????

It's a loosing battle and frankly I'd rather use my time for loving my man up and building a relationship than feeling poorly alone or fighting for my dignity in a relationship with a man who cancels repeatedly for work. I'd like a man who can at least master a calendar....Being a priority is a priority in my romantic relationships and I'm not willing to concede in this area.

Sometimes dating a "workaholic" is just dating an emotionally insecure, intensely selfish and immature person who will never see you as anything other than "something to do" when they have a spare moment. In my experience, no one deserves to be treated this way.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 22
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History
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 8/15/2011 6:11:50 PM
I dated a workaholic a few years ago, never again! In the beginning I wasn't even interested in him. He kept coming over to visit a few times a week. Eventually I began to like who he was and we started a year long relationship.
He worked 12 hour days, started at 6am, didn't get home until 6pm. After dinner he would immediately fall asleep.
Weekends, he would still be out the door at 6am working on any number of projects for other people, fixing their vehicles, etc. (Not for money.) Back home at 6pm and asleep again by 7.
He had 3 children and spent very little time with them although he never stopped criticizing how his ex was raising them.
I once asked him why he had time for me in the beginning. He said he made me a priority. I guess once he had me I no longer was.
I talked to his ex once and she said they split up because she never saw him.
You can't change people. Addiction is addiction. Work is no different than drugs/alcohol.
 Phenomenally43
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 29
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Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 9/10/2011 5:03:35 PM
I had a brief experience with a workaholic...he made dates & cancelled them, texted when I asked him to call and scheduled activities involving his friends & family for all of his free time leaving none for me...all the while professing his affection & interest in me. In 6 weeks time we had 7 dates scheduled but he only showed up for 3...work was always the issue.

My conclusion was that he:
A) liked the IDEA of dating but had emotional issues & tried to maintain semi-relationship status by keeping me involved while all the time canceling. (This is typical of people who have fear of rejection issues...I'd have to be a real jerk to make demands of a man who is only trying to work in this economy...it's a no win scenario because to make a break would make me demanding, but to stay kinda makes me a punk).

B) He thought that it was REASONABLE to seek out dates, string them along and cancel because he thought he DESERVED to have their interest while he made his money (he told me he had done this before with other women & couldn't figure out why he wasn't a keeper). The really crazy thing is that when we were together it was a dynamic experience and there were some very wonderful chemicals involved...he was great on paper but couldn't make the leap in person...bummer!

C) He simply wasn't that in to me....When men like-like you, they will move heaven & earth (which includes) work to see you...

In the end I decided it wasn’t really important that I understand his reasons, but that I make a decision for me…I shook him loose.

Unless you are in a committed defined relationship, I'd let him know that this situation discomforts you and if changes weren't on the horizon, I'd cut & run. Feeling like you can’t communicate with the man you are involved with (and I presume will be/have been intimate with) is just not Ok. Presidents, Pilots and Surgeons make time…why can’t he?

And to those who say that the only alternative is to date an unemployed looser...that's not it. Have a job & date, or have 3 jobs and don't but don't waste other people's time while you make your bread.

In my experience workaholism without an end date is not really dating...it's him having you as an audience to his oh-so busy life ...the question is do you want to be a partner or a bystander?
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 30
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 9/11/2011 1:57:58 AM
Oh yeah. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!
It feels like you're playing second fiddle in an all brass band.
How did I deal with it? Didn't have to, after nearly 8 years she made a sacrifice. She chose the career path over the relationship.
Get out now while you still have some dignity left.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 34
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/15/2012 10:56:06 PM
I was married to a workaholic. He was not that way when we married. As his education level increased so did his desire for money and power. I thought the working obsession levels would level out when we hit our financial goals along the way....It got worse. My daughters and I were left behind in his climb to success. I divorced him. You cannot change a person. He is married to work ... move on.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 36
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History
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/16/2012 10:28:33 AM
I'm proud of my work ethic which I passed on to my sons but I am not a work alcoholic. A work alcoholic will look for more work when they have completed it all.
I work fulltime and usually put in a few more hours a week to keep up. I'm single and kids are gone though. I would never have spent extra time at work knowing my loved ones were at home waiting for me.
You can love your job and still love your home life. Balance between the two is important.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 39
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History
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/16/2012 1:24:40 PM
It's a thread from 2005 which is still an issue with people. We can't start a new one on the same subject you know!
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 41
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/16/2012 3:05:29 PM
I am a workaholic but i always can and have made time for men when i need to. I think most workaholics are very succussful. I find a man who is a workaholic very attrractive. They always have been able to make time for me too .. Mybe this person is not a workaholic just using work as an excuse that could be
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 44
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/17/2012 7:30:21 PM
yes he did stem cell research & had constant paperwork for grants. also taught at a medical college & helped students w/ disertations......I did get to see the lab a few times it was fun & once he was judging a science fair @ a state college & brought me as a guest, that part was fun...
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 45
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:25:41 PM
If they say in their profile...that they are on here because they can't find time to date because they are so busy working....pass them by...unless you only want to go out once a month...they say they will find the time..but they just don't know how to say no to their jobs...there is a reason they are single...and never married..and 40
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 47
Anyone ever gone out with a workaholic?
Posted: 2/18/2012 3:08:18 PM
workaholic = emotionally unavailable. To all you Workaholics, take time off to be with your loved ones.
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