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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?      Home login  
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 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 51
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this? Page 3 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Things would happen when he was mad, that had no logical reason. I couldnt believe he could actually do those things to me. Flat tires, yet the mechanic said they were fine, missing car keys, that would magically show up when he wasnt mad anymore. Remote control gone, with the satelite turned all the way up, then "he" would find it in the couch cushions, when he wasnt mad anymore. Alarm clocks turned off, or volume turned way down. Fuse missing from the Air conditioning unit, in 96 degree heat. Electric turned off at the pole, and me thinking everyone was out of electric. New college books missing, and I couldnt study. The worst was driving to college one morning, 25 miles over country roads, up and down hills, around curves. As I pulled into the parking lot, my steering went out. almost didnt get the car into a space. Called the house, he was inside, very unusual, he had been mad, but he would come and check it out. He gets out of his truck, reaches under my car and takes off a copper line. we take it to the auto parts store to get another one, and the parts guy said "somebody has filed this line and made a hole in it, causing the brake fluid to drain out". My Husband said, "no, probably a rock came up and hit it". But the auto guy showed me, the file markings on the line. Of course I was crazy for thinking he would do those things to me. "You really need help". " You are getting really paranoid" were things he would say to me. But they only happened when he was mad.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 52
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/19/2012 4:54:41 PM
I lived this for 15 years, until my first son was born, all was wonderful, then something terrible happened and I became a mother. I never knew who I was waking up with. It breaks my heart to see so many have lived through this. For those that judge, it doesn't happen all at once... its grows slowly over time. First just a look or frown, then a seemingly random comment and it escelates till you wonder what the hell happened.

I don't know why I reserected this thread, but I saw and thought..OMG I'm not alone.

The sad thing is now I am looking for it in my current boyfriend, I am like ready to bolt if it should happen, and he knows all this, as I have told him. He just smiled and said...keep looking, you won't ever see it, and so far I haven't. :)
 oldblinddog
Joined: 6/3/2012
Msg: 53
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:01:43 AM
and at 61 i thought that this would not happen to me i had been in a three year partnership with a beautiful lady when i found out that she was bi-poler i thought that i was going craizy one day things were fine and the next shall i say different. the problum is that i had fell head over heals in love with her. by the time we broke up it was me yelling alot and then going for a very long walk .she could not understand it.thank you for letting me see that i was not the only one that had gone thru this .
 realmofthought
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 54
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:01:50 AM
Ingrid Bergman,Charles Boyer psychothriller(1944) A fantastic film, light years ahead of the era.
Other than that....never experienced it.
 JCJO54
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 55
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:49:05 AM
My ex was a "Gaslighter'. She had me convinced all of our problems were my fault. It got to the point that I went to a therapist who finally told me he was talking to the wrong partner. She would never admit any part of the problems and refused to go.
Even after the split I fully blamed myself for the failed marriage. After time however, I began to realize it wasn't all my fault. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
She has a new boyfriend now and to be honest, I almost feel sorry for him if he doesn't live up to her expectations.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 56
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/20/2012 9:09:14 AM
I've known more than a few in my time and I've told some of them over the years that I don't have time to play "Gaslight games" with them. The less polite term is mind fvck.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 57
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:09:38 AM
Yep, stargazin, you got that right!
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 58
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:28:28 AM
Wow this was quite the post by the O/P.. No I have never experienced gaslighting.. Just a few temper tantrums where I had to distance myself and hide out in another room..

This is indeed right out of a movie, and thank the man upstairs I never saw it..At least I was familiar with temper tantrums after experiencing the terrible 2's with my children..Gaslighting might well have thrown me a curve I had no clue how to deal with.. I might have ended up very very confused.. lol

nativerock
 juicyfruit21
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 59
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/21/2012 3:46:17 PM
From what I know and have experienced first hand....people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder are masters at gaslighting. They deny denial, too.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 60
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/22/2012 2:59:52 AM
My ex was very good at this type of control tactic. That's. Why she's my ex.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 61
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/22/2012 9:09:51 AM

These people CANNOT change... For those who think these types of people don't know what they are doing--you're wrong. He knew how he was, and he told me he would not change... And, he was right...by the end, i think he couldn't decide what to do. I couldnt' be controlled any more, and he couldn't live with me not controlled. The one thing I had that alot of people don't, is he had a deep rooted fear of jail..so, he couldn't do much to me once the divorce was filed.


so true!

I’ve encountered two gaslighters. The first was the man I got involved with about 3 years after my marriage ended and I was in a very weak frame of mind at the time. What a dazzler, but eventually he had me so convinced me that I was crazy that I asked my ex-husband and his wife to take my children away from me so they would be safe- from me! Luckily, they both said “no, get rid of this guy, you are not crazy, he is.” By that time he was living in my house and I tried to address with him what he was doing- utterly pointless. That didn’t end until I threatened his public persona, his reputation, with the threat of a restraining order and involving mutual acquaintances in the business world to “mediate” the split- which would have exposed him. He was flaming crazy and ended up involuntarily institutionalized by his business partners several years later. The second gaslighter I recognized rather quickly, thanks to the lesson learned from the first. In my experience, you cannot get rid of these sorts nicely or politely, you have to slam the door and bolt it shut. I’ll say this though, they taught me a lot and made me much tougher and stronger, which isn’t all bad. I had been a Pollyanna before they came into my life, easy pickings for those types.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 62
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:52:18 PM
In younger years, yes I've been gaslighted (I use that term & most people never knew what I was talking about, Ty 4 starting this thread)
Now I cannot be gaslighted- I call people out on stuff all the time.
 prettyflowers
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 63
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/23/2012 8:00:30 AM
My former boyfriends adult son was jealous of me and said some very nasty and weird things to me when his father and I were together. I quickly saw what was going on and because they had an unusually close relationship I got the hell out because I knew that I wasn't even going to come close to "winning"
And I am glad I did.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 64
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/23/2012 5:58:39 PM
I have been on and off friends with another woman whom I have known since junior high school.

Over the years I have noticed that some of the things she has told me about others didn't quite add up.

I fianlly realize that this woman has a text book case of passive/aggressivism.

Some of the traits of passive aggressive disorder include blaming others for the misfortunes they have created for themselves. And when accounts of facts related to such misfortunes arise, they always remember things differently from the way in which they really occurred.

Unfortunantly, I am in the middle of defending her pro bono in a rather complex IRS audit. I have spent quite a bit of MY time on this, plus about $200 on incidentals connected to her defense.

A couple of weeks ago it became obvious that she had been telling other friends some pretty serious lies about me.

When faced with irrefutible evidence of this character assisination, she responded with a moment of embarrassed silence. Then she said, "LuuLuu, we have been friends for so many years. Don't you think we can get past this and be friends again?"

I just responded, "well, I think we can get past this long enough to complete your audit".

Later in the week she tried a bit of gaslighting of her own. In fact, she tried to tell me that I was the one who told her the things she said.

I do forgive her, and I pity her, too. But I just can't associate with someone who might tell anyone God knows what else about me.

It's a shame.
 Rancloff
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 65
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/23/2012 6:03:01 PM
I know this is off topic, but a girl sent me a "wants to meet me flirt" tonight and when I tried to message her it said she wasn't accepting messages from people in my country. She and I both live in Toledo Ohio and she must not realize that her mail settings are blocking men from responding. Anyway, she seems like a really interesting woman and I would like to meet her as well but I can't message her. Is there anyone from outside the United States on Here? I NEED HELP!
 jmoinajo
Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 66
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/23/2012 8:29:09 PM
My first husband, I was too naive to know he was schizophrenic and good at hiding it for a lot of years, everything was on me. If he got caught at doing the tricks that he claimed were only in my imagination, he would call it a practical joke. I really began to believe I was delusional and crazy, but my sons were catching him, and the neighbors, and he began deteriorating in to truly crazy. So while I was coming out of the twisted abuse, I was spiraling into another scary and life threatening sceanrio. I don't get scared by much these days, but the second someone starts tontell.me I am crazy or delsional or they laugh off their "trick" as a joke, I stay FAR from that person. I have a few in the workplace who do that to women and two of them ARE women. They escalated when I was not an easy victim. It took time, but it has not turned out well for them. There are things that you can do to combat this, but the best is avoiddance.
 zanad5678
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 67
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 1:26:52 AM
Yes, I have too been through this situation. Its so very tragic to love someone with all your heart, then to find out you've been betrayed!!!! I tears my heart up to know someone who I thought That I could trust with my inner most darkest secrets, Its like a knife just stabbed u in the heart to know all your secrets are known. You them loose you dignity,,,shame on them!



But get this: after 6 yrs of divorce, I still care for him?


I feel like I was living in the twilight zone!!! I;m still working on finding the old me.....which is a great me! I have a lot to offer and Im ready for another relationship......finally!!! BUT this time, I find myself to be perhaps overly cautious, but...Ill take my changes on love anyday!!
 zanad5678
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 68
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 1:29:11 AM
Its is indeed CRUEL!!!!!!!!
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 69
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 6:57:55 AM
I have absolutely lived the life with a 'gaslighter' ..it was the most wonderful time and the WORST time of my life!

I went through his obnoxious behaviour and to this day (two years after we eventually broke up) I am still affected by it! I have'nt ventured out to date anyone in fear that I will meet "him" again.

If anyone recognises the 'gaslighters' behaviour RUN RUN RUN - they are crazy
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 70
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:06:11 AM
Yes, ForumsGee, they are. And (I had the misfortune) of being involved with a "gaslighting" man whose entire family were gaslighters/co-conspiritors!
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 71
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:14:43 AM
I am still looking for this movie. I just saw Sleep my love and it was something like Gaslighting. LOL
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 72
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 10:14:50 AM
I never heard this term before, but how does somebody end up with a gas lighter? Why would somebody marry a person who finds no fault with themselves but always with their partner?
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 73
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 11:36:27 AM
^^^ it doesn't start out that way, it appears all is good for a time, then small things come up, family is started, time takes it toll, you finally realise it after a time. Its not apparent in the beginning... they can be quite charming as any narcissist can be... when they want to.
 nsarchitect
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 74
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gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/25/2012 12:27:09 PM
Yes. My former wife did it to me and my son said that his mother and step father played on each other.
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 75
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 7/26/2012 1:18:27 PM
Gaslighting: aka Borderline Personality Disorder.
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