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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you ve      Home login  
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 sexydessa
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 1
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very wellPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ive been dating this guy , for about 4 months now
he's really great in the way he treats me he literally treats me like a princess, he;s a really nice guy , very goal oriented to sum it up everything that im seeking in a man
i've had my fair share of losers in my past.
the problem is im not that physically attracted to him, and the way he dresses kinda sometimes just turn me off.
im not a materalistic person i dont care if someone shops at wallmart, kmart, whatever as long as they can put together whatever it is they wear nicely.
i dont want to let him go because i do like him and like i said he's treats me really good and these days its really hard to find a goood guy who can treat you good .
so my question is how can you go about dating someone who your not that attracted to but scared to loose them because your scare you wount meet someone else who wiill treat you that way.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 2
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Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:59:31 PM
Are you actually not attracted to him, or does his lack of style just turn you off? If you're not attracted to him because of his clothing, you should really stop dating ASAP.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 3
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:35:48 PM
No. There should be at least physical attraction.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 4
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Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:57:17 PM
This is a difficult situation. It is entirely possible to find someone very interesting and want to spend time alone with them but not feel romantically towards them. Assuming that you both do want some sort of relationship - friendship, romance, or otherwise - then at some point there has to be a 'negotiation'. This would be where you and he decide what relationship you both want or can cope with. You may not be able to agree on this, in which case unresolved tensions will eventually cause it to fall apart. I've learned from experience that there has to be an agreement; it can't be a one-sided decision. But how to introduce the topic? You need to get across to him somehow that you like spending time with him but just as a friend. It's not fair to mislead him. I'm assuming that here you are dating him and that he thinks this a romantic situation? In which case, I guess you want to head off a physical approach before you are both embarassed. If it is still an undetermined relationship then it's even more difficult, because by saying something you are presuming he has romantic intentions when he might not have. That could be perceived as presumuptuous and insulting. Maybe saying something like 'I'm meeting various people as friends at the moment rather than getting romantically involved' might prompt a discussion about the situation without presuming anything. I'd be interested to know what happens.
 sexydessa
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 5
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:10:52 PM
The thing is i do want a relationship with him , i dont think im using this guy at all .
the whole clothes thing we went shopping together , i picked out thingsthat i thought would look nice on him i even offered to pay for it but everything i did pick out he just wasn't opposed to it . he just likes simple black colors .
i know everone is thinking what attracted me to him in the first place if this is the way i feel , to answer that question what attracted me to his was his intelligence and and his geeky look , he wears glasses etc , he's so goal oriented always talking about jobs, so into his education, and loves the whole media production things when it comes to computers etc . so thats what attracted me to him .
i though as time went on he'll grow on me and ill be able to look pass his appearance but its gettign to the point where its annoying me . because im a girl who likes to keep myself looking decent at all times , and when we do hang he just comes anyhow . i did tell him about how i feel about that and it makes me feel likes he's doesn't put effort into his appearance . he says he going to change that but , he not open to any of my suggestions . it just leaves me like blahhhhhhhhhh..................
so i really am trying here with this guy but its like how far can someone's nice ways go verses their physical appearance .???????????????
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 6
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:16:48 PM
Let this guy go find a girl whose tumblers he aligns. You're not doing this guy any favors stringing him along.

Think of some guy who you're attracted to, but who treats you like crap. Imagine him treating you the way this guy treats you. Are you still attracted to him?

If yes, good. Go out and find a guy like that.

If no, well, you have deeper problems.
 tru-guide
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 7
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:29:22 AM
Do not be afraid to let him go. He has shown you kindness and love , so you must do the same for him. Let him go. If you have to break his heart, you should do it now(gently). That is the best thing you could do for him.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 8
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Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/4/2009 8:02:04 AM
Hmm here is a twist...what if he is not attracted to you? What if he just treats you good because he views you as a really good friend and wants to keep your friendship. Maybe it is in his nature to treat people very well, people that you like and care for. You do not have to be romantic to treat a person well.

Just a thought...
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 9
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/4/2009 4:27:02 PM
It's not really fair to either of you. Let him find someone who really wants to be with him. And you shouldn't settle for someone you aren't attracted to. It doesn't matter how well he treats you. You need to let him go sooner than later. It's not nice to keep him around simply because you don't want to be alone or until you find someone else.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 11
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:17:12 AM
If you're hanging with him because you like how he treats you but you aren't attracted to him you're just being unfair to the poor guy, just let him go so he can find someone that IS attracted to him.
On the other hand, if you think he's great and spend a lot of time with him, if you really really like him and not just because of how he treats you, then why the hell should you be overly concerned with how he dresses?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 12
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:17:05 AM

the problem is im not that physically attracted to him

That is a HUGE problem. You're DATING someone you're not attracted to, and you're using him for attention, comfort and feeling wanted. OMG. That's worse than being used for sex. When someone (usually gals of course) are used for sex, it doesn't last more than a few nights... but you're dragging this poor sap along for 4 months?? Unless you told him "I'm not attracted to you, but you treat me well, so that's why I still go out with you," you're being horrible to him.

You may think your situation is "different" or "unique" -- but it's simply using someone! You're knee-deep in using someone because you've been dating for a good while. Tsk tsk! No - that's not alright!
 outlawtomboy
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 13
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 4:10:29 AM
it sounds like you have an appreciation for his many good qualities and you've tried to like him more, yet you just can't make yourself feel what isn't there.....good ol basic chemistry

i couldn't do it at all and if i wasn't attracted to him, i would have stopped long before now. i find myself unable to date someone i'm not attracted to

on the other hand - personality and good treatment are a big percentage of the attraction for me - just not 100%
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:26:32 AM
Nice guys!! Nice guys. Read this. Read what the OP had to say. This is a classic scenario. It happens all the time. Not only here in the forums or POF but in real life. Make a mental note. Do you want to become nothing but the sugar daddy, being kept around because you provide, do things for her, dote on her, but the girl would prefer if she did not sleep with you.

To the OP, stop using the poor b astart. Stop leading him on. To all the Nice guys. Your idiotic behavior of putting women on pedestals will always lead to the above case. To the point that she will marry you while having someone else's baby, may give you a few pity fvcks to keep you around, and eventually will get sick and tired of your a ss, and cheat on you or simply leave you because you have become more enamored with the remote control than her.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 15
Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 9:42:38 AM
AuntEmily,

It seems to be one of the current dating beliefs that there must be instant chemistry - and if there isn't there will never be any attraction.

No, it isn't. I hear ya on people who think someone has to be the hottest person they've ever seen, and want to drop to their knees in lust and puppy love 5 seconds after they meet them. I don't agree with that either, but this is clear-as-a-bell different than that.

The OP is treated like a princess and catered to, and -that's WHY- she keeps going out with him, despite him being unattractive to her. That's HORRIBLE. Some will play the game of "tradition" to rationalize their way thru it, but I think deep down inside, despite what grandma may say and whatnot, everyone knows there's something not good with that (which is why she posted the message).

You need to be physically, sexually attracted to the person to go out with them. Otherwise, you're playing games. Sure, arranged marriages CAN work and everyone has an oddball story in which something works... Some people can end up "growing into" the other person and up finding them attractive -- but usually, guess what? That attraction that ended up being there, ends up fading away.

If you're not physically, sexually attracted to them, but you're going out with them, you're doing something stupid and immature. Bottom line.
 AdriaticMind
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 16
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Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/10/2012 12:33:26 AM
Please be kind and let him go. He deserves someone who thinks he's absolutely wonderful, AND likes him exactly as he is.
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