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 lifeguardonduty
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 223
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?Page 11 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Yes, it is a chore, burden, in initiating things, approaching, chasing, because we guys can not just simply ask a woman out on a date, we have to talk first, start conversation and have many conversations down the road that leads to getting a phone number and first date, and the second date as well too, because i hate having to be the one to start a conversation because i hate having to keep it alive, prevent all of the pauses, awkward silences, dull moments, etc. People always say a conversation is supposed to be a 2-way street but the vast majority of women expect the guy to keep the conversation interesting, keep it from getting boring, keep it from running out of things to talk about, etc. Also, we have to call and text first most of the time, and accidentally you can come across as needy, clingy, desperate, it's hard knowing when and when not to text, call, and how often you should do it.


Like I said, if that is really such a chore for you then life is going to be tough for you. It sounds like you are a nerd and have a problem talking to women and carrying a conversation. Communication is where nerds fall flat on their faces. Women love to talk. Go to a lunch area during your lunch break and just observe women in the wilds, doing what they enjoy doing the most. Talking.

One of the strongest traits of a man who is good with women is his ability to use words. Success depends on your ability to stop thinking about what you want from a woman and concentrate on what they want and what you can do to help her get it. If she is 23 years old then she has 23 years of experiences that you can talk about. You might as well get out of dating now if you truly have no interest taking a real and honest interest in a woman just as a human being. Since you are too lazy and selfish you will never be good with women. Ever. You better get used to the fact that you are going to have to dunk your hand in beer to get your date drunk.
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 227
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:12:44 PM
IhateDoubleStandards, most of my ex gf's were the ones who initiated everything.

Its not as bad out there as you think. Put a good profile pic up and re-do your profile, and ill bet youll get some messages.

I have a friend who has girls come up to him all the time. He never approaches girls. He's like a chick magnet or something. One girl even gave him a ride home from the grocery store, and she didn't even know him!

Women are a little bit more agressive out there these days, if you have your stuff together, they'll come. Like i said, its not as bad as you make it out to be.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 228
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:41:10 PM
men r hunters, women r prey.
v feminist have stufed vis natural behaviour up so now its confused.
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 233
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 5/29/2012 8:02:35 AM

i'm 60 and i just quit a casual relationship with a woman that is 22.


You are my hero...I hope to be like you when i grow up lol
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 238
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/7/2012 5:53:33 PM


I'd rather use my balls and testosterone for instigating violence, instead of taking charge, control, leading, going after what i want, etc.


What a waste of balls and testosterone. Have you considered going for a sex change ?
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 240
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:46:09 PM
where is the damn logic, argument, evidence to prove that men are natural born hunters?

Well I have put in work only to get rejected, thats why I hate initiating with a huge passion, i hate how women do not owe men anything but it is never vice-versa, the other way around.

Seriously, there are times I feel like beating up a girl's boyfriend out of anger and jealousy, i hate how women are hard-wired, instinctively programmed to be attracted to strong, confident, dominant men. I'd rather prove that by instigating violence instead of taking charge, control, initiative, leading, it's better to prove that with physical strength instead of mental strength. I love how Mr.T says here :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF_iiX1HepM

Also, i hope those women end up becoming victims of domestic violence.


wth @ that last sentence?! RANDOM!

ok, this guy is trolling.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 242
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:07:21 PM

Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship?


To me the question should be "why do the guys get to initiate the date and relationship". The women should be the ones complaining. The freedom of choice is a privilege not a burden. I get to choose who I want to date not sit back and wait to see who chooses me and then pick from them.

Besides, if you can read body language, you already know the answer, before you even asked the question.
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 243
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:37:35 AM
I am one of those girls. Im not sure why i can't change. I have a lot of reasons and I dont write guys on here. I'm Taking a break.now.I was on here on here a few years ago & did contact a guy. It turned out the girlfriend he left turned up pregnant so.he did the right thing & tried it again w her. Im still friends with him. we don't sleep together but talk a couple times a week.so contacting did work I had a perfect 1 out of 1 score but I've never done it again.

I think some is the old fashioned way I was brought up that women don't chase or go after men. Very old fashiond as comparedto the rest of my personality. Which is so opposite. Im scared that i couldn't take the rejection. I've never really dealt with much rejection.
think guys are used to it but im too sensitive and just feel I couldn't take it. I know I need to man up & grow a pair lol. I have a feeling many women are like me. Never. Learned to take rejection. And put. Ourselves out there for it.
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 249
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:01:59 AM

if a man isn't approaching ya...then he isn't interested...period.


I have to disagree with this one. I'm and a lot of other guys are poor"signal readers". I know women make a lot of little subtle hints that they might be intersted in you, but I have to be blantantly told "hey i like you" (I honestly can't tell the difference if a girl is being nice or is genuinely interested) for me to apprach, because i don't like randomly approching girls left and right. I only like approaching girls that i am 100% sure are interested.
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 250
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:04:17 AM
I feel that its also a misconception that guys like pursuing. We have to do it because we don't have a choice most of time. Its a turn on to have a confident woman approach! If it were up to me i wouldn't do any approaching at all!
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 251
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:05:17 AM

if a man isn't approaching ya...then he isn't interested...period.



I have to disagree with this one. I'm and a lot of other guys are poor"signal readers". I know women make a lot of little subtle hints that they might be intersted in you, but I have to be blantantly told "hey i like you" (I honestly can't tell the difference if a girl is being nice or is genuinely interested) for me to apprach, because i don't like randomly approching girls left and right. I only like approaching girls that i am 100% sure are interested.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 252
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/9/2012 11:46:04 AM
Im with mr_brown, I'm totaly clueless for the hints that women put out there. Just cause a woman talks to me don't mean she wants to date me. It's not like men and women don't talk to each other. Had plenty of times when woman friend would walk over to me and ask me why I didn't ask someone out. Which would only get a blank look from me.
Apperently I'm the only one who didnt see the hints. All the women noticed it even some of the guys did. But then they are looking at it from the side. What women don't get is that we are not mind readers.
I thought they are just friendly. Funny thing it happend more then a few times. Now when I hang with the same group I got a couple of women take me under there wing and walk up to me to let me know who to talk to.

In general women and men make about 50-50 . Now I understand that in some areas its diffrent then you got some areas with higher gay population. But it does come out to about 50-50 for most of the time. So for every guy you see single and can't meet a woman to date there is a woman who is single and dont date as well. Guys just complain more about it then women do.

If you are happy with your life and satisfiad, More women would be atrracted to you. The draw back to it is that there is less of reason to put hard work into finding someone when you are already happy.

The other reason why women don't initiate a date with guys could be. That so many women posted that who ever invites out has to pay. They are more then willing to pay if they do the asking. Just maybe they don't want to ask guys out so they don't have to pay. I know its grabing at straws but hey no one can say its not a possibilty
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 254
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:58:35 PM
Brookie wrote:
women in their 40's, 50's and 60's are in COMPETITION with women in their 20's and 30's.


Dude, I'm just curious what did you TALK about in your casual relationship, or is it just possible that this throwaway line was put there to show us what a stud you are that you can have a shallow short term relationship with a woman-child young enough to be your granddaughter. Hmm, I wonder why you quit the relationship.

Hoss, if I want eye candy, I'll buy a copy of fitness mag, cosmo, etc.; lordy, it cheaper and I can set it aside without a twinge of conscience. A lady in the neighborhood of my age who has lived a life of excellence, taken care of herself, produced and contributed has nothing to fear from a woman-child. Good grief, I would like to ask something like do you remember when the orbiter first went up? (I was driving from Kansas in to Colorado) when Challenger came down (I was conducting research in Seattle) when Elvis died (I was on the can -OK, not really, but it is funny). Do they have a memory of the Towers plunging? Or the Miracle on Ice. Are they old enough to known the pleasure of a child growing into a man, or a daughter lost.

Competition from? Doubtful, more like they should be admired and learned from.

TK
[hmm, can't help but think about unshrunk cloth mending old clothes or pouring new wine in to old wineskins; but, that's just me]
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 255
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:21:55 PM
:

I only like approaching girls that i am 100% sure are interested.


Personally, I don't bother with the signals a whole lot. If a girl is being friendly maybe I'll ask her to talk again if I'm interested.

Truth be told, online dating has been really good for me because I've been rejected so many times that I don't really care anymore. I've gotten a few dates as well, but as a man you're going to learn that dating is a numbers game. Approaching more women is the only way to increase your chances of getting more dates. If you're truly happy with yourself, you'll understand that a person you may not even know not being interested is their loss, not yours.


After going through this thread:

Where DO you feel it's okay to approach you? (women)http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15424809.aspx

Most women say the same thing. They don't mind being approached anywhere, as long as they are sending the right body signals to cue you over there to talk to them.

So basically it goes back to this, if the women isn't sending some type of cue to you, its really no point in going over there. I understand your numbers game point, but i like to take my chances where i think i have a shot as opposed to the "brute force"(just talk to every girl you find attractive) technique.
 Dreaminginpublic
Joined: 10/30/2003
Msg: 256
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:50:49 AM
One woman here said, "If a man can't make the move on a woman how is he ever going to ask for a raise or talk to their boss?"

Well. I disagree. I have a hard time initiating things with a woman. But for some reason I find it easier To ask a boss for a raise. I'm now in a full time position because of my confidence to move up with the company.

Women are totally different. The anxiety that men feel before making a first move with a woman is a lot different than the nervousness we would feel for asking for a raise etc. It's just different.

Me personally I have been blessed a few times to meet some women who were more forward with me. They are great. Unfortunately most of those women were just players.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 257
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/12/2012 12:41:03 AM
I think that something similar to what I wrote in another thread will clarify some of this issue:

Concerning men/women issues, and dating and relationships, the concept of 'old fashioned' as it's used now is false and sometimes even a 'game' in how the term is abused - used incorrectly. The image of old fashioned is something that almost never really existed in the way or to the extent that it's often talked about. What old fashioned really means is when marriages were arranged and forced despite the wishes of the bride and groom. Old fashioned also refers to when men did in fact pay for first dates and almost everything else, hold all the doors open, etc, because women were subordinate, second class citizens, often couldn't have a real job, and was practically obligated to having sex if she let a man take her out.

If a woman is independent and capable in whatever ways and to whatever extents, and speaks of wanting something old fashioned, I'm not sure what this would mean or what she would be talking about, but it's possible that she's confusing romance and romantic gestures with various forms of taking care of and being taken care of.

Otherwise we just still have that problem of the game of double standards and being self defeating in the contradictory nature of what you want and how you look for it. A real man has always wanted a woman who is equal and honest. Thats means that if you want real respect and equality, take what comes with it, and don't hide behind your gender and take advantage of it in the wrong ways. That means stop attracting the men who are doing just the right things to get you but are really the kind that you say you don't want yet you don't want to be able to see this until it's too late. That means if you have a job, don't expect a man to pay for a first date or ridicule him if he doesn't and hide behind an idea of it being the romantic or manly or old fashioned thing to do. That means stop wanting a man to take care of you financially while you take care of him in other ways, yet you expect him to be the kind of guy who'll have respect for you in other ways and treat you a certain way that just doesn't go with that kind of character. That means stop sitting back and demanding that men approach you first just because that obligates him to pay for taking you out because he's the one who asked you out, and claiming that this is a matter of him having confidence, because by doing that you're not looking according to criteria that you might have, but you're only getting the one's who'll ask you out, and that's pretty chancy when if comes to looking for certain character.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 259
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:41:58 AM
334:

Sometimes a woman who thinks that a man approaching her reflects how he is with things like asking a boss for a raise is a messed up woman. This would be an example of how some women are so messed, contradictory, and self defeating in thier thinking and attitudes. And it's an indication of some of the other ways she thinks about men and relationships, if she thinks of herself or the act of a man asking her out in that way.
 Dreaminginpublic
Joined: 10/30/2003
Msg: 261
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:48:05 PM
Not ALL MEN are like that. Everyone goes about gender roles a bit differently. I for one LOVE it when a woman makes a move, or at least shows me enough interest that I feel Comfortable making a move.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 262
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:22:56 PM

thats what pisses me off hardcore, men have to have a certain attitude, behave a certain-way, think a certain way, have a certain type of life, certain type of body-language, in order to be boyfriend material, but women, as long as they are average or decent looking, they don't need much other qualities.


Since when? Of course you don't see the men's profiles and the long lists of must haves before they will even consider a woman. It seems to me that you are just a little bitter and awfully young for that. Woman have as many if not more demands/expectations placed on them, including being polite and smiling sweetly when some stranger comes up to her and makes crude comments. Or be the one to approach or will that be too agressive etc.

Life is rough for everyone, time to toughen up and quit whining!
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 265
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:37:21 PM
I have to tell you again and again :-)

When someone is asking for something does not matter where....is the underdog, the salesman. If you do that you have to explain, play the game....while the other side is sucking teeth and using tootpick and have the boots on the table.....like sure keep taking, tell me your story, impress me (= make me laugh). And when you sweat and talk and talk and make your case you hear: I like travelling, I need this, I need that....my kids first.

Sure there may not necesarily be all cases like this...but this is how it works. If there is too much pursuing....leave it. It has to be almost spontaneous....Like: Do you want to go out with me ? Yes sure it would be a pleasure take it and let it roll....OR...Nah not know...let me think...= f.u.c.k it move on. The more you pursuing the more the other will take advantage of you...and will "exersise power" on you. Basically that what seems to be happening....many women look for an idiot with money...good looking if possible....but one who she can model after her needs.
The sad part is if she does not do it....it means she is over 200 lbs. maybe.

If you look at a women a few times and she does not respond DON'T approach. They always shout about "communication" isn't it ? So let them COMMUNICATE them. They are masters of "communication" right ?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 271
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:55:01 AM
Too many of ya'll are still too full of sh**, and the dialogue is still too much of a dishonest competitive gender-war.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 272
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Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:20:35 PM
Guys are expected to initiate the date because only they know if they have enough money to pay for a date


Yuck. I hope I don't ever accidentally go out with a woman whose thinking and motivations are such that this is a big factor in how she thinks about styles or strategies of approaching or flirting.


and only they know if they are mature enough to handle a relationship with a woman.


Not so sure about that. It's easy for them to NOT know...and it's easy for someone else TO know. But beside that point - I'm still too responsible in how I perceive things to feel comfortable with any implication that women intrinsically have cornered the market on maturity. What about whether or not a woman is mature enough to handle a relationship with a man? So it still leaves us with the debate of man vs woman concerning who's supposed to ask who out.

...and also...is someone REALLY being serious about the notion that women are held to higher standards than men, or men more than women, in some general total all around way? Geez, be for real already people.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 274
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 9/2/2012 3:00:59 PM
It's a whole different list of rules than with men, but the rules are still there that we're supposed to abide by.



Not in my world. Perhaps I'm more future forward.
I used to fret with self -critical worry. Be overly sensitive to every little thing to the point of sickness while the man has the control. Not anymore.
If a man can't handle myself taking an initiative then he won't be able to handle me at all. I'm not the one missing out because I am happily free to being me.
He is the one missing out.
In my opinion, a real man with balls is one who lets me use mine, so to speak. There's nothing more unnerving than watching a man become uncomfortable when I show my "strong" side. His discomfort is a HUGE turn off.
However, if he were to allow this side of me and appreciate it, it makes me want to show my softer, submissive side as well.
Balance.
Yin Yang
I'm assuming this is the same for alot of women like myself? So..... the guy doesn't always have to initiate the date and relationship. He just needs to learn to allow and appreciate the woman initiating.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 276
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 9/2/2012 8:26:58 PM
women always iniate but there usually the ones for just sex.


^^
Perhaps those who do initiate can also be sexually confident but it does NOT mean they are doing so just for sex.
You are purely assuming.
They initiate simply because they are not afraid to ask or are risk takers.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 278
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 9/8/2012 1:06:09 PM
It's been my experience that women want Mr Right and not Mr Right Now
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