Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 255
view profile
History
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?Page 14 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
:

I only like approaching girls that i am 100% sure are interested.


Personally, I don't bother with the signals a whole lot. If a girl is being friendly maybe I'll ask her to talk again if I'm interested.

Truth be told, online dating has been really good for me because I've been rejected so many times that I don't really care anymore. I've gotten a few dates as well, but as a man you're going to learn that dating is a numbers game. Approaching more women is the only way to increase your chances of getting more dates. If you're truly happy with yourself, you'll understand that a person you may not even know not being interested is their loss, not yours.


After going through this thread:

Where DO you feel it's okay to approach you? (women)http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15424809.aspx

Most women say the same thing. They don't mind being approached anywhere, as long as they are sending the right body signals to cue you over there to talk to them.

So basically it goes back to this, if the women isn't sending some type of cue to you, its really no point in going over there. I understand your numbers game point, but i like to take my chances where i think i have a shot as opposed to the "brute force"(just talk to every girl you find attractive) technique.
 Dreaminginpublic
Joined: 10/30/2003
Msg: 256
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:50:49 AM
One woman here said, "If a man can't make the move on a woman how is he ever going to ask for a raise or talk to their boss?"

Well. I disagree. I have a hard time initiating things with a woman. But for some reason I find it easier To ask a boss for a raise. I'm now in a full time position because of my confidence to move up with the company.

Women are totally different. The anxiety that men feel before making a first move with a woman is a lot different than the nervousness we would feel for asking for a raise etc. It's just different.

Me personally I have been blessed a few times to meet some women who were more forward with me. They are great. Unfortunately most of those women were just players.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 257
view profile
History
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/12/2012 12:41:03 AM
I think that something similar to what I wrote in another thread will clarify some of this issue:

Concerning men/women issues, and dating and relationships, the concept of 'old fashioned' as it's used now is false and sometimes even a 'game' in how the term is abused - used incorrectly. The image of old fashioned is something that almost never really existed in the way or to the extent that it's often talked about. What old fashioned really means is when marriages were arranged and forced despite the wishes of the bride and groom. Old fashioned also refers to when men did in fact pay for first dates and almost everything else, hold all the doors open, etc, because women were subordinate, second class citizens, often couldn't have a real job, and was practically obligated to having sex if she let a man take her out.

If a woman is independent and capable in whatever ways and to whatever extents, and speaks of wanting something old fashioned, I'm not sure what this would mean or what she would be talking about, but it's possible that she's confusing romance and romantic gestures with various forms of taking care of and being taken care of.

Otherwise we just still have that problem of the game of double standards and being self defeating in the contradictory nature of what you want and how you look for it. A real man has always wanted a woman who is equal and honest. Thats means that if you want real respect and equality, take what comes with it, and don't hide behind your gender and take advantage of it in the wrong ways. That means stop attracting the men who are doing just the right things to get you but are really the kind that you say you don't want yet you don't want to be able to see this until it's too late. That means if you have a job, don't expect a man to pay for a first date or ridicule him if he doesn't and hide behind an idea of it being the romantic or manly or old fashioned thing to do. That means stop wanting a man to take care of you financially while you take care of him in other ways, yet you expect him to be the kind of guy who'll have respect for you in other ways and treat you a certain way that just doesn't go with that kind of character. That means stop sitting back and demanding that men approach you first just because that obligates him to pay for taking you out because he's the one who asked you out, and claiming that this is a matter of him having confidence, because by doing that you're not looking according to criteria that you might have, but you're only getting the one's who'll ask you out, and that's pretty chancy when if comes to looking for certain character.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 259
view profile
History
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:41:58 AM
334:

Sometimes a woman who thinks that a man approaching her reflects how he is with things like asking a boss for a raise is a messed up woman. This would be an example of how some women are so messed, contradictory, and self defeating in thier thinking and attitudes. And it's an indication of some of the other ways she thinks about men and relationships, if she thinks of herself or the act of a man asking her out in that way.
 Dreaminginpublic
Joined: 10/30/2003
Msg: 261
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:48:05 PM
Not ALL MEN are like that. Everyone goes about gender roles a bit differently. I for one LOVE it when a woman makes a move, or at least shows me enough interest that I feel Comfortable making a move.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 262
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:22:56 PM

thats what pisses me off hardcore, men have to have a certain attitude, behave a certain-way, think a certain way, have a certain type of life, certain type of body-language, in order to be boyfriend material, but women, as long as they are average or decent looking, they don't need much other qualities.


Since when? Of course you don't see the men's profiles and the long lists of must haves before they will even consider a woman. It seems to me that you are just a little bitter and awfully young for that. Woman have as many if not more demands/expectations placed on them, including being polite and smiling sweetly when some stranger comes up to her and makes crude comments. Or be the one to approach or will that be too agressive etc.

Life is rough for everyone, time to toughen up and quit whining!
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 265
view profile
History
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:37:21 PM
I have to tell you again and again :-)

When someone is asking for something does not matter where....is the underdog, the salesman. If you do that you have to explain, play the game....while the other side is sucking teeth and using tootpick and have the boots on the table.....like sure keep taking, tell me your story, impress me (= make me laugh). And when you sweat and talk and talk and make your case you hear: I like travelling, I need this, I need that....my kids first.

Sure there may not necesarily be all cases like this...but this is how it works. If there is too much pursuing....leave it. It has to be almost spontaneous....Like: Do you want to go out with me ? Yes sure it would be a pleasure take it and let it roll....OR...Nah not know...let me think...= f.u.c.k it move on. The more you pursuing the more the other will take advantage of you...and will "exersise power" on you. Basically that what seems to be happening....many women look for an idiot with money...good looking if possible....but one who she can model after her needs.
The sad part is if she does not do it....it means she is over 200 lbs. maybe.

If you look at a women a few times and she does not respond DON'T approach. They always shout about "communication" isn't it ? So let them COMMUNICATE them. They are masters of "communication" right ?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 271
view profile
History
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:55:01 AM
Too many of ya'll are still too full of sh**, and the dialogue is still too much of a dishonest competitive gender-war.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 272
view profile
History
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:20:35 PM
Guys are expected to initiate the date because only they know if they have enough money to pay for a date


Yuck. I hope I don't ever accidentally go out with a woman whose thinking and motivations are such that this is a big factor in how she thinks about styles or strategies of approaching or flirting.


and only they know if they are mature enough to handle a relationship with a woman.


Not so sure about that. It's easy for them to NOT know...and it's easy for someone else TO know. But beside that point - I'm still too responsible in how I perceive things to feel comfortable with any implication that women intrinsically have cornered the market on maturity. What about whether or not a woman is mature enough to handle a relationship with a man? So it still leaves us with the debate of man vs woman concerning who's supposed to ask who out.

...and also...is someone REALLY being serious about the notion that women are held to higher standards than men, or men more than women, in some general total all around way? Geez, be for real already people.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 274
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 9/2/2012 3:00:59 PM
It's a whole different list of rules than with men, but the rules are still there that we're supposed to abide by.



Not in my world. Perhaps I'm more future forward.
I used to fret with self -critical worry. Be overly sensitive to every little thing to the point of sickness while the man has the control. Not anymore.
If a man can't handle myself taking an initiative then he won't be able to handle me at all. I'm not the one missing out because I am happily free to being me.
He is the one missing out.
In my opinion, a real man with balls is one who lets me use mine, so to speak. There's nothing more unnerving than watching a man become uncomfortable when I show my "strong" side. His discomfort is a HUGE turn off.
However, if he were to allow this side of me and appreciate it, it makes me want to show my softer, submissive side as well.
Balance.
Yin Yang
I'm assuming this is the same for alot of women like myself? So..... the guy doesn't always have to initiate the date and relationship. He just needs to learn to allow and appreciate the woman initiating.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 276
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 9/2/2012 8:26:58 PM
women always iniate but there usually the ones for just sex.


^^
Perhaps those who do initiate can also be sexually confident but it does NOT mean they are doing so just for sex.
You are purely assuming.
They initiate simply because they are not afraid to ask or are risk takers.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 278
Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time?
Posted: 9/8/2012 1:06:09 PM
It's been my experience that women want Mr Right and not Mr Right Now
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >