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 cpupro_4hire
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 65
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


I rather took your side in the other thread, but after reading the above, I am not so sure. In the other thread, you made it sound like you just wanted to find a woman that loved you for you and would put you first, but the post above proves me to be wrong. Do you want a woman that loves you or just a female to give you children? What is up with this desperate need of men to reproduce? I love all of my children dearly, but never had a desperate need to have children.


I want a woman that loves me for who I am and one that will want children with me some day. :)



For what it is worth, I am a single mother, and this is how I feel about who comes first or whatever.

A guy I am just dating. Frankly my cats come before he does, and to be sure my children would.

A guy I am living with and not married to, you bet my kids would come first. Why wouldn't they, as the guy is someone that doesn't think enough of me to marry me, but rather just play house?


This is exactly my point. I'm not saying you're wrong to put your kids first, I'm saying I want to be in a situation where I come first regardless of whether I'm married to her or not. And that means finding a woman without kids.
 cpupro_4hire
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 74
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:10:45 AM


Then quite whining about something you don't want then.

You don't hear me whining about the fact I didn't want to date men without kids and make an ass of myself for it! Drama queens and attention seekers on this board make my day :)


Okay okay!! I was just offering the "single male without kids" perspective. You'd never hear "the other side" to the story if you only talked among single parents.

You'd have a collection of people in here scratching their heads about WHY WHY WHY for the rest of eternity while all the answers you seek lie in another thread on another forum.
 sweetdad4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 76
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 4:31:49 AM
4 hire, your thoughts give all men a bad name you should really start thinking about what u r saying and get a new topic to talk about, you have no children and r single and dont want a single mother, good for u, so leave all the single mothers alone, you have made your point enough,

sassy there are good men out there, and there are men that will accept your situation cause they want to be with you,

i have found it is a little harder dating a single parent but if u r man or women enough to have patiences the rewards are unbelievable
 sweetdad4u
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 78
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 5:21:49 AM
well we r out there, so dont worry and if u are as a good of a women as u seem u wont have any problems
 cpupro_4hire
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 79
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 3:55:08 PM


4 hire, your thoughts give all men a bad name you should really start thinking about what u r saying and get a new topic to talk about, you have no children and r single and dont want a single mother, good for u, so leave all the single mothers alone, you have made your point enough,


I am the epitome of what a good guy SHOULD be. I've done everything RIGHT. I've kept it in my pants, gone through school, got myself a decent career, and haven't left behind a trail of single moms, fatherless children, and child support payments.

I've done everything right, now it's time for my hard work to finally pay off.

 cpupro_4hire
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 87
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/9/2005 4:46:51 PM


All I ask is that you consider it for a moment. Oh and 4Hire...huh...why the hell are you in this thread? And your profile says you "try to be a nice guy", I hate to tell you this...really I do...but you are FAILING miserably...so don't be telling me you are doing everything right...


I'm in this thread to serve as a dose of reality, a wakeup call so to speak that men are not scared.

All I need is to find a woman that has done what I've done: Kept her legs closed, gone through school, has a decent career, and now wants kids.

 cpupro_4hire
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 91
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/10/2005 8:11:53 AM


4hire...i still sense that you are bashing single parents for having made the choices they did "keeping their legs closed" and I still don't see what value you have to offer this thread other than suck up attention energy while you sit on your "look at me, i'm perfect" attitude.


I'm not bashing anyone. And yes, I need attention!



By the way, I find you incredibly arrogant...I pity the woman you end up with for it. I think you have much to learn about humility and true strength...but life will kick you in the ass a few times and you'll figure it out...you're not lacking intelligence, that much I can tell, you're just lacking tact.


If you want to know how great I am, just ask me!

Life has been kicking me in the ass all my life, now I'm just kicking back.



Cheers...now if you'll excuse me i have to go spread my legs...for some poor unsuspecting schmuck that I want a child support payment from...LOL! NOT!


Suck them in like a magnet eh?
 trulyme
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 94
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/11/2005 10:23:39 AM
hi,
This is a question that has come up a few times >>>>"who will watch your daughter?"
I guess I have it easy because my ex has her every other weekend and pick her up and
watches her when I was going to school in the evening the past two semesters.
I guess not everyone has that advantage but if a a man or woman really is interested they will know that that child is part of who they are.
 txtobyfan
Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 101
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/7/2006 2:30:02 PM
Hi...Emma, I tend to be a little harsh on men,too..we all have had our share of being around the wrong people. I am a nurse going on disability until I can get my certification and I will be working with a whole different kind of patients..until then, I cant do "normal" nursing duties. When some guys find out I can make a living..the ones that want a sugar mama..I am a target...then there are fellas that dont want a woman on disability,either,even though when I get through, my life will be totally unbelieveable! Women are scared,too..heck I think we all are to an extent...and mine is keeping me alone...dont you gals or guys let yours do that!
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 106
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:34:53 PM
If you are raising children in the US, particularly for the woman with 4 kids, odds are you aren't going to see a vacation or early retirement and the little extras in life.

A man has no problem making these sacrifices for his own children. But would a man want to give up 5-10-15 years of his life working extra for kids that are not his own? Sure some men might given certain circumstances, but would any man want that kind of deal in general?

I don't care how you break it down, raising kids in general is expensive, and you have no idea what kind of situation you'll run into ( a child may become autistic, a child may become disabled, a child may grow up and need a little help paying for college) Its not like a man can say - Ok these kids will hit 18 and my commitment to them financially is going to be over.

I think single mothers have to really think about that. Would you give 5-10-15 years of extra work, fewer vacations, less time with a woman you might care about, cutting corners and scrimping, and are always worrying about money over children that aren't yours, that you have no control over and ultimately will probably never truly accept you?

I can't lie, I WOULD BE SCARED OUT OF MIND. But man or woman, given that kind of reality, who wouldn't be scared at that prospect? I can tell you who - suckers. Because unless you've met the woman of your dreams and you know you'll be with her the rest of your life, then its a sucker deal. Sorry to say it, but relationships to single mothers are just as prone, if not more prone to failure as relationships with no kids involved. Extra risk, no tangible upside. That extra time working is essentially a wage/labor self imposed prison sentence for a woman who will put your second or third or fourth in her life. I wouldn't rag on men who find that prospect scary, I'd want to rag on men who jumped in headfirst into this kind of deal without any apprehension at all.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 124
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/28/2006 12:35:16 AM
John6-81 isn't wrong. If someone has had four children by four fathers, eyebrows are going to get raised. Fair? Unfair? Sorry but it doesn't matter because that's just the way the dating world works.

The common line is that human beings should never judge others. Well thats nice to say particularly in public, because it's the safe politically correct thing to do. But people get judged all the time. What kind of car you drive, what kind of clothes you wear, who you hang out with, what kind of job you have, whether you have an education or not, the list goes on and on.

The fact that your children have different fathers may not, in actuality, make you more or less of a mother or a person. But the fact that people judge each other anyway, no matter what they say, means people will make a value judgement on you for having different children by different fathers, whether you want them to or not.

Would you date a hardened criminal? Someone with an extensive felony record? I mean they could have changed, they could have cleaned up their lives. Would you want to take that risk anyway and date them? Would you even be comfortable just being in the same parking lot alone with them late at night trying to get to your car? Be careful how quickly you want to call someone else judgemental, because everyone judges everyone else whether we realize it or not. And if that felon called you judgmental for not giving him a fair chance at dating, would you care what he thought or would you do what you think is right for you?

No one cares what the truth of your life is, they only care what the perception of the truth of your life is to them. Your real mistake is not having four children with all different fathers, your real mistake is just assuming people care what happens to you at all. Life doesn't work that way.
 trawlins
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 142
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 11/25/2006 2:06:47 PM
Wow sounds like people in this conversation have VERY diffenent and some very rude perceptions of single parents. I have 2 kids and they have different fathers. I left my sons father because he physically abused me when I was pregnant. I then met my daughters father when my son was 3 months old. He was in the US army deployed to Iraq when we met. When he got home I went to seattle to visit him and we would still be together today. But unfortunally G.W.B cant fight his own wars and sent my husbands unit to Iraq again and he never came home. So with all that said. Does that make me a bad person? Does that mean Im a whore? NO. Some people just have issuses and are jealous of other. So to all the single parents out there. dont take offence to loser that talk S**T cause they have nothing and cant figure out why. It just mean they never will.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 146
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/9/2011 9:44:09 PM
Having participated in these threads for several years, and in real life for nearly 50, I confidently state that assumptions run rampant. Certainly there are exceptions, but a young (<30 yr old) widow who subsequently has a child by another and is now on a dating site is pretty rare, so you can't really blame men. Nor can one blame a particular woman for the fact that their husband of nearly 20 yrs took off, and suddenly decided his kids aren't all that important, or his responsibility. But neither is the norm.

Look , we all know azzholes, but, particularly in this media, it is very easy to pick & choose based upon assumption, the typical, whatever. Don't take it personally. We are all scared!
 KiwiBassist
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 148
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/9/2011 10:05:52 PM
many men fear being on the hook for child support for kids not there, it does happen frequently and something close to home a female family member of mine has recently done this to a man, complete with forging the birth certificate signature and all.

It is a very big reality and that is the biggest reason that scares men off, they don't want to be the next wallet for some other mans children. There are women who do this, not all but the very nasty ones will go to any lengths.

As for those with multiple children with multiple men, depends, if they were in a long term relationship, I can understand that, however if they are like some I have seen where every 9 months to a year they got a new baby daddy and a new baby on the way, I have little respect for them. They choose to have babies with every Tom,****and Harry... so no wonder a guy wouldn't want to get involved.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 150
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/14/2011 1:31:27 PM

There is a big difference between young women who have multiple children by multiple fathers who are no longer with those fathers because he was abusive, he passed away, he left them. It's entirely another situation, IMO, when a young woman goes around from guy to guy, popping out babies and barely even knowing the guy well enough to know whether he'd make a good provider or father or life partner.

Q.F.T.



bringing innocent children into a world where they all have different baby Daddies and no consistent, stable, responsible, commitment father figure in their lives.

Yeah, sounds like a straight up child abuser to me. But we aren't supposed to tell these kinds of women how to raise their future crimin....err...children.



Seems some young women put more thought into which salon to get a french manicure done at than they do in choosing a decent guy to get involved with and have a baby with...and then who ends up paying for it? The innocent children.

And the taxpayers. It's also quite telling when you hear the venom spewed from the mouths of these mothers when you ask about the fathers. But like you [essentially] said, bad decision making.


We all make relationship mistakes but when you keep making them over, again and again and the product of those ongoing and repeated mistakes is yet another baby, it's no wonder future decent guys would steer clear.

It doesn't even matter the situation more often than not. There isn't a whole lot of motivation for a guy with his life together would choose a single mother over a childless woman.


Also....Shakes fist at Larrycroft727 for necroing a 5 year old thread.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 152
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/14/2011 3:01:52 PM
and not true of the men i have been involved with on a serious long term basis.

So, please do enlighten us as to what motivations there are.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 156
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/18/2011 7:53:22 AM

So i guess love was the "motivation".


.....lol.......
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 160
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/18/2011 7:43:00 PM

Its one of those things that people who have been madly in love and liked the idea of having a family might understand.


Right.........I guess that means those poor guys that don't consider dating a single mom just have no ability to fall madly in love and have a family.............


Right, thats why i have been presented with more diamondss than Elizabeth Taylor, from duded who just wanted an easy lay


.....nice "holier than thou" attitude.........why don't you ship some of those dudes to the other single moms and keep feeding the delusions of grandeure here.......I'm sure they would appreciate those diamonds......lol....!

By the way, I date a single mom. Its not cake and cookies with her and her kids just like its not cake and cookies with me and my son. Get real. Dating single moms is complicated, intricate, and challenging. It takes much more than just love to make things work in this day and age........

I don't expect a single lady with no kids to accept me and my son any more than a single guy with no kids doesn't want to date a single mom. I can't understand why single moms can't get this.........

The double standards amaze me. Women fought for equality and got it, and now no longer "need a man" ...yet the same equality doesn't apply to the family where the man is still expected to finance and be responsible for the household when things go sideways.....is it any wonder we are so gunshy to get involved with single moms or even get serious with women in general these days?

No wonder our motivations are more and more led by only sex these days........
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 162
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/18/2011 10:50:47 PM

Why not? If some awesome and amaziong woman fell in love with you and wanted to be with you, woukd you sriously turn her away because you feel that she shouldnt have to be involved with your kids? How do you know she might not enjoy your kids and be a nice addition to your family??!!


You miss my point.

I'm not going to get all mad and pissy if a single lady with no kids decides she doesn't want to get involved with me because I'm a single dad......that was my point. If she doesn't like the fact that I have kids, so be it. Its not a problem, and I don't whine about the "ready made family she could have had". I respect what she (doesn't) want.

So too do I respect single, childless guys that don't want to date single moms for the same reason..........
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 169
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/20/2011 5:47:15 PM
if you ever do meet a woman who is absolutely amazing and rocks your world, and she has a kid or 2, i don't see why you wouldn't look for an equally amazing woman that doesn't have children.


Fixed



The double standards amaze me. Women fought for equality and got it, and now no longer "need a man" ...yet the same equality doesn't apply to the family where the man is still expected to finance and be responsible for the household when things go sideways.....is it any wonder we are so gunshy to get involved with single moms or even get serious with women in general these days?

No wonder our motivations are more and more led by only sex these days........



Oh snap! No he didn't!

Although I agree, thank your lucky stars that your forum posts are no longer attached to your profile.....


Heh, spend about an hour or two on the MGTOW website. This mentality is becoming more and more popular
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 171
PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/21/2011 8:47:26 AM

Marriage and children ... one time deal in my book. And I really don't expect you to "understand" .... but just know that it's not about "being scared or threatened" for some of us.

I'd like to think most of us went into marriage with this view. I doubt many people go in thinking, "Next time I'll get it right, this is just a practice run ~ so what the hell, let's just do it and see what happens." MOST think it's a one-time-deal. Unfortunately, sometimes things end due to no planning or even fault. Marriages end, even marriages that are seemingly "written in stone" at their conception. I'd like to think some are forever, but ~ statistics prove that is a pipe-dream 60% of the time. I will agree that this topic, to me, has NOTHING to do with being scared or threatened. It's definitely a personal choice topic, like most all other things here in forums. JMO
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 191
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 5/1/2011 4:40:30 PM
Seems to be a lot of fussing and castigations of strangers character going on in all of this. I've seen this sort of nonsense over and over. It appears that some folks feel personally insulted when they are set aside or rejected, and so have to "balance" things for themselves by impugning the character, or insulting the lives of the people who reject them. Some of the folks doing the rejecting are all too willing to play the part of the self-righteous egotist, usually because they haven't made as much peace with their reasons for the choices they make as they want to think they have, and so they respond with insults of their own.
None of from either side proves anything, other than that neither one of the natterers has finished adjusting their own desires and principles to sit comfortably together inside them.

The lead question is a classic example. When we were little kids in school, and someone wanted someone else to do something, and they wouldn't do it, they'd try to manipulate them kid-style, by calling them a "fraidy-kat." That's all that side of this kind of thing is. Someone wants to be chosen or accepted by someone who has other things in mind, and they aren't, so they try to manipulate them into choosing them anyway by calling them a "fraidy-kat," or "lacking in character," or some other pejorative.
The really foolish thing about it is, that even if the name-caller succeeds in getting the person they insulted to change course and give them a try, things COULDN'T work out, because all the insults have already poisoned the relationship, and because anyone who IS persuaded by insults, is unlikely to be stable enough to make a serious go of things.
So here we have a bunch of dueling insults and insinuations, with no point other than each person trying to make self-righteous points for themselves. Nothing positive will be accomplished by it. I'd suggest cutting it short, declare each person who it's important to, to be the winner, and move on to something that actually can enlighten or help us move forward. That is, unless someone can cite a REAL authority on who has character, or name what agency actually keeps track of Self Righteous points and offers cash in exchange.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 197
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 5/4/2011 8:49:20 AM
Has anybody found out why izzbeth's profile states this person is a man looking for a woman, while the posts appear to suggest this person is a woman who dates men?

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 199
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PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 5/4/2011 9:09:29 AM
Perhaps a person waiting for sexual reassignment?
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