Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are there any people left that date one at a time?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sparklingseas
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 26
Are there any people left that date one at a time?Page 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
sometimes dating is like waiting for buses, none for ages then three show up at once.

I have found that suddenly 2 0r 3 guys start to email me at around the same time so I will agree to go out on all three dates in the same week. It can get a bit confusing like what you have said to who and who has told you what, but until I have met these guys I have no idea if there will be mutual attraction and like.

I do not consider this multiple dating. Once I have had one date and know if I am not attracted I will let them know immediately that it was not a match. I have never been in a position where I have liked 2 or all 3 guys and would have to choose.
 a_romeo
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 27
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:48:51 AM
Mort,
I do much the same thing, but there are the unusual occasions where I do have to
meet a second Lady to see if we are going to hit it off,,,
Only because I like you have messaged a few at a time.
So I feel I need to give each some attention, and see who I feel best about, and then
only see that one Lady.
Trying to date more than one is bad for me,I could use the wrong name when speaking to her !!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:52:51 AM
I have never been in a position where I have liked 2 or all 3 guys and would have to choose.

And that's the thing. Most of us don't often meet a man that knocks our socks off and makes all other men pale in comparison. So when we do, we're pretty much going to want to see where it goes.

However, until we've met him once or twice and know that there's more to him than "just" a physical spark so we can find out more, we're not going to burn our social calendars (or at least discontinue being open to other prospects).

Many people seem to confuse meeting someone a couple times to determine beyond attraction what else you have in common as dating more than one. It's merely gathering information. I don't advocate sleeping with more than one, but dating and learning about someone is not only ok, it's normal and should be part of dating.

To me dating more than one is purposely dating three people for months with no intention of narrowing it down. In THAT situation I would agree that it's unfair - but only if those three don't know that's the case. If they do, then it's all good.

Also, I agree with the poster above me that mentioned it's a negative thing to meet or date someone with a set rank in his head of how important everyone is, especially if it's a rigid chain of command - and vice versa, someone who's got a rigid list of where everyone in my life should be priority wise (and ironically, they always place themselves on the top of that list, surprise surprise). Anyone with some common sense knows that different things take precedence at different times in your life, because situations change.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 29
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 9:02:03 AM

Once I have had one date and know if I am not attracted I will let them know immediately that it was not a match. I have never been in a position where I have liked 2 or all 3 guys and would have to choose.


This can apply to me as well. Not always after the first date because I might want to spend some more time with a woman to determine how compatible we are. But usually by the end of the second or third date, there is often 1 woman that I like better than the others. As stated earlier, I would only date that particular woman and end things with the others at that point. There are some other times when I'm not interested with any of these women after a few dates. I would end things with all of them in that situation.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 30
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 10:24:41 AM
How many people have the option to date multiple people?
100 threads are about not getting emails, much less a date, much less a call-back after a date.
For those who are adamant about not dating more than one person-- how many dates have you been turning down lately? Are you saying that if you ever meet someone or get a date, you won't date others because you'll happily focus all your time and attention on that person... or is it because no one else is interested?
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 31
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:53:29 AM
How many people have the option to date multiple people?
100 threads are about not getting emails, much less a date, much less a call-back after a date.


It's possible. Like many other men, I got a low percentage of positive replies to my emails. But when women were interested in me, it often came in bunches. For example, I could email 50 women and only get 1-2 positive replies. Then I could email 10 additional women and get 5 positive replies.
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 32
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 12:14:11 PM
My personal rule is to date one at a time. I couldn't imagine finding the time or even wanting to make the effort for anything more. It's a restriction I put on myself to keep me happy, sane and smiling one day at a time.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 33
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:07:49 AM

Any woman I meet off of here is going to get my full attention and if it does not work out its all on her or all on me and on our own merits

Make it very clear up front. I tell women that I will consider several possibilities for a relationship. If they want casual sex, then the relationship can be non-exclusive. If they want a relationship that could ever be anything more than casual sex, it has to start out exclusive from the first meeting and that neither relationship will ever become the other. That will tell you right away what they want. Be prepared to give up on women who want to casually date.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 34
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:14:36 AM

I agree with this, though for me it would be the right to date more then one man at a time.

Sure, but I have the right to tell a woman she has a choice to date more than one person at a time or date me, but not both. Basically, your ``right'' only extends as far as what you're willing to give up for it, including guys who won't go along with that.
 robfish
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 35
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 6:08:59 AM

It definately sucks liking someone that's a friend and finding out they don't feel the same way, but so do awkward meetings with lots of questions and trying to get to know each other...in such an odd fashion.


Yeah, being put in the friend zone can be a bit frustrating especially when "the friend" acts like she's interested one day, then completely backs off the next, only to become interested again when I try to back off or pull away. I went out to a bar recently with this "friend" and it was one of the most confusing nights of my life because her hot and cold behaviour made it virtually impossible to interact with other people.

Back on topic, I like to give my full attention to one person at a time. The only time I talk to multiple people is when getting to know them online......I choose the person I connect with most and then take it from there. There's nothing worse than getting involved with a serial dater and having to compete with a number of guys for her attention.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:56:06 AM
I'd date one or many, and had no problem if the women I dated did the same. After 5 or 6 dates - and often fewer - I'd know if I wanted to be exclusive with someone. Until I felt that way - and it was reciprocated - I'd keep meeting or seeing other prospects. If they didn't like that about my process, it was fine if they didn't want to continue seeing me.

I always felt that it was so difficult to find someone truly compatible, that it would take a lot of meetings of new people to find someone really right for me. I was right in that. If I'd limited myself to just one at a time and each took weeks or even months to get to know, it would have taken years to meet the kind of person I was seeking. As it was, it took nearly a year, and meeting about 50 women and dating some of those several times, often two and occasionally three at a time. There were only a few with whom I wanted to be exclusive - and one of those didn't last long once we got to know each other even better.

Sure, a couple of good prospects were "lost" - but, I assume and hope they found someone better suited to them than I was. If we're a good match, we'll get together - I'm not worried about the competition as I don't want to be with anyone who really isn't sure about being with me. That can require some comparison, especially if they not completely sure about what they want and need in a relationship.

I'm not saying my way is right and anyone elses' is wrong, but won't accept that a different way is the only right way either. Different people, different experiences, and different approaches. It's all good.
 GuyinOhio
Joined: 3/19/2004
Msg: 37
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 1:26:56 PM
I dont know how males or females can date more then one.. I personally like to give my undivided attention to one and only one at a time.. its only fair
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 38
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 2:01:41 PM

My 100% undivided attention, and will except nothing less!
And if someone doesn't want that? I don't. I personally think it's extreme and do not want someone's 100% undivided attention. I would hope they'd have a life with friends and family and hobbies.
I can't be the 100% undivided focus of someone I hardly know. Do you ever wonder how someone would feel if you are just THINKING about dating him and give him your 100% undivided attention? That to me sounds unhealthy.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 3:10:34 PM
I don't see the point of only dating one person unless I really FALL for that guy. At that point, not only will I stop dating other men, I'll leave POF!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 6:59:03 PM

I can only have one friend at a time.
I can only pursue one hobby at a time.
I could never work two jobs, and in fact, can only apply for one at a time and must wait until I get it or am rejected before applying elsewhere.
I'd never be able to have ice cream one night and chocolate cake the next.
I could only have one child, but would then have to get rid of my spouse.
I'll only ever invest in one stock at a time, and never look at others until I sell.
Oh dear, which should I euthanize? My dog, or my cat?

Ha! Exactly!

According to that theory, you can only have one family member at a time - two is dividing your time up too much. Having more than one friend at a time is unfair, doin more than one thing a day is too much to handle, and the list goes on and on. Silliness.

You can be into someone while you're with them, and then go somewhere and be totally into another person while you're with THAT PERSON, and you might even be able to accomplish that in the same day. Imagine that!
 jennibeth01
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 8:17:20 PM
I absolutely agree with you. I haven't had any luck finding a single guy that isn't constantly "playing the field". And I never seem to get far enough into a relationship to even have the talk to establish exclusiveness. Because the whole time I am trying to get to know the guy, he is out finding someone else!! And your right, that means you get the short end of the stick. And its not fair. I don't even feel comfortable having phone conversations with more then 1 guy at a time. But I guess maybe that is why I am still single.
 Luvcharm
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 42
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 8:41:03 PM
I often find myself asking this same question, nothing annoys me more than spending hours conversating online with someone only to find out they are arranging dates with others but barely make an attempt to meet me. I'm like then why are you even talking to me to begin with.
 stealth122148
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 43
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 8:49:03 PM
I have had men tell me they are keeping their options open.

So it is like this. There are the options then there are the priorities. When ( some )of you guys figure out which it is, let us know because we get tired of setting around waiting for you to call and if you don"t call then we end up setting at home ( alone )

I hate it when a men .....................................................................................................
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 44
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:56:49 PM

I don't see the point of only dating one person unless I really FALL for that guy. At that point, not only will I stop dating other men, I'll leave POF!

Well, for example, if I'm going to date someone who is dating other guys, she's not going to have the option of ``falling'' for me. It's strictly casual sex. If she wants the option to fall for me, she has to start out dating me exclusively and see where it goes. The first situation will never become the second.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 45
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 3:30:21 AM
^^^abelian says above....
if I'm going to date someone who is dating other guys, she's not going to have the option of "falling" for me. It's strictly casual sex.


This is one of the main reasons I will not date more than one man at a time. Simply because one cannot be too careful when it comes to STDs, etc. Protection is not always 100% safe.

The last guy who wanted to date me as well as keep his options open by seeing others said, "Don't worry. I won't sleep with them." What an idiot to think that a sane, intelligent woman would fall for that line!! He got kicked to the curb real quick, let me tell you, lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 46
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:26:30 AM

That's not silliness, it's an asinine comparison. Theory? Not even close. It's a condescending comment made to poke fun at people who feel differently about dating.

So by the time you meet somene for the first time, you're already in an LTR? Essentially, that's what people who feel differently seem to be saying. In the first 1-3 dates it's basically too soon to pair off. Unless of course you don't really care who you date and just want to hurry up and get off the market. Then it makes sense.

Then adopt 3 or 4 kids and see which one you like best. The others will understand.

I'm sure there's a process of matching a potential parent or set of parents with a certain child so that they all benefit from the process. So in the initial stages of adopting, you don't take the first child you hear about...adoption is way too big a deal to not do right before making a commitment.

Unless you mean adopting an infant, in which case the adoptive parent or parents interview more than one expecting mother and get her history.

Have the waiter bring you all the specials of the day, taste each one and only pay for the one you like the most. They understand. It happens all the time.
You can order a different special everytime you come in, or order more than one if you're willing to pay - and the restaurant not only likes it, they'd prefer it, so there goes that theory as well.

I've agreed that dating more than one for an extended period of time if all involved aren't in agreement on it is wrong. In the first couple dates, it's normal to still be talking to others. If you can't deal with competition to some extent, why date? In order to know who's right for you, you have to know who's not. If a person is right for you - others being in the picture initially won't matter.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 47
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:44:37 AM
^^^Yes but if he doesn't know either of you well enough to make that choice, isn't it a bit soon to get to know one woman more than another if he's never met either or has only met them once? I don't consider that extreme competition, I consider that a natural narrowing down process...

Granted I'll never find two or three men I am into enough for the scenario to occur, but if it did, I'd want to know who was best for me out of three men I had attraction to. I'd expect a guy do to the same if he met three women he was really into and I was one of them. *shrug*

P.S. The whole I don't know which to ask out thing isn't a matter of dating more than one, it's a matter of bad planning. Obviously he should make plans and stick to them in any situation. A man could just as easily be standoffish to make plans with you cause he's waiting for his fishing buddies to call for a day on the water and doesn't want to set anything in stone.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 7:43:24 AM
In my experience, fewer than 1 in 5 women I met ever got past a third date, so I'd want to be ready to meet someone new without having to start from scratch each time. That meant continuing to stay in contact with others and even meeting others while having a second or third meet or date with someone. That's what dating is, IMO. Once we're both sure enough about each other to think a relationship is desirable and likely to work, we can be exclusive and pursue it.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 49
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 8:51:43 AM

So by the time you meet somene for the first time, you're already in an LTR?

More like by the time I've finished meeting someone for the first time, I'll know if there's any potential for an LTR. If there is, I just keep seeing her as long as it works out.

Essentially, that's what people who feel differently seem to be saying. In the first 1-3 dates it's basically too soon to pair off. Unless of course you don't really care who you date and just want to hurry up and get off the market. Then it makes sense.

I do care who I date, however I don't need to specify lots and lots of details a potential partner needs to fulfill because I don't rely on a woman for my identity. I can have a partner who is free to be different from me and like different things than I like.

What do I need to know? Is she attractive? Is she intelligent? Does her personality fit with mine? Is there chemistry? What's sex with her like? OK, what else do I need to know in order to consider her for a potential LTR? I'll know how attractive she is, how intelligent she is and have a pretty good idea what her personality is like before I meet her. I'll know if there's any chemistry when I meet her. I won't know if we're sexually compatible until I sleep with her. Beyond that, just how much do you need to know that you can know without actually being in a relationship?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 9:49:04 AM
Aren't these discussions FUN??? All this philosophical outrage over essentially a non-issue for most people.

We can't even agree on what "dating" is! No wonder there are so many different branches of Christianity that don't get along, and so many kinds of Republicans, for instance, all believing their vision is correct!

Maybe ALL of them are right - at least for the particular subgroup. Or perhaps NONE of them are, and we've yet to discover that elusive truth - whatever that means.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are there any people left that date one at a time?