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 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 76
Are there any people left that date one at a time?Page 4 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
abelian, that's the way I do it, too. The only way it will develop into a long term relationship is if the man is focusing only on me once things go offline and we start dating. If I find he is seeing others or still contacting others online behind my back, then the potential for a long term relationship is gone and I will end it. If I go out on one date, and it does not go well, then I will start looking again and the other person is free to do the same. However, if things go well and we decide to see each other again, then I expect exclusive and the other person will get that from me, too. It's not fair to the person you are dating if you keep others as backups. It's not fair to the backups either. I have been in both situations and learned to ask questions before meeting someone...such as what he is looking for, does he date one or multiples at a time, etc. I also am much more aware of red flags than I used to be.
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 77
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:18:14 AM
Jo-see50 makes a good point:


So if all you guys only want to date one lady. Why do you always move on to the next? Even when you tell the one you are with that you like being with them?


If I hear another guy say he just wants to keep his options open, I just might spit at him!!! You are wasting my time, and keeping me from meeting someone who wants to get to know me, if you are expecting me to hang around while you shop!!
 6Tweak9
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 78
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:59:24 AM
My memory is so lousy I have no choice but to date one at a time.
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 79
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 6:49:09 PM
I also only date one person at a time. I've never been the serial dater type, and have little interest in those that are. I think until I can see where things are going the least I can do is give someone my undivided attention.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 80
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:36:20 AM
its about respect if you dont give your complete attention to every contact you are wasting their time and getting their hopes up for nothing.
 clearbluecolors
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 81
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/16/2009 8:23:36 PM
QI will meet for coffee, chat and share info online. It all comes to a screeching halt when I meet someone I like. Could't be a player if I tried. I want a good guy, a genuine lover, and a keeper. Players are pretty obvious- they are the ones with their hands full.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 82
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:10:15 AM
I used to do the one at a time thing too. Ran into too many tire kickers and time wasters though.

Dating to me means going out and meeting men to get to know them.

It will take more than a handful of dates and wanting to be my boyfriend to get me to be exclusive with them. There has to be a really good reason for me not to keep my options open.

Some guys like to get exclusive early on so they can sit back and enjoy the steady sex or whatever until they are ready to move on. They aren't looking to be forever with you but you're just the good for now girl. I could spend years with a time waster and basically have closed off any option to find what I really want. If he'd been honest about what he was wanting maybe I would have still dated him while still going out with others to find someone who wants the same thing I do.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 83
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 11:24:36 PM
dating means different things to different people. i go on a number of first meet coffee dates. some don't call that a date. i then proceed to dating to get to know someone. to me, that does not mean hopping into bed with him. at that point when the comradery and the chemistry feels right, i would need to understand "his" values around sexuality and monogamy. there would need to be consensus and a feeling of deep unfolding friendship, respect and joy as well. sure, chemistry affects a lot of that. G-d ain't stupid!

i also would like to know his relationship goals. some just want to date around either due to just starting out again or never wanting to get serious with someone again. to commit to monogamy, for me, means we have a lot in common, aside from chemistry. since i would not be sexual at this point in my life in a non monagmous relationship, until that point is achieved, i see no problem in simply "dating" more than one person.

once it evolves to something deeper, then i'm all eyes on him. if we see each other a lot, chances are we'll find out a lot sooner that we are a good partnership and the competition (for both of us) will be lesser. there are only so many days in the week, and most of us have other things to do and other people in our lives, such as friends, associates, groups we belong to and our kids.

the ideal, is to find the right "one" to journey forth with. maybe if i were younger, i'd be seeing it differently. now, i feel i am no longer willing to live an illusion of commitment. being loyal to one person and hopping right into the sack with him, only to find out he sees things "differently". so, as life happens, i go with the flow and hope that eventually the right man is in my boat! sure, just the two of us.
 SingleTorontonian
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 84
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/18/2009 8:56:50 AM
yep....i can only date one at a time. I prefer to devote my time and energy to the person I am seeing and if it works out great, if it doesn't then move on.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 85
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/18/2009 3:31:17 PM

Anyways when 'dating' ppl have the right to still explore other dates rather then focus everything on the one person they just met!!!

You have the right to do anything that you think someone else would accept. I wouldn't accept it.

Look at the show the batchelor or the bacheloreete they date quite a few b4 they pick the one who is best suited for them, that is why it is called "DATING"

I don't use tv shows as behavioural models for real life. I avoid people who do.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 86
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:43:26 AM

I understand the frustration once you've met someone you're interested in but don't forget that friendship is friendship. Keep your interest in her known-- call and ask her out again and again.

I don't think so. That's too much like jumping through hoops. If she wants to make HER interest known, I shouldn't have to ask and I don't even consider contacting a women who mentions anything about ``friends first.''

No woman of substance is certain she's going to give up all options because you took her out for coffee.

Nonsense. I know I've never had to ask for a fourth date in my life and I can't recall if I've ever had to ask for a third. The chemistry is either there or it isn't and it's obvious from the start. Being a ``woman of substance'' has nothing to do with it, unless by ``substance'' you mean ``indecisive'' or ``lacks intensity.'' If I'm not more than an option to a woman, I'd rather leave her to her options and find someone who knows what she wants and recognizes it when she sees it.
 smalltowngirl0
Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 87
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 7:24:11 PM
i am in a relationship of eight months now, and he and i talked about our dating styles while on the second date.
for me i know by second to third date if this is someone i want to spend time with. i am a woman who just does not have the inclination to date several at one time. but...

i have had it happen to me, the man called me gf, but was seeing another woman too, unknown to me, and because i would not sleep with him, he chose her. his choice, a bad one, but life.

just my two cents...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 88
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:08:12 PM
So if I message a woman on here and she ignores me. It is not that she is not interested in me, but that she is only talking to ONE GUY AT A TIME!!!

I think you're confused over talking to people about meeting vs. dating. I'm talking to several women, but unless I meet one of them and we want to date each other, we aren't dating. That being said, I'll stop talking to the rest if I do meet one of them and we decide to date each other and I would expect the same unless she is looking for a relationship that will never be exclusive and would end when I found someone willing to be is exclusive from the outset.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 89
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:34:19 AM

I am running into the same thing. I prefer to see just one man -how can you give it a fair chance if you still have your feelers out? The men I have met on here always seem to be looking for something better around the corner. I don't want to 'win' I don't even want to compete. I shouldn't have to because I am a great person and if they are too busy looking elsewhere to see that then I don't want to be with them anyway. I find it very rude and yes disrespectful.


It would ONLY be rude and disrespectful if a man told you that he wasn't seeing anyone else when he was actually lying about this. Until the "exclusive" conversation comes up, people have the right to see other people. As I stated before, I would become exclusive if / when there is strong enough mutual interest for a potential serious LTR to develop. That often takes at least 2-3 dates to figure out. If a woman wants to stop dating me because I don't want to become exclusive after just 1 date. Then so be it. Chances are I wouldn't have been compatible with her anyways. In my case, this is mostly a hypothetical situation anyways. I don't think any woman has mentioned to me that she wanted to be exclusive after just 1 date.

 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 90
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:50:31 AM
It usually takes only ONE date or meeting to know I wouldn't want to see someone again - in rare cases where there's some doubt remaining but mostly everything seemed fine, I might try for a second date.

It usually takes about three dates - very occasionally one or two more than that, and for someone truly exceptional maybe one less - to know whether I think there's real potential. At that point I would be willing to forego dating anyone else and pursue what seems to be a good thing.

However, until someone really strikes me as having that potential, and given that 80%to 90% of first meetings or dates NEVER lead to another, I'll keep my options open. It worked very nicely, no-one was treated unfairly, and I met my match much faster than if I'd started from scratch after each mismatch.

I think I'm somewhere between the two extreme camps on this issue. I don't want to date hordes of women indefinitely, nor do I want to so limit myself that I'd be unlikely to meet my match before being put into a nursing home!

Do whatever works for you. It's just another way of filtering to find those who are compatible with your outlook and values, though I strongly believe that limiting your meetings and dating to one person at a time and blowing off any other prospect is not going to help you meet that ideal match we all hope to find. I met my ideal match long ago, so I don't really care what you do - I'm just sharing my experiences and perspective, and perhaps trying to play "agent provocateur."
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 91
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:21:37 PM
YES....there are!!! I cannot imagine trying to even get to know more than one person!!!!! That is why when I meet someone I like and if I think it is mutual I try really hard (too hard sometimes) to keep it "exclusive". I am not into "serial dating" and find a lot of people are. Which scares me on many levels. I do not play games, but I sure seem to get them played on me. I do not get it either, because I make it very clear from DAY ONE what I am looking for and who I want to be with. I just went thru a very nasty un suspected case of a game player and someone who seems to have forgotton all he told me...so.....just need to try again and be more selective. Hang in there. Not everyone is an ***hole. Just stay honest and never stop being you.
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 92
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:35:27 PM
i'm not a JUGGLER!!!

i don't have a photographic memory to record info from 3 diff girls from 3 dates in one week and keep them all in order.

i want one a ta time only.

does that make me less desirable since many women want a man who is seen as desirable by lots of women!!??
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 93
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:32:46 PM

I agree its a respect issue. to me the whole "friends first" mentality is just a way to get all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations or expectations.


I don't share your perception of "friends first". The alternative to becoming close friends is hopping into bed with a person you don't really know that well and who ISN'T your close friend. Before I would ever love someone, I would first need to like them very deeply and know it's reciprocal and that we are becoming a couple, mentally and emotionally. Otherwise, how does it differ from a couple of dogs in heat who go their separate ways once the moment is over?
 secretagentman99
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 94
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:50:43 AM
I'm jumping in a little late on this but here is what i have observed over time.

While online dating exposes us all to a vast amount of opportunities, it's also it's downfall. cause even if you reach a point of regularly seeing someone, as soon as thr date is over they rush home and hop online to see if they can find someone even better. Sometimes you may have a near perfect match, but with so many choice online peopel cannot accept that to be the truth, someone out just HAS to be better, and so you have serial daters. And quite frankly, having to ask someone if you are exclusive only make s one seem insecure. When you know something is right you just feel it. Cause you dont' do and share certain things with people unless you both feel those things.

Now of course if you are simply dating casually, you make it clear that you both are and things are just fine. What we are talking about here is people that lead you to believe that you're exclusive then drop the bombshell on you later.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 95
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:39:58 PM
I date only one at a time...
Recently, I have been having great e-mail exchanges with a girl from another country. I now find it hard to seriously find anyone else on here without first visiting her in her country and truly checking her out if we can be possible.
We shared so many stories together that I feel like starting anew with someone closer feels wierd... I know it sound hilarious; feeling like I am cheating on someone I haven't even met yet.
That's how it feels right now, anyway.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 96
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/28/2009 8:31:50 AM
OP: I agree, but you've got to have that "talk". Y'know, the exclusivity talk. Otherwise, you're just making assumptions.

"Well, I see no reason to look elsewhere...how about you?"

Then trust that whatever she tells ya is the truth.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 97
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:37:33 PM
I wish all these women who contacted one at a time lived in my area.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 98
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:45:02 PM
I would never make a good serial dater........My personal belief is that if you meet someone and there is good conversation and possibly a small spark then you have to go on several dates to see if there is a possibility of anything further.......and in order to give someone a fair chance how can you date a bunch of others at the same time.....
when you do that you have to remember what this one said.....what this one likes......where you took that one.....to me thats to much....If you cant pull yourself away for a few dates with just one person then there is something wrong....
If you dont honestly give someone a chance to get to know them then you are never going to find a good relationship......and isnt that what everyone says they want????





JMO
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 99
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:59:20 PM

Just because you go out with someone who is dating others does not mean they will not stop the group dating and focus on you. If they feel the connection with you they will stop dating others. You don't have to move on to someone else. Relationships do not happen overnight. Don't give up on someone just because they are spending time with others. If it was meant to be the others will fall away soon enough.

I think there ae two distinct views on that and members of those two groups are simply not compatible with each other. Before I'll meet someone, I ask up front what she expects in that regard if we were to end up dating. If she expects to date multiple people and then narrow the field, I don't meet her unless she doesn't mind me never being more than a casual date which will stop when I meet someone who expects an exclusive relationship from the start.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 100
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/5/2009 10:51:46 PM
I think it's wrong to NOT date one at a time; I may message someone as a friend but if I'm into one person, thats the person I'm into; I try to see if something can happen.

Most like a lot of attention from a lot of people but frankly I dont have the time for it even if I wanted to and I dont.
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