Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are there any people left that date one at a time?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 151
Are there any people left that date one at a time?Page 7 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
yea Happy: what you said :-)
 laughatlife115544
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 152
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/6/2012 5:56:49 PM
Well if you would EXPECT it back in return rather than EXCEPT it back in return you'd be ok. I guess that is just one of your endearing quirks. You will not always have to fight for attention but you do to keep it. If this site is a candy store than wouldn't people want to sample different ones before picking their favorite. Perhaps your haughty attitude and holier than thou sacrimonious spewings are what is keeping you from feeling you are always in the bottom 3 in the american idol competition. Get it together as we all know..people who need to say they have confidence are the ones most lacking it..but don't worry..they say every spoiled fish has a buyer..:).
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 153
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/6/2012 7:18:44 PM

I had one guy making me feel like I was on American Idol. Like I was competing. I finally told him this wasn't American Idol, he was NOOOO simon Cowel and a few more choice words before I moved on lol


::::applauding::::::: Good for you!! you aren't a spoiled fish, or a spoiled brat for that matter, you are a strong woman who fights for what she believes in! I personally believe that people use being on a dating site as an excuse to behave like pigs... both men and women do this, I am not singling out one gender or the other. If there is chemistry and interest, than yes, be an adult and focus only on that one person and stop acting like you're interviewing for American Idol. :-D
 J_DVine
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 154
view profile
History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/6/2012 7:24:06 PM
Yes, I only date one at a time...and find the same problem...is what it is...unfortunate but, true :-/
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 155
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/6/2012 7:43:24 PM
Was talking today to a guy who described his former dating style as dating one at a time - and said that by the time he gets to know someone well enough to discern whether or not there is mutual compatibility for the really long haul, a year has gone by - and then it's back to square one, but he's another year older. He has decided to try to meet and date several women at once without any sexual involvement until he's ready to choose and be chosen. I thought he had a very good strategy, as I also don't think it's bad to date more than one person as long as one isn't bedding them.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 156
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/6/2012 9:55:16 PM

I thought he had a very good strategy, as I also don't think it's bad to date more than one person as long as one isn't bedding them.

Everytime I see a woman make this comment, I think it's no wonder women get played. Wanting your cake and eating it too, just doesn't work. Do you really think someone who tells you hes just dating and not havng sex with the women he's dating is telling you the truth (assuming he doesn't tell you it's none or your business or tell you to get lost for asking questions that are none of your business)? If I had dated women who thought that way, I'd have thought it was perfectly acceptable to have sex with them and stop dating them as soon as they asked about a relationship, which would have probably happened right after the first time we had sex. If you're going to date several people at once, then it's compleetely naive to assume those you're dating aren't haveing sex with everyone but you (unless you're having sex with them, too).
 cariboolady1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 157
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/6/2012 10:57:38 PM
Many people's ideas of the word "dating" is skewed to suit their assumptions.
To many people "dating" means they should be exclusive to one person at a time. In that "dating" mode it probably means they are becoming or are sexual already with that person. Then, yes, date that person exclusively if it's gone forward that far.
In my world right now, as my profile is new, I am not sexual with anyone as I am just going on "meets" and some very casual 2nd dates. I call this "dating" and I feel that I am within my rights to date whomever I please and there is no exclusivity right now as nothing has happened to warrant that.
I have had a few men get stinky about the fact that I am not talking to them exclusively after they have initiated contact. WTF????
It's my choice of who I want in my life and if I feel that I haven't met him yet, who has the right to tell me that I should only be seeing/talking to him?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 158
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:08:16 AM

Do you really think someone who tells you hes just dating and not havng sex with the women he's dating is telling you the truth (assuming he doesn't tell you it's none or your business or tell you to get lost for asking questions that are none of your business)?

I think this particular person IS telling the truth based on the conversations we've had. He offered the information - I didn't ask him for it. Actually I never ask, because it's none of my business who a guy dates or has sex with unless/until we decide to do that together.


If you're going to date several people at once, then it's compleetely naive to assume those you're dating aren't haveing sex with everyone but you (unless you're having sex with them, too).

I have never assumed that; in fact, I assume they are probably getting it when and where they can. What's naive is the way that you apparently assume that everyone operates with exactly the same dating vs. having sex schedule, and that anyone who thinks that it's OK to date more than one person at a time must automatically be screwing them all, too.

Abelian, I know that your views on multi-dating are different than mine. That doesn't make your way the right way, nor do I insist that my way is the right way. You often judge people in your postings when they disagree with you on this topic; obviously since you are engaged to be married, no one here is ever going to date you, so I don't understand why you feel the need to be so rigid in your judgement of others who do not affect YOU at all.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 159
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:58:30 AM
What's naive is the way that you apparently assume that everyone operates with exactly the same dating vs. having sex schedule, and that anyone who thinks that it's OK to date more than one person at a time must automatically be screwing them all, too.

It would be naive to assume anything but that when you don't know either way.

Abelian, I know that your views on multi-dating are different than mine.

You're missing the point, which has nothing to do whether you multidate or not. It's about what you should assume if you don't want to get strung along or burned if you do multidate. Would you loan money to someone and assume you're going to be paid back or would you decide whether or not to ``loan'' the money under the assumption you won't get paid back?
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 160
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 8:30:39 AM

You're missing the point, which has nothing to do whether you multidate or not. It's about what you should assume if you don't want to get strung along or burned if you do multidate. Would you loan money to someone and assume you're going to be paid back or would you decide whether or not to ``loan'' the money under the assumption you won't get paid back?


This is very good, at least you are making a reference to real people instead of shopping for furniture or a car without any feelings involved like the multidaters always do. They seem to think it is all about them and that dating is a one sided affair. On second thought. To them I imagine it is. They just can’t handle it when they come out on the side that doesn’t count.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 161
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:49:25 PM

You're missing the point, which has nothing to do whether you multidate or not. It's about what you should assume if you don't want to get strung along or burned if you do multidate.

YOU missed the point. You are assuming that you know what would I assume, or what others would assume, as though one size fits all because it's a different view of the situation than you hold.


Would you loan money to someone and assume you're going to be paid back or would you decide whether or not to ``loan'' the money under the assumption you won't get paid back?

Personally, I always assume the latter. How is that relevant?


This is very good, at least you are making a reference to real people instead of shopping for furniture or a car without any feelings involved like the multidaters always do. They seem to think it is all about them and that dating is a one sided affair. On second thought. To them I imagine it is. They just can’t handle it when they come out on the side that doesn’t count.

Without any feelings involved? How do you presume to speak for anyone else and what "they" think or feel? Oh, I know, it's because you would rather be self-righteous and wag your finger at those who do something you presumably would never do. Tsk tsk.

Personally, I do not feel that dating is a one-sided affair; I prefer to communicate with someone to let them know that unless we became exclusive, I would still be open to going out with another person if I have the opportunity. If that bothers them, so be it - it's also their choice as to whether or not to continue to see me on those terms. If they strongly objected to my being open to DATE (not fvck) someone else, they have the option to either claim exclusivity with me at that point (and I do not cheat) - or hit the road.

Again, if that's not your cup of tea, no biggie. I'm not condemning YOU for YOUR preferences. I am suggesting that you stop condemning me for mine.

So often in r/l, I see that people who insist on their dates being exclusive with them, do not live by their own "rules".
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 162
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:02:12 PM
HA you wanna hear something funny? The guy I passed up 3 dates for because he wanted to pay attention to just one woman at a time decided that he'd rather date someone else who he thinks can keep up with him on a hike better than I can. Pfffftt... gotta love it.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 163
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 7:03:55 PM

You're missing the point, which has nothing to do whether you multidate or not. It's about what you should assume if you don't want to get strung along or burned if you do multidate.


What I assumed was that by being upfront with men about my desire to multi-date while not engaging in casual sex, they would appreciate my honesty and not try to burn me or string me along.

I made sure that any prospective dates knew my stance on multi-dating and sex prior to meeting me, by discussing this during the e-mail stage---therefore, those men that chose to meet me anyway, I assumed were okay with it.

Apparently, I was a good judge of character, because I never experienced any problems with multi-dating, and went on to develop a successful relationship with my current partner.
 bluenit64
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 164
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:09:13 PM
Mort,

Ya, I know what you mean man, I dated this one lady off a website I think it was "single me" well she decided to date my friend Jake instead but still wanted to show off her stuff on cam, being the friend I am I declined it and kicked myself for it later but was really disappointed that my friend did that too me. He later apologized to me perfuseley for what happened but I digress...

To answer your question...
What I do in this situation is put in my profile I'm looking for the love of my life and before I meet her I tell her what a romantic I am and then if the first date goes well I ask if she would like to be exclusive if not I don't follow up or I thank her for the great time and teller sorry it wouldn't work out, I've been cheated on before but never done so myself but I think its partly because I'm a nice guy and want to assume the best in people.

-Sincerely,

-James.
 bluenit64
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 165
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:13:35 PM
Hey Happy,

I think the best thing for users like us to do is just stick with what we do and hope for the best. I always felt that "playing the field" as you called it, was a form of cheating in its own right. Even thought I've had family members tell me that I should but I felt like when someone does that its wasting everyone's time.

-Sincerely,

-James.
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 166
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/8/2012 1:29:57 PM
If someone trys to make me an option, I exercise my right to make them history!!!
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 167
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/8/2012 3:12:08 PM
Msg 22: Show the way it was but now people change that rules and want a quick fix in the lust department as to see if there is any sexual chemistry. Well, sex is a learn thing along with being in love, and many people confused between in LUST and in LOVE. Men mostly go for the lust first, but women tend to go after love.

Normally, either men or women will realized in a first few seconds of meeting in real life if there is any attraction physically and later time spending together is the time to weed out if he/she has met each other expectation. Nothing wrong for either men or women to have more than one person at a time. You are shopping for a mate like you are shopping for computers, fridges, cars....etc. It is even more important than those material shopping because you will have a hard time rid of it once you have invested your life into a relationship. Once you are excluded that is a commitment to learn about one another.

A wrong part of dating with many people is when someone is trying to string the other along with hope even he/she knew at the beginning that this person is not quite fitted with his/her expectation. Yes, competition will displayed to some extent. Sometime, we have to evaluate ourselves if we would like to be in that competition or not. Hurt feelings is unavoidable in the name of love. If you felt that competition is will not go to a winning situation, just have to remove yourself out of the race to prevent further lost( emotional). Being alert during this process with minor cut and bruises is better than a major devastation after many years invested into a relationship.
 jennink26
Joined: 3/11/2012
Msg: 168
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/8/2012 3:53:20 PM
I will talk/and or meet n greet with a few people at a time. If i find chemistry with a person then I focus on them. If I find no chemistry with anyone then I move on and keep trying. But I only date one person at a time. But it is hard to find guys my age who will only date one person at a time. I understand if someone doesn't like me and moves on, its no biggie.
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 169
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:18:47 AM
So when is it the right time to switch that focus to one person..? after the first date goes well, or after the second date? I've been on first dates and thought it went well only for there to not be a mutual desire to continue dating. How is a woman supposed to know when the man is really into her and only interested in dating her? Do you have that "talk?" ugh. Or do you "know?"
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 170
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/10/2012 7:16:59 PM
I've found that when you mutually want to spend a lot of your time together, it's time to talk about being exclusive. I don't think there's any "ugh" factor there if you've been getting to know each other and liking each other more and more.

Perhaps there's only an "ugh" if it's really too soon. Two dates, or three, is not enough IMO. People just love to rush things.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 171
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/10/2012 7:53:56 PM
^^^^^^^absoulutely corrected! It is called an old fashion way of dating.

When you have the first date and not the second, thrid...and so forth, the man is not into you. Or you can see that he is not making an effort to be with you after meeting you face to face.

Men usually want to be the one to persue the women then later she can decide to reciprocate or not in a romantic department. It a two way streets either which way you choose.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 172
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/10/2012 8:02:30 PM

It is called an old fashion way of dating.


Yes, I've found it quite amusing to be bashed on here for doing what my mom did back in the 40's. Men and women used to actually go out on dates with each other, and each of them might be dating more than one person until they both decided that they preferred each other to anyone else, and then they would "go steady" and become exclusive. What a concept!

I guess people now are supposed to decide on the first or second date that the person they've spent a couple of hours with is the new love of their life, and forsake all others until that relationship ends in another month or two.

Not for me, kthxbye.
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 173
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:41:50 PM
PittsburghVixen thanks. I didn't realize it until it was mentioned here but yes, that term "going steady" was a common concept for my grandparent's generation and maybe the concept needs to be resurrected. After all, there were less divorces back then for a reason, maybe we should all take a closer look at how our grandparents did things.
 BryanBush32
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 174
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/11/2012 9:41:39 PM
..women say we are all dogs..they play the same game..i just went through the same with a woman i met here..focused on nothing but her....of course her mind was elsewhere..i didnt even log into this site the whole time..i learned my lesson..play away..it is guaranteed whatever woman you are talking to here is doing the same
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 175
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:25:36 PM
Yes, I've found it quite amusing to be bashed on here for doing what my mom did back in the 40's.

Unless your mom slept with the guys she dated, dating today is not what your mom did back in the 40s. Back in the 40s, sex was something people did after marriage.

After all, there were less divorces back then for a reason, maybe we should all take a closer look at how our grandparents did things.

You mean you'd give up the freedom you have now and go back to the role women had in grandparent's day or do you just want to pick and choose the things you liked about the ``good old days?''
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are there any people left that date one at a time?