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 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 176
Are there any people left that date one at a time?Page 8 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

You mean you'd give up the freedom you have now and go back to the role women had in grandparent's day or do you just want to pick and choose the things you liked about the ``good old days?''


My grandparents had more freedom than I do now. It was safe to leave cars and front doors unlocked, It was safe to walk through their neighborhood alone at any hour day or night, neighbors were friends not strangers and people treated each other with respect.

Yeah, I'd go back to those "good old days." Sure they had WW1 and WW2, Vietnam, presidential assassinations and the cold war. The bad is always there along with the good. It's the character of a person and how they respond to life's challenges that makes them better or worse. And something about the way my grandparents lived definitely made their generation a better connected and socially adjusted one despite the lack of Internet and cell phones.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 177
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 2:20:01 AM

Yeah, I'd go back to those "good old days." Sure they had WW1 and WW2, Vietnam, presidential assassinations and the cold war.

In most of the states it was illegal to advertise or sell contraceptives, women had few options for employment and they were basically expected to get married and have children. (That might account for the lower divorce rate.) I think you've watched too many episodes of Leave It To Beaver.
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 178
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 3:45:16 AM
Multidating is no more old fashioned than dating one at a time they have both been around long before any of us were ever born. If multidating is more old fashioned than one at a time then tell us who did Adam and Eve date around with?
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 179
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 4:07:16 AM
I date one at a time, and I will only agree to meet a man who feels the same way. I decide whether I like a man based on his own merits, not whether or not there's another guy in the picture who could be "better". It's not like being exclusive from the beginning means we're the loves of each other's lives; I can stop seeing him in a week and then meet someone else. Nothing precludes me from "dumping" him at any point in time, if it so happens that things aren't right between us.
 taters51
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 180
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 4:18:49 AM
I don't buy into the old fashioned argument. It carries no weight and is a seriously flawed premise.
 happy2133
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 181
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 4:52:08 PM
How about the people who go out on more than one date and then decide there's no attraction. They "tried" to like you. What is that person a science experiment. I'm sorry but you know from the first date if that physical connection is there. You don't "try" to like someone. That person deserves much better than that. How arrogant!
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 182
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:05:23 PM

Unless your mom slept with the guys she dated, dating today is not what your mom did back in the 40s. Back in the 40s, sex was something people did after marriage.


She did not have sex with the guys she dated, but other people did...her younger sister, for one. Ever heard the old phrase, "had to get married"? or as Mom used to say, "The second baby comes in nine months, but the first baby can come anytime after the marriage."

I'm not advocating waiting until after marriage. I'm simply pointing out that to a lot of people (not to you), "dating" means going out together to participate in shared activities with someone in whom one may be interested, in order to spend time with them to determine if there's enough mutual interest to become more serious and THEN stop seeing anyone else.

You operated the way that you wished when you found your fiancee. Good for you. But you put others down for operating differently AND you seem to assume that anyone who is a multi-dater is promiscuous. That's insulting. self-righteous and condescending on your part.

And how kind of you to point out that dating today is different. Really? I had no idea. Silly me. I guess I just wouldn't know anything unless you enlightened me.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 183
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:09:10 PM

In most of the states it was illegal to advertise or sell contraceptives, women had few options for employment and they were basically expected to get married and have children.


Personally I don't wish to go back to all of the old-style ideas and mores. It is completely illogical and ridiculous to assume that because someone likes one idea from the past, that person also likes every other idea from the past.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 184
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History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:09:15 PM
"How about the people who go out on more than one date and then decide there's no attraction. They "tried" to like you. What is that person a science experiment. I'm sorry but you know from the first date if that physical connection is there. You don't "try" to like someone. That person deserves much better than that. How arrogant!"

Physical attraction is one part of the equation, which is why one date is often not enough unless you are completely repulsed by the person. There are plenty of men and women on these forums that admit that attraction has grown with previous partners. My physical attraction to a woman wanes when I start to learn about her personality if it is not favorable. On the first date, it is very unfair in most circumstances to judge someone's character. But after the second, or even third the puzzle starts to form.
 krazykurlz
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 185
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 9:12:31 PM
^^^^

very true! One date is not giving yourself or the other person a fair chance.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 186
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:14:19 PM
i agree with you...i have always preferred to date one man at a time... when there are too many options one can't truly connect with anyone...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 187
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:00:29 AM
But you put others down for operating differently AND you seem to assume that anyone who is a multi-dater is promiscuous.

You have a reading comprehension problem. What I've said is that if you date several people at once you have to assume the other person is promiscuous and base your decision to date that person on that assumption. If I'm putting anyone down, it's the people who don't comprehend that concept and expect to have it both ways. Multi-dating is fine if you're prepared for and are ok with finding out anything about what that person you might end up in a relationship with, was doing while you were dating, only after you end up in a relationship, but the vast majority of people who want to multi-date are completely naive in that because they aren't sleeping with anyone, they believe the person they're dating isn't either. Stop interpreting what I write into what you want to believe I said.

It is completely illogical and ridiculous to assume that because someone likes one idea from the past, that person also likes every other idea from the past.

Of course it is, but it's illogical to like an idea that hinges on a lot of ideas you don't like, so if you don't like those other ideas, then don't pine away for dating in the good old days. I'm not the one being illogical here. I'm pointing out the illogical thinking that goes into wishing dating was like it was in the old days.
 happy2133
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 188
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/13/2012 6:57:50 AM
I do agree that sometimes attraction can grow but I also feel that it has to be there at least somewhat at the very beginning. And then to say that the personality is great and the person is so nice. Then it has to be purely physical why it's not there which again, I feel should have come off on the first date. I guess what I truly object to is the use of the word "tried" That's what I find arrogant. I don't need anyone to "try" to like me. Thanks but no thanks. I'll hold out for the man who likes me and doesn't have to TRY.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 189
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:07:58 AM

if you date several people at once you have to assume the other person is promiscuous and base your decision to date that person on that assumption.


You are correct in that statement.


Multi-dating is fine if you're prepared for and are ok with finding out anything about what that person you might end up in a relationship with, was doing while you were dating, only after you end up in a relationship, but the vast majority of people who want to multi-date are completely naive in that because they aren't sleeping with anyone, they believe the person they're dating isn't either.


You are also correct there, except for the phrase "only after you end up in a relationship". The whole point of dating different people is to avoid committing to one relationship until you find out more about them, including if they are worthy of giving up seeing anyone else, and if they are having sex with other people - so that you can decide whether or not to keep dating them and to become intimate with them. Obviously if you date them and get to know them and are NOT OK with what you find out, you wouldn't end up in a relationship with them.

Perhaps it is not my reading comprehension, but your attitude and your memory for what you've written in many, many posts here and in other threads regarding people who multi-date before becoming exclusive. You may not realize how your attitude is perceived, but you do come across as negative and condescending toward those who multi-date. Your posts on other topics are usually logical and objective, but not on this topic.

Also, perhaps your dating style causes you to assume that a multi-dater is stringing someone along for months. In my case, if there's initial interest in a second date, it takes only 3-4 dates in total to determine if there's enough interest to sustain further development with a guy. Then it's either bye-bye to him or bye-bye to anyone else in whom I may have been interested enough to go out with.

If someone prefers dates only one person at a time because they are concerned about promiscuity, exactly how do they know for sure that the other person is doing the same?

Who is more "promiscuous": a person who dates someone exclusively right away, screws them on the third date, breaks up with them after a month and goes on to date someone else right away with the same - or the person who dates 2-3 people in the same timeframe, does not screw any of them, after three dates decides that one of those people is a good candidate for something more and then stops seeing the others? Please do note that I am not suggesting that everyone who dates one-at-a-time or multi-dates uses this timeframe, but the "third date rule" seems to be quite popular here - this is just an example.


it's illogical to like an idea that hinges on a lot of ideas you don't like

How, exactly, does the idea of dating more than one person until deciding to be steady with only one, "hinge on" a lot of ideas that I don't like? I see absolutely no connection there. If your statement was true, it would be impossible to practice my personal preferences without my also having to believe in and practice those "ideas" that I don't like. That makes no sense.
 CuriousFantasyWriter
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 190
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:55:12 AM


It is completely illogical and ridiculous to assume that because someone likes one idea from the past, that person also likes every other idea from the past.

Of course it is, but it's illogical to like an idea that hinges on a lot of ideas you don't like, so if you don't like those other ideas, then don't pine away for dating in the good old days. I'm not the one being illogical here. I'm pointing out the illogical thinking that goes into wishing dating was like it was in the old days.


Every time frame in history has good and bad times. I was merely trying to point out that during our grandparents day, there were less divorces and it was more common for people to stay married for 50 years. It would be interesting to look at why and possibly learn something from that.

I hated that show Leave it to Beaver. :p And condoms have been available since the 1800's. Not all successful birth control methods involve pumping hormones into a woman's body. Again, there is the communication factor. A couple that communicates well and pays attention to a woman's cycle can avoid pregnancy. I avoided pregnancy for 5 years that way, until my ex and I were ready to start trying to have my youngest child.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 191
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 5/21/2012 9:36:25 AM
Not to long ago I started dating again, I think I was dating one at a time, but not sure what you call it.

I had a women I was sleeping with in Thailand in 2009, I was going back to meet her early 2010. But I didn't think it was going to work out longer term, so while I was with her I joined a local dating service. I met several women on there who I arranged to meet on my next trip back. My plan was to meet someone new for 1 week, go back to the old GF for a week, then an open week, then someone new the last week. There were a few others that I could meet if things didn't work out.

I was also on a paid USA dating service, and had met a several women, one that was teaching in China, one was a business owner in Hong Kong, two were local. Naturally I met the two locals first, one I rejected right away, one was nice and we could have had something going, but after a 2 dates I didn't follow up. Reason was I was due to return to Thailand in a month, and couldn't figure out how to explain that to someone new in the USA that I was likely to be sleeping with at that point.

When I got back to Thailand, the first new women I really connected well with, we stayed together 24/7 for the first week, when the old GF called I told her I had met someone new, and I wasn't going to see her again. I sort of thought if I did meet up with her, it would hard to get rid of her, and we texted back and forth over 30 times, at first I was a chickensh|t, then I didn't know her heart, let's get married, etc, etc. My new GF would see all the phone calls / texts I was getting, and wanted me to meet my old GF with her in tow to tell the old one to buzz off, but I didn't think it was wise to have them both in the same room. Eventually the old GF went away after I gave her some money because she complained she needed it to travel back home, whatever, I deposited it into her checking account without having to meet her. She was always a little too mercenary for my taste.

Flying to Hong Kong from Thailand is cheap, and I was keeping in touch with her also. She knew about the women in Thailand, but it seemed to make her want to see me all the more. So I decided to use my third week to fly to Hong Kong, it was the perfect time to do this. So I told the new GF my schedule to Hong Kong without getting into details. She did know I was there looking for relationships. Silly me, I got mixed up while in line on a laptop at the airport, and accidentally sent an email intended for the Hong Kong lady to the Thai new GF, so at that point she really knew, but crap happens, I'll deal with it if it turns out to be a problem. So I met the Hong Kong lady for 6 days, flying back to Thailand to wind up the month with the new GF.

IM view when one fly's to another country to see someone, it's best to combine this with a vacation, seeing new sites with a native where she can really show one the best places to go. And arrange to see others as maybe one or the other dates won't work out. Its expense / time consuming to travel, you should get the most bang for your trip.

More went on later both with the new GF and the Hong Kong lady, but that was how the trip went in 2010. One reason I was dating in Thailand is I was thinking of moving there for 6-24 months and wanted to see how it would work out.

I read about speed dating, I think of this as speed relationships. We really do get to concentrated on each other as most often we are together either 24/7 for 6-14 days, maybe we sleep together or maybe not, hard to predict, but you tend to see each other every day for all day. You really get to know someone pretty well after spending that much time alone with them.

I don't think I would like mulit-dating where one does a lot of meet and greets or dates 2 or more back and forth on a daily basis, hard to get to know someone well like that, for me it is it is easy to get mixed up.
 BLONDGIRL2013
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 192
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:30:26 AM
Hi ; ) I only interested in ( 1 ) man at a time so there's no confusion or suspect for the other person keep and Being respectful not only of thier time but for mine as well. So in case one or both in agreement that theres no chemistry on both parties or 1 lets say if there No chemistry / attraction it gives them the space A n d The Respect to look for someone with more chemiastry A n d attraction Ihavent been having any luck at least so far I always get quite the opposite of what i prefer/ looking for.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 193
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:53:20 PM
i only date one person at a time...i also do not sleep with multiple people...i want something a bit deeper, meaningful, based upon common trust and mutual respect... i want something beyond a sexual thrill...which is why i don't do well with the romantic multitasking...
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 194
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:59:40 PM
When I first got into online dating I would date multiple women. At one point, I was up to five at the same time. However, I quickly learned that it was not the way to go. Not only did it get to feel like a job where I was having to remember so many details about all these different women, but when I would start to connect with more than one it felt like I was on the Bachelor. Having to cut a woman loose that you actually want to get to know better because you like another one slightly better sucks.

So now I deal with one woman at a time. Once a month, I will devote a few hours to going through as many profiles as I can. Then I bookmark all the ones that appeal to me. Then I will send out a genuine email to the first one on the list. I give it 3-4 days. If I hear nothing back, I move onto the next one and so on. I am not desperate to meet somebody, nor do I want to play a numbers game sending out 20-30 emails at a time hoping one hits. I prefer to take my time and be selective. That way if I get a response and I want to continue the process, I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I don't care if it ends at a few emails, the initial phone call, or if it only goes to a first meet and that is it. I just deal with her.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 195
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:29:48 PM
I concentrate on one man at a time. Dating more than one person is crazy-making for everyone involved, I learned in my 20s.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 196
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 8:10:41 PM
So you really expect the woman to NOT communicate with any other man after ONE or TWO emails from you and a phone call?? YOU think that is all it take to be in a relationship??? WOW. AND you are really under the impression that if she had not been talking to other men YOU would have had it made???? Come on dude really?? Maybe just maybe she didnt like the way you look after she meet you face to face??? MAYBE the dinner she felt NO connection and felt no need to lead you on any more. AND how do YOU know she was talking to other people?? SHE told you??? Then she never took you serious to begin with. Isnt it more that you felt a connection and wanted her to give you a couple of dates to prove you are the one??? That if you had gotten that 2nd 3rd maybe even 4th date she would have seen how you open doors, paid for dinners and faked interests really well and decided you were the man she would settle for??? It dont work like that. If she doesnt feel any connection on the first meeting then YOU are wasting your time buddy, time to move on.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 197
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 8:17:30 PM
So you really expect the woman to NOT communicate with any other man after ONE or TWO emails from you and a phone call?? YOU think that is all it take to be in a relationship??? WOW. AND you are I went with a guy 2 times and I must admit I wasn't feeling him on the first date. He contacted me a year later and said I did not give him a fair chance I should have gone out with at least two time before I made the decision he wasn't the one. He even had me meet him outside his home to show me his house and introduced me to his kids, but what would that change?? YOU ardent him you ardent him. NO need for 20 dates for me to decide that.
 valerie555
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 198
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 9:21:46 PM
Yes. It's hard to focuson more than one at a time.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 199
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:30:19 PM
It is up to you who you date. Unless I am in an exclusive relationship I would date whoever interests me to keep the options open and everyone is entitled to do that. If a woman is interested in you seriously she will concentrate on you, otherwise not. Cyberspace dating is competitive because of the number of men that women have to choose from and women are spoiled for choice very often if they are in any way attractive. Dating one at a time is for those that have serious interest in a person and want to develop the connection.
 shoopashoes
Joined: 5/16/2012
Msg: 200
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:14:23 AM
I date or chat in general to one at a time. As honestly it tends to take some time to even find one you seem attracted to and get along with. However as the poster above says, this does constantly backfire. However I am not at the point to be speaking or trying to meet 5 people, as for me that would show none of them were more then anything will do rather then be alone.
I do cut them off very quickly now and just keep moving along as soon as they start the obvious games or are clearly lining up a lot. But no I only want to date someone who stood out from the start ( same as any ex ), not just end up with someone who really could of been anyone in the bunch.
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