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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How "open" are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?      Home login  
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 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 226
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?Page 10 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

So, if someone is going to come on here give an answer, yes, honesty over spin would be nice. What's the point of coming on here and giving a disingenuous answer?


Probably the same point as coming on here, without an answer, only to point out how "dishonest" everybody is being. Kinda insulting either way, don't you think?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 227
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 2:28:36 PM

All the guys I would want to date are here in the forums and by definition, out of my geographical area.


Ah, but you think that because here, in the forums, you get the benefit of knowing everybody a little bit better. We write, we learn. This is what the dating process is all about, too, right? We meet, we talk (which is far, far better than writing) and we learn.

You think all the men you'd like to date are only here in the forums, but the reality is that nothing could be further from the truth. All around your area are men of integrity, honesty and virtue who you have yet to meet because, for whatever reason, they wrote a crappy profile. You've met only 13 folks. There are dozens and dozens more to come your way. Someday, when you least expect it ... BAM ... it'll hit you. We all know what Wayne Gretzky said, right? You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 228
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 7:52:32 PM
So Mike, how was your date? Mine was good... Will go out again on Friday. :) He has a duct taped Toyota... I have a duct taped Toyota... It must be meant to be.
 pinedrop
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 229
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 9:09:35 PM
I'm not so young, but I wouldn't go so far to say I was unattractive...I mean I'd do me. (hahahahaha!)

If it is any consolation coming from me I would say you are definitely doable IMO

This thread has occupied my thoughts for several days. I wonder the same thing quite often and the best i can come up with is, "I dunno". I did not plan it this way but it is none the less my situation. I found myself widowed at 58 after a 35 year marriage. Within one year a women ten years my junior had moved in with me at my house. This lasted almost 4 years with the final straw being she wanting to move her un employed son in with me also. We never argued I was just not happy and feeling like I had sold out myself as her White Night. I helped her into her own apartment and moved on. I thought i would find happiness with some OLD. That was quite a learning experience and i found OLD more likely to leave me feeling frustrated than not. It really was just not much fun going to coffee dates and first, second and third dates. Seems like I was always seeking her approval until I realized it really did not matter much to me anymore.

I should confess that IRL I have a SO who lives in the area. We will never marry and in over a year I still do not sleep at her house and I always come home to my house. A very good friend with benefits. Perhaps this is why i almost never answer my viewers. I have my adult children with their families in the area and so I am not a lonely man, but when I look down the road into the future I see me single though it is not my real desire.

I think i am just to un motivated right now to do much to change my life. When the right one walks up and carries me away I hope to still be breathing.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 230
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 9:13:16 PM
It's pretty sad when you need to budget romance in your quest to find love.

Getting lucky isn't very hard 4-5x a year with a 7-10.

YMMV
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 231
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 9:19:47 PM

...I would say you are definitely doable IMO


Tip: That's not a compliment, Hon.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 232
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 9:32:34 PM
Seriously?

But that's like the highest compliment a guy can give. Except for, "she's a real good sport." Every guy knows that means she's up for 3 ways.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 233
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 9:36:51 PM
Pinedrop.... may I ask if you have your current SO arrangement and you are happy with that.
And you are here, but do not answer any of the messages a woman sends you.....
Especially when you have
If you would like to converse then please do.
on your profile

Why are you here?


And I agree a man saying a woman is 'doable' is NOT received as a compliment by a woman.
At least not this woman.

 pinedrop
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 234
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 10:52:30 PM
I didn't mean to offend anyone it was more of an affirmation of her self reflection, using her terms. I could just say she is pretty to me. Anyway moving on to a deeper quest. Why am I here? OLD that is.

I will say i wished i had discovered this forum much earlier than recently. I kind of did the best i could with good intentions but at times it is not enough. Things happen. At one time i actively dated largely OLD. I even bought a new red sports car that said old geyser all over it. I always responded politely to any attention. I think i went on a dating whirlwind. I flew to Las Vegas for a weekend coffee date one time. I dated a nine or ten BTW even after learning of her four divorces. As I said i have much to learn. Then one day i stopped and thought about it for awhile. I seemed to be spending a lot of time and a lot of money and not really getting any closer to meeting my match.

Just about that time IRL i gave my business card to a lady customer, she said, " I'll put it in my bra next to my heart and i said thanks for putting me right where i want to be. So that is what happened. Didn't even have to fly to vegas

I enjoy her company but as I said before she is also a hermit with a horse habit. She says i need a house frau whatever that is. So maybe that is it ?Maybe I am online looking for a house frau whatever that is. like i said already, I dunno.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 235
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/25/2015 10:59:38 PM
I can help with what she may mean as a haus frau.

Lady in public, angel in the kitchen, vixen in the bedroom.
1950's ideal. Stepford wives.
She will agree with everything you say, wash your socks, iron your shirts, pick up after you, cook you breakfast, keep the house immaculate, be looking beautiful when you arrive home with dinner ready.
Sit you down with your slippers, dog and newspaper and beverage of your choice.
Never expect anything from you other than your company.
No dating, no you trying to woo her, no spending money on her, no listening to her chatter.
Does that sound about right?

Or course you can have all that and still have a profile on here and date.
Many do.

 pinedrop
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 236
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/27/2015 1:06:14 PM
No, your response sounds mean and nasty to my simple post.

The term Haus Frau, i looked it up, means simply the German word for housewife/partner. No one I know is looking for the subservient slave that you allude to. Sorry you have such a negative concept for the word. I asked my SO what she meant by her statement. She said she thinks i just miss my wife and that i long for that type of relationship. A wife and a partner. Not the mean interpretation you allude to.

My wife BTW was a wonderful person and a stay at home mom to our children. She once expressed her gratitude to me for being successful enough that she did not have to work a job unless she wanted to. She could be home to raise our children and i still had three houses paid for in my forties. When my children went to school she took a teaching a job in the same school with them all the way through high school. My son's wife is also at home with her children.

Maybe if more women could raise their children without having to rush back to some crappy job the world would be a better place. Most often the choice to quickly return to work is a choice one makes but often it is simply not necessary.
Remember the women largely are the one's who raise the boys in their early formative years. So when you crab about us men, stop and think about the son you raised. How did you do.?
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 237
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/27/2015 1:30:38 PM

I can help with what she may mean as a haus frau.

Lady in public, angel in the kitchen, vixen in the bedroom.
1950's ideal. Stepford wives.
She will agree with everything you say, wash your socks, iron your shirts, pick up after you, cook you breakfast, keep the house immaculate, be looking beautiful when you arrive home with dinner ready.
Sit you down with your slippers, dog and newspaper and beverage of your choice.
Never expect anything from you other than your company.
No dating, no you trying to woo her, no spending money on her, no listening to her chatter.
Does that sound about right?

Or course you can have all that and still have a profile on here and date.
Many do.


I think this is exactly what they are looking for. EXACTLY and they want you to be GRATEFUL for being EXACTLY that.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 238
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/29/2015 11:09:02 AM
It is also a fact that people will blame anything but themselves,the media,television and the internet all have off buttons and parents can have a tremendous influence on their children if they themselves tear themselves away from what they blame their failures as parents on and be a part of their childrens lives.....no guarantees but its better than the blame game when one considers that when a child is a success good parenting is credited for it but if they fail then its society,the media,peer pressure etc etc that's to blame.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 239
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/29/2015 11:57:27 AM
^^^ you mean you want people to take accountability for their own life?

say it ain't so...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 240
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 11/30/2015 7:23:29 AM

Tip: That's not a compliment, Hon.


Sheesh...I made a joke.
I think he responded in the spirit of my post and I'm
not likely to feel insulted.

But thank you for the tip.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 241
hey, i get told to screw myself all the time...but i might want more than the tip
Posted: 11/30/2015 12:30:57 PM
If your education is above average, then whether you are man or woman, its difficult to find someone who can keep up...and isn't already taken. Its merely the law of averages, everyone's under the bell curve and you're the outlier. You can dumb down a little (or just not discuss nuclear physics or yesterday's stock market results). but you can also feel when the conversation is about to run out of steam, b/c you're running out of things to say. you're driving the car, making alternate plans in your head depending upon how dinner might turn out, and then you have to on top of it figure out how to breathe life back into the convo.

some of us might be killer date potential, yet suck for a long term relationship (we might do great dates, but run out of ideas, or maybe we're really intelligent but lack common sense, or...you get the idea). we might be single b/c we do suck, or just b/c we're unique. or because we've been alone for so long, and gotten so good at it, that dressing up to do the mating game seems to be a real PITA. again, i'll agree with Henry, if someone wants anything in life, they can't wait for it to get delivered on a silver platter. Then again, there's a reason we aren't all living in mansions, driving Ferrarris and vacationing in the Siene--we don't want to work 100 hours a week to afford our dreams. sometimes we avoid scouring the country for the perfect match, to settle for who we met at work or at church.

From a guy's standpoint, I have to agree with Clooney, er, whoever he is now--being the alternate social director can be a drag after a month. Some women are social and get out, others find the world a scary place (not saying that as an insult, I get what they mean). its nice to show a new person a favorite restaurant, park, etc, but after a while, its kinda like...hey, what YOU got? back at university, the lass i lost my cherry to mentioned that we didn't go out a whole lot anymore, and she realized i was a broke college student but hey. i pointed out that she tended to fall asleep by 9pm unless we were having sex, so why pay for a night out when she was sleeping on my shoulder halfway thru? she was kind enough to accept my point. (not to mention, hey, i finally got laid--this stuff is fun! :) ).

(for those who will ask, i did offer a counter--since she wasn't going to college and i had a flat with no roomies, she was free to drive up to my area, we'd to to the nightly events on campus, she could sleep over and then go to work the next day from my location. maybe she figured my ulterior motive since i only saw her Friday and Saturday nights? lol b/c she never took me up on my counteroffer)

I don't blame a woman for wanting an attractive partner--so do I. Not stunning, just attractive to me (past the age of 18, its difficult to fake a sexual attraction, if ya know what i mean). A recent activity partner of mine was telling me this weekend that not only she enjoyed the places I took her and the time we spent, but that she's started sleeping with the guy she's dating who she has nothing in common with other than they both like to go out and drink. Admittedly, my brain goes "WTF!" but hey, we want what we want.

as for the dates who want the Madonna/Whore complex, yeah, i guess as we change from the 1950's to the new century, there's still ideas and contexts that come up and bite us all in the ass. sometimes, two people are in agreement over it. i used to say i had old fashioned values, about hard work and not using cellphones for all communication and such. But now, "old fashioned values" seems to be a call sign for certain attitudes.
 Nth_degree1111
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 242
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hey, i get told to screw myself all the time...but i might want more than the tip
Posted: 11/30/2015 12:53:31 PM

If your education is above average


I think it's less your education and more your native abilities. I've known some well-educated dummies.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 243
hey, i get told to screw myself all the time...but i might want more than the tip
Posted: 11/30/2015 1:00:16 PM
i think that there's different ways to be educated. someone might be very knowledgable, and yet totally lacking common sense. Or they might not know how to build a product, but they know how to hire intelligent people and how to manage them to make a killer product (i listen to presidential candidates excuse their lack of knowledge by saying they'd hire smart advisors, but of course, if their ego gets in the way and they don't listen to those smart advisors...then the advisors are worth about nothing). I've annoyed a few smart folk by suggesting people can be intelligent, knowledgable, or have common sense. Or they might have two of the three. Rare is the person who has them all.

an ex gf of mine put it well--most people are able to figure out WHAT happened. Some go to a higher level of figuring out HOW it happened. And think they're smart enough. Only a few reach the top level of figuring out WHY it happened. I suspect those who worry about how the world affects them, figure out how things happened to them, happened. that's as far as they are interested in going.Those who worry about the world around them, who are comfortable with the idea they are a grain of sand on the beach of life, consider the WHY of things. many people don't worry about things that don't have to do with themselves, don't put themselves into the proverbial shoes of other people. Sometimes it just the chemicals in their brain, sometimes they just weren't taught to think "outside the box", the box being their own consciousness.

some people are just born curious about their surroundings, and if they never go to college, they look over enough shoulders to learn how things work, and can reverse-engineer a problem until they see a solution. Others might go to school, learn everything there is about a computer, and then become a great employee for someone (my father was great at computers, lousy at running a business, so he started a desktop computer company years before IBM, and went bankrupt just before IBM got into the market. Like many engineers, he kept refining the product that he never got to flood the market with it).

you're correct, nth, there's an old saying about inspirational talks: a motivated idiot is...still an idiot. I worked with people who "knew enough to be dangerous", meaning they'd try to fix things thinking they understood enough to know what they were doing (Compared to those who knew they didn't, and quickly called for help), and then there would be two problems--the original one, and the new one they created by flipping switches. Even Socrates, back in the day, uttered something about being smarter than those condemning him to drinking hemlock b/c at least he knew he wasn't smart.
 Nubile_Newfie
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 244
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/1/2015 1:32:36 AM
I'm single because I haven't really ever tried to be in a relationship with someone. I'm also single because of my own insecurities and having to broadcast them to a potential mate terrifies me honestly. I'm also single because I'm picky, and won't settle for someone who I don't find attractive, nor will I settle for someone who I don't feel chemistry with. I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. You have to be the whole package or I'm not interested. Add in I'm generally reserved and not particularly friendly at first even though I'm a decent
guy if you're willing to get to know me, you kinda get the idea why I'm single. I just don't particularly enjoy engaging in small talk, and would rather get right down to it.


When I was a teenager I was in a relationship once, and to be honest, I wasn't happy at the time. To put it simply, I just didn't love or care for her at all. I felt bad for leading her on, but I just couldn't keep up the charade of pretending to be happy and in love and broke it off after only a few months. Peer pressure probably had something to do with it, but mostly I think was because I just wanted something to do and to fit in. I'm not proud of what I did, but I've learned from it and it's shaped my views on relationships to this day. It's gotta be genuine and real, otherwise it's just not worth it and in my case, I'm not capable of going down that path.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 245
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/1/2015 2:08:18 AM

It is also a fact that people will blame anything but themselves,the media,television and the internet all have off buttons and parents can have a tremendous influence on their children if they themselves tear themselves away from what they blame their failures as parents on and be a part of their childrens lives.....no guarantees but its better than the blame game when one considers that when a child is a success good parenting is credited for it but if they fail then its society,the media,peer pressure etc etc that's to blame.


Community has an integral part in the upbringing of children, in certain cultures (good, bad, and complicated): particularly in mine, though my children were mostly primarily raised by me, they were fortunate to have had the positive influences of a grounded community (schools, etc), here and abroad, extensive family and some enviable friendships I made along the way. And yes, community issues do have an impact on the molding of a child's perspective in relationships with communities.

That said, if I'm principally involved in sewing the fabric of their quilt of relationships in their formative years,, I'm principally the person responsible for how the child reacts to and deals with people's actions that are not my responsibility, by teaching them to stand up for themselves and doing everything humanly possible to help them learn from it. Good, bad, and complicated.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 246
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/1/2015 4:38:13 PM
I'll be open about it. I have a habit of being completely oblivious. If '"m actually flirting with a girl, I do a good job of reading what's going on. But then I'll get a text from a girl saying she's cold and ask how good I am at keeping girls warm, and I'll respond with asking if she has any blankets. (this actually happened over the weekend). I naturally have a "flirty" personality, so a lot of things people say I just brush it off as acting normal, because that's normal for me. Unless I'm actually trying, I don't think you can make yourself obvious enough.
 pinedrop
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 247
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/1/2015 8:26:45 PM
"YMMV'

And to you sir please ESAD
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 248
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/2/2015 11:47:11 AM

I'll be open about it. I have a habit of being completely oblivious.


I'm pretty flirty as well, and I do this all the time.

"Want to go out for some coffee?" "Oh, no thank you...I don't drink coffee."
"What are you doing after work?" "I'm going home to do laundry and catch up on my shows."
"What time do you get off work?" "Usually 11 except if it's Sunday and then 10, and if I don't work my
night job, I'm off at 5."
"Want to grab a coffee or snack at the cafe on your break?" "No thank you. I don't drink coffee and there are snacks
in the breakroom."

The list goes on.
For someone who's usually pretty astute...I can be very oblivious...hahahahaha!
 kingmute
Joined: 11/20/2015
Msg: 249
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/2/2015 12:32:21 PM

I won't be discussing this with anyone in the future


Seems to me if you have the right connection, you should be able to discuss anything. Its easy. You just stare into his eyes with your baby blues (or whatever color) . . . and say . . . . I have been single up to now because until you . . . I never met my soulmate.

If its not the right connection . . . none of his/her business.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 250
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 12/2/2015 12:36:49 PM
I thought we were discussing it here.
I wouldn't be open to discussing it with anyone who asked
on a date either.
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