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Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

is what did I do wrong???

Dude, the question you need to ask is, what did I do right. And the answer would be, nothing.

She took all the initiative. Made all the moves and you did what? Complaint about her fishnet stockings because no one else does. Hello. Just get yourself a plain boring woman that does nothing and maybe you will be happy.
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 23
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/22/2009 3:32:41 PM
Oh boy, haven't we all been through that crap? They tell you stuff that makes you think that "this is it" even though everything seems to be too good to be true. I had that happen to me about a month ago. As in your case we started off flirting on an online dating service and kept doing that for probably a month and a half. Then I met someone and we hung out two or so weeks and when that ended I went back online. By that time she was seeing some guy but she wasn't sure if it was leading anywhere. Also, given the fact that she was on the dating site I figured that the guy she'd been seeing a few weeks was out of the picture anyway. In other words: my short romance had ended and so had hers. A week or so passed and then she asked me out. I said "sure" and we set up a date...

It lasted about 3 weeks and during that time she'd spoken about us in such a way that it really made me think that she was truly serious but I felt that it was going a little bit too fast. Before all that however, she'd told me that she had problems letting people into her life, to allow herself to get emotionally involved, etc. While you might think that that's a red flag in itself; I was curious after all that flirting online and obviously I wanted to see her and the feeling was definitely mutual. I spent several nights at her place and the last time we saw each other was a Sunday. The next day I could tell that something wasn't right because normally she always "texted" me several times a day, but this day I heard nothing. So I sent a message and an hour later she replied that things didn't feel right, that she had that problem of falling in love, etc. etc. and blah blah...

So yeah, disappointment is a big part of the "game" indeed. You learn something new each time and one of them is to keep a cool head and not believe in a word until you see some concrete proof. It is also important to keep in mind everything that was said BEFORE the date. Sometimes after a break-up I've re-read old emails or messages and seen the answers right in front of my eyes. It is so damn easy to get carried away and be almost blindfolded. However, keeping a cool head also makes it more difficult to actually develop feelings for somebody. Given the fact that most relationships don't last for very long these days I guess that it doesn't really matter. It won't last anyway. That's the sad truth. I see it happen all over the place. People just date and date and think that they know everything, when in reality they don't know a jack $hit. It's not a coincidence that there are so many single men and women out there - have you ever asked yourself why? How can millions and millions of people be single in the first place?
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 24
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:25:43 AM

So, she had problems, like IBS,

LOLOL pirate,,,i thought i was the only one who seen that he mentioned she has IBS. Not quite sure why he felt he needed to mention she has it??
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 25
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/23/2009 3:14:20 PM
"what i'd really like to know is why a 23 year old man doesn't have car insurance?"
Taken out of context perhaps. But hey, I'm 32 and I've never even owned a car. I do have a driver's license though.
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 26
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/23/2009 4:37:36 PM
"I got dumped"


"I go with the flow"

This whole post is a setup for a poop joke?
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 27
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/23/2009 6:28:08 PM
wait a minute, you actually said, "I hope you take me back"

This really really makes you look like a mega-wuss. Men don't beg after 3 dates.

Another problem is you kept talking to her like 4 hours a time over messenger?

No wonder she lost interest, you made her a center-point in your life way too early. You shouldn't be exclusive after a first date. You shouldn't talk to her except to plan another date with her, else you run out of things to talk about and you bore her. And it makes you look too available/desperate. You have to live your own life and make time for them along your free time. And as the relationship grows between her, then you can allow more time for her. But let her do it on her pace, and don't let it hold your life up. Make sure you treat her good though, just don't come obsessed.

Remember, only control freak women want mega-wuss boyfriends, and you don't want one of those girls.
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 28
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Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 5:31:08 AM
Women dump men as fast or faster than men dump the trash. Human beings are out for themselves and that aint changin any time soon. If a women is not kissing me very passionately the first time we are together, I am not interested. Call it natural selection.
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 29
view profile
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:29:42 AM

It was the old, I'm wearing fishnets and you still bored me to death dump

Yep, you were not assertive enough with her, you went to the friend zone....
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 31
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:28:29 AM
Mikey, my original answer is simply that you did nothing wrong. You were yourself, but she like many out there go out thinking some magical spark has to happen to set their hearts on fire in order for it to be potential.

It is true you need something like this, but from what you're telling me it sounds more like she isn't ready to give that spark to anyone. She thought you were cute, went out a few times, didn't feel anything, and thus changed her mind. I'm glad you two are talking again, because in my opinion spark just doesn't happen instantly. Many times you have to talk, get to know the person, etc...and thus it develops. Too many out there think it's supposed to happen immediately, and thus many times they reject possible good men and women due to these fairytale desires.

I've seen plenty of people who talk of how they can tell instantly if this is someone they would want to date and get involved with, but I always notice how these same people are chronically single, and when they do meet someone they ends up being a mess and thus they get hurt.

You have to be careful with this girl...because in my book she first was fearful to "let you in", and then isn't mature enough to make up her own mind, so she runs to her friends and plays the Sex and the City game to get them to tell her to stay single and look for a "bigger better deal".

Believe me, I've been through that enough...and it's why I don't take dating very seriously. Not unless the woman is going to show me a real sign of serious. Don't get your heart running ahead of things. You could have five great dates that go off magically, making out since date 2, and amazing sex on dates 3, 4, and 5...but she can still flip on you and suddenly just want to be friends or not see you again.

It's why you have to unfortunately hold back and be relaxed about things. It's why I won't bring flowers to a girl on the first few dates, and I won't get all romantic quickly. Most of the time I'm following her lead on where things go. Some women might claim that's the wrong thing to do, but I see modern dating now as women are just plain scared and thus you have to gauge them to see how far they want to go on each date. Don't put any pressure and let her become comfortable with you. Most of the time that's when sparks happen.

If she's going to reject you because you're not putting pressure on her initially, then let her go. If you're showing her interest, but not pushing to get to intimacy and she's going to drop you for that, then let her be. She sees things differently, and I bet she doesn't have a lot of luck in dating either. Again, too many times the girl wants the guy to push more she ends up being a "pumped and dumped" female. you...and only blame yourself if you do something bad to the girl. Don't blame yourself for being respectful and showing interest.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 33
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:23:25 AM

I don't think I could go on coffee dates with anyone again, I would seriously screw up.

Good grief. You've been Pavlov conditioned to be the little rat, that with one little shock now does not touches the food.

No pain, no gain, dude.

What you need to do is understand what dating is all about. It's about trying. It's about tanking, and screwing it up and considering that a victory, because the goal IS to have a good time, to LEARN about how to interact. The reality is that when you are nervous, you are not your true self. YOu are instead the rat not wanting to get hurt again. And you become the woos that says "I hope she takes me back." And you pursue ALL your relationships through PAIN AVOIDANCE as opposed to going for exactly what you want.

When I was dating there were two places that never worked for me, one was the coffee sh it thing, the other was the movies. Coffee meetings end up as boring interviews because nobody lowers their guard. So it was not about having fun, so from there on, I would go for something I would have fun with and she could come along for the ride. Second, was movies. They sucks because YOU are not communicating, and instead you have all this tension without building attraction. So you need to chose places that amplify attraction. That let's you talk about stuff. Even inviting a woman to go shopping for shoes is better that the other two. Why? Because you now are asking her what she things about something and are taking her opinion as valid. Second, you can talk about anything while shopping. You can even take a trip to Victoria's Secret and escalate the conversation (don't do this unless you know what you are doing, but it was as an example).

One of my favorite places to go was Tapas bars, but again, that works for slightly older women that are more curios or sophisticated about wines. Another awesome place was to go to a farmer's market. Buy something together, then go over your place and either cook it or if it' already pre-made eat it. Or create a picnic and go to some lake area, or some cool park, and eat and enjoy those delicacies and talk.
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 34
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Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:26:45 AM
hey buddy
to me she thinks you are a boring guy
the reason why you are boring ..
1)first you talk with her on the massager too much (hang out with her more often) if she's too busy for work how can she has time to talk on IMs
2) all the dates you went with her are pretty much boring
use your imagination ... do something different then just movies or coffee shop
because i bet that you talk a lot on your dates girls think guys that are talkative are not attractive
rather let her talk about herself more than you talk about whatever you be talking about
and the fact that you don't let her talk about herself you never got to know her well...
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 35
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 12:22:06 PM
Anyone else want in on the 'dead pool' for when she dumps him again ?

Look - I know it sucks - but going to happen. Perhaps I should not be so glib about it. She has some agenda to all this, and guess what? She is in 100% control of this relationship, and not likely to share.

This only ends one way........
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 37
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 4/24/2009 5:01:20 PM
you chose poorly; this girl is as serious as a cartoon; she likes the attention of the internet and just wants a good time;

Also lets face it; 20 somethings in todays world are pretty materialistic and shallow so not having a car or money is something that they love to look at. Not all but many.

I wouldn't sweat it; work hard, make some money and worry about your career; a good woman will come.

And yes; if she's wearing fish nets it's not exactly someone you want to bring home to mom; Sleazy is in, but it's still sleazy. I dont want a woman with a lot of hands on her.
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 43
Confused of how I JUST got dumped...
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:15:44 AM
You need to date around. I am afraid you are getting too serious about this girl *way too fast*. P.S. I think it is cool she wore fishnet stockings!
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