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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is there too much competition on dating web sites      Home login  
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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Is there too much competition on dating web sitesPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

If your afraid of competing on here then your in the wrong place or write only really ugly gals I guess. Dating intelligent, attractive women is no more competitive here then in real life. This venue simply gives many gorgeous women a chance to meet more exciting intelligent men they wouldnt normally.


Well said dude.

Too much competition? What do you do for living, sanitation? Reality is competition, anywhere you go. So first, stop being delusional. The women you want because in your dreams you masturbated to them, are not going to respond. Not the way you are right now. No. It's not about looking like Bratt Pitt, it's about having the attitude of DeNiro. Everything that Cowboy said is right on the money. But take stock of yourself dude. Look at the worst woman you have been with. Ouch. Now look at the best. Hmmm. What happened there. Was that woman a compromise, was she everything you have ever wanted? If she was everything you ever wanted, stop reading and apply that again. And even if she was, did she dumped you, did you feel she was too much for you. The thing is. Look at your range. That is the reality that you live in. Do not bull shit yourself. To move on past that reality you are going to have to learn some skills. Some are emotional, some have nothing to do with women but how to be a guy. Some are perhaps rather girly because they involve listening to women, understanding what they are talking about and responding back. Wow. What a concept. But that will get you more a ss that you will ever imagine.

Now, when you take the attitude of "too much competition" you become pu ssy womped from the start. You are a nagging baby. If there's too much competition. Learn. If it gets tough. Learn, fail, fall, get up, do it again, overcome.

Crybabys get nothing. Not even the girl.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 22
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 4/15/2009 7:19:53 AM
OP,
You have no competition unless you allow it. We are all unique.. competing for someones attention is just not what I would do. Develop your own style, be classy, walk with confidence, treat women as you have been taught to... you then have no competition. She will want to be with you.
I see men fall all over themselves trying to woo a lady.. Women just don't respect a wussy man. They want a man to act grownup and adult...show respect to her and others , listen to her wishes, work along side her, protect her if need be..Cherish her attention towards you and revere her needs..give her the reassurance and affection she desires. It takes much effort on your part but the rewards are so worth it..

Confidence, Class, Respect, Morality create an attractive MAN!
women are attracted to the badboy type but marry the stable average man.
IMHO
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 23
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 4/15/2009 1:16:53 PM

If your afraid of competing on here then your in the wrong place or write only really ugly gals I guess.


This gets so tiring, ugly men and women get hit on, get email, date, marry...where does this ignorant idea come from that ugly people are desperate.not picky, or always there for those with nothing to offer anyone else. Being pretty/attractive does not mean a person is secure and getting lots of dates/offers, just as being ugly does not mean a person is insecure or lacking in proposals.

I'm sure making slams like that makes an insecure person feel better, but there's no reality to it. Besides, it brings us right back to who is making the decision as to who is good looking and who isn't, I guarantee you that people are not going to agree.
 lougehrig4iowa
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 24
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 4/15/2009 2:56:47 PM
I'm not complaing about being rejeted. Trust me it's happened enough that it no longer bothers me. I think I'm just not putting enough poles in the water, whereas I think alot of guys have contacted more women than I have. I think I'm more particular in who I'd want to date. I'm not init too see how many diferent women I get into bed.
 CourtandSparkler
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 25
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 4/15/2009 4:07:47 PM
Yes. I think some people get a rush always meeting someone new and this perpetual behavior leads to commitment phobia.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 4/16/2009 2:35:58 PM

It's a dating site, they think you are hitting on them. Stop complimenting women you have no interest in unless it's publicly in the forums. Women are built to think that way! Read the forums and your answers are all there.


I disagree with this. I get a lot of emails by women that are in relationships. Sometimes asking for advice. Go figure. Sometimes commenting on something I said here on the forums. They usually indicate that they are not hitting on me, and in my replies I do not hit on them.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 27
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 4/16/2009 4:57:10 PM
if this is a competition arent we then game players..by definition..?

I don't and won't compete for a ladys attention..If she likes me and my life great..if not ..somebody else will. This has nothing to do with being romantic..it's confidence without arrogance.
If you choose to date many people then good for you but I'll opt to not be one of the many. If you want to date one person to see if there is an attraction then yes I'm interested..
It's only a competition if you let it be, as I said in the last post.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 28
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 5/24/2009 7:53:16 PM
There's alot of competition. From a woman's point of view, alot of competition will come from women who are prettier.

As far as faves, I've been getting alot of guys adding me who never even talked to me yet. I just changed my pic. OK I deleted my son's too though I'm proud of his accomplishment. But, keep in mind when meeting a parent, children never totally leave the picture.
 ciao!bella
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 29
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/21/2011 12:54:48 AM
I think there's too much competition on THIS dating site. It's free. Everyone and their mother is on here. I'd say most of the cute girls on this site get dozens of emails every day, so how can they focus on any one guy? 50 emails per day, and i expect her to read mine carefully and take the time to respond? Even if she thinks that most of the guys who email her are losers, by the time she's done hitting "delete," email after email, she's too exhausted to take the time to really get to know someone that might be of interest to her. I'm considering a pay site, not because i enjoy paying, but because fewer men = more time for the girls to get to know me.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 30
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/21/2011 2:42:55 AM
For all except the most holsum looking girls and the most articulate guys, there may be too much. It is worse for girls because they get rejected first at the picture stage before any email goes out and often for reasons they can't change. If they can't bring themselves to send the first email (many can't) then the only choices they have are the ones that come to their inbox -- and none of them might be any good.

A guy can email anyone he likes -- more choices. The hard part for him is to get a reply. Guys who know how can get upwards of 90% replied to by HIS choices. Guys who don't know how get nothing. The source of a lot of complaints.

The advantage that guys have is that they can systematically learn to craft more compelling emails. Girls? There are limits to the amount of cleavage she can show in a profile photo so there is only so much she can do to draw interest.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 31
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/21/2011 3:51:54 AM
AHEM!! Attention CiaoBella: My mother is most assuredly NOT on this site. Don't be so silly.

There's competition everywhere. So? It's up to each of us to learn to get out of each situation and venue, what ever is there for us. How to do it is different for each situation.
And magic, if the only thing catching your attention IS a woman's cleavage, this site is less likely to be fun for you than one of the x-rated ones.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 32
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/21/2011 6:36:08 AM
The first thing you need to do is close your eyes and make an assessment of the type of women/men you have gone out with. REalistically gone out with not the imaginary super hot types that have never responded to your inquiries. Start with those individuals. If you went out with them, in real life or otherwise, you can go out with them again here. Then do the second thing. How do you up the quality of the people that you attract? Is that possible? Of course it is.

But first you need to make an assessment of what is it that those individuals are into. For instance, I am into physical activity, I spend a lot of time outdoors and enjoy it as a matter of life. I attract like minded ladies. I do that without even trying. Is that simple. Then, once you have defined what is it that you want to attract, men or women, write a profile that reflects that lifestyle and the things that you enjoy.

But make it interesting. Make it provocative. Make it fun. My profile is very long. Yet I get emails of women complementing what I say there. They have even said, "I can't believe I read the whole thing."

Last but not least, write an email that doesn't sound like everybody else. And take control of the conversation. How do you do that? Ask questions. Say something about what they liked, how you had an experience like that, and what did they think of this? Did they liked or hated that place, thing, restaurant, wine, experience?

And go form there.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 33
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/21/2011 9:18:35 AM
I've actually had made my profile longer, engaging, and less of the similar rhetoric one usually sees on dating profiles.

It's also good to go in and rewrite bits and pieces here and there. I like playing with words, so if I could go in and rewrite one sentence to get a better effect, I did it. There's stuff in mine that I added right before meeting my fiancee and I would have rewritten those parts as well, except I have no reason to do so and I wanted to leave it as it was when I met her. There's always a way to rewrite something to make it funnier, more absurd, bring out the sarcasm/irony, better make your point or even for the hell of it, throw in words people have to look up (or not as the case may be). The more you rewrite it to satisfy yourself, the more it will become a reflection of your personality and more unlike anyone else's.

When I first got here, I looked at some profiles and said to myself, ``Well, so much for online dating. If that's the kind of shit I have to write to get a date, I might as well just read the forums.'' Instead, I wrote a profile that was so ridiculous that I was sure I'd never get contacted by anyone. However, that obviously didn't go as planned. The generic advice for newbies writing profiles is terrible.

But make it interesting. Make it provocative. Make it fun. My profile is very long. Yet I get emails of women complementing what I say there. They have even said, "I can't believe I read the whole thing."

Precisely. If it's fun to read, people will want to read it, even if it's long and it will be a profile they remember. No one remembers on boring cookie-cutter profilefrom a sea of boring cookie-cutter profiles. You can't imagine the number of women who asked about my bikini line reading ability and my bubble bath contest.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 34
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/21/2011 11:42:22 AM
From what I've seen on various sites, it's essentially the same faces. It's interesting to see at times the differences it their profiles - ages, what they're looking for, etc.

As for the favorites list, I just use it to keep track of profiles I like for one reason or another. I very rarely, if ever, contact any of those in my list. Most of the time it just means they know how to spell, anyway.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 35
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/22/2011 10:38:16 AM
i get randoms add me to there faves for no reason all the time... and they dont contact me


NEWSFLASH :

The reason is that they're hoping YOU will contact THEM.

It's called the chickenshite method.


NOT TRUE! Not anymore with the "new" POF viewing method.
Did you know that now when you do a search, you will no longer see all in your search range? You will only see those profiles of those people who do NOT have restrictions that exclude you. Period!


Take the most used restriction: Age. Say someone has a preferred range and you have viewed them and are maybe, outside that range (up/down) by just a couple of years. You could add them as a favorite with hopes they will write to you. Many times they do.

But that method is NOT possible anymore. Why? Because you will no longer ever see those profiles. You are restricted in your search. How do I know this. I stumbled on it while checking POF from my cousins computer and when I did a search from her profile, there were so many profiles I had never seen before and sure enough, when I scrolled down, all had age restrictions. I couldn't write to them, but before, at least I could have added them as a favorite, giving them an opportunity to view me and make that decision --- for themselves. Particularly, if my real age was within their preferred age range anyway. But the way it is now, I am excluded from those profiles. We all are!

And people wonder why so many lie about their ages. This new way of doing a search only encourages that deception.

I know that many on here think that my funning with my age is silly, and not even humorous, but I have fun with it. And yes, of course, it has had its down-side. Now, not having the whole catalog to view has diminished my interest in even wanting to look at what's left. True, I could delete my profile and start over, but I'm not doing that. I shouldn't have to. But until the designers of this program go back to allowing us to be adult about who we want to view and who we don't, then, what is on my profile isn't going to make any difference.

So... OP, to answer your question. Yes. There is too much competition on this site but like most have already said, every thing is competitive and you just have to keep trying and follow much of the good advice that has been offered.

Good luck and have some fun!

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 36
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/22/2011 5:18:38 PM
If you are quality you compete with no one.
so work on that.
and forget the stats.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 37
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/22/2011 6:20:23 PM

And people wonder why so many lie about their ages. This new way of doing a search only encourages that deception.

Why is that? If you could see those profiles, those restrictions would still prevent the person from sending a message and that's always been the case. Not being able to view the profile of a person you can't contact doesn't seem to add any additional incentive to lie. That doesn't stop them from viewing you unless they do what everyone has always been able to do with the search feature - select things like age ranges.

But until the designers of this program go back to allowing us to be adult about who we want to view and who we don't, then, what is on my profile isn't going to make any difference.

Well, there are a few poorly thought out features on pof, but that isn't one of them. If I were still dating, I'd be happy to not have my search results cluttered with people I can't send a message to.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 38
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/23/2011 8:42:51 AM
Abelian,
I totally agree with your take on this and I always think your comments intelligent and articulate, but am disappointed that you disagree with my point about not being able to view profiles of interest.

I'm not concerned about those who aren't interested in me either, especially when there's no possibility that we'd ever be a match (I'm not desperate),
but one doesn't know that until they can actually view the profile of interest. Now that's no longer possible! But at least the way it was before, since they couldn't contact first, they could add the person of interest as a favorite in hopes they would respond. (Frankly, that has worked well for me.) Then that person knew who viewed their profile and photos, and who added them as a favorite. Then it was (still is), their choice to either write, or give it a pass. At least the person of interest had the opportunity to make that decision for themselves.

A good example of how great it (sometimes) worked before, was with a male friend of mine who was on POF last year. He had just turned 46 by a few days. He viewed a 38 year old woman on POF who had an age restriction of no one over 45. We are not talking years here, not even months, but just a few days; yet, he was couldn't contact her directly. He added her as a favorite. She did contact him and they have been in a relationship ever since. Had it been now, he would have never seen her profile.

What are we doing here if not to meet someone? Why make that more difficult?

Again, in answer to OP, it isn't such a fair opportunity anymore (imo), and to the other poster, adding a favorite in hopes they will write is not always, as he put it, chickenshite, but a good way to connect -- or not, if just given the opportunity. And for those of you who have found your S/O you don't much care one way or the other, anyway.


 barleyboy
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 39
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:33:45 AM
Nope, you get what you pay for.

I do a lot of window shopping. What they want, I neither have nor can afford.

When money grows on trees. and I own an orchard.

But do I even want that?

Love pays the love bills.
 barleyboy
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 40
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:36:14 AM
I want someone of equal caliber.

I do not exercise a lot , but I am not fat.

I look ok, so I do not expect a stunning woman to take note of me.

I am not rich, so I do not expect someone used to a lot of money to take interest in me.

I have a lot of love in my heart, but it is not a red carpet into my life.

I get what I pay for. Cash.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 41
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:46:21 AM
A good example of how great it (sometimes) worked before, was with a male friend of mine who was on POF last year. He had just turned 46 by a few days. He viewed a 38 year old woman on POF who had an age restriction of no one over 45. We are not talking years here, not even months, but just a few days; yet, he was couldn't contact her directly. He added her as a favorite. She did contact him and they have been in a relationship ever since. Had it been now, he would have never seen her profile.

I can see that. I never did much with the favorites thing. On the other hand, I probably did get a few dates with women who noticed I'd viewed her profile and contacted me even though I couldn't contact them. I know that I met several who did contact me first but whose restrictions would have prevented me from contacting them.

I guess that new feature ought to be an option rather fixed, since there does seem to be some merit to viewing profiles of people you can't contact. I overlooked the possibility of being contacted as a side effect of viewing someone. I sure hope that doesn't mean I'm getting senile.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 42
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 11/10/2011 11:25:45 AM

NOT TRUE! Not anymore with the "new" POF viewing method.
Did you know that now when you do a search, you will no longer see all in your search range? You will only see those profiles of those people who do NOT have restrictions that exclude you. Period!

Take the most used restriction: Age. Say someone has a preferred range and you have viewed them and are maybe, outside that range (up/down) by just a couple of years. You could add them as a favorite with hopes they will write to you. Many times they do.

But that method is NOT possible anymore. Why? Because you will no longer ever see those profiles. You are restricted in your search. How do I know this. I stumbled on it while checking POF from my cousins computer and when I did a search from her profile, there were so many profiles I had never seen before and sure enough, when I scrolled down, all had age restrictions. I couldn't write to them, but before, at least I could have added them as a favorite, giving them an opportunity to view me and make that decision --- for themselves. Particularly, if my real age was within their preferred age range anyway. But the way it is now, I am excluded from those profiles. We all are!

Wrong. No matter how or which way I search, I get the most unsuitable ones imagineable. Most of them have limitations that do exclude me, and I have some preferences that exclude them - I really am not interested in anyone who would be too young for my daughter, for instance. They want devout whatevers, I'm not. They want non-smokers only, I'm an occasional smoker.

What's even more odd is that if I click on my matches, I get a message saying there aren't enough in my city, so it defaults to a state wide search. If I click on the 'My City' thing, half of them should show up in the matches. That's not to say they would be interested in meeting me, but they are non religious/other religions, smokers, drinkers (hopefully really only socially, as they say), have or like animals.... but none of them show up in any search I do. I have better luck just clicking on any of the interests I have listed.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 43
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Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 11/10/2011 8:52:08 PM
Is there too much cometition? Only if you bring too little to the table to comptete.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 44
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 11/11/2011 12:03:41 AM
there's always gonna be someone younger, hotter, thinner etc. BUT if your soulmate is on here, don't matter if Barbie or Ken is around- you will be together
 cmt31
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 45
Is there too much competition on dating web sites
Posted: 11/11/2011 3:15:49 PM
Competition is a good thing! It makes us all try harder.

Hey guys, instead of complaining about how many guys there are competing with you over that hot 25 year old blonde, I have 3 options for you. 1) Make your profile better 2) Try messaging that 32 year old red head 3) Realize that it's competitive for the ladies too and stop complaining.
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