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 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 28
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attractedPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

To me "becoming more interested" in a person happens before attraction. Fascination with who they are, what they think, why they think it... that is what can lead to attraction --

^^^I can understand this fascination...I can sometimes feel this way about someone I've met online without an accompanying photo; whose writing brings me in and I want to know more about them in this very way. For me anyway, when I find someone attractive the fascination as you've described it is in tandem with physical...it's both mental and physical.

Mental fascination on its own can only take me so far initially--If the physical is not there full-blown attraction never truly launches beyond that - I can never find them 'cute' enough to imagine myself wanting to spend hours curled up in their lap kissing them and that sadly or not, is what has to happen.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 38
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality..
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:17:13 AM
What you are describing is going to be far easier for most women than for men simply because of Evolution - the different way men and women are wired.

Women need to be much more selective when choosing a mate than men because THEY are the ones who might become pregnant. It is simply a built in protective mechanism and WHY women in general are much less VISUAL than men. Carrying a baby for 9 months and then possibly having to spend a "substantial portion" of your life and resources to care for it is an awfully high price to pay for some guy she found irresistably HOT. Women NEED to be less visual than men. It is nice that at least some are not and have no trouble admitting it.

Men are vision oriented so they are "able" [or should be able] to get ready [for sex] at the drop of a hat. It's not the "fault" of men, just the way we have Evolved.

Maybe I am greedy but if BOTH attraction [relative to everyone of course] AND personality [and ALL the other ingredients that would make a woman a "good mate"] are not there from the start, we will never go beyond the "friends" stage. I see no reason to disregard my Animal Instinct as it has worked well so far.
 Srqforums
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 39
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality..
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:26:14 AM
Sexual attraction for me is a combination of things with the other person...of which having a "good" personality definitely over rules the person's the exterior packaging unless their exterior packaging is dirty, unkept and smelly then I'd most likely not be in their presence anyways to begin with.

A person's attractiveness to me isn't based up the color of their hair, eyes, height, weight....how they act, react, speak and conduct themselves is what makes me think they are "hot" or not.

When I'm out and about doing errands and carrying on with my daily life, there are very few men I encounter who will make my head turn simply because of their physical appearance-once in a great while a man will cross my line of vision where I will think-dang he has some extraordinary DNA
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 43
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:46:17 AM
Msg 1--------I agree with you a 100% , because we have a mind set of what kind of a person 's personality that turn us on. Hmm, your female friend said she can make herself sexually attractive to you ? Fat chance if she is not your type,even she'd flirt and seduce You up to the sky's limit it won't work perhaps if you clouded your brain with these drinks she'll have a chance for a little ramble on the hay but we are not sure about it. It's kinda like " you can lead a horse to a water trough but you can not make the horse drink if he does not want to drink.

Sexually attraction is the first thing we connect to the opposite sex, we become infatuated to that person and we think we are IN LOVE, but we are not really in love,we are sexually attracted to that person...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 47
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:57:14 AM
If a person is not generally attractive or my type, his personality may or may not make him a charming and interesting individual, but personality alone doesn't create spontaneous sexual combustion in and of itself. Sorry, I'm not going to attempt to force myself to have a sexual attraction for someone if it doesn't develop on it's own with all other factors working in synch. There are any number of men out there who have fantastic personalities but there's no way on earth I could picture myself being sexual with them. In the end, it's all subjective at any rate with respect to what any given individual finds both attractive personality-wise or sexually. Someone's personality could turn you on and it could creep me out. It's certainly not a cut and dried thing of personality over sexual attraction or vice versa - it's a myriad of things.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 48
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:10:32 AM
Msg 43--I have no idea how you would develope a sexual attraction to any one.It is or it isn't.

Sexual attractiveness is not inborn, it is develop by selfconfidence, self awareness, intelligence, humbleness, charisma,honesty,success (what ever you do) last but not least SENSUALITY.

Some wo/men thinks that having sex with multiple people make them *sexy* no it is not.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 50
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:25:15 AM
i would say that a good personality, for me , can far outweigh the lack of physical attraction, i would have to find someone not really ugly/repugnant but a lack of physical attraction can be more than made up for by an exciting personality and good values etc..
intelligence , good sence of humour, sense of fun, lively and interesting conversation makes someone much more attractive a prospect in my book that a cute face or hot body...

IMO
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 52
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:56:46 AM
Greetings:

This is a two way street for me. While I don't have much actual experience with putting my opinion to practice (very long term marriage) if I did not find a woman sexually attractive I would not think of her as a lover. But, I have also found that what makes a woman sexually attractive is not a simple equation: there are more variables involved than I care to even think about. Personality, though, is a large component of that attraction.

I know what I'm generally physically attracted to but there have been times when I am suprised by my response to a woman. In those instances I have to put it down to something about the woman's personality or behavior / aura that has caught my eye. I like when that happens.

On the other hand, there have been times when a woman who is otherwise sexually attractive is a big zero due to her personality or behavior (a reflection of her pesonality in my opinion). Also, since a sexual relationship for me is the denouement
of the relationship (a lifetime committment / marriage) sexual attraction / desire ultimately is a response to the whole package.

TK
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 53
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:14:17 AM
Msg 50--" There is sexual attraction where all you're interested is in their body. " *Pardon me, if you are enterested in their body that means that what you have in mind is your physical needs not attraction.* There is emotional attraction where you want their whole being." There is no such thing as emotional attraction, emotional ties yes, like connection,attachement ,love,etc..

Sexual attraction to the opposite sex is through the eyes ,then brain ,then feelings (emotion) it is not really f*cking, for instance, watching a singer on the stage doing his/her dance and belting a song then something trigger inside you to get near that person to hug/kiss him/her, even propose a marriage to that stranger but you did not feel horny.
 Isabella1900
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 54
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:28:22 AM
Don't give up, the physical attraction is very important part of the relationship

If there are not a sexual attraction, I will keep that nice personality man as my best friend to enjoy his company. But not as a husband.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 57
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 1:51:57 PM
OP, interesting you should ask. I'm just watching Paul Begala on CNN. He's not a beauty, but he's smart as hell - and that, to me, is very sexy. Same goes for Billy Crystal - funny, smart man - that's sexy.

What you may find is that you become attracted to someone the more you get to know that person. It's happened to me plenty of times. You maybe didn't really pay attention at first but then find some features that are really appealing. Or you try a kiss and it's HAWT. And the next time you see them or hear their voice, your heart starts racing.

Your eyes are no measure of the worth of someone - if you leave all your judgement to them, you'll miss out on some wonderful people.

'It is only with the heart that one sees rightly'.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 62
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:30:04 PM

No one I know of personally has ever been or become more sexually attracted to these types just because they had a wicked personality.

Perhaps not, but if you read this thread you'll find that plenty of people have done just that.

People really can become beautiful when you love them for who they are, no matter what unfortunate features nature has landed them with.

Exactly

- but I'm certain that I can't be unique in the way that attraction can grow for me

Not at all.

Sexual attraction is when you stop in your tracks after seeing something you like and think to yourself "Damn....". It requires no personality whatsoever.

Oh dear. See, that's just lust. There's lust - which is attraction which starts in the lower half. Then there's passion - combining emotion plus lust. Passion's WAY better.


IT IS OR IT ISN'T. Can my listed qualities be chosen or developed or ameliorated. I doubt it.

Not devloped. Discovered.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 64
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:07:30 PM
msg.58== I hope that business about multiple sex partner wasn't referring to me,because you would be barking the wrong tree.

When I gave my opinion about Sexual Attraction I did not intend to pin point you ,I don't even know you personally and I have no business of any one's sex life or your sex life. It is just an observation and my point of view on the subject of Sexual Attraction... Please accept my apology , it is not my intention to rub you on the wrong way.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 66
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:49:08 PM
It is possible for this to happen to me, within certain limits. A
woman must have certain appearance limits for me, but her emotional
"stretch" limits CAN enhance what I normally would reject as ugly. For
example, a disobedient "10" can EASILY be trashed by a TOTALLY
compliant "3". My opinion about what is an attractive woman is more
determined by her attitude than her appearance. If her attitude is
sufficient enough, I could even go for a "2". **ATTITUDE** is REALLY
what does it for me. And on that note, her attitude is either ON or
OFF for me. I truly believe that her attitude by default determines
her sex appeal for me.
 TheIrishKnight
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 68
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 12:56:33 AM
I think each person has their own criteria of what they want out of a relationship, some people lean more on physical attraction, or personality, or whatever. I 100% never again want to rely on physical appearance as the primary standard, I've already been down that road when I was a teen who wanted any good looking girl that had a pulse. Granted, I was a teen during that ordeal but it's taught me some valuable lessons. Those relationships back then were very shallow and quite boring.

My recipe for what I want in a woman would be..

2 Cups of Personality
1 Cup of Related Interests
1 Cup of Physical Attraction
A Pinch of Pure Win

Bake for 30 minutes and out comes an awsome woman. ** Oven temperatures may very depending on altitude. :)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 69
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 7:13:47 AM

Self awareness- innate
intelligence-innate
Charisma-innate
Honesty-innate
Humbleness-innate
SENSUALITY-innate, like charisma


bodypro,

I am going to questions these statements above because to me they are things you find in the individual as a result of learning. Perhaps the only one that is completely innate is intelligence, but even that requires to be developed.
The thing is. I have seen kids that were devoid of all of the above mention qualities. They were a wasteland of flesh and gray matter. Then after getting involved in some intense sport, engage in some competition, gotten beaten the crap out of them, but in the process developed, discipline, humbleness, drive, all the other things came more naturally.

Self awareness is that ability you have to know how far you can go, what your limitations may be, and how far beyond can you push. If you have been in situations in which failure was imminent and lived through it to live another day, you self awareness becomes stronger and begin to understand that is the process that counts.

Intelligence we can say that is innate, but again, it has to be nurtured, some recent research found that there is not just one intelligence, but Seven, thus you can say that Michael Jordan, in his way is as intelligent as Einstein. And is not about learning mathematics, but the many other skills that make the human condition.

Charisma can be considered innate, but you take a group of kids and teach them leadership skills, train them, work them in how to keep each other motivated, and you will be surprised what you can do.

Honesty is a completely learned thing. Is the principles you abide by and are define by your environment.

Humbleness is definitely a leaned thing. You only become humble when someone has beaten the crap out of you. When you have leaned to sacrifice for your teammate. We don't teach this enough unfortunately. And partly because most boys these days are the results of homes where they got everything and had no discipline. So when this little prima donal demigods find out that to the world they are nothing but a bug, they come here and have a pity party. Humbleness is something that even though movies show it, such as Saving Private Ryan, it is only on the field of life, when you sacrifice to protect your mate, that this sticks.

Sensuality can also be leaned, but it may appear to be innate because sensuality is the result of the above. If you try to work on your sensuality all you will achieve is look like a clown. But if you work on all the other issues that define "character" you will achieve sensuality. I know guys that are ugly as sh it, yet are killer with the ladies. Yet this are people you will go to battle with because they have develop the other qualities that make a boy into a man.

Anyway, I am not arguing with you, but rather expanding on this idea. And I think you do understand since you are a competitive athlete.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 73
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 9:19:20 AM
Maybe some of us are thinking more long-term, too?
At the beginning, I wouldn't be able to get past someone who, say, has horrible burns all over. However, once I loved the man, and then he got burned, I could look past it because at a certain point you just don't see the outside any more, you only "see" the personality.

That's an extreme example, but I'm sure we've all been there: I dated a guy who was totally hott, but after a while, I saw only his great personality. But, every once in a while, he'd walk in the room and smile at me and I'd realize, "DAMN! He's HOTT!!"
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 77
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 12:28:48 PM
^^^Good points Katryn. I made the following assumption, the guy is 100% unattractive to me as an individual. To me this IS as far as it needs to go to know with absolute certainty that no sexual attraction can ever manifest if I find the person wholly unattractive at this point regardless of personality.

Someone out there with more knowledge than I can step in to correct any misguided assumptions I'm about to make, but as I understand things...doesn't sexual attraction in the species exist for one reason only--to propagate the species from extinction?

That said, is sexual attractiveness therefore not an innate set of filters/processes/recognitions on visual/hormonal/chemical/auditory/olfactory (and more) platforms put in place to protect the species--by forcing instinctual response?

If this is correct, how are people who've posted their ability to become sexually attracted to folks that they initially register and recognize as fully unattractive to them able to become so?

I'm also wondering if people on reading this question understood that the question (as I understood it anyway) assumes that one finds this person completely unattractive, not marginally so.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 84
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/18/2009 12:26:12 PM
I don't make myself do anything that isn't pleasing since I already have to work for a living, pay taxes and clean... among a few other chores that aren't pleasing.

What can happen, however is.. initially not being attracted to someone, but upon getting to know them better and finding a funny, smart completely enthralling person there.. changing my mind. Yes. It's not an everyday occurrence, but every so often I do find myself attracted to someone that I had previously not been keen on.

So.. making myself? NO. Does it happen sometimes anyway? Sure.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 91
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:00:15 PM
What do you mean by not attractive? If I'm attracted to his personality, his physical looks aren't going to stop me was dating him, but if I'm not attracted romantically/sexually at some point in getting to know him, then no, liking him a lot won't make me want a relationship with him.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 95
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:33:55 PM
Wow. Good question. Let me sit down. Cut up some limes, pour some salt, get out the shot glass and drink some tequila and think about this for a while.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 100
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:51:31 AM
I would have to want to kiss with passion.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 101
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 10/2/2009 5:03:03 AM
I would strongly disagree with her use of the words "supposed to." That sounds a lot like someone who wants to demand that someone like her, who isn't attracted to her. This is an all-too common occurrence.
As for the more general notion of finding someone more attractive after you get to know them, sure. That happens all the time. But DECIDING to be attracted to someone? Absolutely not. Attraction is not under a person's control, in either direction. You can neither decide to be attracted to someone, and switch on your 'mojo' machine, nor can you decide to STOP finding someone attractive. Appreciation might be under your control, since that's a matter of what you THINK about someone, but attraction is something you feel and RECOGNIZE, not something you DO.
As for types, I've experienced more than a few times, that I find myself attracted to some women who are not technically my type. I have a special term I created to describe this, which is "munchability factor." It's something in the combination of how she carries herself, her grace, her charm, and other things I haven't worked out, that makes my teeth chatter (hence the name). When you get both 'type' attraction and 'munchability factor' combined, I'm a helpless mess, and you might as well put me in a box and ship me to her house.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 105
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 10/2/2009 5:47:08 PM
I think that perhaps this could work if the person's personality includes provacativeness. If I am not really that interested sexually, I am looking to be persuaded, not be the pursuer.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 112
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:04:51 PM
My shallow superficial self is ready to answer, "hell no."
But after consultation with the more rational deeper side of my multiple personalities, we've reached the conclusion that certain physical types are not gonna get a rise out or this boy. [entendre intended].

Take, for instance my personal bugaboo - obesity. Just the thought squeezing a handful of fat leaves me cold. I have enough problems maintaining my own weight to have to think about another's. It is a big turn off for me. It is the way I'm wired, always have been, always will be.

You see for me, what we do with our bodies is a reflection of who we are. Self discipline, constraint, control, activity, etc. I go out of my way to give my body a workout, not because I want to, but because I have to. I have weight issues. If I didn't I would be a big as a house, and a whole lot less useful. I believe we have control over much of what happens to us, in this department, and by abrogating that responsibility to the wind tells me a lot about a person (woman). Far too many women my age have allowed the ravages of time to take control and not the other way around.

So, no, certain body types can not be overcome, sexually, by a sterling personality. Might make great friends, been there done that, but that is a barrier I don't cross.

Just to piss off another class, won't go there with a smoker, either. Stinks, noisome, and it too tells me a lot about the inner workings of the person's mind. Self loathing, no control, defeatist, no responsibility.

TK
{have I tarred with a broad enough brush?}
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