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 secretagentman99
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 51
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?Page 3 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
You just mentioned in one line "the habits of all men". Which is generalizing and just what you are complaining about men saying about ALL women. I think the majority will say most women and not all. And if you read my responses I am one the guys that prefers older women over younger women. And to me that does not neceesarily mean they are all older than me, but at 37 and up. And any negative remarks I made about th eolder women have nothing to do with the fact that they were 50, but the fact that at 50 they were saying that someone like me who is younger than them is too old for them. If you look you will notice a lot of profiles were the woman is lets say 42 and her age limits are up to 42 period. So if you're cool 43 year old, you can't contact them.

Now as a general consensus, most of th epopulation agrees that men age better than women, IF they make the effort to take care of themselves. So for a 42 year olf woman to think a guy 43 would not be good enough for her is a bit funny.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 52
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:29:51 AM

You just mentioned in one line "the habits of all men".


Please give me the exact quote and the number of the post so I can see it in context.


Now as a general consensus, most of th epopulation agrees that men age better than women,


No, by YOUR general consensus most of the population agrees to this. Please, give me a controlled, scientifically based survey/study proving this. You make the claim, so the burden of proof falls on you. If you can't give me stats from a reputable source, you are just blowing out your nose.

And I am still wondering about the reading comprehension of some people in this forum. If I say JUDGE PEOPLE AS INDIVIDUALS, which part of that statement do you NOT understand?

I have dated men from their 20s to their mid 60s, and I either accepted them or rejected them based on personality, humor, intelligence, and physical attractiveness, not age.
 secretagentman99
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 53
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:41:09 AM
Go read any of the health journals and see for yourself. And lets remember we are talking about naturally aging. Just because you go and get boob jobs and face lifts and botox and lipo suction does not mean you age better.

Again we are taking in general. There are quite afew women that are 40 and look stunning without having any work done to them. even some in their 50's that look great.
 secretagentman99
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 54
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:57:32 AM
Because it is written up in health and medical magazines. I'm not asking you to take my word on it, go out and read the articles.

And once more, what part of it don't you get. Half the so-called women that show up to re-unions anyway have had plastic surgery up the wazoo. Those are the ones that show up. The others that haven't don't want to be seen. And thats opening up a whole other can of worms, all those women who need to have plastic surgery. If you women age better than us men, then why worry about it?
 secretagentman99
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 55
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 11:09:08 AM
Correction. Men in Hollywood use plastic surgery because the mentality of that whole town is nuts LOL Mickey Roarke is not anyones example of a man aging gracefully. if you're going to mention Mickey rourke as a role model why not also throw in Keith Richards?

Hollywood aside, the percentage of men that get plastic surgery is but a tiny fraction of women that do so.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 56
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:21:24 PM

Because it is written up in health and medical magazines. I'm not asking you to take my word on it, go out and read the articles.


I want book, chapter, and verse. It isn't enough to say "It's written up in health and medical magazines." If one of my students said that in a paper without offering the proof, he/she would NOT get a good grade! Let me clue you in, LOTS of things are written, but that doesn't mean that they are factual. Tell me specifically where YOU got your information.


Half the so-called women that show up to re-unions anyway have had plastic surgery up the wazoo


Give me stats, not your opinion.

Lots of women do NOT get any type of cosmetic surgery, but if you want to delve there, it is increasingly common for men to also have some stitching done:

http://menshealth.about.com/cs/surgery/a/cosmetic.htm

http://www.askmen.com/daily/austin_100/112_fashion_style.html

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15548276/

http://www.plasticsurgery.com/nose-surgery/the-growing-trend-of-men-and-cosmetic-surgery-a154.aspx

These are but a few online articles about the escalating trend of male cosmetic surgery.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 57
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 1:24:46 PM
if you are calling women the same age as you old women, then you are by comparison an old man or is that the problem.


Since you quoted me in your post, I assume you're aiming this at me. Somehow, you have the mistaken notion that men who sometimes date younger women, always date younger women, out of some ego dysfunction, and shun women their age? There may be some men, for whom "younger women" are a singular pursuit, but men, like women, are individuals, not stereotypes. So, put down the "fascinating article" you just read in Cosmo, telling women "what's wrong with men" from this month's perspective, and try to get a clue, before spouting off a theory that the young women "must" be prostitutes by another name or emotionally damaged, and that men only date younger women, because of ego dysfunction.

I have never called women my age "old women", and have repeatedly said that I am attracted to attractive women, regardless of age. In point of fact, I first look towards women closer to my age, when I'm in "looking" mode, and I know some incredibly beautiful women over 50, and an awful lot of unattractive women in their 30s or younger. My last two significant relationships were with a woman in her late 40s, and a woman in her early 30s. My interest currently is absorbed by a woman over 50, who is incredibly beautiful. Truth be told, a woman over 50, who is beautiful, is far more attractive to me, than if it were the same woman 20 years younger. The only thing that women I've been "involved with" have in common, is that they have all been attractive, and for whatever their reasons, chose to put up with me.

As to what people have in common, when there's been an age difference, you'd be surprised. When two people are living together, they have all of the things that any other couple would have in common, as they go about their day to day lives. The "emotional connection" is individual to every relationship, and younger women, as women my age, aren't a "category" or stereotype. They have been individual women, with all the complexities that makes each of us individual, and personalities mesh, or not, based on real people, not silly articles you've read in Cosmopolitan.
 Callalilly2
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 58
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 2:06:09 PM
That's crazy!!! I never heard that before... u r either reading or watching 2 much fiction... or mayb both
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 59
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 2:19:24 PM
Re Post #101.

I would never enter into a relationship with someone 20 years younger, thinking that it would be my "forever" love. When I've had relationships with younger women, I've always viewed it as "for a time".

Sex drive disparity can happen, and can pull a couple apart. In my last relationship it wasn't an issue, but given time, it would have been. A woman who is 31, will be, on average, at her absolute sexual peak in 10 years, and 10 years from now, I'd be pushing 70. It only gets worse, thinking out further.

So, for the first time in recorded history, I agree with monfil's point. That fact gives me pause, and makes me wonder if what I believe actually makes sense.

In any case, if I am to ever have the "happily ever after" relationship, it would have to be with someone, who was in grade school, at some point, when I was.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 60
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 5:17:17 PM

Since you (singular) didn't start this thread, then the logical thing is to assume that I used "you" in plural.


Not when you quote ME.


Again, "you" (plural) have said, from the top of my head:
- that we are immature
- that we can't handle a real woman
- that we only want a trophy
- that we only want an ego boost
- etc., etc., etc.


I didn't say any of those things--why use my posts as examples?


Of course there is, and feel free to comment about the insulting posts of some women in this thread. More exactly, about the post that prompted me to post again.


You lack logic. You cannot even address my specific questions and comments. You seemingly cannot distinguish between the individual and the collective.

Your analogy sucks.

There, I insulted you--but that doesn't apply to ALL men.
 secretagentman99
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 61
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:03:43 PM

I want book, chapter, and verse. It isn't enough to say "It's written up in health and medical magazines." If one of my students said that in a paper without offering the proof, he/she would NOT get a good grade! Let me clue you in, LOTS of things are written, but that doesn't mean that they are factual. Tell me specifically where YOU got your information.


Well for starters I am not your student nor you my teacher, so i don't need to provide anything more than just say the articles and books are out there if you have to find them. Very convinient that you dug up articles about men getting plastic surgery as if that is the norm and women DO NOT get any work done. Believe what you want, most women on this site are delusional anyway, especially when you are 55 and being rude to guys in their 40's cause you want to be a cougar to some 20-something year old. The real kicker in that is that you really believe the young guys are so into you when they all laugh and joke about what an easy lay all these women are.

For the guys I suggest you try reading some Marc Rudov. He makes some great points about how th emajority of guys just don't have the backbone to stand up for themselves. Or talk about people like Oprah who does shows on domestic violence and only talks about the man on woman violence but refuses to acknowledge that women abuse men, as if it does not exist.

Its a screwed up world out there, both men and women. We need to try and make t a better place, not just constantly bash the men as the bad guys and the women as perfect angels.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 62
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:18:11 AM
As for young women and older men, well its all about sex is, nt it.It rarely lasts as a viable relationship.When the sex palls , whats left.


Couldn't you say the same thing about the vast majority of dating relationships? When two people no longer desire each other physically, how often do two people, who aren't married, don't have children together, or other "real world" ties stay together?

I'll also continue to challenge the tired old stereotypes, that people insist "must be true", without ever having been part of an "older/younger" relationships. While relationships based on a tired old goat with great wealth and the bimbo occasionally happen, it's not the common reality. As most people, who have been part of an older/younger relationship would attest, people are drawn to each other for a whole series of complicated reasons, that are as individual as any other relationship. Some younger women find older men attractive, and that's a simple fact. Some younger men find older women attractive, and that, too, is a fact. Money is rarely the "draw", nor is the sex, usually, anything more "bizarre" than in any other relationship.

If the choice were that every older/younger relationship "ends" quickly and every relationship between peers "always lasts", that would be one thing. It's not, though. The inescapable truth is that the vast majority of relationships eventually end. Even those resulting in marriage will fail half the time.

For me, at least, age isn't a factor really. Attraction is. And, the fact is that a lot of people seem to "retire" from caring about maintaining their appearance, at a certain point. Others take an effort to maintain a "dateable" appearance and attitude.

It's equally true of men and women, and that division can happen at any age, but obviously there is an increasing percentage of those who are no longer maintaining themselves, the older we get.

So for those who are unhappy with the "available universe" of others, it's rather pointless to "resent" younger people who attractive people our own age are dating. It's not as if the world is running out of women, or men, who might be interested, if our own "offer" is attractive enough in the "dating market".

As with most things, if you're unhappy with your results, change what's yours to change, and it might yield a bettter result. Getting your knickers in a twist about older men dating younger women will do nothing to change your results, if your "offer" isn't interesting to others.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 63
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:44:28 AM

Unable to Relate Due to Generation Gap...

Actually, I'd totally prefer someone who'd never even heard of such drek as Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman, Friends, etc., much less grown up consuming great gobs of it. (I suppose it would be asking to much to throw Oprah in there too...)

The problem with the generation gap argument is that there are roughly ten million members of the opposite sex who are within 5 years of age either way of any given person, and who thus pass the generation gap test with flying colors, but how many of those would one really want to have much to do with? Simply remembering the same Presidents is not the basis for anything other than being able to engage in idle chit-chat.

Not to mention how the mythical sixties is now really cool to a lot of people who are substantially younger, and since I was there... (ok, I was kid, but I paid attention)
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 64
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 10:19:14 AM

But as to men dating much younger women...I think it is a "last hurrah" thing....hopigng to capture their youth once more. Usually men over 59, are lucky they can get the equipment working. So guess they figure a younger woman will do the trick.


Why do some women find it necessary to assign dysfunctional reasons to men, who may be, or have been, involved with younger women? I really don't "get it". And, while it's true that some men misrepresent their appearance, so as to lure women in, it's something that some women do too. It happens online, but how is that relevant to this topic, unless it's somehow intended to represent this poster's view of "all men"?

Most of the time, people date or get involved with someone, because of attraction, physical desire, and having personalities mesh, regardless of the other person's age. Most men don't suffer from ED, and the "equipment" works just fine, when there is physical attraction and desire. I will admit, though, that the "equipment" wouldn't function with an unattractive woman, regardless of whether she's 61 or 29.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 65
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 1:35:21 PM

Why do some women find it necessary to assign dysfunctional reasons to men...?

It's their feeble attempt at trying to think what it would be like to be in our shoes. But due to lack of imagination all they can do is project.

If you've seen even one makeup ad, you know it's chief selling point is about helping the intended female purchaser recapture her youthful appearance. It's the only way they're able to think about such things. But you're right, it is a bit scary.

It's like my neighbor... whenever her computer doesn't do something like she expects it to, she's totally baffled and thinks it's broken and needs replacing, never realizing that it's merely operator error.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 66
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:12:37 PM
Well, from an evolutionary standpoint, men are fertile for a lot longer than women are, so it's not really a surprise that men have traditionally been the older of the two in a relationship.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 67
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:26:59 PM

Take your 48 -55 year old man wanting his legacy carried on.I can tell you it is unfair to the child.First in grade school everyone refers to your father as your grandfather.Your friends parents don't run in the same circles yours do, they run with the older crowd and you are surrounded by old people by the time .You are in your teens and your siblings are the age your parents should be.Your parents now are in thier mid sixties orr older.maybe getting sick.


It's not the ideal, granted, but an involved, stable, and interested father at age 45, would be a lot better parent, than an unstable 20 year old high school dropout, who takes off, when he finds out that being a father is a drag on his social life. Or an abuser, alcoholic, drug, abuser, etc.. You get the point, I think.

I have no intention of having any more children of my own at this point, but I really don't think it's for other people to be so judgmental. There are, in fact, a lot of parents past age 45, who have been very good parents.

I should mention, too, that the average life expectancy now for someone over 50 is 83, and for most people, really poor health doesn't set in until the last year of life. If I'm calculating correctly, a baby born to a 45 year old, would be 38 years old, when his/her "older" parent died. I'd think most kids would have graduated college 16 years earlier.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 68
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:20:01 PM
Re: Post #122

Splendere, I'm glad that you've found your "zone", and it's working for you.

Now a question. Why is it, that as a man, I can see a beautiful woman in her 50s, like splendere, who prefers younger men, and just wish her well with that. As opposed to some women in their 50s, who hear that a man in his 50s is dating a younger women, and go ape s***t, as if it were about them, when they don't even know him, and will then proceed to "diagnose" all sorts of dysfunctional motivations? Just curious.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 69
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:27:00 PM
OP - should it really matter to us whether a man dates women close to our age or decades younger? It shouldn't matter - after all, that's not going to be the guy we'll date. Everyone has their preferences in dating and mating. What has gotten really out of hand is BOTH of the sexes bashing each other, whining, and crying about their dating experiences, and the same old song "why wasn't I the chosen one". You know what? Life goes on. There really is other fish in the pool. At the end of the day NO ONE should have to settle in life.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 70
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:46:39 PM
OK, let's say I am a man. I am tired of dating and want to settle down with one woman. In my age many women are not as desirable as are girls in their 20s. I want one that I would still desire 20 years later. Sure, I would choose a gorgeous girl in her early 20s if one wanted me. Someone older than me will be almost 70 20 years from now! I would refuse to have sex with her and she would be hurt. There, I am very considerate.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 71
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/24/2009 10:58:31 PM
It doesn't bother me that a man doesn't want to date older, it's a bit odd to me that a man would discount his own age group being that, well he's in it and all - but whatever.

What bothers me is a man who won't date a year older jumping up and down complaining about how the women he likes 20 years younger won't consider men his age...I'm not a big fan of hypocrisy.

If he knows what his chances are and accepts them regardess of his preference - then ok - rock on.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 72
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/25/2009 4:24:10 AM
I don't think men date younger women to "spite" those of us who are getting older. I just think it's "easier" for many of them to date younger, and since they are more visual by nature, they are drawn to younger women anyway. I think many men have tried to date women their age or older, but feel they are too hard to please, and start dropping their age requirement.


That is a succinct and valid insight, Lake County Gal. Interesting, especially since a 35 year old would be, for me, a "much younger woman", but the post was from the perspective of her self-view that she is an "older" woman. Illustrating the point, I think, that men get tired of "difficult", and if a younger woman, which would be a woman in her 20s for men Lake County Gal's age, makes it simple, and shows enthusiasm and approval, an older man is often going to be more than just interested.

The premise of the OT is flawed, I think. If a man is dating a younger woman, it doesn't mean that he "refuses" to date women his own age.

Just as Lake County Gal mentioned in her post #125, there have been times, when I've been "interested" in a woman closer to my age, and have even started to date; but have run into a lot of hurdles, barriers, or walls, or a seeming lack of enthusiasm. I'm not looking for a relationship, where I have to constantly overcome the subtle message that her interest is lukewarm, or that this, that, or the other thing is "wrong" or a source of doubt. I don't date to find "disapproval", or to be "fixed", nor to have my needs and wants "dismissed". I expect to have my opinions, or relationship wants, to be considered as valid, as I respect and value hers, not to be dismissed as "wrong", and disregarded. If those things aren't happening, or if she is playing "hard to get" for too long, it just gets me gone.

By contrast, when I've been involved with someone 20 years or more younger, it's always come from her initiating contact, and displaying interest. I'm not going to "hit on" a whole bunch of younger women, and create the "Ewwwww" factor, cuz only some younger women are interested in older men. So, if a young woman has approached me, and is enthusiastic about things in early dating, it makes for a very nice dynamic early on.

My "ideal" would be an attractive woman in her 50s, with whom there is a strong physical, intellectual, and emotional connection, in an atmosphere of openness, caring and sharing. However, if the choice in the moment were a "difficult" woman, and one who makes the dating experience fun and interesting.....I am always going to choose the latter.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 73
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/25/2009 8:42:54 AM
It's what we're used to. When we're teenagers, the girls always want an older guy. That continues through to the mid twenties. By that time, we get it. But, so do you. Something in the back of our minds always goes back to what we learned when we started dating, that it's pointless to even look at a woman older than us, and it's not even a conscious decision. Even then, male humans are instinctively drawn to females who outwardly appear to be the most fertile and healthy (after all, men who are attracted to pre-pubescent or post menopausal females will have their dna line die out). The best candidates to have kids with, well, that means someone who physically, at least, appears to be in her late teens to early twenties. Sure, personality is important for long term compatibility, but when we walk into a party and scan the room, we have no idea who's personality we will like. But we immediately know who we'd like to have sex with, and we narrow down who we'd like to get to know better by who we are physically attracted to. After all, why in the world would we want to appear romantically interested in someone that we don't find sexually desirable, or worse, repulsive????
And lets stop it with the 'trophy wife' stuff. Few if any men marry a woman just so other people can look at her. We marry women we want to have sex with. A trophy is something you put into a glass case. Women we want in bed.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 74
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/25/2009 2:48:32 PM

Moonbeamlover-----um, how many why don't women want nice guys threads are out there? i'm betting hundreds... and the frustration and resentment are very very much alive and well. Or why don't women want short guys? Or why don't women want nerds? And don't even bet me started on the women and child support threads. Every woman is tarred and feathered by many many men baesed on their experiences with one woman or a few, not understanding many women have exactly the same scenario the other way around... generalities kill communication; and assumptions kill dialogue. It becomes "in your face". If you truly believe only women post these kinds of threads you have been looking solely to support your opinion, not looking objectively


A valid observation, Moonbeamlover. There are dysfunctional people of both genders, who "blame" those who aren't interested in them, which does nothing to change their results; as opposed to looking within themselves and changing things that are theirs to change, which might change the results.

On this topic, if a woman observes a man, who she finds interesting to her, who ends up involved with a younger woman, she has a choice about what to do. She could take a look at her own behavior towards the man in question, and perhaps find that she was a little "difficult", or has allowed herself to become unattractive, and have that guide her in the future. Or, she can assign all sorts of dysfunctional traits, based on nothing, to both the man and woman involved.

Personally, I don't care who wants to date whom. It doesn't affect me, and I've always found that there are lots of women in the world, and when I look around, there seems to always be more than enough women, who seem "available", that it doesn't matter how many women are dating younger men, don't like sex, or prefer other women. So, I simply accept to each her own, and don't develop all that bitterness and anger about things I can't influence.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 75
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:41:34 PM

Something women may want to consider before judging men too harshly is their desire for children. Personally, I find many women over 40 to be very attractive, but men looking to have children are going to seek out someone young enough to have them.


Beyond that, there is the simple fact of sex drive and sexual attitudes. Some of the same women, who disapprove of older men and younger women, are women who have posted about how "unimportant" sex is, or seem to have an attitude that they can exert "control" over men, through sexuality.

Men who still value the importance of having a strong sexual component in a relationship, are going to shun women, who dismiss its importance, or who make it inordinately difficult, be that with younger women, or other older women with a more compatible attitude towards sexuality in a relationship.
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