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 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?Page 4 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Something women may want to consider before judging men too harshly is their desire for children. Personally, I find many women over 40 to be very attractive, but men looking to have children are going to seek out someone young enough to have them.

Wouldn't it just be easier to have them younger with someone the same age? I agree that late teens early 20s is young to have kids, but why wait till your 40s if you don't have to so you won't be nearly retired when they graduate HS?
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 77
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/25/2009 8:30:00 PM
I have always gotten along better with women younger than me. And not just on a dating level, but friendships as well. And I have gone out on dates with women my age and slightly older, but I just felt no connection. It's always been this way for me.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:23:09 AM

Yes, it would be easier. However, have you noticed that it's not men, but women the ones who don't want to get married early? Studies show that there is a conscious attitude to delay marriage until after reaching their career, education, financial goals, and also because they want to "play the field". Other studies show that men tend to have their "only one big love" -the romantic, flowery, I-want-to-get-married kind of love- mostly when they're in their twenties. So, at the time when men want women the most, women are busy doing other things.

Don't know how this became a "marriage" thing...and if your paragraph is correct, than no woman under 40 wants kids anyway, so what are we talking about?

However since you brought it up - men AND women fall in love in their 20s, however at that age they know a lot less about what they want and don't think it out as much. Also, men have for as long as I can remember put their education, career and finances before marriage and kids, how is this a bad thing when women do it?

How so? I think people in their 30s are at a good point for marriage and/or kids if thats what they want - they're old enough to know what works for them, and probably financially stable enough to do it.


If a woman were to get married young, in her prime of attractiveness, she would be able to choose the best partner from a big pool of eligible men. If she were to have children when she's younger and stay at home raising them, she'd be still young when they become independent -let's say, have them in her 20s, they're 13-14 in her mid-thirties- and then she can pursue her education and career goals, not only without the worry of a ticking bioclock, but with the support and cheering of her husband and children.

EITHER parent can stay home and raise children - both can split up the responsibilities...not sure why the mother has to have kids young and stay home - that would also mean he'd have to support her.

And again, people marrying in their 20s aren't always thinking ahead enough to pick someone that they're a good match for. People grow apart and in the 20s you're still figuring yourself out. You could like someone and six months later have no idea what you were thinking.

By putting the cart before the horse, these women are left fishing in a very shrinked pool of eligible men (because most of good men have been already taken) with a very small fishing rod of attractiveness.

For some, the "horse" isn't marital bliss and children, the cart is.

What we have nowadays is women who strive in doing everything "before" having children, therefore squandering the only asset they can't replace: time.

Again based on your theory, neither can you if no women have children until after 35, why bother to date younger? To go thru it all over again?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 79
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:03:56 AM

I'm a very energetic and fun person and I want someone younger to keep up.



Anyone who knows me would love that line...


Moonbeamlover, you reiterate the point I have been making all along! WHY do these "energetic" 40 and 50 year old men think that they are the only ones who have any energy? According to each individual who makes this remark, that man (or woman) is the ONLY one past the age of 21 who is active.


If a woman were to get married young, in her prime of attractiveness, she would be able to choose the best partner from a big pool of eligible men.


Only if SHE is attractive and personable. I teach college, I am in daily contact with young men and women almost every day. I see both sexes who have never had dates or BFs/GFs. If there is a huge pool, not every woman--or man--has the ample bait to catch a fish.


If she were to have children when she's younger and stay at home raising them, she'd be still young when they become independent -let's say, have them in her 20s, they're 13-14 in her mid-thirties- and then she can pursue her education and career goals, not only without the worry of a ticking bioclock, but with the support and cheering of her husband and children.


Womaninprogress addressed the point about either parent staying home, so I will address another point.

Oh, oh, oh . . . oh. How utterly idealistic! I also teach those 35 year old women (and men) returning to school. Many are intimidated by returning to school after being absent for well over a decade. They feel that they cannot keep up with their younger counterparts. They struggle with those teen children whom you claim to be independent. I often see older people taking three and even four years to finish a two year AA degree. In light of this, they are often my best students--not the smartest, but they understand what is at stake.

Some of my "worst" students? Women in their 20s who are raising small children, with or without husbands at home. I won't go into the details, but they would have been better off it they had gotten their education out of the way before having kids OR if they waited.

Also, there is a huge amount of ageism in both academia and the working world. I finished my BA, had my kids, went back to school to get a teaching credential in my late 30s, worked as a substitute teacher, then went back to get my MA in my late 40s. I would have been better off financially and careerwise had I not taken the time out to have children, but rather finishing my MA when I received my BA.

I do NOT regret doing it the way I did. I love my sons and I love what I do. However, had I been starting over with NO degree in my late 30s, I don't know if I would have gone on to get an MA.


Yes, it would be easier. However, have you noticed that it's not men, but women the ones who don't want to get married early? Studies show that there is a conscious attitude to delay marriage until after reaching their career, education, financial goals, and also because they want to "play the field". Other studies show that men tend to have their "only one big love" -the romantic, flowery, I-want-to-get-married kind of love- mostly when they're in their twenties. So, at the time when men want women the most, women are busy doing other things.


If stats bear this out, I can see why there is this disparity between what men and women want. Despite the advances in equality for women, women are still seen as the primary caregiver to children (as evidence by the other remark about women staying home to raise the kids). A man can marry, have kids, and still advance his career. A woman who marries and has children early is still the one on whom child raising duties fall (and yes, I KNOW there are exceptions!). She is constantly torn between what her kids need, what her husband needs, and what she needs.

When I mentioned the problems that female students in their 20s have, one is that when their kids are sick--who stays home with them?

Women are delaying marrying and having kids for that reason.

And somehow, this forum got WAY off topic and I just contributed to the off topicness, but I am going to post this anyway.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 80
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:12:22 AM
Thanks Gwen - luckily you're spewing all that intelligence to distract us from those damn legs you got going on there! lol
I wanted to make a correction to a part of my post....it should have been posted like this:


There is a certain lack of logic in this attitude.

How so? I think people in their 30s are at a good point for marriage and/or kids if thats what they want - they're old enough to know what works for them, and probably financially stable enough to do it.

Somehow I lost the original quote when responding and instead quoted my response. My apologies.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 81
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:33:32 AM

Sorry, I thought that marriage was the ultimate goal of having a relationship.


Believe it or not, but MANY couples opt not to marry these days.


However, men have had (and still have) the main breadwinning responsibility, therefore it's ok for a man to delay marriage until he's in position of supporting a wife and kids.


Step into the real world. You are perpetuating stereotypical cultural standards that many are trying to break. A woman CAN be the primary breadwinner, just as a man CAN stay home and take care of the kids. People who are locked into these rigid codes of societal norms and behaviors that should be codes of the past.

The only reason why men are primary breadwinners would be due to sexism in high paying jobs and because men and women THINK that the man should make the most money. Many, many women support not only themselves, but families, as well.

You have a total double standard based on ideology of the past.

For why a woman should stay home, you give these reasons:


a) Because a young woman normally has not the earning power to offset hiring a nanny and going to work.
b) Sorry, but experience has shown that "house-husbands" are still a long way from being accepted as mainstream, both by men and women alike.
c) Yes, he'd have to support her. Which means that his decision of delaying marriage until being in capacity of doing so it's sensible.


a) Um, if the husband were staying home, no need for a nanny--that's the point.
a) If she waits until her career is established, she'll have the money.
a) Young men don't have that earning power either.
b) Who cares if "house husbands" are not accepting by mainstream society? Shouldn't a couple do what is right for them? You seem to be much too influenced by what "they" think.
c) Again, TOTAL double standard--the man can delay marriage, but the woman needs to get wed and bred right out of high school.

And I just realized why this tangent took off-- an older man SHOULD marry a younger woman instead of one his age because he has taken the time to financially establish himself and now wants kids. Young men ought to forget about marrying and get their careers going. Gotcha!

I do have to admit that this is echoed in nature: old male lions run off the young males so he can have the females; walruses fight the young males so they can keep their harems.

This does clear up for me why older women sometimes seek younger men. These women marry at 18 to an older, well established man who is ready to have kids. She has said kids, she gets to be 40, looks at her 60+ year old husband and says to herself, "Hmm . . . I wonder what a young stud is like in bed."

Oh, and the fact that she went back to school at 35 to start her college career and then a chosen career in her field will mean that she will be surrounded by those younger men.

Snort.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 82
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:35:26 AM
Womaninprogess wrote:
Thanks Gwen - luckily you're spewing all that intelligence to distract us from those damn legs you got going on there!


Yeah, I gotta promote what little I have left in order to attract the young guys--I have just read an entire forum on why men my age don't want me.

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 83
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 8:01:25 AM
Sorry, I thought that marriage was the ultimate goal of having a relationship. My bad. And no, your reading of my paragraph is not correct: We seek for those women who AREN'T waiting. But it has no sense to look for them among those who already waited, don't you think?

While marriage may be an ultimate goal for you, don't assume it's a goal for everyone - shouldn't it be a natural next step and also an option, not the equivalent of a business plan? And for those women who aren't waiting - older men who want children are wading in that same small pool that you feel women who are older are wading in. I'm sure not every woman in her 2os who wants children is going to be interested in dating older. Again, a man in his 30s dating a woman in her 30s is a lot more financially, emotionally and realistically sound.

I'm not saying it's a "bad" thing. However, men have had (and still have) the main breadwinning responsibility, therefore it's ok for a man to delay marriage until he's in position of supporting a wife and kids. Moreover, that's the sensible thing to do. Besides, the male window for having children is a lot larger than the female one. Fair or unfair, that's how it is.

Personally I disagree that the men have the breadwinning responsibility over anything but themselves and their children. Women now can be their own breadwinners if they choose to...some may choose not to, but that's not set in stone anymore. And actually over 35 for both men and women is risky - sperm goes downhill just as much as eggs after a certain point in life...men may not carry children, but they are just as capable of having children that are less than healthy from their end.

a) Because a young woman normally has not the earning power to offset hiring a nanny and going to work.

In her 30s, she probably can.

b) Sorry, but experience has shown that "house-husbands" are still a long way from being accepted as mainstream, both by men and women alike.

Who cares if it works for a certain couple what the mainstream thinks?

c) Yes, he'd have to support her. Which means that his decision of delaying marriage until being in capacity of doing so it's sensible.

Women who also want to delay marriage and kids until financially capable is no different.

True, but those people mostly don't post "why men don't want older women" threads.

Well....how bout that. We agree on something.

Because those women who DO want to have children before 35 (your figure, not mine) are found among the young crowd. No purpose in looking for them among the 35+ crowd, don't you think?

A LOT of those women want children and marriage within their age group is all I am saying...if a woman wants to date/marry an older man (and I'm talking 15+ years) and have kids, great - but how common is that (true love, not someone seeking to be taken care of)?

This does clear up for me why older women sometimes seek younger men. These women marry at 18 to an older, well established man who is ready to have kids. She has said kids, she gets to be 40, looks at her 60+ year old husband and says to herself, "Hmm . . . I wonder what a young stud is like in bed."

Oh, and the fact that she went back to school at 35 to start her college career and then a chosen career in her field will mean that she will be surrounded by those younger men.

Snort.

Good point. More younger men for older women. Not necessarily a bad thing (besides the fact that a lot of men think older women are naive to the fact that those women are wanted only for sex - of course).
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 84
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 8:17:49 AM
Re post #154
you ask: Men who refuse to date women their own age and older, why?

my answer is: because they're freakin azzholes....


At least that answer resolves why men your age would refuse to date you. Who would want that sort of 'tude in his life?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 85
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:27:14 AM

No, YOU step into the real world. Such babbling may be good for the academia, but those "should be codes of the past" are still the ones ruling the real world. And enforced both by men and women.


I was one of those "kept" women who was supported by my husband. When I left the marriage, I found that I had done myself no favor by allowing him to be the primary breadwinner.

Before I became ensconced in the hallowed halls of academia, I worked at Wal Mart for two years and held various other jobs during summers when I went to school; I still take part-time summer jobs because I am per course and when I don't teach, I don't get paid. Not only do I live in the real world, but I see my students struggling with that world.

They are "enforced"? Wow, that sounds fairly militaristic--this means that there is NO allowance for those who choose to live otherwise? No wonder you speak about how men staying at home aren't accepted in mainstream society! And no wonder those outdated rules are still in effect.


Oh, please. "Sexism in high paying jobs"? What's this, women's studies? It has been proven once and again that the main reason for women not to have those high paying jobs is because they aren't willing or are not able to do the sacrifices (long hours, no family time, demanding physical conditions, etc.) needed to have them.


By your ideology, women shouldn't keep long hours, no family time, etc., because it is her duty to stay home and watch the kids. Also, if men make those sacrifices and have no family time, they shouldn't have families. And oh, please, show me the studies and stats from reputable, unbiased sources proving that is why women aren't in as many high-paying jobs as men. While you are at, give the stats as to whether men of color hold as many of those jobs as do old white men--barring Obama.


Oh, please. The woman can do as she damn well pleases. The thing is, every action has a consequence, and she shouldn't blame others if the consequences are not to her liking.


You are fond of the phrase, "Oh, please," aren't you? I am not blaming anyone for the actions I have taken and their consequences, despite the guilt that society likes to place on those who don't swim the mainstream and who have the balls or the ovaries to do it differently.


Yes, I have this double standard. Yes, my ideology has been here for a long time. It doesn't mean it's invalid.


Not only is this a circular argument, but it means that you are a hypocrite.


Actually yes, that's what I think a man should do. It doesn't mean I will force anybody to do it, nor will criticize them by not doing it.


Do you mean that you will not criticize them for not doing it? And you are criticizing them.


Are you trying to say that a man shouldn't allow his wife to become educated because she may be unfaithful? What if she promises to wear a burka?


Yes, that is exactly what I am saying and it has always been my position that women wear burkas. I have several.

Snort.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 86
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:37:00 AM

Some women do get better with age. Much better. But not all.


It is the same with men.


I'm not alone in this observation, as I have male friends who have dated older women, and suspected that the relationship suffered from the older woman's insecurities due to the disparity being a constant topic of concern. Just some food for thought...


I think that an older man would always have his eye out for his young wife and other men.

A man (my age) whom I have dated off and on for two years told me about his friend, Joe. Joe married a much younger woman because, in part, he wanted a family. He was in his very late 50s and she was in her late 20s. They had to go through heroic measures to get her pregnant--to the point of artificially inseminating her with his sperm, but it took twice.

The last pregnancy produced twins and she needed a lot of bed rest. When the babies came, she continued to rest in bed, eat chocolates, and watch TV. Now the twins are about three years old. Joe suddenly finds himself at 63 with three small children and a woman who won't get off her ass. He is VERY well off financially, and if he divorces her, she'll get a good chunk of his money.

When Joe ceases to be financially responsible for his kids, he will be 80. If the marriage stays together, his young wife will still be a lot younger than him!

Youth does not guarantee that energy will continue. Like everything else in life, NOTHING is guaranteed.

I will continue to judge people as individuals.
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 87
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:50:02 AM
women my own age do not like or enjoy my less than 57 yr old maturity or activity level. therefore i will go to those women who do enjoy those things i do.

i ask them if they want to go to nelson ledges quarry park and dive off the 30 foot high cliffs. "No"

wanna go to the hiphop club? "No"

lets play video games! "No"

let's go see Ludicris! "No"

how do you like my tricked out underlit Lincoln Continental? "that's only for kids"

so that's why i date younger.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 88
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:05:48 AM

women my own age do not like or enjoy my less than 57 yr old maturity or activity level. therefore i will go to those women who do enjoy those things i do.


Argh.

Some, even the majority, of women your age might not enjoy those things, but that doesn't mean that ALL of them don't enjoy them.

One of my ideas of a good time is a stimulating discussion about the nature of the universe, the archetypal theories of Jung, mythology, whether religion is a lot of bunkum created by people to control people, and other esoteric matters.

I rarely find a man my age, older, or younger who either likes these types of topics and/or knows anything about them.

And I was the first person in my neighborhood to beat Mario III. Lincoln Continentals, regardless of how much they are tricked out, are cars for old people.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 89
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:23:14 AM

And exactly what "codes" are in force in the real world, yours or those "old codes"?


Unlike you, I have largely created my codes--they are sane enough so that I can operate in the "real" world, but insane enough that I can keep my individuality. I promote individualism and allowing people to explore so they can create their "codes." You seem to have a rigid, striated way of thinking that doesn't crawl out of the now cliche "box."


Wrong. According to my ideology, you can do whatever you choose to do, but you should also accept that your choices -whatever they may be- will have consequences, whether good or bad. In other words: No my dear, you can't have it all.


You can't stop people from doing what they want to do, but you can influence them--and I don't mean just you personally, but by remaining within a cultural gestalt that reinforces societal mores and "norms," you are doing your influencing.

I am not sure why you keep reiterating about choices and consequnces--that is a given. And in reality, I have had it all: I had a nuclear family, mom, dad, two kids, minivan, house wherein Dad went to work and Mom made cookies and homemade bread. I left that and now I live a different type of life--a life that I have chosen.


Yes, they're enforced. Just ask how many women here will date or marry an unemployed man. And ask how many men here will date or marry an unattractive woman.


I won't date an unemployed man, but not because I want him to support me, but I don't want to support him. If I were a man, I wouldn't date an unemployed women, same reason.

As for men who say that they won't date or marry an unattractive women, boy, I have news for you!!! I see MANY men dating and married to unattractive women--you see, there are many unattractive men whom the beautiful women don't want. One can say, "I won't date an ugly woman," but the reality is different.

By the way, I have no problems getting dates, regardless of the fact that I am old, fat, and outspoken. Go figure.


Glad to see the old feminist debate rules are still alive and well. Oh, you forgot the "small penis", "can't get laid" and "you hate women" bits, unless you were planning to add them in your next post. By the way, I'd be an hypocryte if I were to say something I don't believe just to get p*ssy points.


I see no gender bias in what I said. You gave a circular argument about the validity of your points based on how long they have been in existence, but that proves nothing. Caucasians owned blacks as slaves for centuries, but we don't still have that ancient practice in force. You said you have a double standard; by definition, that IS hypocrisy, male or female.

And sadly, your generalizations have fallen to new lows. I wouldn't made a remark about your penis or say that you hate women. I prefer to conduct a discussion with decorum, eschew ad hominems, and present logical arguments.

Whatever credibility you had went out the window with that.


If you read Dr. Warren Farrel's "Why Men Earn More" you will find all the studies and stats you want. And a very nice attempt to sneak in race into the debate. Is this a new standard debate tactics?


I don't make generalized claims without stats. When I use a personal anecdotes or something from my own observations, I note that. I ALWAYS ask for specifics claims to be backed up.


If you try to stand up on a water balloon, is it a criticism to say that it will probably burst?


Your analogy is inept and inapt.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 90
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:27:01 AM

Oneofathought...Let whoever make their choice on whom they would like to date and be done with it. For whatever reasons, it is ultimately their choice.


Good point, Oneofathought, and obviously from someone who "gets it" about the "wonderful world of dating". It's interesting, at least to me, that the angry, bitter posts are primarily from women who have allowed themselves to become unattractive, and have developed toxic attitudes. Unwilling to look within themselves for things that they could change, so as to improve their results, they instead "blame" others. They resent younger women, who date men, who they delude themselves into believing would date them, if there weren't "unfair competition", and they blame men, "diagnosing" all sorts of character and personality defects, based on their own addled stereotypes.

The truth is, if there were no attractive women in my available universe, I wouldn't date at all. Life would not be "better" if an unattractive, angry, bitter woman, with an entitlement mentality were part of it.

Very few attractive women, regardless of age, seem to have their knickers in a twist, over who others are dating. An attractive woman, at any age, will have plenty of men interested in her.

There are obvious things that people can do so as to be in greater demand in the dating market. If one chooses not to bother changing himself/herself in ways that he or she could, if it were important enough to him/her, then the problem isn't some external thing, such as some men dating younger women. It's a natural consequence of the choice not to do those things that are within his/her control to do.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 91
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:28:40 AM
so through all the static an the ego tripping..

some how this is all is starting to sounds like older man needs/ wants younger woman so he can feel younger inflat his ego relive glory days have somebody on his level mentally because while he maybe in the body of a 40 or 50 year old his maturity level is only at a 20yr year old guy level hince mingling in the younger waters because that's where he's at in his mind so being in the waters with people his own age group an older women would make him feel out of place or slowed down because he is not there yet if he ever will be..

an older men can snatch up younger woman get them trained an show her an tell her what he wants her to know an learn at an earlier age because at her age she's still learning an exsperiencing things an doesnt quite know for sure all the facts of life..plus he needs somebody who will cook an clean an bare his children for him..

because the older women are no longer able to be taught or trained an will not put up with such old testament bull s hit an do not want to have children or any more because they want to go on in thier life an enjoy it an be free an romance an love who they want an travel an work an live the type of lifestyle they want without having to be respondsible for anybody eles but themselves or hear how they will be doomed forever because they are not following the traditional ways of how a woman is suppose to be for a man..for ONCE in her life..


now maybe somewhere in there i may or may not have gotten off track but aside from what ive read so far seems like that's what it is..

sure anybody of any race or age or sex can like an love who they want..people fall everyday.an we all have our preferances an what turns us on..

but it kinda seems like if you read the fine print through all this the whole older man younger woman or vise versa it's kinda like a new hip fashion phase its fun it looks good an you haven't felt this way in years..but is it really for you does it really work as well for you as you think or are poeple actually laughing at you? an wouldnt you be more comfortable an more up to date an in place if you were shopping in the sections of the store that's right for you..

o an i forgot to add why the hell does it come off to seem like as soon as a female is old enough start her period an grows breast that she should already be getting pregnant an married off to some man before she's even had the chance to breath or exsplore her options in life..
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 92
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:30:58 AM

If you read Dr. Warren Farrel's "Why Men Earn More" you will find all the studies and stats you want.


I had never heard of this man or his books, and based on your opinions, I googled him expecting to find a man biased in his outlook on women. I was surprised: on wikipedia, I found this:


His research for Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap—and What Women Can Do About It documented 25 differences in men and women’s work-life choices. Common to each of men’s choices was earning more money, while each of women’s prioritized having a more-balanced life.[6] He concluded that “the road to high pay is a toll road;” that the gender pay gap was often reversed when those 25 choices were accounted for;


Despite your qualifications of how things SHOULD be and that the status quo of centuries should remain place because, as you say, it is valid, Dr. Farrell doesn't agree with you, especially when the reviewer makes this comment:


and since a better life is more important than money, men have more to learn from women than women do from men.


Thank you, Dr. Farrell.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 93
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:39:53 AM
CAN WE PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC?

This is not a sociology thread, and it shouldn't be about politics.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 94
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:58:16 AM
considering i'm not a older male chasing younger women.. i'd say my mojo is going pretty good.. thanks for askin.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 95
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Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 11:12:30 AM
Thank you, Dr. Farrell.

Don't forget to note that he wrote the book for his daughters. He wanted them to know how to earn as much or more than men (yes, there are fields where women earn more than men for the same work) rather than slip into a female-as-victim mentality.

See, I was able to get back OT after all...
 ralphdog2
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 96
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 2:51:58 PM
hey lighten up!in my age most older men are dead or equipment not working. the women are after younger men or do not know this and act like princess. the mix of ages only works when each has something in common.javascript:smilie('')
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 97
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 4:55:15 PM

I know many, many women who were drop dead beautiful who were never approached until very late in their 30s and 40s. And again, what does attractive even entail?


To some extent, "beauty is in the eye of a beholder". On the other hand, dating is an "open market", and if one is exposed to a significant number of the opposite sex, most emotionally healthy people get a sense for what their "offer" will command "in the market".

A reasonably attractive woman, who posts a picture on a dating website, is going to get a significant amount of male interest. Many, of course, will not be to the woman's liking, but some will be. Similarly, men will get a "feel" for which women are likely to respond with some level of reciprocal interest.

If one is not finding any interest, it's a good indicator that he/she needs to "adjust" to the market, in some way or another. Others, however, "blame" the market, and find fault in those who aren't interested, which, of course, will do nothing to change the results.

The "problem" isn't that some men date younger women. If they aren't interested in someone's "offer", they just aren't. So, one can change what's hers to change, or not, but blaming men who date younger women is dysfunctional.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 98
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:23:40 PM

gwen, I trust that you realize that my comments were a direct response of my personal experiences to the OP, and not general comments singling out women.

Of course, everything I said can also be applied to men.


Verity, point taken!


Strange for somebody who boasts herself as a scholar.


I have debated enough in my life to know that once the "opposition" sinks to personal (ad hominem attacks), he/she has pretty much conceded to not having much to say to defend his/her position.

Why do you find it necessary to insult me personally? It is amusing that you pre-accused me of saying you had a small penis when I didn't and wouldn't have gone there, but you find it perfectly acceptable to insult me.

Why do you assume because I am a "scholar" that I would be familiar with Dr. Farrell or his book? I have never read Dr. Phil, either, but that doesn't make me less educated. There are many, many books written each year with which I am not familiar.


Which is exactly what I said about women not being willing or able to do the sacrifices needed to achieve those high-paying jobs. So where is the part where he doesn't agree with me?


The way that you phrased it, it was an insult to the women; when Farrell says that women are more balanced than men and that men have more to learn from women than vice-versa, I saw that your take was a bit . . . unbalanced.

By the way, although I haven't read the book, that was only one reason why he said women are not making as much money as men. In fact, there are 25 differences.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 99
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:39:26 PM

I know a few really attractive women on POF, who I am friends with, who have 600-700 men who have listed then as favorites, and most of them are duds, with a few exceptions.
One of them, really thinks she deserves the cream of the crop, but the others actually want nothing to do with "pretty boys". They just want an all round decent guy, that they find attractive, but not what most people would think of as universally attractive.


I'll agree that finding the "right one" isn't easy. Sometimes, the choices available don't always yield someone who is right for "right now". However, from women I've met from POF and a few "chat buddies" from too far away for a dating relationship to be possible, the point is, that a reasonably attractive woman, with a good attitude, always has "options".

As a male, personal experience, has shown that there are always women, who are interested enough to have a conversation, and I'm older than most, not rich, and no one has asked me to appear on the cover of a magazine.

What I have found, from observing things on POF and other dating sites, is that having a negative attitude is the common denominator amongst those who have few "takers". For example, being bitter and negative about who others choose to date. Older men/younger women, for example.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 100
Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:16:35 PM
Rock Hunter, and Gwendolyn, PLEASE...STOP.....You're one on one argument is off topic, and boring. There is a topic, and you are both interesting posters, when you're on topic. Wading through all the off topic posts coming from your argument is a pain, and no one is reading them anyway.
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