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 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 76
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
awww.. it absoulty makes me swoon when a guy fixes whatever needs fixing of mine.. I adore a man who can fix things! And if you can build me something, especially something I need or want, oh my.. i'm soooo gonna do my best to keep you..

 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 77
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:38:26 AM

Nope, when I came out of the closet and told everyone that I had been a lesbian for years, all my secrets came out as well!

I do a mean azz bubble bath with salts and candles to prove it.


You b itch!!

Now this is funny.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 78
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:43:15 AM

Has anyone noticed that all the 'romantic' guys described here are now friends or have faded from the picture? Maybe its a case of not knowing a good thing when you have it or that romance is fine at the time but not that highly regarded in the long term scheme of things.


Not for me. What ended our marriage was his treatment of my children. Romance is an outward manifestation of a heart that is feeling love and appreciation, admiration for another.

We both showed our love through romantic gestures but when he abused my children, I left him and felt no more romance, appreciation, admiration or respect for him.

So, you can bring flowers, but there'd better not be a knife in the bouquet.
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 79
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Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:43:22 AM
Lots of men understand what it is to be romantic. It isn't just one thing, or a set of actions. It is in how you treat someone every single day. All the romantic gestures in the world add up to nothing if you treat someone poorly 90% of the time. Most guys do make the effort, some women just don't see it as effort.

A romantic gesture can be seen in entirely the wrong way. A friend's bf bought her some mad expensive lingerie as a gift, her response was " He's trying to change me and he's trying to make me somebody I am not." Now she wonders why he stopped doing 'nice' things for her.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 80
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Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:48:08 AM
Does this count as "understanding the true meaning of romance"?

Romance novels. Women love em. In the book "Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women" (what makes a successful romance novel) the formula is described.

"Why?!" I hear you ask am I talking about some lovey dovey crap that women always tell us about and bemoan that we don't provide them with?

Because I'm not going to that's why. The most successful romance novel formula hardly includes that stuff. The most successful romance novel formula is one where a powerful dangerous man is castrated.

Here's how they go:

Take a man, let's call him Lord Ravenscroft, not exactly a pushover, the villagers near his castle live in fear of him due to a few years ago running the town crier through with a rapier for some off-hand remark.

Anyway, Lord Ravenscroft has just inherited a gift, VERY IMPORTANT THAT THIS IS AGAINST HER WILL AS SHE MUST BEAR NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER SITUATION, a young woman, let's call her Virginia.

Naturally, Lord Ravenscroft, the macho, misogynistic fellow he is puts Virginia hard to work scrubbing floors and cooking meals. Naturally, being a paragon of virtue, AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT VIRGINIA IS A PARAGON OF VIRTUE, Virginia does not really have a problem with hard work and in fact saves one of the Lord's lambs from drowning in the river.

Eventually, of course, Lord Ravenscroft goes a little too far and offends Virginia's delicate sensibilities. This is a very important part: SHE ACTS DEFIANT TOWARDS HIS BRUTAL DOMINANCE BECAUSE OF HER VIRTUOUS SENSIBILITIES.

At this point, like a true man's man, Lord Ravenscroft beats her down and rapes her silly, and of course THE READER MASTURBATES AT THIS STAGE, but nevertheless the idea is that he is an evil **bleep**, and she stood up to him.

The main body of the novel involves the above being sort of washed, rinsed and repeated, with Lord Ravenscroft slowly more and more impressed by Virginia's paragon of virtuehood and her lamb saving graces, whilst at the same time being worn down by her incessant nagging, I mean virtuous defiance, and begins acting more and more kindly towards her until eventually raping her silly is not enough and he must win her love to be happy. IN ORDER TO DO THIS, HE MUST NOW DEMONSTRATE THE LOVEY DOVEY ROMANCE GARBAGE WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR WITH. IT'S ONLY APPEARANCE IS TOWARDS THE END OF THE BOOK.

At this point the tables have turned and Lord Ravenscroft's arse belongs to Virginia. His dangerous power is hers to control as her provider, protector and all round tamed arse biitch. The book ends in marriage. NOTE THAT THE MARRIAGE SIGNIFIES THE END OF THE BOOK AS IT SIGNIFIES VICTORY, THERE IS NOTHING FURTHER OF INTEREST TO THE ROMANCE READER.

So we have a couple of interesting things here. Generally the reader puts themselves in Virginia's shoes and Virginia must do whatever they fantasize as themselves doing. I.e., being virtuous, defiant against sensibility-offense, and attractive. Not only is there the castration of an alpha male involved, but there's a little ego trip in the sense that the character they identify with is virtuous and thus irresistably attractive (men can only be a woman's second love, you see, as they are already more in love with themselves and their own perceived virtue and perceived attractiveness).

Interesting you say. You can see historical reference in this story you say. So then, how is it that things have gone a little awry and this sort of thing no longer happens with such frequency?

Well it stopped bloody happening when women lost the ability to be virtuous. Instead they rely on some politically correct expectation that people treat them as if they are virtuous, even if they are stupid, entitled, skank whores.

Thus women's power to attract men is greatly diminished in modern times while their "defiance" more resembles the ***holery of Lord Ravenscroft than the sensibility guarding Virginia. Note that this is only realised by external parties and not by the deluded idiots themselves due to the effect of the politically correct media, ego-gratifying hate speech of feminazis and so forth.

How they've TRIED to put out more "progressive" romance novels and actual lovey dovey ones, but they quite simply just do not sell in such massive numbers as the ones that follow the formula outlined above.

You can see women trying to act out this fantasy in real life and even on this forum. That they are completely impotent to do so due to their patent lack of virtue appears to be most frustrating to them.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 81
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 10:19:08 AM

Cinema Pardiso....When I was married, the man I was married to was a good guy, good provider and a BIG gift giver and sometime, I felt that he did it as much for himself as he did for me. I think in some way it made him very proud to be able to provide for me the way that he did, he was very generous. Please do not take this as me being ungrateful for all of the nice things he gave me. He made me feel like a Princess, as a matter of fact that is what he called me.

In addition to all of the nice gifts he gave me, he was very thoughtful. He always called me during the day when we were at work or from the road. He always held my hand, he did sweet things like always filled my Crystal Light pitcher in the refrigerator, he used to run me bubble baths and wash my back and I laugh when I think about him standing over the grill making sure my chicken was just right, with those tongs in his hand, master of the grill, he was sweet. Actually, I don't laugh when I think about that, I get teary eyed.


I believe that real romantic gestures are those that come, when they are focused only on giving her some joy, making her feel good; not to "get" something or as part of an agenda. For me, it smacks of insincerity, if there is "too much" romance, prior to an established relationship, unless it's that once in a lifetime sense of someone. If they are done to "get" a date, or to "lure" her into bed, etc, it's more "bribery" or trying to "buy" someone's affections.

All that being said, Cinema Paradiso, who is one of my favorite posters, really has me confused in this thread. In several posts, like the one above, she has lauded her ex husband as almost the "gold standard" of romantics, even saying ( in another post) that she always felt loved, even when it was over. The impression is that she chose to exit the marriage.

So, I "don't get it", what message she is trying to send to men, about the value of keeping a woman happy in a relationship? Women are usually confusing to men, but this is a real head scratcher.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 82
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 11:05:58 AM
Well, Ren it was not my choice to leave the marriage. The real reason for ending the marriage was after 14 years of marriage, my ex wanted to have a child. And it would have been next to impossible for me to have one without complete bed rest. Plus, after many years of not wanting children as a couple, he decided he wanted to have a child and in all honesty, I didn't.

I don't think anyone should ever hold someone back from being a parent, that would have been very selfish of me, I could not deny him that. Although on the day that he proposed to the woman who would become his wife, he called me hours before he did it and asked "are you absolutely certain you don't want to have a baby?" And the answer was still no. That is the ultimate reason my marriage ended. There were some other issues that stemmed from that issue, but that was the ultimate reason.

How do you tell a man he can't be a Dad? By the way he is. He has two now.
 GoodeWitch
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 83
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 12:21:55 PM
I think Cinema Pardisio's posts show that shes capable of real love,.. I applaud her for her posts, and for her spirit.
Oh, and Colonel Ingus,.. what you described in your post isnt romance, its themes of BDSM lite, a bodice ripper, its sylised S/D sex with a switch and power themes,,.. nothing more... romance it aint.
For real romance, read something like Jane Eyre,.. the theme of man losing a little power is similar, but the central theme of romance being mutual sacrifice, and a coming together of two equals, at the end, is the real romance in the book. Both start of as caricatures, both end up by being some how a lot more real.
No bodice ripping required.
Romance is not sex, when will some people understand that?
Sex can be an expression of love, but it can be just sex too. It has little to do with romance in the real sense.
Romance is about favouring the person above all others.
rose petals, candles, etc,.. are more about setting the mood for sex IMO, where as real romance is about gestures or words that tell the person just how much they mean to you. Again, no wine, no bath, no sex required.
Some one made the point that romance cant be forced, cant be asked for, or hinted for. I agree with that. gestures of romance cant be demanded, or asked for,... the person has to feel that they want to do it, otherwise whats the point of an empty gesture?
if someone feels enough about you to do something romantic, or say something romantic to you, its the best feeling in the world, if its reciprocated,.. if they dont feel it,.... best not do it.
G. x
 Yours 4 the taking
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 84
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 12:25:55 PM
I think most women just want to be loved and treated well. Men seem to stop treating you well after the new wears off a relationship. To be honest, that is when we start loosing interest and then the relationship falls apart and the guy wonders what happened.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 85
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 12:26:49 PM

Cinema Paradiso-my ex wanted to have a child. And it would have been next to impossible for me to have one without complete bed rest. Plus, after many years of not wanting children as a couple, he decided he wanted to have a child and in all honesty, I didn't.


I'm sorry to have opened that up, so please forgive me. It does confirm my impression of you, but that's not worth having caused some pain by asking. I was just confused, having read the posts, why a marriage full of romance, mutual consideration, and the good things in life would end.

"Sensitivity" isn't my "long suit" sometimes.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 86
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 12:30:22 PM

Sex can be an expression of love, but it can be just sex too. It has little to do with romance in the real sense.


Sex alone is not romantic, no, but sincere romance is usually something that exists between lovers, and is part of the "extended foreplay" that can only fully exist in the context of a relationship between two people who intend to make love often.

Like the story earlier about the pathetic man, who brought flowers to a woman every week for months, while she rejected the flowers. That's not "romantic". It's pathetic.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 87
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Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 12:42:49 PM
Do I believe a man of today still understands the true meaning of romance? All the ones I've ever experienced a relationship with did. Some moreso than others. I'm not about to lump all men into a do or don't category. Often times, it's a woman who leads by example as well. If she does romantic things, she's more often than not going to be on the receiving end of romance as well. As macho as a number of men like to make themselves out to be, they appreciate just as much all those little, meaningful things a woman will do for/with him in the romance department. If he's smart, he reciprocates when unsolicited to do so (nothing worse than demanding gifts and deeds of a romantic nature - that just kills it all) and he knows that by doing so the ball will keep rolling back and forth. There's also nothing worse than a woman who expects that just because of her gender that romantic niceties are only meant to come her way. Give and you shall receive - unless whoever you're with is denser than a sidewalk block. I'm sure there are a few of them but I think the majority of people, both men and women, who don't act romantic in one way, shape or form, are more lazy than anything. There are all kinds of ideas out there that can be applied to your own relationship.
 GoodeWitch
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 88
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 12:43:27 PM
Agred ren man, romance is bewteen lovers,.. romance sex, affection, all are intertwined.
but romance within that context, doesnt always have to lead to sex,.. it stands alone within that context, and sometimes mingles within the other themes of affection, or sex.
What i do see a lot of, though, is people believing that romance is a prelude to sex, as in wine, bath, candles, etc. Thats when I think of those gestures as mood setting for sex, rather than romance for the sake of romance,... and not as a prelude to sex. So yes, although romance can be a natural prelude to sex,... it can, and should, sometimes stand alone in its own right,
G. x
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 89
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 1:48:11 PM

Agred ren man, romance is bewteen lovers,.. romance sex, affection, all are intertwined.


I agree with you, Goode Witch, and also agree that within a relationship, romance is something a man wants to give to a woman, for her sake, to bring her some joy and happiness, and isn't just foreplay. Although, making lovemaking romantic is also something that can be very romantic.

I think some women confuse what "romantic" means, though, and women along the road of life have "taught" men not to express themselves too romantically with most women, prior to their being an established relationship. There are women who interpret romantic gestures in early dating as their "right", almost as queens, who will then regard the man as weak and willing to enter into a female dominated dynamic. For example that "romantic" story of the man, who brought flowers every week, to a woman who was rejecting him.

For me, at least, before I can let my "inner romantic" out in full force, I have to be at a place in the relationship, where there isn't any "tension" about whether affection runs both ways, or while sex is still a "question".
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 90
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 1:54:39 PM
For starters, honesty is a great beginning. In plain English, just be open and honest about what you want and who you are. Material things do not really make or break me, however surprises would be nice once in a while. :) Hard to say what would really make me smile. Not to be whining here but so far, it seems like I am the one always spending, always giving, only to get nothing in return. Not even respect. I hope the next guy who comes along has some friggen manners.
 ditr821
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 91
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Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 2:24:39 PM
IDEAL SETTING - TOTAL DARKNESS, JUST THE TWO OF YOU, AND KNOWING YOU CAN TRUST EACH OTHER AND NOT BE AFRAID. NOT TALKING, JUST LISTENING TO EACH OTHER BREATHING AND THE SOUNDS OF EACH OTHERS HEART, HOW YOUR HEARTBEAT INCREASES WITH THE TOUCH OF EACH OTHER. REMEMBERING THAT FEELING FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME TO THE 100TH TIME YOU ARE TOGETHER. TOUCH IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, IT SHOULD ALWAYS BRING GOOSEBUMPS OR A CHILL UP YOUR SPINE IN A GOOD WAY. MEN AND WOMEN NEED THE SAME THING, WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO EXPRESS IT, MEN ARE NOT EXPECTED TO. BUT IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND A MAN THAT CAN, KEEP HIM, LOVE HIM, HOLD HIM CLOSE, BECAUSE HE IS ONE OF A KIND
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 92
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 2:33:18 PM
Ren, that is OK. You and I go way back. I have posted this in a former POF life, so not to worry. It is best that you asked and not someone who is not considered a friend. Huggs.

Goodewitch, your are too kind. Thank you.
 Serenity_BC
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 93
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 5:39:57 PM
Casey, no problem. I speak the truth....and I think I've been spoiled by some pretty good men
 diamondgirl2727
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 94
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:00:14 PM
All a man has to do to make me speechless is to actually listen to me, and remember the things I have said! Also, letting me know he was actually thinking about me. Guess it all comes down to whether he likes me enough to have me on his mind and think of things he could do to put a smile on my face. I have always done this for men I have cared about, but sadly, I never got anything in return.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 95
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:03:32 PM
Many men are very romantic. Just like many women are.

Some people are not as good as guaging what thier new interest will find romantic, and this is where you see people rejecting people for what an outsider would say was a nice gesture.

Some women like flowers right off the bat, some think it is creepy. Some men will love having a woman cover the tab for dinner on date number one, some men will feel uncomfortable about that.

The key is really knowing your partner. Like anything I do for someone, if I'm going to exert an effort, I want to make sure it is truly appreciated-so Im going to make sure I am showing him my romantic feelings in a way he picks up and enjoys.

Just because you heard women like this, or men like that, doesnt so much matter. It only matters if MY man likes it.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 96
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:03:53 PM
I think romance is a personal preference and there are some men out there would like to be romantic with a woman who can appreciate and enjoys being romanced. It is also a 2 way street and I believe that women need to be romantic as well, because I have found that men who are romantic towards me, enjoy also being romanced - it is an opportunity for 2 people who enjoy romance to please and be pleased. All good in my books, I love charming men and I treat the man in my life very well.
 PaMike1200
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 97
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Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:11:03 PM

All a man has to do to make me speechless is to actually listen to me, and remember the things I have said! Also, letting me know he was actually thinking about me. Guess it all comes down to whether he likes me enough to have me on his mind and think of things he could do to put a smile on my face. I have always done this for men I have cared about, but sadly, I never got anything in return.

Such BS! I would love to hear the other side of the story. The other guys probably found someone that knows he was listening and remembering.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 98
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:14:19 PM
I have no idea why some are picking apart post #103. To me, it made perfect sense, and I agree that part of letting a woman know that she is valued, is to let her know that you want to know what she thinks, how she feels, and then to remember those things, and respond, in unexpected ways.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 99
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:40:38 PM
^^^actually it was post #102...and I agree...what is wrong with validating a woman...by the simple act of respecting her thoughts and feelings by listening...remembering the things that she values...and complimenting her by doing the unexpected...a reminder to her that you had been listening to the things she desires...sometimes "it is" just so simple...
 Ameerra
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 100
Do you believe a man of today, still understands the true meaning of romance?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:51:19 PM

what is wrong with validating a woman...by the simple act of respecting her thoughts and feelings by listening...remembering the things that she values...and complimenting her by doing the unexpected...a reminder to her that you had been listening to the things she desires...sometimes "it is" just so simple


Yes, someone please give lessons or at the very least write a book!!!
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