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 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 5
Lack of Physical Affection-HelpPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
OP why the heck do you and so many other people go on a forum and ask perfect strangers to read the mind of someone you are dating when we've never met them.

People are extremely poor communicators. Why don't you ask him!!!

Also some people dont want to be alone; they like doing things for the moment. Ask him and communicate; if you cant' even do that then you should be single; good luck
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 7
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Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 4/22/2009 1:11:32 PM
Some guys have low testosterone... Why not ask him that if he really has feelings for you to get his levels checked...

It may not be his problem, and he grew up with cold fish parents... I did too, but I am affectionate as all get out WITH the person I love...

Ohhhh you broke it off... Well maybe, just maybe you could have salvaged things, because a man with low testosterone doesn't have that drive, and they don't even notice... JAT...
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 9
Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 4/22/2009 11:08:41 PM
Casual observation; did you try telling him you wanted more affection? Some guys are usually very affectionate but they eventually stop because there are a lot of women who dump them for being clingy.

I'm rather affectionate and have had women ask me to STOP being so affectionate; it goes both ways.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
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Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 4/22/2009 11:47:01 PM
Lonelymum I am so sorry you were cheated on..you are not alone, my ex spouse was not affectionate or sexual either... I took it for 9 yrs, then among the other crap I called it quits... He never physically cheated, but emotionally and all the strippers he dumped tons of money on, it was full out emotional cheating...

Some people have a low sex drive that CAN be fixed... Others however don't, or they aren't happy with how the sexual chemistry is between the two of you... Perhaps that was the issue with my ex and I, because my 13 yr old spends week to week between my ex and I... My son has had to ask me to tell him to move the bed, because it isn't something he wants to hear at nite...

Then again my ex was interested in the start, so since he really hasn't had a ltr, he may peter out like he did on me...

What I want to get across is this... Just because he wasn't happy or what ever, doesn't mean you aren't a sexually wonderful person... After my divorces I set out to prove that to myself...

There is no such thing as a perfect man, just one that can fit at least 80% of what you need... If you look for total perfection, it will come in the form of several different men... As with all of us, we all have things we can learn...

For me it is having a partner willing to do things better, and sincerely mean it...

I didn't find TOTAL perfection, but we are growing perfection together... Like two trees intertwining and creating the ability for both to continue to grow and give each other enough sun light so as NOT to stunt the others growth... yet together you two are stronger, and can depend upon the other to NOT fall so easily when lifes winds get blowing really hard..

Good luck sweety
 love2surfat48
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 14
Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:08:38 PM
My last GF was too clingy! She drove me crazy,don't get me wrong I like affection as much as the next person. She would come to my house and hang on me the whole time..I dumped her! She seemed very insecure in our relationship based on her being dumped by all her other ex's, even though I reassured her that things were good with us. Back off a little and see what happens!
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 16
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Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:45:34 PM
Seems to me he's so keen on you that he's thinking of you most of the time. He'd have to have you on his mind to plan things for you and do what he has done. It could be that his family wasn't affectionate in a physical way and so, from his point of view, he's doing everything he can to show how much he cares. My family were like that, puritanical; it was usual to show affection by being considerate to people and working hard for them, not by cuddling. It's not until you meet other families who are physically affectionate that you realise there is another way. Even then, years of conditioning have to be overcome. From what you say, he doesn't have much interest in sex either, so that's a double blow. You'd think he'd have had the drive, even if he felt guilty about it. It could have been a way for him to show the physical affection you need. He seems to accept that there's a problem, but from what you say, he doesn't appear to think he should do something about it. It's as if he's saying that's just that that's the way it is. I can see why you can't accept that. It would be such a limited relationship. I don't see how it could improve unless he's willing to look at the situation and try to resolve it. You seem to have ended it though, so I guess you felt he wasn't motivated to do that.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 17
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Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:13:11 PM
Is he real clear on the type of attention that you were lacking in? The physical affection kind? Why don't you try talking with him one last time before giving him walking papers?...I know your disappointed that he didn't suggest talking things over, but why don't you try to get with him sometime and talk about it one last time. I mean let the suggestion for meeting up to talk come from you (it will have to)...I know it sucks to be the one to have to do that believe me I've dated my fair share of clueless fellows too...
 egboy
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 26
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Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 5/15/2009 2:51:13 PM
I had the same thing with my ex of 24yrs after the first 3yrs she just didn't want it anymore. Up to that point I couldn't get her off my lap. I would try to kiss or hugg her and she would push me away and call me a perv. I would love to find a woman that likes affection.
 Hopeful4
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 28
Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 5/16/2009 8:14:17 AM
I hear ya and it's not an easy position. Affection is a very important part in any relationship and the problem is if it did continue this way you think you'd be frustrated NOW? It is possible that it would start negatively affecting the relationship in other ways as well; inner frustrations coming out in other ways between the two. To me that would truly be a relationship breaker or it is just a friendship. The bottom line is he's not into it and that is what you've got presented at you.

The real question is why he's NOT into it..but the fact is he's not.

I'd say yes, it is worth ending the relationship. Again, it sounds like this is only a friendship only without one of the main aspects of a boyfriend/girlfriend thing there - affection. Think about it....without affection is it truly a loving relationship overall or a good friendship only?

Rob
 rolling7
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 30
Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 5/16/2009 1:15:38 PM
What does your heart tell you? ...Follow it and don't settle!!
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 31
Lack of Physical Affection-Help
Posted: 5/16/2009 1:47:50 PM
Some people just don't need affection.

Some consider affection (only) as a lead up to sex. I sure don't.

Yes affection *can be an attempt to "heat them up" but to me it is a whole separate thing.

I spent 20 years affection starved. She (now my ex wife) was 25 foot away ........ in iceland.

After the divorce - I did some serious reflecting back.

She NEVER ONCE instigated a hug or a kiss. She would sometimes say "you want to mess around". That was her way of bringing up sex.

NEVER ONCE did she touch me (out of bed). Never touched my arm - my leg - my face.

------------------

Her mother was even colder. I never saw her mom touch her dad or any of her three daughters - or even touch a grandkid.

------------------

OP ..... no matter how much you care for the guy, I would suggest you wish him well and never consider him again as bf material.

I've been divorced for six years now. Since I am not interested in today's casual dating (casual sex), there has been zero affection in my life ....... just like the 20 years before. The difference is ......... there is no woman (that I loved) 20 foot away.

I am better off now - totally alone than 20 foot from a female that - don't see the need for any kind of affection.

Those that think sex or NOTHING .............. are a strange bunch in my thinking.
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