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 10isGolf_andYou
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 54
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Don't be too hard on those that are a little nervous. I'm one of them. I work myself into a minor tizzy prior to the first meeting. If I stay a little nervous that means I'm interested. If the nerves are gone immediately, there is no chemistry and there won't be a second meeting.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 56
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:49:42 AM
If both peopl are intersted in each other, then there is a little excitment anyway prior to a first meeting
If both people are caring, then they'll make each other comfortable anyway

so simple

~sc~
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 57
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:20:45 AM
Yeah, I can completely understand being nervous on a first date. That's how I am. Plus, I'm shy at first anyway. But within a short period of time, I calm down, relax and can have a great conversation. But if she is still nervous, I do my best to make her feel at ease. I've been told that I'm good at doing that.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 58
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:23:50 AM
Well there is a line between being nervous and not having confidence. It is normal to feel a little gittery at the first date, but if a guy (or girl) is so nervous that he starts to act stupid, or embarrassing, then that is a big lack of confidence. Usually if I get a bit nervous, it goes away after a few minutes.... as it might just be first minute jitters.... but to be overly nervous or nervous all night is really a big turn off for me. It give me the feeling I'm dating a real dudd and dummy. You can be nervous on the inside, but dont let it show so much on the outside. I met a guy and he was literally shaking. He brought the drinks to our table, and he was shaking. He started to stutter. He was making no conversation at all, just vague words. The worse part was, the whole time I was with him, which was about 2 hours, he continued to shake. He never got his composure, and then he told me that he was not used to meeting women. Oh really??? Duh??? I wonder how i could tell. Well, I definitely did not want to see him again because it put me off so much. I mean I want to date a man.... not a mouse. So being a bit nervous is ok, as long as your natural relaxed self takes over.... but if its more than just the jitters, it's lack of confidence and insecurity and both of those in either man or woman is a real turn off for me.
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 59
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:35:17 AM
i kind of like it when a woman is nervous at first and then lets her true personality shine forth.

i'm rarely nervous on first dates or any date.

as a man who has been single almost all my life i believe i've been out with over 500 women so it's no big deal anymore.
 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 61
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:50:57 PM
Anytime you're excessively nervous and needy, you will scare the other person off.

I've learned that lesson concretly as this decade draws to a close.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 62
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:05:23 PM
yes, esp if u are the secret turkey she rightly suspected, gobble this
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 63
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:09:11 PM
Anytime you're excessively nervous and needy, you will scare the other person off.

I've learned that lesson concretly as this decade draws to a close.

she should put u in concrete overshus b4 the decade closes, the rest is merciful for all concerned, blub blub blub
help..the gene pool is in dire jeopardy...



 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 64
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/12/2009 6:27:37 AM

I'm sorry but, to me, someone who's dated over 500 people is a turn-off.


i'm not for everyone. but i've been a bachelor for about 45 of my 57 years. what do you want me to do? sit at home and watch tv?
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 67
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/12/2009 10:56:46 AM
Depends on the level of anxiety.

Don't be that guy who shows up to the restaurant late and then asks your date "Well, should we go in or wait out here?", as that will kind of kill your chances.

If you're a naturally confident man, the whole date thing isn't a big deal.

The best way to judge a person's authenticity is by their behaviour on a first date.

If they're comfortable and they make you comfortable, then it's probably a good sign that they're legit.

It's not so much the "anxiety" that you need to worry about, it's whether you can be yourself completely and be comfortable doing that.

Don't ever stop being yourself, first date or not...........because that person is going to see your "bad side" eventually. The first date is as good a time as any.



 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 68
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:58:00 AM
^^^^^^^ i can see why, if he wasn't a confident man^^^^^^^

you have quite a formidable body and a beautiful face. it was prolly the poor man's first date after a long marriage and arduous divorce!!!

i hope you made him comfortable!

TOMic
 Tactix87
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 70
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/14/2009 12:14:19 PM
" if one isn't a little nervous, it kinda shows me that this individual dates a lot, "

That's just an assumption, there are those who just have natural confidence....at the end of the day we're all people so there really is nothing to be afraid/nervous about and some ppl may have that mentality thus eliminating and nerves they may have.

And nervousness as i've been told by other women is cute in the beginning but does become a turn off because if it's a consistent thing it just becomes pathetic and annoying...and some ppl who get nervous tend to get soft spoken which can make a date boring
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 71
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 11/14/2009 12:39:37 PM
Since this has been resurrected, I think a bit of nervousness is flattering, they actually care on some level about how things will go and want to make a good impression, not a bad thing imo.
 angihcim
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 76
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/20/2010 11:32:00 AM
Is this a European forum?

I think I'm in love and I'm not nervous at all !

I go into a lunch thinking why be nervous, I'm meeting someone with a bunch of whole new ideas and thoughts.

Doesn't mean I go "Hey your wacked"

Everyone has a right to their oppinions, I just keep mine to myself and listen.
It's always interesting to see what's on a person's mind.
After that, if she is abit overboard, I just tell her what a nice time I had and that I oh heck can't see her again because I didn't feel a connection.

I didn't believe in chemistry but I'm starting to catch up!

cheers
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 77
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/20/2010 1:36:54 PM
Being a little nervous shows that you care about what the other person thinks.

Being overly confident/cocky makes you come across as a player or dating pro.. or that you don't really care one way or the other.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 78
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/20/2010 3:44:18 PM
Doesn't bother me at all. In fact, it's sort of flattering to think she wants me to like her. And it sort of tells the other person they don't have to be perfect, either. I just assume we're both going to be a little nervous at first.

It's interesting to see those who say how completely confident they are on dates, to condemn anyone else who's less than perfect, to dismiss guys who show any nervousness as wussy, etc. That kind of completely black-and-white view of people usually sets off a little alarm bell in the back of my mind. Even the best of us make mistakes. When you won't cut other people any slack, you'd better hope you never need them to do it for you.
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 79
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:09:39 PM

Even the best of us make mistakes. When you won't cut other people any slack, you'd better hope you never need them to do it for you.


I agree with this. On my last first date, while I wasn’t terribly nervous, I had a little bit of the normal excitement and I went and gave an inappropriate hug on our first greet and never realized it, but seeing as she responded, I guess it wasn’t really a mistake. Not until much later did she tell me about it. So, was it really a nervous mistake or was something else over riding my game? Hmmm. I’m glad she cut me some slack though!
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 80
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:33:23 PM
When I first came on here I canceled dates a few times, before I could meet someone.
It wasn't that I didn't want to it was just that I was new at dating after being a widow for awhile it kind of felt like I forgot the rules.
After which time I decided I would just throw out the rules and do my own thing sink or swim.
I have had people barely look at me they were so nervous. I am pretty good at making people feel comfy though.
I would say that anything in a relationship that happens for the first time is going to be awkward.
If someone can't get over the trivial nervousness that you exhibit than they are not going to be your pal anyway.
 Munchausen
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 81
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/21/2010 2:58:13 PM

Why is being nervous on a first date a turn off?

I've been on dates where the other person has been so nervous all they can say is "yeah" and "nah."
Wow, what fun. What a great conversation.

When someone is so nervous that they are a completely different person then it seems pointless to go on a first date or any other date.
First dates (and most dates IMO) generally have 2 purposes.
1. To have fun
2. to share an experience whereby you learn more about each other than you already know.

How long should someone stick around and keep asking you to go have fun if the dates aren't fun, and you don't really learn anything about the other person.
Other than they are nervous around you.

I have never met someone where they are nearly apoplectic with nervous energy the first date and then completely comfortable and open the next.
It always takes time.
And in that time what is being learned? Negative things about the nervous person. Such as they are closed off, they don't really talk a lot, they aren't all that fun (they don't participate or are engaged in the date).

So that makes someone a bad person when they don't really want to be around someone else that isn't that engaged or communicative for who knows how long? Weeks, months, years? And THEN (after an adequate "comfort level" is reached) start determining who the other person is and if there is any actual attraction or interest? In the meantime all dates and conversations are nervous one sided and not all that fun or informative?

When someone is so nervous they are hiding behind a "shell" then they are pretty much saying "I don't care who you are, I only care what you think of me, and I don't want to present myself in a way that I have to commit to, I am more afraid of judgment than looking for a positive experience and common ground for communication."


It seems like it would be kind of sweet and charming to the other person

Only when they are slightly nervous due to excitement.
Not fear because they are afraid of "losing" something by not being the right thing or how the other person thinks of them.

Nervousness due to awkwardness due to doing something you aren't that familiar with (including dating): endearing, charming, sweet.
Sitting back and saying nothing or acting all shy because you don't want to be yourself, is not.

Or IOW IMO (and at least to me) there is a difference between awkwardness and nervousness.
Awkwardness to me implies they are at least trying.
Nervousness to me implies they are sitting there staring at you waiting for you to tell them what to do, make all the first moves in conversation and activities, to drag participation out of them.


if one isn't a little nervous, it kinda shows me that this individual dates a lot, maybe too much, and should allow a little slack for what appears natural...Am I wrong

Personally I prefer someone that isn't all that nervous. It really depends on how that nervousness manifests itself.
To me it doesn't show they date a lot if they aren't nervous. To me it shows they are generally open minded and able to adapt to new situations and new people more readily. That their life isn't encapsulated into a small routine and they are using you (me) to experiment out of it.

It shows me they don't really care if I have anything to "offer" them, that they are there to be there, not to interview and measure me as a means to fulfill something for them, or as a means to drag them out of a shell and fulfill them as a person or fill in what they think is missing in their life and going to cling to me like life itself if I happen to trip something "positive" in them.

That's why (my definition of nervousness) is a turn off for me.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 82
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/21/2010 6:41:11 PM
One way to avoid the amount of nervousness is to AVOID meeting at a coffee shop. This is the worst place to meet. The tables are child size, very small, and you end up sitting across from the date almost nose-to-nose while asking or answering questions. Everyone I went on felt like a job interview.

Yet so many people think this is the best place for a meet-and-greet. I've never had a good coffee shop meet-and-greet. Also, in many cases, there's no privacy in a coffee shop. The tables are so close together, you can hear every word said by the people at the next table. How can you feel comfortable telling your life story to someone when other people can hear your spiel?
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 83
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/22/2010 8:54:08 AM
I always thought my dad was a nervous wreck when it came to making sure we didn't look foolish to other people and I grew up with this idea in my head that I was stupid and should worry about everything I didn't know the answer to in advance. I would walk into restuarants and think ok where do I stand or do I seat myself. What is the proper order of things.Eventually I learned to say I don't care what people think I am doing this to myself, nobody else gives a shit and when they do watch you as you struggle with your date and laugh at you, if you don't quickly change your thoughts and say to yourself they probably aren't laughing at me and if they are that just pisses me off. The end result is you look at your date with the same mentality. If the thought crosses your mind once that she is better than you than you have lost the battle and she will see you as an undesirable.She doesn't expect you to know everything but she does expect you to at least be comfortable with your surroundings.So always be a little assertive even if you have to fake it.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 84
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 12/22/2010 11:26:04 AM
with the woman being nervous it can at first be somewhat endearing.

if it persists then it can be a turnoff or boring.
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