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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
The Emotional Toll of Dating.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
To me dating is something I do if/when while living and enjoying my life I happen to meet someone who I get along with and it becomes something that works with my life or actually adds to it then it's a bonus, but it's not something I feel is required.

I think it's cool to put yourself out there, be social and network generally and then as a default dating can follow, but to look/search/hunt for dating itself is a way to set yourself up for dissapointment. Instead of being happy regardless of single or involved - you can end up in a mindset that NOT finding what you're looking for is a bad thing...you can fall into that trap where you start to measure how long you've been single, etc.

For some the relationship they want will happen easily, for some it will take longer, for others it may never happen. The key is to realize how not to depend on it for your happiness and peace of mind - it really makes the times you aren't in a relationship much easier to weather.

You want to be happy enough day to day that you'll only consider a relationship that works for you...if you can't do that, then you need to find out how to make yourself happy first. Dating is supposed to be fun and interesting, not a exhausting and frustrating. The phrase "putting in your time" suggests going thru motions and doing what you feel you should do but if you don't like any of it - why torture yourself?

It's all in the way you see it in relevance to your life.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 7
The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/26/2009 1:25:51 PM
I think what takes its toll is when you think you are getting to know someone, things seem fine, all of a sudden they do a 360 on you and act as if they never said a word to you! The last person I met did just this; tons of communication about how he wanted the same things I did. How "we" belonged together. You name it he said it. As soon as I started to ask questions about things un answered or tried to be affectionate, I was told that "this whole thing is to weird and to bizzare." How do you go from wanting all the same things, getting the real deal to not knowing what you want? I do not get it personally. Why people need to be so mis leading and full of shit is beyond me. I do not think dating is a drag at all. I guess we just need to go thru a few liars in insecure people to get to the good ones!!!! I go back to the good old saying; "say what you mean and mean what you say." It would makes everyone's life much different and easier.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 13
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The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:27:07 PM
For my part, it's not taken an emotional toll. It's more... how does one say... a mental toll... like coming home from a hard day of work having accomplished very little at the office.
Brain just is tired and wants to shut down. Sometimes it is tiring to even contemplate. Seems like its become so much work. I know I am ranting a bit... It's ok, I feel better afterwards.

But on the upside, I have learned to just accept life as it comes.
I know it's morbid, but I remember a distant cousin of mine who passed away in his youth. Had a heart siezure after a game of b-ball... who'd have thought? To die at 17 is pretty shocking and my life would have sucked if I croaked at 17. To be lucky to have these extra years, albeit, with few relationships and none that have stuck, is a blessing I suppose... I was able to do plenty of things with my life... help people... hopefully make a difference in others' lives even if not my own... That's what keeps me happy.

Although of course, sometimes I think it is a pity, you know... thinking about all those lovely women out there who live alone... who can, by the grace of God, come home to someone they love. Maybe a hot cooked meal since I like cooking and I work from home... Or someone who also works at home... imagine being able to just turn around and say "Look what I saw on the news, honey..." and I'd say "Ah yes... how did you find that article?". We'd spend some time talking about it and then we'd turn on our own swivel chairs and work again...
I suppose the thought of those things also keep me happy... and hopeful.
One can dream, after all. :)
 elsbethlette
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 18
The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/27/2009 5:48:03 PM
Yes.
I feel dating is a drag on my life.
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 21
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History
The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/28/2009 9:08:37 AM
Sometimes it feels like work.
Especially meeting people from websites who mislead you in who they are.
 fossape
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 26
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The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/30/2009 12:46:17 AM
Ive been on a total of about 5 dates in my life, so my experience in the matter is less than informed. Having said that, the very fact that I have so little success is a large stain in my life, and I do tend to take it personally, why shouldn't I?

I know that a big part of the problem is that the relationships that I have been in, have always began in an intoxicated state. My friends tell me to go to the bars and and get laid, but that is less than appealing to me, first because I'm not much of a drinker anymore, and second, the bar scene is not that looking good to me anymore

I try to just shrug it off and try and convince myself that once I'm done school and have a decent job and everything, things will fall into place and I will find the love of my life. The downside to that is I don't want to really wait for another 10 yrs to get into another relationship.

done, sorry for the sob story ;)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/30/2009 6:53:40 AM
^^^Dating is not a success or failure thing. Not all relationships that end "fail". Not all relationships that don't end "succeed". It's more about options, priorities, chance...I have a few friends who'd love to trade in the relationships they did have. Not all who've been in relationships are better off, and not all who haven't been are cursed. You're not jaded for one thing, you have less scar tissue from past heartaches. People with a huge dating history may have more bitterness or less interest in settling down or could be dealing with trauma and unable to date someone else in a healthy way.

At 30ish, you're now at a point where it's better to be involved than it was in your 20s...so technically setting yourself up in life is what you're supposed to be doing at that time. Getting school/career figured out, having fun, building friendships, developing hobbies and networking.

Again why do people seem to think bars/clubs and the internet are the only places known to man to find someone to date? It's no wonder a lot of people don't do well with this default going on. People are EVERYWHERE....take advantage of that. If you're naturally a social person, when you see someone interesting, talk to them. If they don't talk back, shrug and move on and talk to the next person you find interesting in your travels.

YES....focusing on finding "the one" will get you by the throat if you let it...getting your focus off whether or not you'll find someone (which you cannot control) and onto something more productive will cause you WAY less stress overall.
 notregme
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 32
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The Emotional Toll of Dating.
Posted: 4/30/2009 7:48:56 PM
been single over ten years and it doesnt get me too out of wack.lol.It would be nice to have the right lady by my side but if she is no where to be found on this planet, or in my life time , Im not going to worry.If you make peace with being single it makes it easyer.Just as long as you keep trying.lol
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