|Chuck NorrisPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
|One time Chuck Norris was having sex in a Semi. A bit of his semen escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.|
Chuck Norris once traveled back in time to stop the assasination of JFK. After deflecting the bullets with his beard, Kennedy's head exploded in sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris once came upon an injured sheep lamb death. He got down on his knees and nursed the creature back to life with his beard. A crowd on onlookers started to gather. Noticing this Chuck jumped to his feet and roundhouse kicked the lamb in the neck, intantly killing it. Only to prove the Good Chuck Norris can giveth, and the good Chuck Norris can takeith away.
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:47:54 PM
|Chuck Norris can drown a fish. |
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fvcking Indian.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can slam a revolving door.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling wheat that sometimes it needs to lie the fvck down.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fvck he wants.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:11:37 PM
|Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. He's not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of him.|
Posted: 11/18/2009 7:23:53 AM
|"Chuck Norris was peeing and one of his drops of pee flew out and landed on a? truck. That truck is now known as optimus prime " True story.|
Posted: 11/26/2009 5:22:58 AM
|Crossword, 6 letters, To Destroy utterly|
The answer "Norris" but thats the end of the crossword, as no other words will cross "Norris"
Posted: 11/27/2009 6:03:13 AM
|Chuck Norris took some time off and visited the 'Virgin Islands'.|
After his tour of duty was over, they changed the name to just 'The Islands'...
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:09:29 PM
|Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swiez died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man". Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man". Chuck Norris said "get the f**k out of my chair".|
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:09:43 PM
|Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.|
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:10:35 PM
|Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.|
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.
Posted: 12/2/2009 1:22:44 AM
|is that how many he can put in his mouth at one time?|
Posted: 12/4/2009 6:47:50 AM
|Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter....|
I have been waiting to post that one for like two days!! but had to wait the three day rule :P Oh well...
Posted: 12/5/2009 5:25:23 PM
|Chuck Norris has already found bin Laden.|
Posted: 12/7/2009 12:25:54 AM
|Chuck Norris knows it's not butter|
Posted: 12/8/2009 10:34:50 AM
|This is my all time fave Chuck Norris....I almost peed while reading through the site!|
Chuck Norris is the only man who can kick you in the BACK of your face.
Posted: 12/10/2009 7:30:38 PM
|chuck norris is so gay, he was fired from a sperm bank, because he got caught drinking on the job.|
Posted: 12/11/2009 12:08:04 AM
|so why does chuck norris sleep with the lights on? because the dark is afraid of him.|
Posted: 12/11/2009 1:11:43 AM
|- Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.|
Posted: 12/11/2009 1:14:54 AM
|- Jesus Christ can walk on water... but Chuck Norris can swim through land.|
Posted: 12/11/2009 7:46:05 AM
|When Chuck checks himself in the mirror, the mirror breaks. Everyone and everything knows you don't want to get caught between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. |
Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum, he chews Goodyears.
Chuck Norris can blow a bubble with bacon
Posted: 12/11/2009 8:48:00 PM
|an f-15 can break through the sound barrier but chuck norris can rip through the fabric of space.|
no one can escape from chuck norris not even light itself.
God created light... then there was chuck norris
jesus didn't die for our sins jesus met chuck norris.
chuck norris doesn't dodge, bullets dodge him.
Posted: 12/11/2009 11:58:07 PM
|Chuck Norris eats transformers in vehicle mode|
and craps them out in vehicle mode
Chuck Norris doesn't where condoms
he wheres rattlesnakes
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:00:38 AM
|Chuck Norris named his right leg law and his left leg order.|
Posted: 1/1/2010 7:02:09 PM
|Albert Einstein learned E=MC^2 after watching Chuck Norris in a bar fight.|
Chuck Norris invented death out of sympathy for all those he brought the pain down on.
Chuck Norris can count to infinity + 10, if he uses his fingers.
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:55:53 PM
|This is on topic, so hopefually the admins will not go down my throat for this...but....to late, chuck has already READ some of these jokes and is laughing his ass off :):|
Posted: 1/2/2010 7:32:04 PM
|Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch, only HE decides what time it is.|
Oh! Anyone with an iPhone should check out this neat little Chuck Norris game they have at the app store. Fun little beat-em-up that validates all those over the top jokes.