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 seekndestroy
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 46
Doing the math: 200/25/0Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
dude... you obviously are getting the dates so that's not the problem....

now what you have to do is just try to "get some".... dont worry about a second date just make the first one count !!!!!

worse that can happen is she turns you down.... which is pretty much all you've gotten so far......and if she calls you to "meet" again, you will have met your goal.

dont worry...it not like you are gonna give us a bad rep.... we are already used to being reminded that we are ALL nothing but players on a regular basis....


 seekndestroy
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 47
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 3:06:01 AM
hey scat.... let the poor man be now !!!!

some people have an affinity for banging their heads against a particular spot on the wall over and over..... and over and over again !!!!!

some things are what i refer to as "self correcting" ... like crossing the freeway during rush hour or riding a bike with a blindfold.... or dating!!!

unfortunately not everyone gets the "self correcting" concept !!!

 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 48
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Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 6:58:48 AM

Perhaps the text message you are sending is not a strong enough interest.


If I've felt some good chemistry and they've indicated they felt the same for me, I usually send something like: "I had a great time tonight, and am definitely interested in getting together again. Have a good night, sleep well :)" , or similar.


The men who were interested in me seriously enough for a second date did take the intiative and either CALL the next day, or at the very least email.


I do this as well, at least within the first 24 hours, 48 at the longest (depends on business schedules and all that). I never let a good one slip through my fingers if we both had a good time on the first date, or got along well in initial phone calls or emails.


I think you are victim of psycho babble like "He is not that in to you" where it is beaten into women's heads to let the man do the chasing.


I'll chase, up to a point. I won't "cling" or "stalk", if I don't see some sort of interest reciprocated back to me.

If I've set up the date, done all the preparation and driving, gone the extra mile (metaphorically), expressed my interest ON the date, after the date, and tried to get another date within the next day or two, keeping the lines of communication open... and I hear NOTHING back, I stop chasing. I won't run around and around and around, sending dozens of emails or texts or calls... if there is ZERO reciprocation. And I'm talking about reciprocation from women who had genuine interest, or lied about having genuine interest.


You know those 25 women. I suggest you contact them again with a friendly email and ask them where you dropped the ball and see if they would like a second meeting or date.


See, that's just it.. I didn't drop the ball, they did. I held the ball, dribbled it down the court, drove to the net... and found nothing there when I got to the other side.

Occam's Razor suggests that these women were either:

a.) abducted by aliens, with no justification for their silence and ignoring my attempts to communicate (even a "Had a great time, but I don't see anything more here for us" would be totally fine too)

b.) liars, feigning interest, when they really had none, and just wanted a fun night out without any intention to go further
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 49
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Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 7:17:14 AM

Lied to. Deceived. Manipulated again... Back to the drawing board I go.

^^^We all experience this to varying degrees. This attitude will not be helpful for you going forward though.

You might recall that I was one who posted and advised on your thread several times. While you state that you took the advice...did you also try with more than one person? As a singular event, this date was a kind of litmus test wasn't it and perhaps pressure??? Have you had 2nd dates with others?

Unfortunately, the woman that you were with may have had competing interests or a declining interest in seeing you in the following days. And yes, some people are duplicitous. Some people are not good at stating where they are with someone on the spot...so they say what's appropriate, and what can get them away without having to lay it out there. That's always going to be there.

Don't give up. Get out there again.
Try to keep your expectations low always.
Kiss on the cheek after the date on a first date..but be affectionate throughout the date.
Get the next date agreed to on the first date.
Do not text after the date. Call her it's more intimate.

/setuid: send me an email-I can't because of your filters.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 50
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Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:21:53 AM
The solution is undefined, because you can't divide by zero. I think you need to reformulate the problem.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 52
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:43:48 AM
Try locking a second date in at the end of the 1st night maybe women are not getting as much of a feel good vibe from you as you think.
I suggest you do not tell people your aggravations with dating .

The power of suggestion is very strong.

If you tell someone that you have never been asked for a second date they will wonder why and go over your behavior with a fine tooth comb until they find something wrong with you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 53
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:30:47 PM
Dude you don't get it don't you?


I was joking around with her about how I still haven't had a second date, and some of my other dating horror stories.


Big, big mistake. It has been my experience that when you brag about how well or how bad your dating has gone, all they do is tag you as a "Serial Dater". They don't see it from your point of view that you failed, they see it from the point of view that you will continue to date and date. So the best thing to do is be nebulous, say "it's okay" and change the subject. If you keep nagging about it, they will see how much of a whinner you really are, and you are history. If you say how well you do, then you are a player. So avoid this topic other than to tell her "don't get mad when at the end of the date, you go to the dating site and we are both online."



my personality that would want her NOT to have a second date, she would tell me.


Yeah right. And you believe it? "Hi I think you are a cute guy and I find you as sexually attractive as my little brother or a small slug."
She is NOT going to tell you with words, but with things that are said or done between the lines. And I will show you.


She said it must be the "stupid chicks you're finding"


Which right there she is making up her mind that since she is not a "stupid chic", she more than likely is not going to be interested in you.


we had a very long hug... the kind of hug where neither person wants to be the first to let go. She reiterated that she would definitely love to get together, and SOON.


You "hugged" and she said she reiterated she would like to see you soon. Don't you see what is going on? Actions, actions. If she kissed you and could not get her hands off you, this would have meant that. I've had women that have said the same thing, even kissed me and it panned into nothing. Yet I've had women that we go into a kiss fest, and well have told me that they would love to do something else but they don't believe in sleeping together on the first date, and they made sure that we got together again.

Dude, next time, be less polite. If she says that definitely she would like to see you again, in a funny way tell her that "maybe" you may call her maybe not. Give yourself some value, not like she is doing you a favor. Unfortunately this is what happened to you, she felt pity for you, so she told you what you wanted to hear.

And that is were it went wrong. You do not create pity or emotions of "I feel sorry for him." No. You create emotions of "Wow, I want to see that guy again. What did he mean by maybe. Will he call me? Will he not."

And stop being so negative. This is still a good learning experience. So move on.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 54
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Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:40:03 PM

Dude, next time, be less polite. If she says that definitely she would like to see you again, in a funny way tell her that "maybe" you may call her maybe not. Give yourself some value, not like she is doing you a favor. Unfortunately this is what happened to you, she felt pity for you, so she told you what you wanted to hear.


So you're basically suggesting I do the exact opposite of what everyone else here is suggesting... and NOT call her within the next day, two days at the most, and NOT keep the lines of communication open. I should be aloof, mysterious, and a someone who "might" call her back, or might not.

Somehow I don't think that's going to work with any woman I want to keep around in my life. Hey, if it works for you, great... but that's not my crowd.
 OneMoreNutt
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 55
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:47:22 PM
You just need to take all of the women who are posting on this forum on a 1st date.. Then we can come back here and post "What does it mean when he says/does_________ .... ?" or "Is he really interested if _______?"

Maybe then you will get your answer.



 val0214
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 56
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 2:35:49 PM
OP,

First, forget the numbers.

Seriously. It may be the 201st date, but it's the first one with this woman and you so be fair about it. It's not fair to assign her that number.

** It only counts in marriage (wife number 4) then I have to question anyone over wife number 2 as to what these women were thinking or their motives and the man's issues.**

Also aside from the usual "be yourself" advice, rather than trying to make up for your shyness by being overly "polite". Have fun! Enjoy the experience "in the moment" rather than what the outcome would be. And if you "feel" the attraction DURING the date, mention an event that you would enjoy and think she may enjoy as well (concert, movie, art show) and ask her if she'd be interested. Yes, right smack dab in the middle of the date if you're both having a grand time.

If you're not sure, mention something more subtle like book readings on wednesdays at the cafe you're at and maybe she might enjoy it.

If she makes excuses but is vague, she's politely turning you down.

It's not personal. Sometimes, myself included, I need to step back and think through how I feel about someone when I'm not sure. Maybe something didn't sound genuine and I'm having doubts. Maybe she really is busy. Sometimes timing is off.

If you spend several days with no communication and then "touch base" it sounds like Ms. Thursday stood you up and this woman is your back-up.

On the other hand, if you want faster results.

Date a stalker with obsessive compulsive disorder after she's off her medication.

She'll do the chasing.
 kenfla38
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 57
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 3:11:40 PM
I agree with some of the above advice, I also strongly disagree with some of the above advice.


Out of those 200 women, I've managed to arrange a first date with about 25 of them.


First, HOLD YOURSELF TO A HIGHER STANDARD... You're making it sound like YOU were lucky enough to talk to 200 women... and that YOU were lucky enough to arrange 25 dates out of the 200 contacts (would you have really wanted to meet all 200 of the women you talked to??) ... and then that YOU couldn't get a second date (as if you tried with all 25 ?? maybe you did), etc....

BE MORE SELECTIVE. Only a very few women are going to potentially be a good match for you (or any particular person)... YOU should take it into your power that YOU are going to decide who might have real potential, and who might not. Start communication and/or ask out only those who you feel have real potential... Be confident (but not****) believing that SHE should is equally fortunate to have the opportunity to meet you. It's a 2 way street. Most of your dates you're just not going to have the right chemistry with (such is life). For those where you think you do (maybe 5 out of those 25 at the most), ask them out again (next subject).

2nd Date:
..... I have to disagree with many who suggested that you ask a girl/woman for a second date before the end of the first date... OF COURSE, everyone wants to know where they stand...but NOT KNOWING makes you seem that much more desirable and "valuable" in their eyes... Women are often going to tell you what you want to hear in that situation because you've backed them into an uncomfortable corner (which also makes you seem too anxious and/or desperate). Play it "cool" and confident. Would George Clooney try to get a time, day, and place commitment for a second date on a first date?? Nope. If the date went well and he wanted to see her again, he'd leave her "wondering" and she's get a call the next day. Not that any of us are George Clooney, but you get my drift.... Ask yourself what would a very self-confident person do in this situation... THEN DO IT.

FORGET the text messages and Emails after a first date... You've already advanced beyond that and it'll be perceived as weak, timid and/or a friendly "blow off" if that's how you attempt to re-establish communications after meeting in person. Let HER be the one wondering how the date went and if you're going to call... Call her the next day or day after at the latest and ask her if she'd like to join you at (where-ever) next weekend.

Be confident... Give her the impression that you're interested but that if she's not, you have MANY other options. Self-confidence is attractive and lack of self-confidence is not.

Best wishes.
 val0214
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 58
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:06:43 PM
Kenfla,

You're advocating ACTING "cool" aka playing a part/games.

He's already doing that and it backfired.

Nuff said.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 59
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:21:10 PM
The overriding theme of everyone's advice is to grow some sack and get what you want. You are basing every decision you make on whether whatever girl is interested in you. This is a very passive way to live. If you are interested in a girl, make a move. Don't worry about the texts, or the phone calls, or how much contact you are having - make your decisions based on what you want with the woman. If she rejects you she rejects you, but right now you seem content waiting for a girl to chase you, instead of the other way around.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 60
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:05:44 PM

This is the sad and **SICK** thinking, values, principles, actions, and typical way of today's female in going about the selection, dating process. The "average", "decent", "hard working", "really nice guy" is just simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH for today's "modern" feminist female. They are counseled, advised, and admonished that he MUST be up to standard, like the standards set in Beverly Hills and on Rodeo Drive!!


The quickest way to become someone I do not like is for a person to "counsel", "advise" and "admonish" me about what I should want in a man or what my standards should be. I already know what they should be. And lucky for me (and any of you who may at some time be interested in me) very rare is the man who cannot meet those standards.

The options are plentiful when you're the rational type.
 GoofBall311
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 61
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:33:31 PM
It means you have no game. Get some.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 62
Doing the math: 200/25/0
Posted: 6/15/2009 3:05:25 PM

I should be aloof, mysterious, and a someone who "might" call her back, or might not.
Somehow I don't think that's going to work with any woman I want to keep around in my life. Hey, if it works for you, great... but that's not my crowd.




"It means you have no game. Get some."


Obviously the OP is not interested in getting some game. I think he is more interested in coming to the forums and b itch about what never seems to happen. Well, if the OP continues doing what he does, he will continuously get the same result.
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