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 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 144
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Men don't have to make first contact. All dates I've been on while on dating sites were initiated by the woman.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 145
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/8/2009 12:08:07 PM

I (from female) want to be equal when it comes to the good things, but when there is risk involved I expect the man to take the risk and pay the price.

How far back do you want to go with "old fashioned?"


When it comes to love, romance and sex, I want to be treated like a woman.
When it comes to business, money, career, and survival I want to be treated like a man. The women's rights come in where SHE gets to decide if the relationship with a man is going to be pleasure or strictly business. I'd just like him to be mature enough to ask first instead of making assumptions.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 146
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/8/2009 12:22:12 PM
Wow, when I read that men have sent out 100's of first contact emails on POF and they have only been on here 6 months, I think you have your answer. If a large portion of men are going to randomly send out mass messages, and it is apparent that the only criteria is pretty much, just breathing, Are you really confused why women will not make first contact. Really? Who do you think is getting those cut and paste emails from men when it is incredibly apparent that they didnt evenbother to read their profile? Are you really that desperate that any female contacting you is good? I know I am not. Maybe that is the difference, I have probably come across 10 profiles on this site that would interest me, and I have sent emails and not one responded. So who put themselves out there more? Me, with 10 messages in 3 years to profiles that actually matched what i was loooking for or a man who has sent out 100's of mass emails based on a picture?
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 148
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/8/2009 1:35:38 PM
^^^ I'd guess for most men it makes no difference in the response rate he gets back whether a personalized or generic message is sent. So the former is a totally understandable response to women not replying even when he puts his heart into it. Hence, mass mailings are much more efficient in scaring up dates. If you were a guy, you'd understand. But since you're not, you don't.

Of course those who can't bring themselves to the cut-n-paste approach just learn to refrain from bothering to send messages at all. Women will only scare such men up by contacting them first.

 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 150
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/8/2009 1:41:16 PM
I have always liked when a woman made first contact with me. Confidence is attractive in both males and females and it's nice to see women take initiative and actually put some effort into it instead of making guys do all the work but I would also like to think that women are looking for more in a man than his ability to approach women. There are a many criteria that I would consider a lot more important in any relationship than a man's ability to exert confidence.

Gender equality works both ways and women shouldn't restrict themselves just because of an obsolete and discriminative mentality. Sure, the risk of rejection is there but women should have to work over that just like any other guy would instead of hiding behind insults of cowardice or unmanliness.

I know the current situation isn't really helping, women who already get a hundred messages a week don't really have any incentive to initiate contact, but in the end they are only hurting their own chances by making this process a one-way street and girls who don't instigate could easily be missing out on a lot of great guys. I would also like to think that women don't just see themselves as produce at a grocery store waiting to be picked out instead of looking at themselves as thinking individuals capable of making their own purchase.


Both men and women need to evolve beyond this gender barrier and accept each other as equals in all psychological and sociological aspects.
 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 161
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:37:12 PM
It does make sense for woman to make first contact on this site as I hear so many women complain about getting pages of messages about/from boobs. Contacting potential dates first would make it easier to find messages you want to read - they will be from the people you contacted. Such a simple solution to such a big complaint.

If you are old fashion about contacting men what are you doing on an internet dating site? I pretty sure my folks didn't meet up using a netbook. These are non-traditional times using a non-traditional meeting place. Just food for thought.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 163
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:57:27 PM
Wow, when I read that men have sent out 100's of first contact emails on POF and they have only been on here 6 months, I think you have your answer. If a large portion of men are going to randomly send out mass messages, and it is apparent that the only criteria is pretty much, just breathing


Sending a 100 emails in 6 months roughly equals 16 emails a month or 4 emails a week. That is a reasonable amount and hardly means that a man is sending emails to random women. Even if a man was emailing about 8-10 women in a week, that doesn't mean he is emailing random women. He could have looked at dozens of profiles per week.


I have probably come across 10 profiles on this site that would interest me, and I have sent emails and not one responded. So who put themselves out there more? Me, with 10 messages in 3 years to profiles that actually matched what i was loooking for or a man who has sent out 100's of mass emails based on a picture?


Probably not you. A woman who has only emailed 10 men in 3 years could be very picky and rejected men that could have a potential match because of very trivial reasons. I think being extremely picky is just as counter-productive as having little or no standards and emailing random people.
 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 164
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:24:26 PM

Hey if my boobs sent messages out for me, I wonder what kind of results I'd get? Or wait...they'd get...wait...no, that would be me...


But how would you sort out the 100's of email responses you'd get?
 melty1
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 168
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:38:34 AM
In the animal world, the males are suppose to attract the females and try to get our attention. For mateship! In my books It should be that in the human world too.
I dont really feel its my place to ask.
 star*tossed
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 173
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:57:50 AM
gack! Sorry hair ball....wrong forum!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 174
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:02:27 PM
A wise person once said - You get out what you put in. To finding someone on PoF, or any other enterprise.

If you're lazy about finding and contacting people, you limit your choices to those who actively look for someone like you and happen to make contact themselves. If that works for you - Well, great.
I'd rather initiate conversation with people who I'm interested in, so that's how I roll.
 melty1
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 176
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/25/2011 3:00:10 AM
I guess it doesn't help if your shy. It makes it very hard to take the plunge
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 182
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/25/2011 11:01:23 AM
^^

we all might be shocked ..you should find a Lady who really loves cats & can appreciate the attention to detail of a man who constructs cat-walks for his kitties!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 190
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/25/2011 2:18:41 PM
It's a sheeple attitude, right down to the old tired cave man attitude of hunter/gatherer excuses. Someone said that once so it must be true a gazillion years later because we're apparently still living in the past and haven't evolved. It's a learned behaviour taught by previous hunters and gatherers (parents), not necessarily in our genes. I say - Men, revolt. Contact no women. Take it to the streets, add it to the complaints on Wall Street or wherever else there are uprisings to create change!!
 jmmevolve
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 207
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:29:06 AM
Life in some respects hasn't changed much since we lived in caves. Men still want the upper hand. The older daters are still wanting to lay back and check all their options before contact.

The upper most topic for men is sex. But if a woman were to join in on the fun of discussion she is bared as dating material in the older generation. There is still a double standard girls - don't get caught up.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 208
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:39:34 AM

The upper most topic for men is sex. But if a woman were to join in on the fun of discussion she is bared as dating material in the older generation. There is still a double standard girls - don't get caught up.


The double standard is promoted when adult males are called "men" but adult females are called "girls."

I have never found that discussing sex made me "non-dating" material. If I were so labelled by a man, I wouldn't want to date him anyway.

I also find that females are sometimes more venomous about labeling other women as "non-datable" or making snide comments about other women than are men. I used to have on my profile that I liked "regular" sex; several women in forums pointed this out to me as if it were horrible that I even liked sex. I think one man made a insulting comment, and that was after I told him that he wasn't a man with whom I wanted any sex.

I now say that I like sex but not with any man who would like sex with me . . . as yet, no one has made any comment. My intent in saying this (and no, it is NOT obvious that all women, especially my age, like sex) is to let men know that although THEY might like the way I look, the feeling might very well not be reciprocal.
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 210
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:16:52 PM

cause youre A MAN. get over it and man up :]


GAWD!! get so tired of women spouting off with this tired dogma, to get men to do waht they want or expect them to do

why don't women WOMAN UP!! grab a pair of ovaries!!
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 224
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/28/2011 9:37:38 AM
I message guys all the time because they don't message me. They never message back so it's their loss. Stupid men!
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 226
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/28/2011 11:19:48 AM



Do it Hammertownguy. It may just work. Use "Who wants to date Robert Deniro?" as your headline. Keep your main pic, the baby pic of you and another one outside. Get rid of the last one.

Use the headline from Taxi driver: “You talkin to me? Are you talkin to me?!

It can't hurt.


how about: "who wants to date Travis Bickle" ?

you'd probably look good with a Mohawk & a quick-draw sliding gun unit on your arm.

OR : "Iris , are you out there? "

(Iris was the Jodie Foster character, teen prostitute)
 saffronlady
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 232
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/29/2011 8:45:00 AM
Oh you are so wrong, Speaking to many guys on here they are inundated with mail, while you guys sit back and wait, and then often don't have the curtsey to reply
We dont bite and respond more often than men. :
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 233
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:11:27 AM
LOL yeah or a guy will email me and i will email them back then never hear from them again. Do they just wanna see how many women they can get to email them or what?
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 234
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/29/2011 12:45:02 PM

Do they just wanna see how many women they can get to email them or what?

That's what I think. I used to send messages to anyone who had a profile that interested me. Never got any responses, at least none I'd repeat here. When I moved to AZ, I un-hid my profile for a month or so, and continued to send messages to anyone who had an interesting profile. Most were ignored, a few got some rude - extremely rude - responses. I did get a few unsolicited messages, but one was a repeater, every couple weeks he'd send me the same copy/paste message. I finally blocked him. My profile is hidden again, and the closest thing to a message I do is to add someone to my favorites list. If they ask why, I tell them. As for actually sending a message to anyone, I limit that to forumites only - they are much less likely to be rude.

What really boggles me is how many men say in their profiles, 'if anything about my profile interests you, send me a message.' I have, and I've gotten maybe 3 responses that weren't outright rude.
 JLarsson
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 237
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/29/2011 5:15:11 PM
This post is pretty old. Most likely it is thoroughly answered. Women make first contact all the time. Just not to every guy. The ones with the best profiles dont have to make first contact because thier inboxes are full without it.

Abs

You need to flesh out your profile a bit. Your pictures are decent, but you need to put a lot more information in the body of your profile. Let the women get a sense of your perosnality based on what they are reading. Write about what you like to do, where you like to go. Try to avoid negativity of any kind, it is very common in profiles. This is based on reading tons and tons of womens profile, and the reactions to my profile based on what was in the pictures I posted and the amount of text in my profile. There is also a read my profile section i'm pretty sure where they will look at it as you work on it and give feedback. (click forums above and go to profile reviews).
 yffat
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 238
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Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 10/30/2011 9:06:51 AM
I make first contact, mainly because it seems to be the only way to start a conversation.
There seem to be a lot of men looking, and/or putting you up on their favorites but not actually saying, HI! I would love to have someone contact me first for a change. No picture seems to equal no contact. I live in a very small community and don't want being single to be broadcast news. Not all men who show up at your door are single! I have pics and will send them to you if and when we have some sort of conversation. But first there needs to be that initial Hello, so I have been the one doing it. I think I am giving up and just reading the forums from now on.
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