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Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 20
Younger woman dating an older manPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My ex-husband was 15 years older than me. I have always been attracted to older men. We were together for 15 years; when we split up I was 39 and he was 55. Our age difference was not usually a problem because he was very muscular, fit, and athletic, and looked half his age. We both enjoyed the same kind of activities, and pretty much did everything together. But we also had the same level of education, and similar income levels.

With that being said, I was beginning to see a little bit of difference in our sex life (less stamina), and our approaches to achieving financial goals. There are a lot of things to consider. One is... is he a man that always have to have a young ,pretty woman on his arm? Will he "trade you in " for a younger model " when you begin to get a little older? That happens a lot in these situations. I think women are often much more accepting of men's bodies as they age than vice versa. And realize, too, he will begin to go through aging issues juch sooner than you will; are you ready to deal with that?
 best kept secret
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 21
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:10:25 PM

but keep it all in perspective. he'll need someone to push his wheelchair too soon.

I have friends well into their wheelchair in site for them...not by a long shot! They run circles around me! Their huge property looks like pictures from a magazine and they do it all on their own....they have people over for dinner several times a month and put up their own outdoor Christmas lights...lots of them!

Getting older does not mean you've had just means your older...and wiser....and more free!
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 22
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 5/12/2009 4:04:13 PM

I am a firm believer that in every woman's life, at least once, she should be with an older man.
You might be right, but I could NEVER be attracted to an older man. I don't now nor have I ever seen the benefits, I prefer my age or younger. Whatever makes you happy, but I think I can live the rest of my life happy without the touch of an older man....
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 23
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:21:46 PM
Where is the sensibility that most folks should exercise if a lady is dating or married to an older man. I feel badly for you if you think good, honest, and loving men would want to trade you in for a younger model when you get older. Oh my, here in God's world, a phenomena happens when the North falls South a bit and road maps begin to appear on the body. To me, those are beauty marks and it certainly doesn't take away the fact that you loved her when you became involved with her, but your love has grown exponentially over the years. When she ages, a man begins to feel that she is attempting to catch up with him and if anything, he loves her more. Another quote was from a man as he expertly pointed out that when a man is 74 the lady is 54 and so-on but remember one thing, you certainly can't judge a book by it's cover. I am blessed not to have wrinkles and walking with a walker or in a wheel chair but if I did, my love would never falter for my wife. The last lady in my life had just turned 50 and she never once ask me to take her anyplace or go hiking, swimming, traveling or other great adventures like that since we were doing it already. Even though she succumbed to life's pressures and her family, I still respect her even though I never travel the same road twice. In closing, I would never allow my wife to be taken to a hospital room without me being right there, 24/7. All I can say is that the staff better put another bed in that room until I can bring my wife home where she belongs. Love is easy as long as you show it every day of your life and when the time comes to check out of this world, just make certain you have provided for her and the family the best you could so she can live a happy life.
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 24
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:50:14 PM

I was referring to Sheeva's post. Married older men?

But Sheeva wasn't referring to MARRIED older men?

You know, most of my friends and family (women) are dating or have married men about 10 or more years older than them,

Most of her friends and family are dating and HAVE married men about 10 or more years older than them.

Reading the's a good thing.

I agree.
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 25
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:46:35 PM
My dating preferences are from 18 to 40.....Having said that I haven't met any mature girls 27 and under that would work for ltr.Now if I was just looking for sex (hint hint) then it might be different.
Joined: 3/1/2010
Msg: 26
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/27/2010 5:00:20 AM
I'm 28 and my husband is 49 and we have been together for around 3.5 years. I dated older men but I also dated guys near my own age and never expected to marry a man so much older than me. I am glad though that I married my husband and didn't let him get away just because of our age gap. I am crazy in love with him and in November we will be having our first and probably only child together.
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 27
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/28/2010 6:10:14 AM
The only rule is...Chemistry, chemistry, and more chemistry...Kinda like location, location, location....

Seriously...Chemistry, values, energy, and attitude are the key factors that should match your own...Trust me it can work even if you both have very different interests....If you both value your independence for example...

I do think Chemistry can make a relationship work when some of the other factors mentioned are not as strong a match....Chemistry is an amazing thing, isn't it :-)
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 28
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/28/2010 6:27:28 AM
i'm really fortunate that i look younger than my age (58) and that i have a wide range of interests.

i have dated women 19 to 70 yrs old in 2009 and the 20 somethings are the most fun but least dependable. the older ones in their 50's and 60's are more interesting but a bit staid.

so i would say a young woman who was mature in her upper 20's or 30's would be a great match for an active and open man in his early 50's if they had chemistry and interests in common.
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 29
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/28/2010 8:18:20 AM
I just went on a date with an almost 51 year old ( I am 40). He was more attractive, funny and smart than most 44 year old men I have encountered. I had such a good time and was extremely attracted to him. This thread helps put some things into perspective.
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 30
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/28/2010 8:56:36 AM
WOW----the assumptions in Msg’s 45 & 48 about this younger woman just stun and astound me! When someone talks about dodging a bullet I’m thinking it was her....

First of all this thread languished quite a while until being dragged out again with Msg 45 but that’s probably not even the real issue here.........

I keep reading over and over all this “chemistry” about the woman and how the involvement with a S/O at the time was the main reason nothing happened---I’m calling BS on that. Not because it might be true but if that relationship is so strong it prevents dating this gal why was she such a “temptation” in the first place? Honestly this comes across as more bragging than anything, nothing new added to the original post way back in May of 2009. Nothing new in the whole debate about age and its effect---or lack thereof---in someone we might really care about.

I LOL at the assumption this gal was “maturity climbing” that she might seek an older guy in order to gain that without benefit of living life herself---really? Frankly the hilarious assumptions about her motivations are great comic material---should be published. Further assuming any bit of “mentoring/growing mode” would ever be necessary is just as laughable as the rest---can’t decide which is more ridiculous! Car riding, classy restaurants, lake property hanging out---is that all a 27 y/o woman needs or seeks in a man? Holy crap............

This unfortunate gal had to be completely unaware about this mindset otherwise she’d have run away screaming and laughing how wrong someone could be about her----nothing written about her suggests anything was the least bit demonstrated about her. Apart from wild speculation and “thinking” of unapparent pitfalls her only “fault” was being interested in someone stuck somewhere unknown to me!

Yet despite a few stories how some make it work for all the right reasons there comes a reply that makes no more sense or presents any better argument against this gal than the first “new” post here in a while. The ONLY thing really revealed is THIS guy didn’t think THIS girl was for him. While the reasons might be right for him as stated they’re ridiculous beyond belief! Thanks to those who show this is NOT an issue for people willing to open their minds towards possibilities, not allow caveman thinking rule their lives!

But if we’re bragging about younger women I’m a ripe old 59 and currently dating a 33 year old which is close enough for comparison about just the age issue. Fact is she arrived fully intact, had her own car, can afford classy restaurants and has not yet expressed any lake property affinities---so is she suspect now? LOL Having lived to this age and first hand experienced more than a few age skewed relationships flourish in spite of such wild and completely incorrect assumptions. I think those who aren’t uptight and pre-judgment about something they have no reason to believe is true would be scared or concerned about something often times insignificant. I find it funny the issue of chemistry comes up along with this S/O which IF she really was all that significant why was that supposed temptation that much a concern, why did it seem as though there was a choice to be made, the either/or thing?

I don’t have a clue what our Mr Afformation (is that a word??) is affirming but it escapes me completely! Better luck next time?
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 31
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/28/2010 5:05:10 PM

BentonHarbour - you seem rather naive or lack to read the details of the issue.

Perhaps you’re correct yet after reading this entire thread once again start to finish the contributions in Msg’s 45 & 48 have almost absolutely no relevance to the Original Post at all. In effect you’ve begun your own thread on this subject within the existing one which just does not make sense at all---to me anyway. Adding in your own 10 year “rule” is just about crazy because how does some arbitrary “restriction” or “advisory” come into play with something as complex as a romantic relationship? Anyway.....

Your little dilemma seemed to be since you had an S/O of some years this young gals attention and “chemistry” presented you with some sort of moral conflicts. If indeed you were to remain so committed within that how do all these thoughts and rhetorical questions even enter your mind? If that commitment is so strong then after you through (threw) her written contact number away thoughts of her should have disappeared as well. No time line is given for “a while back” but since all these details and inner conversations supposedly conducted seem to be quite top of mind today. I see the speculation IF you were available you might have taken this further so it’s not like the possibility of her wasn’t on your mind to some degree.

Again I’ve got to call BS on this notion she was only a college student, that if together you’d have somehow been responsible for her upbringing, upkeep and showing her all these so called benefits of material possessions impart. From the first little blurbs there’s not one mention of her seeking anything other than a phone call, possibly leading to a date where the future would have been discussed or decided then. So again where’s the “moral choice” in all this? If you’re not going to cheat regardless the temptation what’s the point of this? Restating something said earlier doesn’t make it any more understandable nor does it explain why this all seemed to fit the thread?

As the OP says she asked if the differences she believes to exist at the time this thread was first begun would be an issue for him, did anyone have any experience good or bad to share in hopes she could be forewarned ahead of time. Now if that seems to come from someone who’d be new to car rides, classy restaurants and lake property then I’ve totally missed it-----until Msg’s 45 & 48 brought it up almost a full year later. Those who’ve replied seem to feel IF they’re BOTH motivated to discuss those differences as they arose, act like the adults they both are then it could be, would be quite a workable situation.

Being divorced is not some stigma that somehow allows or encourages anyone “older” from engaging with a “younger” person---that’s ridiculous and begs the question why is that even mentioned, rhetorically of course. Has my “moral compass” been surrendered, have I lost all perspective on what works and doesn’t for me? Am I no longer able to see or know if a relationship is going nowhere? Give me a clue here please.......

I’ll gladly mention at age 50 I was approached by a younger woman with whom one of the strongest relationships I’ve ever had developed. She wasn’t bowled over by car rides, had lived her own “classy” life and could have purchase her own lake property along with nearly anything else money could buy. Off the charts chemistry both mental and physical defined our relationship, each bringing something huge into it, nothing but positive aspects all the way around. We lasted almost 6 years where I’d met and came to know her parents, friends, college buddies and work associates. My friends took to her otherwise I’d just not expose her to them if they weren’t so foolish as to NOT want the best for me, wish me well etc etc. Being somewhat of a genius in computer animation she was offered a crazy job with part of the Disney organization which was unknown to me for almost a full year. My love and wishes for nothing but the best for such a wonderful woman made me nearly force the choice to accept that job in far away LaLa Land. She’s happy, doing well and her name appears on several well known movies and projects and yet we both miss one another terrifically. So its not like I don’t have any experience with age differences and how they do NOT resemble any of these “moral dilemma’s” put forth here.

THAT relationship was not advisable but NOT because of the age difference UNLESS dishonesty prevents admission said TEMPTATIONS caused enough doubt for considering the tendered offer. Sorry dude but you’re speaking too much about your lofty “decision” and it smacks purely of bovine scatology!

Peace, out Brother!!
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 32
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 3/28/2010 6:10:39 PM
As long as there's older men for me to date that will be my preference in life!
Woo hoo, my lover happens to be 14 years older and one of the kinkiest people I have yet had the pleasure of doing the horizontal tango with (among many other things...). that the thread addressed the original subject, Im off to flirt with my Older Man!
Joined: 5/4/2010
Msg: 33
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 6/4/2010 7:28:51 AM
I dated a guy who was 30 years old . And I am 22. there was an 8 year age gap between which to me was no biggie we got along great at first but it was his mental state that ruined everything ....I will spare everyone the details for now but lets just say he moved out of the country a month ago may 8th and three weeks later he messages me saying he misses me and hopes things are alright with me ....things wherent always perfect between us but it was our situation that didnt fit well .....I must admit I still miss my silver fox :(
Joined: 5/4/2010
Msg: 34
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 6/5/2010 6:28:38 AM
his hair was greying early was a heriditary thing
Joined: 12/8/2010
Msg: 35
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 1/24/2011 7:44:10 AM
its a myth,im 40,and ive dated 20 year old women who couldnt match my sex drive,,,,if its real,stay with it,as the same for younger guys dating older women,50% or better is an undetermined factor of sex,experince and wanting to learn,all the ladies knowa man in his 20 and mid 20s pretty much isnt concerned with her needs,but a man 35 plus has that experince to take her where she wants to go,mind blowing orgasms,one after another,its ok to want better sex,the other half is stability,ive dated a woman in her 50s,20 yr difference right? shape of my life at 33,i was going to school her,,,,"tea right i created a monster that could not be tamed,and noone wants to talk about it,you didnt just wake up yesterday and decide you were a great lover,the only way that both men and women acquire that is through partners,",i mean who taught you to be a great ,dad,? give me a on young ladies its a gift,and if there is love there its a blessing............william

 arts, dining, music, w/u
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 36
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:13:43 AM
I've dated women born in the later 80's and found them to be fun. I've also dated women born in the 30's (it was some time ago) and found them to be fun. The biggest younger age differnce was 34 years younger and the oldest age difference was 30 years older.
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 37
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 2/22/2012 10:15:25 AM
i'm a 28 yr old man and at the Youngstown Ohio hiphop clubs i see a few older guys hanging around. sometimes they do ok. my female friends say they will only go out with an older man in his 40's or 50's if he has a great personality, is gentlemanly and is really hott.

there's ONE older guy in his 50's who kind of stands out and does good with the young women and even i have to admit he dresses well and is a good looking guy. i talked to him once and even though he's short he had a certain charisma. he said he dated women of all ages from 21 to 70.

later i saw him out on the dancefloor and he knew what he was doing. left the club with a cute little babe about my age. i think his name was Tom. so i guess some women in their 20's do like older men.
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 38
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:35:43 AM
its not bad to date someone that much older sincees your in your mid thirties . i am going on 345 this yr and a could of yrs ago i dated someone in their fifties . but i lived my life way pass my age . i think more than even he did . but it dpends if you listen to the same type of music if hes ok with the same and the mature level plays a factor but sometimes like mysef you grow out of that age .or you could get bored . but if you are understnading that a man at that age does slow down on sex its normal . but i always dated guys alot older than me . becaouse i think they make better lovers . they are more than just sex . they like to be on more levels
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 39
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:40:40 AM

I wonder what we'll have in common because our backgrounds are so different

If you discuss your interests, beliefs, and goals in life, you will discover what you have in common, or not; just as you would with someone your own age.

and not mention we could almost be mistaken for father and daughter.

By whom? Total strangers? Do you live your life for total strangers or for yourself?

Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 40
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 2/22/2012 7:39:07 PM
The OP is long gone no doubt, from two years ago.
This thread does not contain the stupidity I would have expected. There were some very sane replies.
I have to laugh when I see people mention small age differences, 8 or ten years, as if it's a BIG BIG DEAL.....I mean, a 40 year old woman thinks she's dating an "older" man if the man is 50?????
Hey sweetie.....the 40 year old man is going after 25 year olds, if he's still in good shape.
I often wonder, who on earth came up with the "have to date the same age" rule?
This is one of those topics that stirs strong emotions, for reasons I will never comprehend.

So many women on the dating sites absolutely will NOT date anyone over five years older. You can't even send them a message because you get blocked. They're probably missing the greatest loves of their lives.
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 2/23/2012 12:39:35 AM
Heavenfangels is right, we do slow down a little after 50 but Id like to think we bring other things to the table. I try to be more attentive in other areas and keep an open mind when it comes to a younger womans needs and desires!
Joined: 6/27/2012
Msg: 42
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:38:29 AM
I just got out of a three year relationship with a woman 24 years younger than myself and it was the best time of OUR lives. Lot's of great times doing the same things we loved doing, camping, hiking, biking, kayaking. The relationship when the strain of family and friends (mostly hers but my daughter had a huge problem with it as well) kept pushing her to be with people her own age. We both loved each other very much but she couldn't handle the drama she was going thru. Point is, why is it such a big deal what the age difference is, as long as it is a healthy, caring relationship?
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 43
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:15:29 AM
OP: I think the age difference between you and your partner may present issue, but believe me, you've both have long come into your majority and have a mature outlook in life. If he were dating somebody in their twenties, I'd be a lot more concerned about him trying to squelch the spirit of that young of a woman before she reaches her majority. Often, the man in this scenario is often left bereft.

You shouldn't sell yourself short in this relationship, or it will fail. You bring to the relationship your own identity, set of values, interests, humor, and fresh outlook. He must enjoy your company for all of the excitement and happiness you bring to him. (I sincerely hope he is reciprocating.) As far his level of education is concerned, I have found that some of the scholars who have achieved advanced level of academic success are not socially fit to date the wad of gum underneath my shoe. Very few exhibit humility and respectability; fewer employ little respect for the spiritual, moral and ethical values when wielding their knowledge in front of you - so don't be intimidated.

And, yes - I dated a man in his early sixties. I thought he was an intelligent and considerate person, only to find that he was an uneducated, sex-crazed (and not in a good way), ugly, youth-obsessed, nitpicking, healthnutty, rampant 420'er with no morals. I would have appreciated the sexiness and the 420 habit (to a lesser degree), if he weren't for his aggressive stupidity.
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 44
Younger woman dating an older man
Posted: 7/7/2012 11:46:23 PM
In my 20's I found guys my age impossibly immature. I dated older men.

Now at age 58, I'm physically fit and healthy. I love hiking steep trails to high alpine lakes. Most men my age are overweight, out of shape and do not appeal to me. I don't want to be pushing a old man's wheelchair. I realize there are no guarantees. I want a healthy, fit man who also loves hiking. That means I'm looking for a man my age or younger.
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