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 Here Comes Kitty
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 19
I feel like I've lost my soulPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Been through a very similar situation, it's now fast forward 2 yrs and I'm ready to face the world again. Many people have already covered the most important points, so I won't re-hash. My advice is to get your hands on the book "Rebuilding When your relationship ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher ISBN 0-915166-95-X. That combined with a very good therapist saved my life. There is also a workbook you can buy to go with it (didn't know about it at the time, so can't comment on usefulness). It's one day at a time from here, but you can, and will get through it. Ultimately we can choose to take something away from the experience and grow stronger from it, or we can drown. I chose to swim, I hope you do the same :)
 Willievr6
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 21
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I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:53:54 AM
I lived with a woman for a year, and I loved her and her daughter immensely and I came home from work one day and she kicked me out. I was crushed and used to have panic attacks, with crying, hyper ventilating etc. I would be fine one minute then hear a song on the radio and breakdown again. I read a book Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, by Dr. Warren Ferrel, and it helped break my panic attacks and emotional distress. Dr. Ferrel also has a website and we have exchanged emails in the past.

It took me sometime to get past things, but once I realized that I can't control her, or make her want me in her life then the panic attacks stopped. I let her go entirely out of my mind, and my own desire to try and save something she wanted no part of.
Ironic as it is the woman who caused my pain and panic attacks gave me some advice which did help the last time we ever talked:
"Think of what you have, and NOT what you don't have".

It's hard sometimes, but happiness is a choice and I want to be happy so I remember the good times, and think of what I have right now and drive on.

Hang in there Hotbreez!! Cheers..Willie
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 22
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I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:36:53 AM
I'm so sorry this has happened and you're hurting...

Not in love with anyone in person at the moment, but my experience has been one of the reverse...I lose interest...or, better put...I stare down the black pit of my own soul looking for more passion or something...and the well has runneth dry. Maybe I haven't met the right girl, or maybe I need to focus my energies on work or things that are goal-0riented...a relationship is an ever-evolving creature and, like Woody Allen says in Annie Hall "it's like a shark--it has to keep moving or it dies". Perhaps you guys just needed a new goal to work on together, a new challenge! Perhaps it had gotten complacent, routine and boring...no new challenge or goal in it. Sorry if this response is feeble, but hope it helps-!
 Sherry2U
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 24
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:46:16 PM
So sorry for your pain...its very difficult and nothing anyone says will help you...when its time your heart will heal and you will see the sunshine again...or the stars...til then...when you feel like crying..cry...when you feel like yelling...yell..and when you feel like trying again...DO IT!! Good luck girl...:)
 NYCLover
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 29
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/12/2009 7:24:00 PM
Has been having problems at work? Paying bills?
 Purplelily123
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 35
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I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 7:35:32 AM
Hi hotbreez,
I know what you mean. I am in the same situation. All you can do is turn to the Lord, i don't know if you are a christian or not but i am hoping you are, every day my heart hurt so i pick up my bible and read and pray. So today when i do I'll say a prayer for you.

I will pray now!
Dear Lord, please take hotbreez into your loving arms and allow her some peace and joy. Show her as you have shown me that you are in control not her nor her husband is in control, Let her know your love for her and if it is your will bring this marriage back together. In your holy Name Lord Jesus I pray. Amen

Contact me hot breez if you would like to chat, My name is Jackie
 KindredSpiritz
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 39
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I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 9:44:26 PM
Well if he's dead set on walking away there is nothing you can do but let him go and realize it's his loss more then yours. He will see the grass isnt greener in time. You have to realize that theres plenty of men out there that would love to be with a woman like you and you'll be ok in time, better off even.
As far as getting over him, well thats going to be the roughest part and many nights you will cry yourself to sleep. Took me almost 2 years to finally get over my ex.
But eventually the darkness does lift and the sun shines thru again. Stay active with friends and family, do stuff, don't stay home and mope, only makes it worse.
Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest. I promise, you'll be ok.
Love, not time, heals all broken hearts. You will love again, just hang in there.
 lost30
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 40
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:52:33 AM
I was though that before now going though something else trying to get back my soulmate! But back on point,There is nothing you can do about the way you feel! trying doing hobbies or seein friends talking about it! mybe after awhile you can get him back.Mybe A card but dont put alot of words in the card make it simple! Mybe put down things you guys did aas a couple just bring up happy times I know it will hurt inside doing this but it will make him think too! Try to be up beat in the card too! dont throw yourself at him it will make him go running.Mybe just be thoughtfull. The one thing that gets anybody attention is being curious! Make him wonder! Meet new friends I know its hard I have been doing it for 2 months now I send her cards sometimes myself but upbeat and the way it use to be not throwing myself on her! Tell him you want a new start! BUT up beat about it if you want him back?Jon
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 42
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 1:57:11 PM
OP ..... I have the same thing with my ex-wife.

I have not seen her now in three years. I could pick up the phone and be on a "date" with her this week but ......

I spent 20 years thinking she loved me ........... and she did and still does but .......

"just not the way you want me to"

THAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME ........ so I remain alone - my choice.

-----------------

OP - it took me three years to accept it. I have now accepted it and that is that. Since that is not good enough for me - that is that.

I suggest you accept it - pull yourself up by your bootstraps and FORGET HIM.
 martysday
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 44
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I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:08:48 PM
Mans opinion...Let him think you are possible interested in seeing someone else or that you are try to meet new guys to fix that heart of yours...I didn't say sleep with someone but he doesn't have to know any different...It may take some time or he could want to talk pretty quick But you shouldn't talk about foregiveness to soon,give him time to stew on things and what he's started.IF he moved out DON'T CALL OR TEXT HIM.and don't make up excuess to do that either,he'll see right threw it.Things have to run their course.
One more thing did he know you are on PoF...?
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 50
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/18/2009 9:31:13 PM
Well, just know that the problem lies with him if this is the whole story.
 Kingspade51
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 55
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/21/2009 1:55:08 PM
well babe sometimes that happens i just left a three year realationship thought i would be with her forever but i know its hard so are you two staying together or separating?
 1Crowned!
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 56
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/21/2009 2:32:39 PM
There is some really good and some really bad advice posted here! Can I say anything what will make a difference? I hope so or why write something!
First, your feelings are your feelings and there is no simple quick fix. What you are going through, and you must go through it, is sudden, awful, and earth shaking. All that advice of keeping busy and talking to others etc is only necessary distractions so your feelings are not so intense that you can not function. Helpful but is also avoiding the issue and thus does not get to the crux to resolve it.
Let me say that all the hype of finding the perfect match and getting married to him/her is an accident waiting to happen. No one stay the same over a lifetime. People change. How you deal with those changes is what makes or breaks relationships. With each little crisis that you work through together you build trust for when a big earth shattering crisis comes along. If your marriage has been really smooth up til now, you may find yourself franticly reaching for tools and helps to deal with it. That is where good counsel comes in. At the same time you still have to live it each day.
This sounds like a very typical mid life crisis, which covers a lot of things! So there are no pat answers. You do have to talk or nothing changes. Each has to both listen and talk while being very willing to do some soul searching. All to often a person will turn their life upside down without identifying the real problem. Then lives are shattered and all becuase he never realized a dream. Well, sometimes dreams have to be put on the shelf because we worked on other dreams that are far more rewarding in the long run, but not easy to see when looking at one that will now never be realized. So in some vain attempt, and I stress 'vain', to live the impossible for a moment, we distroy what is really charished and loved in our lives. It does not make sense. Do not try to apply logic. It is all emotion and feelings, and you are living feelings now that help you realize you can not write them off or ignore them. Yet resolution does require some moment of being rational. That's is just a beginning. If you can get inside his heart just one more time, you have a chance to help him ... and he does need you to help him. Otherwise the outcome will most likely be another life disaster for what should have been a happy marriage. May God bless you in this, your own personal testing.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 61
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:44:54 PM
my ex husband was never in my marriage. that was unfair to me and ultimately the kids. he was into himself. he kept HIS money is a UK account called an ABBEY account with only his name on it. The money that was in the USA was under his name only. I had one child and was having another. He had a cell phone. I was not allowed to have one. He was from the UK. I am American. I loved my husband very much. I was willing to work past his insecurities and make OUR marriage work. I was willing to do whatever it took.
Ultimately, I had to revoke his green card. My ex has mental problems and refused to take his meds. So he went on the internet met a woman in Canada, shagged her, and now is in common law marriage with her. Abandoned the family.
I was sicked to my stomach. Cried all of the time. Every day. I was left with 2 babies in diapers and my husband is fuchking some whhore. OMG!!!!! MY HEART WAS BROKEN.

I just focused my loved on my children. Talked to friends online. I DID NOT DATE!!!!!!!
I started dating when I was 100% positive that I never wanted him back again and wanted a divorce. I started dating when I decided that I will never forgive him in my heart and throughout my whole body. You understand what I am saying. The pain consumes your whole body. When you make that decision it will be from within and you will feel disgusted by him and just stop caring. You will realize that he is not the man that you thought that he was. The man that you thought that he was, is a fantasy. Who is is, is not a nice person and you deserve the best!
 mrbiggfrank
Joined: 4/30/2009
Msg: 65
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I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:03:25 PM
sorry to hear i'm going threw the same thing thought i was spending the rest of my life with her but she wanted someone else . we can pick up our selfs up dust off it takes time but one sided love dosen't work. it's his loss in the long run love is just another word with no meaning to him. so gather the ones that love you they will never leave you you have a good heart n soul or it wouldn't bother you give it time you'll be fine

ps i was born in montreal here's a angel to look over you
 clito
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 67
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 7:14:23 PM
Unfortunately, no. This is something you have to journey through by yourself-like death. However there is hope. Time does indeed heal all wounds if you can just endure your anguish. I know that may not be what you wish to hear, but all will be well-the sun also rises!
 ixholla1
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 70
I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:10:03 AM

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men

Um...."Men" I'd be adding "Women" onto that too if I were you. You woman aren't Saints by any means..........

lol
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