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 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 47
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I have no problem making first contact. How will he know I even exist if I dont? However, once we start dating, in the very beginning, I let him do most of the calling. That is because the men in my experience, seem to prefer it that way. I think it has something to do with that primitive fear of being boxed in. It's kinda silly, but that's how they are wired. Once we have gotten to know each other real well, then I call him, without worrying about it. They need time to be assured that we aren't needy and clingy, or thinking of having their baby after the first date.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 48
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 5/29/2011 2:09:53 AM
At THIS point in time, I find things are still a bit up in the air on who should contact who first.

Of course men do much of the initiating simply because... well... we're men! But over the last few years and the woman's lib. movement, women have chosen to sit in the driver's seat and to contact men first but, NOT all women have yet to build up the courage.

At the same time, you should look at who pays for what while on a date, who pays for the movie etc...
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 49
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 2:32:04 PM
I have never contacted someone on here or on any dating site. Kind of afraid too. I have added guys to my favorites in hopes they would notice and contact me. I guess i feel to agressive and not comfortable contacting someone.
 sweetblue62
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 50
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 4:44:16 PM
OP, I am with you. I believe it is the man's place to speak up. A woman can leave a message and let a man know she is intereted, but if the man is nitersted too, he should let her know and ask her out. That is just me. I am old fashioned too. I like a man getting the door for me, pulling hte chair out for me. I simply like to be repsected! Nothing wrong with it at all, people like what they like.
 sweetblue62
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 51
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 4:58:55 PM
ABELIAN,
I am glad you found "the one".
I am secure in myself, I am strong and independent too.
I work, make my own money, own my home and car, but it is nice to have a good man by your side to love and respect and who loves and respects you.
I like a man who is not afraid to make me laugh, be there for me, help me if I need it.
Lord knows, I will do all I can to make him very happy.
If you have found "the one" why are you still on POF?
Every man I have spoken to who found that special someone, deleted their profiles.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 52
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Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 5:47:37 PM
Women are majoritively scared fragile wussies with huge egos that shatter at the slightest bit of negative feedback so most of them are too terrified to make a first or any subsequent move

Ignore the transference and hypocrisy in them classing men who wont make the first move as being just as scared and fragile as they are and just mail them

its not their fault theyre such insecure fragile ego driven scaredy cats, its programmed into them from birth

If you do decided to wait for women who contact you though, although you will tend to find a better class of woman that way youre going to in for a LONG wait unless youre above averagely attractive or have a well paid job

If niether of those are the case then you'd better get mailing
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 53
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 6:01:21 PM
I prefer for a guy to make the first move and contact me.
I think if a man is really interested then he will be the one who initiates things.
I don't think it's attractive when women throw themselves and chase men...it makes them seem desperate, but that's just my opinion....to each their own =)
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 54
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:42:56 PM
I agree that the younger the woman there is a difference in views because women have been told it is okay. But, as we all get older we find that the way it works best usually is men contacting women. It is in our nature, hormones and genes. Many studies has shown this, so it's not that I am being old fashioned, it just is insticts. We can try to change society but usually the insticts and genetics always win out.
 waidttma
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 55
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:54:53 PM
My experience has been that whenever I contact a man first they usually reply but after a few emails contact ceases. If they contact me first and I'm interested, it usually progresses to some point.

It's the reason I don't make first contact often, but I'm still learning, my picker still needs some work, it's all good. It doesn't bother me, just doesn't entice me to make a first move. Admire men for doing so as often as the do.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 56
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:09:36 PM
Anyone, man or woman, is free to make the 1st contact.

If a woman contacts me 1st, that usually tells me that she liked something about my profile, enough to motivate her to make the contact.
So, yes, I do like it and appreciate it when a woman makes the 1st contact.
This is 2011, after all.
 Peanutbutter9
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 57
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:17:26 PM
Most of the time I like the man to make the first contact. I like to be pursued. I don't believe in gender roles, really, but I like the old fashioned way of the man pursuing the woman. Occasionally I'll make the first move, though. I'd say, make the first move, guys. No woman is going to be turned off because you messaged her first.
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 58
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:35:14 PM
I dont contact men. not even when I am dating them. I like the feeling of being contacted and feel to agressive contacting them,
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 59
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/16/2011 12:09:38 AM
I would never contact a man first. It is up to the male. If you express interest with the Meet Me thing then they can react... I dont think it is a womans place to do it. It puts her in a predatory position.. But maybe I am old fashioned.....The man is the hunter or should be... He may just think you are desperate or easy and we all know that the dating sites are full of creeps willing to take advantage.....enough said..
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 60
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/26/2011 2:52:48 PM
I think that whoever is Attracted first...should make Contact first..!!
(As long as it's not some Vulgar string of sexual inuendos!)
BUT...The recipient of said 1 st contact should have the manners to Respond to a respectful note from a respectful person!
Here's a challenge...:
Ladies that are Actually looking for a Relationship....Contact Me , First..!!
 mdgs
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 61
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/26/2011 5:11:05 PM
I prefer to be contacted first, but if I am really interested then I will make the first move.
 JamesHermes
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 62
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/27/2011 6:21:26 AM
The only reason I joined this site in the first place is because I'm painfully shy and can't make the first move.

I don't even know the name of my first crush as a kid because I couldn't work up the words to ask her. Every time I get near a girl I like it's like I forget how to talk. The only thing I can manage to say is "Hi" then I just stand there awkwardly waiting for her to say hi back to me. Eventually I just run away.

With the online dating I don't have to worry if I forget how to talk because I can still type. I know eventually I have to meet and talk to the person. It's just when we first meet that I have trouble finding something to talk about. Once I get to know a person and have an idea of shared interests then when we meet in person I won't feel too shy to speak.

Unfortunately now I have a different problem of every girl I try to speak to not wanting to talk back. I keep hearing girls like guys with confidence but if I had that I wouldn't be fishing.
 Doforlove314
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 63
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/27/2011 4:38:13 PM
I think if you are a mature adult, what's wrong or shameful about going to get what you like or at least seeing if they are available. Man or woman, if he or she don't know of your interest then whose to blame. Only yourself.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 64
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/27/2011 5:11:19 PM

I would never contact a man first. It is up to the male. If you express interest with the Meet Me thing then they can react... I dont think it is a womans place to do it. It puts her in a predatory position.. But maybe I am old fashioned.....The man is the hunter or should be... He may just think you are desperate or easy and we all know that the dating sites are full of creeps willing to take advantage.....enough said..
 JamesHermes
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 65
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/27/2011 11:13:01 PM

I would never contact a man first. It is up to the male. If you express interest with the Meet Me thing then they can react... I dont think it is a womans place to do it. It puts her in a predatory position.. But maybe I am old fashioned.....The man is the hunter or should be... He may just think you are desperate or easy and we all know that the dating sites are full of creeps willing to take advantage.....enough said..


There's something I don't understand when women say things like this. Women fought for equal rights and equal treatment for both sexes. They wanted to do things like sports that were traditionally only for men, they wanted to get jobs that were traditionally only for men, they wanted to get paid the same as a man. This is all good and understandable.

The part I don't get is when women don't wanna give men equal treatment. After all that fighting for equal rights men are still expected to be the ones to ask a girl out, men are still expected to be the providers, and men are given no respect in careers that were traditionally for women. You can't have it both ways.

If you want a man to treat you as an equal you gotta treat him as an equal. If you're going to be old fashioned and expect the man to do all the work don't expect him to actually give you any respect as a person. I know a guy who is old fashioned and from what I can tell he basically cheated on his wife because she was making more money than him.

Wake up, it's not the 1950's anymore!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 66
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/29/2011 2:57:08 PM
^^^^ Oh young Padwan....the EQUALITY is only when it's to their benefit...not for everything! You so S I L L Y!

Getting the job=Equality!
Qualifying on equal terms= Not fair...use chivalry card!
Being paid the same=Equality!
Having to do the same lifting as the males= Chivalry Card~!
Getting promoted=Equality!
Not getting promoted=Use sexism card!
Using your coochie to get ahead=Equality!
Seeing another woman using her coochie to get further ahead= Sexual harassment card!
Taking 5 years off to raise kids=Equality!
Expecting to re-enter workplace at same level as the men you left 5 years ago=Glass ceiling card!
Being capable of negotiating as well as men in business= Equality
Being capable of negotiating as well as men in relationships= I got PLAYED or USED card!



 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 67
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Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/29/2011 3:11:36 PM
Whenever I see the statement in a profile about "being old fashion" when it comes to dating, pursuing, and paying.....I cringe and move on to the next profile.

You want an equal in almost everything, so why not in dating and relationships? If I went around saying that I am happy to ask you out, and open the door for you, but you must clean my house, iron my clothes, and cook for me, if you want that to happen, most women would have the hair on the back of their heads stand straight up.........but.......when it comes to dating, and nothing else, a man must be the man and do the asking, pursuing, and paying, while the woman gets to decide yes or no!!.............

Not happening in my world, and I am happy to take my turn at cooking, cleaning, and paying, but you must as well with pursuing me, inviting me, and paying for my desires as much as I do yours!!

I do not think that is unfair, and I wait to be contacted by women on here much more than I contact, and I treat each and every one with the respect they deserve for being assertive enough to be my equal, and not sit waiting for me to do all the work!!

cd............
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 68
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:54:24 PM

I dont think it is a womans place to do it. It puts her in a predatory position..

Soooo you want a guy to be in a "predatory" position? Sandusky anyone? ;)

The man is the hunter or should be...

I think the choice of words are a bit strong. Unfortunately, women have not taken on the "equal" roles society has turned to, when it comes to things more difficult -- like approaching guys. Even online if they like them. It's actually being scared. Chicken. You can call it old-fashioned or whatever you wish, but it is a cowardice position. A guy isn't going to think a woman's desperate or easy because she merely WROTE him a short message on the dating site.

By the rationale of "old fashioned", don't selectively choose things "old fashioned" and call yourself "old fashioned". Happily accept doing housecleaning and expect none from a guy, never getting a (career-oriented) job, be submissive to your husband or LTR boyfriend, believe that men are superior but women are to be loved (like adult kids), and THEN you'll be "old fashioned". :)

Women are majoritively scared fragile wussies with huge egos that shatter at the slightest bit of negative feedback so most of them are too terrified to make a first or any subsequent move

Ignore the transference and hypocrisy in them classing men who wont make the first move as being just as scared and fragile as they are and just mail them

Very well said! To be fair, many guys are a bit too scared, but culture puts them in a position to do it. Anyone who thinks guys don't want a(n attractive) woman writing them initially is out of their minds and totally and utterly wrong.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 69
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 12/7/2011 10:04:19 AM
Do I think a woman should have to contact me first?

No, but it would be nice to think that I have an equal chance of being initially contacted by a woman as I do in contacting one.

Women posters often claim that they want men to have put 'effort' into contacting them. It would be nice to think that women(in the aggregate) are putting a roughly equal amount of effort into contacting men, as men (in the aggregate) are putting into contacting women.

Nice to think, but I really don't have any basis for so thinking. Women often post in these forums claiming that yes, they do send initial contact messages to men. I don't doubt that these women posters are telling the truth. I just think that they are a fairly small minority, and that the women who do send unsolicited messages to men send fewer of those initial messages(on average) than men do(on average). That's just a guess on my part.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 70
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Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 12/7/2011 10:36:20 AM
It seems to work better - for me - when a woman initiates contact. It may be a wink, or a "meet me" or whatever, after which I may follow up, or it may be an actual email contact. This has been the case with over 90% of my online meeting/dating experiences. If a woman is so traditional or lacking in self esteem or confidence that she won't show some indication of interest, then it's highly likely that we wouldn't be a good match anyway. I do initiate when I think it's appropriate, but given my experiences, that became less and less frequent.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 71
Do men think women are suppose to contact them first?
Posted: 12/7/2011 12:36:23 PM
I have no problem making initial contact......but I am 58..no fear factor here...ha
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