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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 7
I don't want to be interviewedPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don't really feel as if I have been on an interview dates, but I have had dates ask lots of questions. Often, they ask me if I have any questions, and often, I say, "Not now."

There is SO much more to be learned by simply listening to a person talk about him/herself and how they talk about others. It is amusing because I am not the only one who uses this technique, and some men encourage me to talk so they can scope me out. I am a talker, and it doesn't take much to get me going, and though I am open, I also know exactly what I am saying and how I say it--and the message I intend to get across to a listener.

I also DISLIKE it when a man has nothing on his profile and says, "If you want to know more, just ask." What am I supposed to ask if I have no base to build on? What is there to pique my interest or to make me want to know more? I get emails stating that I should ask questions, and I answer, "There's nothing I want to know."

So, obviously, some people feel more comfortable with an interview!

Hey, Gudtogo21! I am buying a house . . . come help me pick out a refrigerator; I bet there is a lot to tell by whether I pick a freezer on top or a side by side.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 9:58:08 AM
I prefer to meet in a parking lot, drop our trousers and smell each other's butts. If we like it, we continue to the date. If we don't, without saying a word we go our separate ways.

Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 9
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I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:10:04 AM
I agree with you on the "Interview Date". It seems like your applying for a job instead of getting to know someone.(Should I bring my investment portfolio?) These days though, it's a safe solution for an easily ended date with someone you just don't click with or with someone who has misrepresented who they are on line. I've had my share of dates where I was glad for the opportunity to move on quickly. My favorite first meeting is at a park and spend a few minutes diserning who this person is face to face, if things move in a positive way, there's so much more to do after that... I have long given up on the fancy dinner first date, To many times this has gotten me a hefty check and a long, stilted, uncomfortable couple of hours talking about the weather and the price of gas. I say, keep it simple with no time limits. But do things that enable you to keep your options open and end it if the chemestry isn't there. By the same token maybe move forward to something nicer if the sparks start flying.
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 10
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:20:44 AM
I think there's a diference from have a conversation and being interviewed. It's o.k. to ask questions about each other. But, the last girl I dated it seemed like i was in a police interogation. It thought she was asking all these questions over and over to seem if there was ever any inconsistancies in what i had been telling her. It was a turn off and too bad otherwise she was a very cool person
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 11
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 12:08:41 PM
If you don't want to meet for coffee, then come up with other suggestions.
If someone mentions meeting for coffee, then have a list of alternatives ready.
A 20-minute consultation at a hardware store wouldn't interest me, but if that's what works, go for it.
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 12
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 1:25:13 PM
Hi OP... I agree with you that many first meetings do seem like interviews, but I don't think that's entirely a bad thing.

I loved your idea of a "paint date" ... but, in reality, how often does the opportunity for one of them come along?

Most of the time it's -- yawn -- coffe, lunch, drinks....
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 2:59:47 PM

A 20-minute consultation at a hardware store wouldn't interest me, but if that's what works, go for it.

This is hilarious.

How about:

Victoria's Secrets dressing room
Chucky Cheese
Radio Shack
Weight Watchers Meeting
AA meeting
Women's shelter
Emergency Room Lobby
Driver's license waiting room.
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 14
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:04:50 PM
Hmmmmm yea I know what you mean and there really is no nice way to say that's none your business at this point. lol I once went out with someone who spent the whole time grilling me but yet had never bothered to read any of my postings lol I thought you have a perfect opportunity to know how I feel and you don't take it I guess some people are self absorbed.
The coffee thing is safe I guess thats why people do it.
I love to go to the science museum we have one here that has different exhibits all the time. I have thought about that as a meeting place because for me if I really wanted to find someone I clicked with it would be super if we both got into the same things. If the person was being pushy and just wanted to leave then I could still enjoy the afternoon by myself. lol
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 15
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I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 9:49:15 PM
I've learned that if I ever feel like a date is becoming an interview, it's because it's not going well. We might get along and perhaps even become friends, but there's just no chemistry.

The best dates I've ever had are the ones where I just feel completely comfortable being me. It's impossible to explain why certain dates do and some do not end up that way.
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 16
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/22/2009 5:44:06 AM
I can certainly understand what you are saying here and agree.

When I first meet someone, I don't want to be grilled with questions. To me it's kind of rude, boring and predictable. It's not like you are rushing to the alter on the first couple of dates, so there's no reason to grill someone with questions.

Of course you want to get to know someone. But if anyone I meet immediately pushes me asking about my financial situation, where I live, or where I'll be five years from now I lose interest fairly quick. It's not that I have anything to hide. I have a good job, a great house and a happy life. I just feel like if you go through the material posessions and talk about all the great things you have or don't get off track from where you should be heading.
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/22/2009 12:21:35 PM

My passion is dancing

That's the thing OP, p a s s i o n! Sharing the same passion is more than being half-way through the "interview", as you call it. If anyone is fortunate to meet such a person, sharing experiences and wanting to enjoy it more ... with a new buddy could be the start of a new venture.
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 18
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/23/2009 10:44:13 AM
when i meet for the 1st time i am looking to be knocked off my feet...when i meet most men they basically bore me to tears...i will ask questions related to the subject the men bring up...the topic these men bring up is their interests...this is fine but while the man is talking about himself would it be too much to ask to notice i am female....flirting, compliments, eye-contact would be appreciated...i am in need of male attention...your aunt matilda i am not so do you have an alternate personality for these other words, start acting like a red-blooded american male...i won't complain.
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 19
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/23/2009 10:05:52 PM
I think the first interaction is an interview. Certain questions need to be answered/explained in the beginning so that no one's time is wasted:

1. Are you married? Explain separated....(Don't want ex-wife drama!)
2. Do you have kids? Sex/Ages? Do they live with you? (Your rebellious daughter isn't my problem!)
3. What city(area) do you live in? (I don't wanna travel 50 miles to see you!)
4. What type of work do you do? (Are a reader/philosopher, artistic/linear thinker, ambitious or lazy, or just incompatible (I wouldn't date a bounty-hunter!)

I've received some of the weirdest responses to those simple questions and I'm sure I'm still here to tell the tale because I didn't go out blindly with any guy who asked me!
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 20
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/24/2009 4:18:19 PM
Man, didn't I see another thread just like this a day or two ago? It's only an interview if you think of it like that.
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 21
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/24/2009 4:22:52 PM
I couldn't agree with you more OP, I also dread the interview process. What makes it even worse is that its usually the exact same questions being asked on every date. It makes me want to get into MS Word and type out all my answers to the cliche'd questions and just hand her the piece of paper at the beginning of the date to save time.

I'd rather get the interviewing and judging out of the way through email/chat/phone then go out and actually enjoy the first meet. Don't get me wrong I like coffee, but going to an amusement park, the movies, random activities, or even singing bad karaoke at the local bar appeals to me a lot more.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 22
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/24/2009 6:20:14 PM
Gwen sits down opposite of gudtogo with her pen and notebook. She looks at him over the top of her glasses. "So, Mr. Go," she begins.

"Call me 'Gud,'" he says politely.

"So, Mr. Go," Gwen says pointedly, "what do you have to offer our company?"

"Um, Gwen, I thought we were having a date, not an interview."

"When you answer my questions, THEN the date will begin."

Gud squirms in his seat, uncomfortable in the glare of the bright lights.

"OK," Gwen says, "we'll make this easier." She hands him several sheets of paper. "Fill out this questionnaire. I'll be waiting in the bar." She rises and leaves him alone.

Sighing, Gud look at the first question; it reads, "How tall are you, really?"

He sighs. It's going to be a long night.
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 24
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/3/2009 9:15:12 AM
I find a sharp mind and expansive intellect sexy....

So a really good conversation over coffee will create a lot more initial interest in me than a "fun" date. Verbal banter is like intercourse with words. If a girl does not have a similar sense of humor, or her mind cannot keep up with mine... I know there is no future with that person.

I ALWAYS like to include some sort of eating in a first real date - just a friend date.

What a person orders, how they eat, and how they act while eating tells me a lot about themselves.

Eating together is one of the most imtimate activities humans can do with each other. There's a lot of nervousness that goes with it.... but...

no risk, no reward.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 25
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/3/2009 11:52:00 AM
Personally, coffee never worked for me. So I would gladly decline. What worked for me was drinks, and if move forward dinner. Now, if the girl got into a Gestapo interview, I would then turned it into mystery by purposely providing totally crazy answers that were obviously over the top. So she would get the point that we needed to chill and have fun. If that didn't work, well then I had to go because I forgot to take my dog out. Wait, you said you didn't have a dog. Yeah you're right, I also forgot to buy it, so I must go now. Heheheh.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/28/2009 8:48:00 AM

I hate meeting for coffee. I love coffee and I don't want it ruined for me by a bad meet/greet.

Gotta agree with you there tracyannk. Sometimes it's just better to drink your coffee alone, you enjoy it more.
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 27
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I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:43:06 AM
It sounds to me like you just need some friends and not romances.

You obviously don't want anyone to REALLY get to know very well as a person.........just the things you do.
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 29
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I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:40:22 AM
hmm, I have to agree with the idea its an interview as described people tend to know your only looking for an excuse to dump or a validation for expending your time. Although in fairness how can one not consider and interest in knowing about you a good thing.

So I do not look at questions as obstacles but as time savers, if someone is going to judge any one of these potential answers as means to preclude dating you it's best to get that done early. In my case the answers do not change with time so why waste it by putting off any potential deal breakers she has on her check list.

Albeit, I am some what different in my own questions at times, deliberately not asking typical questions but it is hard.
Sometimes you are just stumped and have to ask the stereotypical "so what do you do?" because you do not have or at lease feel there is sufficient chemistry to talk about anything else. If the conversation does not be beyond these interview like questions there is a good chance or indication you share very little chemistry.

Honestly in my experience people who share a great deal of chemistry care less and less about the answers to those questions and the as more chemistry exists the questions tend to morph into a more playful or sassier exchange which tends to be a clear sign of positive chemistry.

Dating can be game but it's also a chemistry experiment!
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 31
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:35:05 AM
This is so true.

To me, it feels debasing when a person presumes my answer to the question "what are your goals in life" or "how many women have you slept with" or "when do you want kids" indicates if we enjoy spending time with each other and find it fulfilling. It's as if when I say "Goals? Well I'm going to travel the world and be a doctor who does pro-bono work for impoverished children" somehow changes the person I am in front of them into the person I'm going to be in the future.

Don't get me wrong, I understand how these questions can offer insight into who a person really is, but for a first date? Come on. We haven't even spent hours together and already someone is trying to forecast the return on their invested time with me.

On a first date I'm not trying to gauge long term soul mate potential, I'm trying to enjoy the company of the woman I'm with. "flippant" some may say and they would be right. A good first date for me is a flippant good time.
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 32
I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:12:54 AM
Miss contemplative,

LMAO, now this is original. Of course you didn't mean a word of it, but you did make a good point. (Of course a woman would not ever say something like this for real). What I see as the relative point is not what you said but what you pretend to be.

Tell me how many times have you done this "interview" with a man. And if you do are you cute, you just might get a couple of dates from this one.

I'm still laughing my ass off at this one.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 33
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I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:30:19 PM
Interview type dates only give someone information about a person. That's not really getting to know them, it is a small part of it. Spending time with them, swapping stories, natural that's the ticket.

I can ask and have answered 100 questions and not know someone at all. I may know how many sibs they have, what their favorite subject in high school was, blah blah blah blah ad nauseum. Do I know if they have a twisted but engaging sense of humor, they are strong minded but sentimental, are transparent about themselves??? Not from a you find out those things by conversing with someone. It's pretty cool and a lot more FUN!
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 34
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I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/17/2009 9:35:26 AM
An afterthought, if so many people prefer "no interview" please; does anyone else find the following points to be strange stats:

1) all dating sites pretty much operate with the same Q&A or "resume" like profiles

2) local singles night events such as speed dating also tend to operate as Q&A sessions sorta like profiling!

3) "Lists" are possibly one of the most popular tools used by either print or online content providers; used because studies have shown they boost readership levels

I do not know there is any solution to this angst! No one wants a date to resemble a job interview.

But we all want the job so we have to take the interview.
Well not all of us; some sit at home alone in their underwear, drinking and posting to forums!
Not me of course, just sayin!
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