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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Judging (accurately) by appearances!      Home login  
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 16
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Judging (accurately) by appearances!Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Hee, hee, I had a boss who used to shovel her horse's shit in a mink coat wearing a diamond big enough to choke one of those horses, then she'd drop by the office to sign paychecks in horseshit covered overalls and toss her mink in the corner....drove my shallow co-workers crazy because she wouldn't act "in character" for a rich doctor's wife. Gawd I loved that woman! Such an enigma, bless her heart.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 17
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:19:00 AM

Where do you come from?

It must be the medication.

Where did I say I killed for food?

And yes, in America, where there's plenty it's easy to feed others, it's easy to be generous. In the third world, where it's them or you, it's a fight to the death. In South Africa, there's a murder every 7 seconds (that's just the ones they know about), and a rape every 3 seconds (again, just the ones they know about). It's the most violent country on earth outside an active war zone.

For what it's worth, I don't own two farthings to my name. I went to the UK with three suitcases, a 13 year old daughter, knowing not a sausage and having no qualifications. People thought I was incredibly brave. Actually, I just knew that if I stayed in Africa, I was going to die. And with a 1 in 4 HIV rate, there was a good chance that my daughter would eventually become HIV.

Likewise, when I won a greencard to America (in the diversity lottery), I came here without a blue farthing. I knew it was going to be tough, but it was going to give my daughter a chance to live. And I could get formally educated. And maybe have a life.

In Africa, I never made it because I was never prepared to kill, to hurt, to cheat, to lie, to stea, to do terrible things to other people for the sake of a crust of bread. Do you know that the United Nations puts the corruption in SA at 1 in 2 people?

Your instincts might tell you to feed others when they are hungry. Believe me, when people get very hungry and very desperate, the vast majority kill, murder, plunder, cheat, lie, steal.

I've lived in one too many third world countries not to know that.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 18
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:20:32 AM
astrosky, that's for the people who assess others inaccurately. It's quite possible to assess people accurately! Nobody is that good at suberfuge!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 19
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:32:28 AM
Heavywt, I wouldn't make any assessments based on an Internet picture. That's madness. I might wonder why someone would put up that photo but there are too many possibilities and too little evidence to draw an accurate conclusion.

Actually, you're not overweight because you don't exercise enough. You're overweight because you eat too many calories for the amount of energy you expend. Ask any expert. Only 3% of weight is due to lack of exercise. The other 97% is due to overeating.

With regard to diabetes, if you don't trigger the insulin, it get's a lot better. A high protein diet with lots of deep green salads will improve your situation. The Paleolithic diet will heal what can be healed. It will also lose the weight. Natural hygiene (this is what a naturopathic doctor uses) can heal what can be healed through food.

Also chromium supplements improve the insulin mechanism.

My topic was about judging ACCURATELY! Or don't you think that's possible? I do. I think what you (and others) are really concerned about is that you have been judged inaccurately by others so many times that you can't bear the thought.

So have I. And you know what? You're all allowed to judge/assess me as inaccurately as you like. You stand before God for your assessments, just as I do.

Before I make an assessement, I make very, very sure that I'm accurate.

And where I don't have enough information to make an assessment (as in Internet photos), I leave it open.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 20
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:38:43 AM
Pitch, how do you define 'appearance'.

I'm highly intuitive. That's also about making an assessment on appearances. I define intuition as 'reading' the 'hidden' information with 'senses' we don't know we have. Alternatively, it could be that our brains are calculating clues so fast that we don't know we're doing it.

The point is that it is assessing by appearance.

On a broader scale, everybody assessess by appearance, anyway. Unless one can climb inside the head of somebody and see what they are thinking and feeling (and nobody can), it's an an 'outside evaluation'.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 21
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:14:15 AM
squirrly, you can't assess someone's financial worth by what they wear. You can assess how much money they spend on clothes (by looking at the kind of clothes they wear), at how much they spend on cars (by what they drive), at how much they spend on their houses (by where they live and what's in it). Whether they overspend or not, you'll have to examine their bank statements, etc.

You have to use apples to measure apples, and pears to measure pears. If you use apples to measure pears, obviously you're going to get the wrong answer.

Ergo, that's the difference between assessing accurately and asesssing inaccurately: using one sort of information to get an answer for another set of answers. Doesn't work.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 22
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:16:55 AM

"You ARE my ex wife."

Oh, so that's what this is really about.

You're projecting her onto me.

I knew there was baggage somewhere.

Didn't know what it was.

Get over her. You'll then be able to see things more clearly. And read what is really being said.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 23
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:20:48 AM
Micky, who spoke about judging one's soul?

Without exception, every single example I gave was about something that could be seen with the eye or heard with the ear and something could be deduced from it.

Yes, strength of character can be observed. There's just something in the energy field of the person.

Yes, the eye of the beholder does influence a lot of assessements - which is precisely why I was talking about accuracy...

The fact that some don't get accuracy right doesn't mean it's impossible.

And, of course, not everything can be told about the person, but a great deal can be told can be accurately deduced. The trick is to know how to do it and what can be deduced and what cannot be deduced.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 24
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:36:12 AM
heavywt, not true.

I spent most of yesterday at the beach and went dancing last night. I also managed to do the shopping, pay some bills and go to the bank.

You aren't timing me. Get out the stop watch.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 25
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:42:17 AM
sweatpea, I don't think I'm a writingstar. It was about the 38th name I chose. I didn't want to choose a name with a number on it.

You hate? Don't. It kills you.

And it's deadly to make any decision that is inaccurate if it's going to harm others. Obviously, you've had some bad experiences.

You're projecting your own bad experiences onto what I'm saying.

You're also attacking my writing when it hasn't been the topic we're talking about. People who can't win on the basis of the topic tend to find something else to attack.

And, no, I won't give a link. The whole point over here is that I'm anonymous.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 26
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:45:17 AM
Squirrly, just what exactly do you understand by 'judging from appearances'? It's not a 'glance'. It's talking to someone for half an hour, observing them, seeing how they interact, it's an entire bunch of things.

For example, if someone lives in a house that costs megabucks, some might be inclined to 'judge by appearances' and say that they have a lot of money. I would be more inclined to say, they spend a lot of money. The conclusion is different. The evidence is the same.

What I have been talking about is erroneous conclusions reached as a result of fuzzy logic.

You're putting words into my mouth. People do this when they either project their own baggage or they're run out of rational argument.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 27
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:47:33 AM
Nothing more to be gained from this thread for me.

To all those who disagree. You're welcome to disagree. It's a free world. It might be nice, though, if you learned the skill of fighting fairly. One doesn't attack someone's persona because one doesn't like what they say.

To those who agree - we might be wrong, you know! :) But I didn't find that out from this thread because those who opposed the beginning sentiments didn't give solid evidence for their point of view. Pity.

See you on other threads...
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 28
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:33:06 AM
great posts soulbane
Joined: 10/1/2004
Msg: 29
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Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 1:51:31 PM
brish..I was just thinking the same questions as think that writingstar has her own issues of low self esteem,insecurities etc and that she can't find a way to deal/fix them so she has to boost her own ego with assessing total strangers where she knows nothing about them....can't imangine being friends/dating someone when all they do is assess ppl the whole time they are with them...maybe I'm wrong..but that's the impression I'm getting..that when she is out in public she assess everyone that crosses her path...but that's just my personal assessment of her...LOL...maybe I'm inaccurate...maybe I'm do I know...
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 31
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/4/2005 5:29:19 PM
Heavyw8t, people who have high self esteem don't need to defend themselves by attacking somebody else, and they don't see a negative message where none is intended.


Strangely enough, I'm perfectly comfortable with people rejecting me on the basis of my appearance, my lack of money, my lack of education, my accent, the color of my eyes, or whatever else they care to reject me for. They have a perfectly legal and moral right to reject me for any reason they choose. It's called the right to associate with anyone one chooses and if they don't want to associate with me, I respect that. I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable about being rejected on the basis of appearance. Most people I know accept it as part and parcel of life.

I finally understood what has been niggling at me, and why I have a tendency to write about these things. It is because I've been trying to understand how some justify attacking (often quite viciously) below the belt just because their feelings are hurt. It's a phenomena I've observed on the web for ten years.

I finally understand it.

There is a percentage of the population that does not have the capacity to stand back from a comment and examine it objectively. They think that anything that even remotely presses a button must be directed at them (even if it is not). More importantly, they have little understanding of forgiveness, of not hitting back just because someone inadventantly said something that touched on a sore spot.

Thankfully, as a result of understanding this, I won't be posting any more 'controversial' posts. I just know, quite thankfully, that I absolutely do not want people in my circle who think their hurt feelings are justification for attacking another.

This is my last post on this thread.
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 32
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Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/4/2005 9:18:02 PM
Well said goodluver!
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 33
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/12/2005 8:28:42 AM
As the adage goes, looks can be deceiving. Naturally as you had outlined if you start talking to them you learn a little bit more. As far as looking at someone’s weight because they may be thin doesn’t mean they may be healthy or healthier than someone carrying a little more weight. I know a lot of thin people that smoke, eat poorly but simply have a high metabolism.

Appearances are very important and using our visual capabilities in an innate ability, so it’s not something we can so easily ignore, despite our avoidances of biasness. The 8 years I worked in intelligence I utilized my training in psychology (Anthropology and Kinetics), you can gage quite a bit from body language, but a lot of information starts to open up once you start talking to a person.
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 34
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 12/29/2005 4:40:24 AM
Can we judge a book by it's cover or is a picture worth a thousand words?
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 35
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 12/29/2005 6:41:23 AM
this thread is hilarious. either quite a few of you are pathological liars or really dumb.

who do you want to be?
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 36
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 12/29/2005 7:09:47 AM're all wet. Appearance tells you absolutely nothing about a person and who they are. If you want to experience your life by stereotyping...well...good luck. That a definite loser!
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 37
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 12/29/2005 7:24:21 AM

Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 39
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Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 11/2/2008 10:05:31 PM
Being very involved in holistic health, exercise and nutrition, I tend to see past the clothes and makeup (in the case of women, of course) and to their general health. I can tell a lot just by the condition of a person's hair and if their eyes are clear. Their words and manner of speech indicates their level of education, but I've met some very intelligent and profound thinkers who didn't have the benefit of a higher education. It's what's in the soul that is most important. I have decided, though that it is still important to me not to compromise on any of these areas when choosing a partner. I can have friends from a lot of different walks of life, but need my partner to be compatible, which is one reason why I'm single. I've learned that it's better (by far) to be alone than with someone that you initially overlooked their shortcomings for only to have them become real obstacles later on.
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 40
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Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 11/2/2008 10:57:32 PM
it's interesting to me, that this is a thread about "appearance" and it seems an inordinate number of posters have their appearances hidden. i've glimpsed through some of the posts, but got lost in "the arguing", so still not sure what that is all about! therefore, i am just going to respond to the OP's question.

i'm pretty open at intially getting to know someone. the concept of judging was introduced to me by my recent ex. sure i have preferences, but it takes something very offensive or disgusting, before i feel that i "judge" in the negative sense. for some, i just don't grow into anything beyond just friends or perhaps just a conversation over a cup of coffee will be the beginning and the end. it's just that "nothing happens" to make me want to continue. yet, i don't actively or consciously judge. you've heard the expressions: "just not feeling it" or "just not into" someone.

extreme obesity is not attractive to me, but i'm more interested in working on my own "few extra pounds" than poking at someone else's. i am told i am an active listener, which some people don't realize because i am also an active talker! so, over time, i hear inconsistencies, i hear when people become expert at telling me what i'm about when they don't even know me, i hear the talk and often i see no walk.

i hear and sometimes intensely feel people's pain, fears, dreams, aspirations, joy and especially laughter.

i attract visually to a person's eyes, smile, moves and i also attract (or not) to how he smells. i prefer kindness and i need someone who is soothing, but i'm willing to also soothe and take turns in that arena. just want my turn also!

i need to sense that a person takes care of himself as to grooming and i don't like bad table matters or snorting up one's food. that brings back bad memories to me. however, i am not GQ either and don't necessarily like a guy who over grooms. i like a man to look like a man, but also have a kind soul and good heart.

i used to attract to brooding musician types, but that was unfulfilling both emotionally and spiritually. i was just talking tonite to a musician e-buddy who explained to me that he and others often "hide" behind their music. i never thought about that before, although i knew enough to separate the music from the man, as they are not the same.

i used to attract to very brilliant people and gorge myself on ideas and creative thought in my greenwich village days, but the more brilliant thinkers were often too self absorbed and could not interact on other levels. thus, i separated them from my romantic life.

i guess i connect to the child within a person. i also have a keen intuition and then it's hard putting into words what i just "know". i need to be able to move with someone, which is why i like dancing. i need to be spoken to in a loving way and i guess i need to have all senses engaged, if we are talking about serious male-female attraction. i need someone who is physical, but also warm and snuggly and protective of me. i don't like being attacked or ridiculed and if i am misinterpreted, i need to understand the misinterpretation, and be welcomed to explain my intentions.

i need to intuitively know that i trust another person. again, a lot has to do over time with consistency and walking his own talk. i need to feel that i can walk mine, w/o the eggshell promenade.

i don't necessarily believe in love at first sight. but, i do believe that i know if i am "definitely not" and "never will be" attracted to someone fairly quickly on. the rest takes time. i think the majority of men, who i would consider, would fall in the middle and i would need some time to truly get to know them and see if the attraction will "come out". once it starts, it just keeps building until i feel i will burst! then it levels into a warm and fuzzy. there are some men i find initially attractive, but it fades quick when there is nothing between the ears, or our sensibilities are just not a match.

so, i guess i don't "judge" very quickly and i am searching more for depth of character, as well as what appeals to my immediate senses. i am extremely sensitive, however, when someone starts judging me and way too quickly.
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