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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 13
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

How about "Hi, I'm -insert your name here-"

Salespeople do that, too business like...an over the shoulder casual comment regarding common ground is better...intro yourself after the conversation starts to flow with a BTW. That's when she's probably more interested in talking and might actually care what your name is (or care to tell you hers).

When people walk straight at me, extend a hand and/or do an intro, I immediately wonder what they want from me. It's too in your face. Just talk...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 1:14:26 PM
Probably.

Personally I like someone to open with a question or comment about something happening in the place we're both in - no hi or my name is, just talk...anything that's greeting oriented for me is an in passing thing that gets mirrored...I say hi back or how are you or whatever and move on, or I say hi back and then wait for them to start a good conversation...which many times never happens.

A question or comment is actually something I can intellectually respond to - so it gets my attention (socially). A hey beforehand works well. I like conversationalists tho, so the focus for me is the conversation, not myself or the person I am talking with. It's just a default thing that I respond well to.

I am sure I am the only weirdo who's like this.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 1:15:07 PM
Shallow Hall,

Your profile is awesome. It reminds me a little of the profile I had when i was in Match.


 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 18
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 2:20:21 PM
Before you employ the "best ways to approach", you need to adjust your worldview deeply. The interaction the formulation of interest between two people is a two-way street. You're around 30, and you're in a situation that's classic for the average Joe at 20 or 21. Don't get down on yourself, you're a late bloomer, but it's not a small deal, either. Good news is, it's easy, but mentally, it's not, because it's a bad habit (mentally) that runs deep. What bad habit? Your worldview on people, interactions, what they think, etc.

Message #8 is very good to abide by... however, I advise you don't get too ahead of yourself, and stick to just being social as your focus for a while.

1. Feel better about yourself. It's not going to happen overnight, but you can get a kick by getting some newer clothes... they don't have to be expensive, you'll just have to shop longer, that's all. You may need to observe how others dress in different settings, etc. At the same time, take the pressure off of having to approach girls for a bit.

2. Like Msg #8 said, get out there and get used to talking to strangers. Just a comment, nothing big. With a SMILE.

3. In the meantime, work out. It's as good mentally, if not better, than physically. Can't join a gym? Do you have a TV? Do aerobic stuff... fill up milk jugs with water... buy a $10-$15 ab roller and stretch chords... you can do it cheap. You just strain your muscles in common-sense ways and repeat.

4. When walking thru a mall, store, parking lot, or whatnot... When passing a lady coming toward you in the opposite direction, just say "hi" and make some eye contact. Only lasts a few seconds, and you have NO intention on talking with her... the point is to say something in passing. Just do it. Then say "nice shoes" or something along those lines when passing by. Too shy? Start off with women who aren't attractive. Work your way up.

5. Don't focus on picking up girls. You have to still get used to having conversation with them first. Pretend you have a girlfriend... repeat it to yourself. But you're social, repeat that too. When going to the store try going when it's not TOO busy and easily spark convo with the cashier. They're bored, they don't mind it. Again, you're not hitting on anyone. Pick a cuter one as you get more comfortable, and work to flirty smiles and all that. But you have a girlfriend, and you can't make any real moves.

6. Once you get comfortable with this, do the same as #5 at a bar w/ friends... or even go to a hang-out bar where people chill. Be at the bar. When girls come up, and are waiting on the bartender, say hi... open your body language up and smile a lot.

Basically, the goal is to be comfortable with yourself talking with strangers. Bottom line. You don't have to try and shoot the puck in the net from the blue line like a lot of guys expect. Sorry, no tricks will do that for you. Just get comfortable talking with strangers, improve your looks and betterment... it doesn't take much. It's NOT rocket science. After approaching, which was your initial question (and the biggest), your next step would be making a move (getting acquainted with a gal and sitting down with them for a while), then the final step would be closing the deal (getting her to be truly interested in you and getting a # or more).

Note: Half-a$$ed comfortable talking to strangers (ie women) won't cut it. Once you're 100% comfortable with it, the next steps of being one-on-one with a gal and getting her interested work pretty naturally, and msg #8 shows you some of the little but deceptively effective things that can help carry things thru.
 stronghorizon
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 20
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 7:53:57 PM

Chances are your at the bar, so get a few drinks - make sure its gin (gives you best confidence) get that stuff flowing at give it a shot. Or get a wingman, easiest way. You should not be approaching girls without a wingman. They open it, you close it. easy.


No offense intended, but I strongly disagree with this advice. Having drinks can give you false confidence and does not project who you truly are, unless you are a drunk all the time and if that's the case ten perhaps you know why you can't meet a good girl.

The best place to pick a woman up is not a bar when you are drunk. Daytime pickup is much better. Whether you are at the grocery store, the library, the mall or wherever. When women are out in public at a club or bar, they have extra walls up for guys who are trying to talk to them. You will find women to be much more open to discussion in a public place during the day.

As for a wingman, you should never have to rely on someone else to meet a woman. A wingman can get in the way just as much as help you. When two guys approach a girl together it's like..."Will you hold my hand while I go talk to this girl?" That also does not project confidence.

I do much better flying solo then when I'm with a wingman, unless the wing is a woman who's my friend and out to have a good time. That's the best wing available.
 Th3 Artful Dodger
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 21
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 10:05:05 PM

Salespeople do that, too business like...an over the shoulder casual comment regarding common ground is better...intro yourself after the conversation starts to flow with a BTW. That's when she's probably more interested in talking and might actually care what your name is (or care to tell you hers).

When people walk straight at me, extend a hand and/or do an intro, I immediately wonder what they want from me. It's too in your face. Just talk...

Point taken but sometimes there is no common ground. There's just you and the person of interest. I have a daily goal to meet at least one female a day on the subway and get the phone number, like my favorite dating doctor told me to lol. Anyways, on the train usually you have nothing in common. In such cases I will walk up, say "Hi, can I sit here? I'm Mahlon.. Whats your name?", Then let the conversation run it's course. Has never failed me yet. (I've failed to get numbers before, of course, but never failed to get a decent conversation started.) So in a nutshell, from my experience, I respectfully beg to differ.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:06:32 PM

The best place to pick a woman up is not a bar when you are drunk. Daytime pickup is much better. Whether you are at the grocery store, the library, the mall or wherever. When women are out in public at a club or bar, they have extra walls up for guys who are trying to talk to them. You will find women to be much more open to discussion in a public place during the day.

The point is not to try to pick them up. The point is to be social and make conversation with no intention or expectation. Both of those things will turn women right off. If you cannot talk to a woman without expecting it to go somewhere, you're better off skipping it altogether.

Point taken but sometimes there is no common ground. There's just you and the person of interest. I have a daily goal to meet at least one female a day on the subway and get the phone number, like my favorite dating doctor told me to lol. Anyways, on the train usually you have nothing in common.

The train is the common ground, you're both traveling somewhere. If you are both standing somewhere the place and what goes on there is the common ground. It's almost impossible to not find something you have in common if you are both in the same place.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 23
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:50:08 PM
Approach them from behind with your pants around your ankle and your throbbing purple member at full salute.

Don't forget to wear a ball cap with a capital "L" on it and turn the hat, slightly, to the left or right. Maybe even have the brim curled up a bit too.

Finally, wear a T-shirt that is 5 times too big for you and don't tie your shoes.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 8:43:09 AM
So NO learning to be the "life of the party" isn't going to get you what you want or more importantly what you need. You may learn about what you need from trying though as I did.

I totally agree with your whole post, in the sense that if you were trying to end up involved it won't work, as that's an agenda. You're right, women do know if you're up to something, which is why it's best to just enjoy conversations and not have expectations as to what they become.

It's only good to be social to improve your skills generally, and talk to different people in social situations without a ton of anxiety. If you are only talking to women you have interest in and in the end you have an underlying agenda to date one - then yeah, it won't do you any good.

I also don't think someone has to strive to be the life of the party if it's not something that they are wired to do, I think they should be able to strike up conversations without being nervous about it so that if they do see a woman they find attractive they don't feel too intimidated to approach. Being the most exciting man in the room isn't the point, being exciting and conversational when you need to IS the point.

Lastly, if you are making friends with a ton of attractive women you have interest in, you're torturing yourself. It's one thing to be easy to talk to, it's quite another to build a friendship hoping for more with someone who's not attracted to you (which is basically what that is). Any guy who doesn't enjoy the friend zone should know that if he can't just stay friends with a woman he's attracted to he should pass on that friendship to avoid hurting himself with inevitable wishful thinking.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 27
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 1:27:08 PM

I'd say I disagree somewhat with learning to be more social - YES there is some validity to it. I tried practicing this a few years back - read a few books and just started changing my personality a whole lot. What generally happened was I ended-up with many women with a very passive / casual / platonic interest in me who all thougt I was just this real wonderful and amazing dude. Not the result I wanted.

If you can't learn to be social, you won't go anywhere, tho. Being 100% comfortable being social and talking to strangers is a requirement, but yes, it's not the end of it. It's the first step. People being too shy from even -approaching- women (the key question in this forum) is what prevents anything from happening.

It's the first step -- the 2nd step is to actually prepare yourself to garner women's interest. About how NOT to be the "nice guy", to put your best (attractive) foot forward, and so on.

It did help me get out of my shell and break my shyness a whole lot though.

That's the point. If you can't do that, you can't go anywhere.

I just basically learned that I can't make myself into something that I'm not.

I think the last quote showed that Yes you can. :) Some people can change to greater degrees than others, and for everyone it's not easy. That's why people need motivation from books, or a friend who motivates them. You don't have to go from a hermit-in-the-basement to the crazy extrovert who's the life of the party everywhere he goes. That's not the point. The point is to open up and shed your shyness. You did that some. You can do it more, too, if you still have a bit too much shyness hanging around.

I want a home run - not to be sitting on the bench.

Like most guys -- you want a silver bullet. "What do I say that will get a woman to come home with me that night?" is an extreme example. Point is, when you go from Mr Nice-and-Shy, and you're impatient and you want results right-now -- you're costing yourself a lot of time and taking the less effective and more scenic route in the end. Patience. It ends up saving time.

There's not ONE game-plan. In fact, different types of guys should employ different methodologies. But the broad picture here, about approaching ladies, requires massive social comfortability. It's your "game" after the fact that may differ a bit, like different playbooks & styles in football. Some CAN just pound the ball w/ brute force and get things done... some run the spread offense. Some run the west-coast offense. Depends on the type of women you approach, settings, etc., and who YOU are too that you can't control... but in the end, it's basically the same general approach and way of looking at things.
 Th3 Artful Dodger
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 28
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 2:22:22 PM

The train is the common ground, you're both traveling somewhere. If you are both standing somewhere the place and what goes on there is the common ground. It's almost impossible to not find something you have in common if you are both in the same place.

I'm sorry.. a deer cant tell a hunter how to catch deer. What you're basically saying is to talk about the train that we're on. "The ads on this car sure are funny, huh?" "So what made you choose this train? Gets you to your destination fastest? Me too!" "Sure is quiet in here"
Lol Lame.
I've proven it time and time again: Say hi, Introduce yourself, then improvise. Yesterday the girl was holding a caricature drawing of herself so I asked to see it, teased her by insinuating that it doesn't look like her, then asked where she goes to school, what she does for a living, how long she's been living in NYC. We joked back and forth then I proceeded to ask her out for a coffee date. I took down the number and went on my way. Sometimes you start with little to nothing. When life give me lemons I make 4 course meals.
...served with wine. Keep fishing fellas
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 2:51:48 PM
I'm sorry.. a deer cant tell a hunter how to catch deer. What you're basically saying is to talk about the train that we're on. "The ads on this car sure are funny, huh?" "So what made you choose this train? Gets you to your destination fastest? Me too!" "Sure is quiet in here"

First of all, deer don't talk - and if they did, they'd be signing death certificates telling hunters where to look - so I doubt they would contribute. However I agree that being shot and killed and picked up by some men are about the same pain wise, so I won't say that's real different.

So what people mean when they say this is that women don't actually want to end up on dates. If you believe that, then what's the point of discussion?

If you're not enough of a conversationalist to make a common area a topic (as I can see by your examples), then I guess you should do something else. Doesn't mean it doesn't work - I guess it means it doesn't work for you. I've seen people do this, so I know it does work if you go about it the right way.

Me? I can actually start a conversation based on the place I am in regardless of what it is...AND make it interesting, but I guess 25 years in the DJ business and 10 in radio don't hurt when it comes to approaching strangers I know nothing about and getting them talking.

But if the beeline and handshake/intro thing works for you, then I agree that YOU should continue that method.

Ok then, back to the thread.
 lil red corvette
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 30
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 3:20:48 PM
Go to a mens only bath house..... you won't have to worry about saying anything at all.

Life is risk... If you think you are bothering them .. you probably are.. if you think you are a creep with cheesy pickup lines.......
 stronghorizon
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 31
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:11:21 PM

The point is not to try to pick them up. The point is to be social and make conversation with no intention or expectation. Both of those things will turn women right off. If you cannot talk to a woman without expecting it to go somewhere, you're better off skipping it altogether


We disagree here. The point of this thread is the best way to approach a woman, and the intent behind it is to attract a woman, not just make a new friend. I think a man should know exactly where he is going, and even see the end result ahead of time in his mind.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 32
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 5:28:54 PM

We disagree here. The point of this thread is the best way to approach a woman, and the intent behind it is to attract a woman, not just make a new friend. I think a man should know exactly where he is going, and even see the end result ahead of time in his mind.

You can't accurately see the result of something you have no control over in your head. You can hope for it, but it won't be accurate because two people are involved, and it takes both to get the result - you can want it all day long, but if the other person doesn't it's pointless. It's not like batting practice (tho the unpredictability of the pitch and resulting path of the ball is about the same).

I'm just saying that if you approach a woman, unless she's already so interested she's sold already (which is rare for most people), it's not going to work well for you. Attraction is there or not, you can't choose to attract anyone. Since most men cannot tell from across a room if a woman is attracted, it's a crapshoot. In most cases more people you are interested in will not be mutually interested than will be, so you will face more "rejection" or the perception of it. The point of this thread was how to approach women, not how to close the deal.

You cannot close the deal unless:
1. She's really interested in you before you speak,
2. She's available
3. You don't disqualify yourself after you start talking.

If you don't care what the results are, your ego will be in better shape. Women DO sense and avoid men who seem to be making conversation but secretly want it to end with a result. Talking to a woman with no agenda has nothing to do with making new friends - no one says you have to talk to her ever again, it has more to do with approaching her without sending her defense mechanisms up - and if a woman feels you have an agenda, that's what happens. You don't have to like it.

Women can let you know they are interested once a conversation starts, you know. Unless you are scorching hot to her, she's going to need to talk to you without a move being made on her to know if she wants to know more. Again, if she senses you're talking to her to get something from her, she'll throw up a wall and you'll get nowhere.
 Th3 Artful Dodger
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 34
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 7:40:14 PM
[Quote]First of all, deer don't talk - and if they did, they'd be signing death certificates telling hunters where to look - so I doubt they would contribute. However I agree that being shot and killed and picked up by some men are about the same pain wise, so I won't say that's real different.

So what people mean when they say this is that women don't actually want to end up on dates. If you believe that, then what's the point of discussion?

1. Its called a metaphor. Any conversationalist can recognize one, relate it to reality, and not take it literally... we know deer can't talk, sweetie.

2. Most women in the NYC subways dont want to be approached by men because there are a lot of jerks and perverts out there and they encounter them daily. From the pretty faced teens to the men in business suits, a pretty woman in new york will be hit on probably between 30 to 50 times a day... or more, who knows? Here, you have about 15 seconds (if that much) to catch her attention, say something interesting and different, and show her that you're a sane, decent person before she presses play on her iPod and closes her eyes.

You're a DJ and not a psych major so in simpler words; If words are ammo and women are deer, You dont have much time before your deer escapes. You need shotgun shells to stop em in their tracks and that train talk... that's equivalent to using BBs. Weak.
The metaphor stops there, luv.

I fancy myself a good conversationalist and I can make a common area a topic if it makes interesting conversation. The train is not one of those places. You do that when you have time. For all you know her stop is next.

Oh and if "Hello" is a line, sure I use it. After that it's improvisation. Maybe your years in mass communication help, maybe they dont. I don't know how good you are. I've never heard of you. For all I know, you could suck at your job, right?
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 35
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 8:43:50 PM
Um....... you need to go sharpen your teeth a little. Grab your jeels and talk to them. Who knows, they may not have ever met a guy like you and might get interested. Ok, here's a good pickup line. Use this ok?

"Hi, my name is -----------. I saw you (insrt action person was performing here) and figured maby we could talk a little."

Now, if the person is at work, you better be able to keep the talk short- like really short. Also, if there is something that you like about their looks- like hair, smile, shade of lipstick, or even their clothing- give 'em the compliment. Everybody loves compliments. Women like them daily...... I guess it's a guy thing, but I could never understand that. Hope I don't get flamed for that lol. When you get near the end of the talk, just be like: I'd really like to maby talk some more with you, would you be open to meeting me for (insert low cost/low stress date like coffee or lunch here) sometime? If they don't give you a day to go with a place you suggest, then ask for their #.

Caution- people at work can be harder to deal with as they are busy. It might take a few short type conversations before you finnally have the opening to say something like:
"Look, I've passed through here a few times, and I like talking to you, but work is no place to get into a real conversation. Would you mind giving me your number and a good time to call you?" Like I said, work is a rough place to be hitting on a person, but not totally out of the question. Just keep the compliments going- and don't forget to make them sincere- a compliment is worthless if it's a lie, and can actually work against you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 37
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:49:48 PM

1. Its called a metaphor. Any conversationalist can recognize one, relate it to reality, and not take it literally... we know deer can't talk, sweetie.

I didn't ask what it was, I said I never got the connection (outside both being offensive). It's a really stupid figure of speech, as far as I am concerned, and basically equates picking up women to hunting deer. I hear it a lot, and it's a silly response to asking women what they respond to when you don't like what they tell you.

2. Most women in the NYC subways dont want to be approached by men because there are a lot of jerks and perverts out there and they encounter them daily. From the pretty faced teens to the men in business suits, a pretty woman in new york will be hit on probably between 30 to 50 times a day... or more, who knows? Here, you have about 15 seconds (if that much) to catch her attention, say something interesting and different, and show her that you're a sane, decent person before she presses play on her iPod and closes her eyes.

Women aren't always in the "boy meets girl" mindset, where as men almost always are. However if a girl sees a guy she likes, she's not going to be hard to distract by that guy. The guys who have to angle and try to get their time in are generally men who don't have that kind of attention. You can be sane and decent but not necessarily interesting or attractive enough to stop the ipod for...in fact if she wants to enjoy it - I'd say let her do that and find someone else.

You're a DJ and not a psych major so in simpler words; If words are ammo and women are deer, You dont have much time before your deer escapes. You need shotgun shells to stop em in their tracks and that train talk... that's equivalent to using BBs. Weak.
The metaphor stops there, luv.

Why don't you shoot your target and talk to her once you knock her over? LOL...again, stupid comparison. I take it you must be a psych major since you pointed out that I am not...how long have you had your degree?

I fancy myself a good conversationalist and I can make a common area a topic if it makes interesting conversation. The train is not one of those places. You do that when you have time. For all you know her stop is next.

If it's next it's next. If she's interested enough, you won't have to fear when her stop is, she'll make sure you can find her. I'm not sure why men think women don't take some initiative when they're interested. I think if a girl likes you before you approach, you can make anywhere interesting...to her. There's no strategy to it, you either approach a woman who was hoping you would, or you approach a woman who saw you coming and didn't get out of the way fast enough.

BTW, is the subway the only place you see women? You do talk to women elsewhere right?

Oh and if "Hello" is a line, sure I use it. After that it's improvisation. Maybe your years in mass communication help, maybe they dont. I don't know how good you are. I've never heard of you. For all I know, you could suck at your job, right?

If I did, I guess I would have had to do something else in the first 5 years...not that my job skills have anything to do with being social when not working - but again, what works for each is what works for each.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 38
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:53:08 PM
Try introducing yourself, ask her name and try to say something funny. If that stirs the beginnings of a conversation, great. If not, politely say "nice meeting you" and move on. Perhaps at the end of that brief banter, ask for her number. If she says "no thanks" or "taken", move on. If she gives it to you, great! Either way, at the very least, you had a few laughs and enjoyed some nice scenery-!

The way to combat feeling "creepy" is to be warm and loving. Try not to care about whether or not the first intro leads to sex. But, if she makes some inuendo that indicates she's interested, set up a more private meeting place.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 39
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/24/2009 1:03:21 AM

If you're not enough of a conversationalist to make a common area a topic (as I can see by your examples), then I guess you should do something else. Doesn't mean it doesn't work - I guess it means it doesn't work for you.

I have issue with this because, unless you have some unique/rare mental problem, I totally disagree with that approach.

Basically, there's one line of thinking: "If you're not comfortable with it (it's not 'you'), you shouldn't do it and try something else", vs another "If you're not comfortable with this very basic thing and you feel it's not you, that's when you know it's your problem, and here's how to change...".

I think by the rationale of "never change yourself", we could tell people to keep going to McDonalds every day, because they would be -very- uncomfortable if they didn't and wouldn't "be themselves". And they wouldn't be. We aren't robots, we have the ability to change for a reason, and many times it's hard, so many people say "You know what? Stop trying, just be yourself".

My angle is, don't do anything for a while. Evaluate, change, learn. Don't start your job until you've gone to school. Then, be ready to change -- yes, your view on everything. Should people discard ephiphanies that make them change to realize something they haven't before? Should we all be how we were when we were 18? As long as people keep telling others that how they are right now is set-in-stone-and-thats-okay, the more people will be frustrated. If they saw everyone look at them and say "No, actually, you need to change" like a drug intervention, they will. They're comforted with "staying how they are" which just repeats the cycle.

As that one guy said who was on your page (not verbatim but generally), "you can't change who you are", and then "but it did make me break out of my shyness". Guess what? That is changing who you are, and kudos! That's what it is all about. Just because it's hard (like getting into shape if you're 275), doesn't mean that it's okay to stay that way, right? Because in the end, they're NOT liking how they are, because of the walls they keep bumping into. They're asking for motivation to break out of it.
 Th3 Artful Dodger
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 41
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/24/2009 6:16:35 AM

Women aren't always in the "boy meets girl" mindset, where as men almost always are. However if a girl sees a guy she likes, she's not going to be hard to distract by that guy. The guys who have to angle and try to get their time in are generally men who don't have that kind of attention. You can be sane and decent but not necessarily interesting or attractive enough to stop the ipod for...in fact if she wants to enjoy it - I'd say let her do that and find someone else.


That is kind of an extreme situation now that I think of it... If she wants to listen to music more than talk to you I agree. Let her. You were dead in the water to begin with if thats the case. Its unrealistic to think you can pick up ANY female you find attractive. However there are times where you can pique her curiosity or create some interest where there was little. Thats the point I was trying to make. Most cases I'd say wait if she glances at you twice... but if she looks like a nice girl, get those shells ready


Why don't you shoot your target and talk to her once you knock her over? LOL...again, stupid comparison. I take it you must be a psych major since you pointed out that I am not...how long have you had your degree?


If you did that you would have even less time to talk to them Lol
Nope, I was pointing out through sarcasm that you dont need to be one to follow what I'm saying. But that's generally speaking Lol


If it's next it's next. If she's interested enough, you won't have to fear when her stop is, she'll make sure you can find her. I'm not sure why men think women don't take some initiative when they're interested. I think if a girl likes you before you approach, you can make anywhere interesting...to her. There's no strategy to it, you either approach a woman who was hoping you would, or you approach a woman who saw you coming and didn't get out of the way fast enough.

BTW, is the subway the only place you see women? You do talk to women elsewhere right?


I can agree with that statement. If a woman likes you she will help you. I used the subway as an example because millions of people use it and you see some of the most beautiful, interesting, and quirky people down there, but most people are too shy or afraid to say something to them. Its hard on the subway. If you can do it there you can do it anywhere.
If it were a classroom situation, its much easier. Time is on your side so you dont have to be so urgent. I'd say to set yourself up by answering the teacher's questions intelligently but with a pinch of wit or humor to show that you're a smart, funny guy. Then wait for her after class and say "Hi, I'm so-and-so... we have psychology class together. Would you like to grab some lunch with me?" If she can't because she has another class or she has to leave after class, ask for her phone number. If she doesn't want to give it to you, move on. If she gives you any Womanese, about how she cant make it because she has a busy schedule or whatever, throw away her number and move on. You never had her. She would find the time in her busy schedule for a lunch date if Brad Pitt asked her for one, right? Lol
But anyways now I'm going off on a tangent. That's knowing when to move on and getting the hint that a girl doesn't like you.


If I did, I guess I would have had to do something else in the first 5 years...not that my job skills have anything to do with being social when not working - but again, what works for each is what works for each.


Not necessarily. Some people just want a paycheck. That's another discussion for another time.

 stronghorizon
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 43
Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 5/24/2009 8:28:24 PM

You can't accurately see the result of something you have no control over in your head. You can hope for it, but it won't be accurate because two people are involved, and it takes both to get the result - you can want it all day long, but if the other person doesn't it's pointless


I think you missed my point.

It's important that a man knows what he wants in general, and he has to have a good understanding of how he is going to get it. Luck does not exist in the world of attraction. If a woman of beauty is attracted to a man there is a reason.


I'm just saying that if you approach a woman, unless she's already so interested she's sold already (which is rare for most people), it's not going to work well for you


Of course. That's part of why I posted the open letter to men and women in the first place. To make men more aware of their own generic behavior and for women to realize that a guy who is being generic when they first meet does not necessarily mean he is a boring or bad person.

The moral of the story is to give someone more of a chance then the usual ten seconds or so before they start being judged.


You cannot close the deal unless:
1. She's really interested in you before you speak,
2. She's available
3. You don't disqualify yourself after you start talking.


Agreed. Men need to work on everything else they do before they open their mouth for the first time. A good start is body language. Read books or just look it up on the net. There is plenty of great advice out there.

I've seen successful, good looking, honest, hard working men get shot down by a woman just because their initial approach was boring or generic, then later in the same night saw the same woman get picked up by a less attractive, lazy bum who doesn't even have a job...because the second guy knew how to be different and display high status.

A lot of guys are really bad about disqualifying themselves as well.
 suibhne
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 44
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Whats the best way to approach a woman anywhere.
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:46:29 PM
Be yourself

Chances are, unless your a hunk, she isnt interested until you do something that impresses her. Females need convincing, and later, reassuring. Thats why they write books and make commercials.
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