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 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 51
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

The biggest part is ~Love~...the sharing, honesty and respect...

Does saying crap like this get you the girls? Really?

Normal guys just aren't that deep bud and that's just a line. You can see I'm right by just witnessing post after post of women in the forums where sex is pretty much all the guys are thinking about.
 Shorty679
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 52
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/10/2013 6:13:53 PM
At this point in my life.

10

Gotta have it. Nuff said.
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 53
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/11/2013 7:02:17 AM
MUST have sex!!!! Preferably this morning............oh damn, I woke up alone.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 54
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/11/2013 7:48:16 AM
After a previous marriage with little sex, it shares my highest priority level along with true compatibility. Of course, someone truly compatible will also be sexually compatible. Anyway, it's a 10 for both, and I'd rather be single and looking than settle for less. Fortunately, I found my 10-10 and it is by far the best relationship of my life and looks to stay that way.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 55
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:35:00 PM
I have to wonder how many people who put a huge emphasis on sex are coming from a past where the sex was either not so hot or non existent? I wonder if some of the males who place sex as the number one goal came from a past where their wife or significant other stopped enjoying sex or stopped having sex with them because either their own needs were not being met or the relationship was failing. I personally feel it is a very important part of a successful relationship, but if the relationship is lacking in other areas, it will not be the glue to hold it together. In my experience, sex does not just disappear unless there are other problems in the relationship that are either being ignored or avoided. So if this is the case, and both people enjoy sex, why are so many men so overly focused on this rather than developing a relationship that will make the sexual part even better?

I think to push someone into having a sexual relationship before they are ready will not provide the end goal of a good sexual relationship. Having a good foundation, excellent communication mutual respect and love seem to be more successful at creating awesome sex than the other way around. But what do I know? I know from personal experience that sex is only sex without the rest. the rest of the deal make sex more lasting, more fulfilling and yes.. you get it more because she will want it more if emotionally you are connected.. otherwise.. some will never really know what an awesome sexual relationship is all about. JMHO
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 56
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:49:28 PM
Sex takes on increasing importance as the amount decreases versus what you want or have had previously, or whenever there is a mismatch in desire.
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 57
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/11/2013 1:25:46 PM
Making love is more important then sex .There is more to a relationship then having sex. Anyone can have sex. Making love is better then sex. I do not care for sex. I do love making love with the right men for me.
 benjameson68
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 58
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/11/2013 1:35:59 PM
sex in a relationship is very important without sex there really is no relationship
 betrys69
Joined: 4/8/2013
Msg: 59
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:37:44 PM
What if the guy isn't putting out no matter what girl tries? Does that mean sex isn't important to him?
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 60
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:01:41 PM

(Msg #141. Betrys69) What if the guy isn't putting out no matter what girl tries? Does that mean sex isn't important to him?


Not necessarily. It can depend on if he has problems/worries. It could be due to medication or some health issue. Or low hormones in which case he just doesn't think about it. In any case one should try to satisfy their partner. As I mentioned in msg. #122 we all do things for our partner even when we're "not in the mood".
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 61
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:10:52 PM
I have come to understand that physical intimacy is a tangible celebration of emotional and relational connections.... that being said the most difficult part is finding partner that is mutual to your preferences to express it... ie frequency, type, kinks, preferences, fantasies, health limits, etc
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 62
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 4:57:08 AM
Message: well if i say what im gonna say i wont get any messages ever again!!!!

It is important down the Line if u are in committed loving relationship. Sure. If guy needs sex all the time n wants to jump like rabbits. Three times a day and we do nothing but havin sex I will walk righ out the door. What happend to other stuff. Now lete ask that. How important in relationship is romance?
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 63
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 5:01:41 AM
The biggest part is ~Love~...the sharing, honesty and respect...

Does saying crap like this get you the girls? Really?

Normal guys just aren't that deep bud and that's just a line. You can see I'm right by just witnessing post after post of women in the forums where sex is pretty much all the guys are thinking about.

Yeah saying to girl that I love her works. Yeah really. No guy ever got it from me before he said he loved me and we were in committees relationship. Sex is about 10 precent if its relly good it might be like 25%. Now romance if ain't there u aim getting none bc there won't be any relationship lol
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 64
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 6:15:16 AM
When the woman starts withholding sex, I start withholding relationship. Guess who gets upset first...
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 65
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 3:54:18 PM

Msg #1. (Cdeluca0331) Well obviously this is a never ending dilemna. On scale of 1 thru 10 how important is sex in a relationship???

We can all sugar coat it and say it really does not matter...but in reality it does.


The way I see it is if sex wasn't important then the sex of one's partner wouldn't matter. If one is seeking a partner who has a sense of humor and a good job and looks after themselves (Eat healthy. Exercise. Etc.), enjoys the same activities, is sociable, likes kids and stray dogs.....has virtually every quality one seeks in a partner and claims sex isn't important then why would the sex of the partner be important?

Sex is the most important thing. It is the first question one is asked; Are you seeking a man or a woman? If having a job was the most important thing the first question would be, "Are you seeking someone who is employed?" Or if having a sense of humor was the most important thing that would be the first question so I don't know why anyone would say sex is not important.

I suppose if one is bi-sexual then the sex of the partner may be secondary to some other attribute but I've never heard of a heterosexual willing to negotiate when it came to the sex of a potential partner.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 66
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 4:16:45 PM

Yeah saying to girl that I love her works. Yeah really. No guy ever got it from me before he said he loved me and we were in committees relationship. Sex is about 10 precent if its relly good it might be like 25%. Now romance if ain't there u aim getting none bc there won't be any relationship lol


Guys already know that and use it, the players especially. The words mean nothing to them except as a means to get laid. To me they mean nothing, could never figure out why some guys say those words so quickly.

Now as to how important sex is to a relationship, it is everything and it is nothing. I once dated a guy and the sex was smokin' hot from the first date on. Quality and Quantity. However about 3 months or so in, we both realized that there wasn't really anything there other than the sex. So in that relationship it was worth nothing, but when there is a better non-sexual connection, it is possible that sex can make or break the relationship.
 Maid-merry-on
Joined: 3/27/2013
Msg: 67
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 7:20:13 PM
At my age...on a scale of 1 to 10...8! Simply put I want it and all the time. Glad I have someone who can give that to me. He's my age and it's great. One day he says we'll both slow down. Oh gosh I hope not! lol
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 68
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 7:32:44 PM
Oh ok I get that any player knows what exactly say to girl to get some action. The thing is that if guy tells u he loves u week or two Into meeting with u - u should know better that something is up. If guy tell u that two or three months down the road he just might be yellin u truth. I always do wait there is no point rushing things. Bad if guy pushes for it he needs to go n let me find someone who will respect me care about me and has some values n morals n is not Into sluts
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 69
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 7:53:06 PM
sex is a lot like money - it only becomes important, an important issue when you don't have any

people that have plenty take it for granted
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 70
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/13/2013 7:56:34 PM

Making love is more important then sex .There is more to a relationship then having sex. Anyone can have sex. Making love is better then sex. I do not care for sex. I do love making love with the right men for me.


could you explain to us the tangible, physical differences in actions?

I get it that there may be differences in mindset and emotions..but these are sort of difficult to discern

whether a guy f*cks you or 'makes love to you' much of his actions will be similar, no ?
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 71
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:04:28 AM


Making love is more important then sex .There is more to a relationship then having sex. Anyone can have sex. Making love is better then sex. I do not care for sex. I do love making love with the right men for me.


could you explain to us the tangible, physical differences in actions?

I get it that there may be differences in mindset and emotions..but these are sort of difficult to discern

whether a guy f*cks you or 'makes love to you' much of his actions will be similar, no ?


Even though many male posts here are quite angry and filled with angst ... I will attempt to answer this for you guys that don't yet "get it"...

A fully evolved male has learned to engage a partner even during sex in a respectful and validating group of actions and interactions.... including physical and verbal interplay that explores and validates the personhood and also engages in a physical act that is fully mutual and comfortable..... He has shifted his focus and actions from achieving self gratification into the higher purpose of first achieving the gratification of the partner... His point of engagement is first the mind and then the body....

If you videotape the interaction between such lovers it is nearly impossible to see these qualities.... but it is felt at a soulish interactive exchange level between both persons....

A stereotypical male who is indifferent to his partner will achieve orgasmic relief but will also feel a sense of incompleteness or shallowness in his own being.... Is is comparable to eating a meal with food that is devoid of salt or spices..... or eating canned ravioli vs a home cooked version....

Your discernment will change when you fully set aside your own pleasures and focus entirely on your partner as well as advancing intimacy only when SHE is ready... the payoff for this self sacrifice is an intimate experience beyond anything you may have previously received when having just sex....

There is a body of wisdom that clearly outlines this very instruction and can be found in a sincere study of Tantric Lovemaking and Kama Sutra....

If you REALLY REALLY want a deeper experience in intimacy.... this is a great pathway to achieve it....

The alternative is to live in a life that is self absorbed and indifferent to your partners and overall filled with emotional disconnect and self loathing.... Your life... Your choice....
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 72
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/14/2013 12:29:21 AM
Please see

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/soulish

or
http://nicedefinition.com/Definition/Word/soulish/soulish.aspx
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 73
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/14/2013 4:24:57 AM

(Msg #153. (Gentleplus) A stereotypical male who is indifferent to his partner will achieve orgasmic relief but will also feel a sense of incompleteness or shallowness in his own being.... Is is comparable to eating a meal with food that is devoid of salt or spices..... or eating canned ravioli vs a home cooked version....

There is a body of wisdom that clearly outlines this very instruction and can be found in a sincere study of Tantric Lovemaking and Kama Sutra....

If you REALLY REALLY want a deeper experience in intimacy.... this is a great pathway to achieve it....The alternative is to live in a life that is self absorbed and indifferent to your partners and overall filled with emotional disconnect and self loathing....


I think it’s fair to say most activities are more enjoyable if ones partner is fully “on board”, however, the absence of such does not result in self-loathing. If we want to use dining as an example its wonderful when ones partner enjoys and appreciates a meal one has made, however, unless the partner is visibly displeased their concealed indifference will not affect the taste of the food or the enjoyment thereof.

The truth is ones partner may attempt to cook a special meal with as much love as they can muster but a professional chef at a fine restaurant will offer a superior meal made with a complete absence of love for the customer.

Similarly, when it comes to intimacy/sex/lovemaking there are certain “standard” actions that make it enjoyable regardless of whether the person performing those actions merely likes the person or is deeply in love with them. Furthermore, the necessity of getting ones partner in the mood grows old rather fast. That’s not to say one simply jumps their bones but if the preliminary to lovemaking becomes a chore the enjoyment is definitely diminished.

It’s frequently noted in couples who have been together for a length of time. The lady will complain the man isn’t romantic and she requires romance as a lead-up to sex. I’m always tempted to ask what the lead-up was when they first met. In many cases the guy simply removing his shirt was sufficient to get the juices flowing.

Of course, the opposite is also true. A man will complain his wife doesn’t “fix herself”, doesn’t wear lingerie, etc. I have no doubt when they first met the gal’s undergarments were seen as nothing more than an obstacle to be overcome.

Where has the desire for each other’s body gone? After 15+ years of marriage my wife’s azz looks just as good to me as it did 15 years ago. I don’t need it dressed up. I don’t need encouragement to be attracted to it. It’s fine just the way it is.

Coming back to meals we eat dinner every day. We don’t say that because we’ve had dinner at 6 pm for the last 10 years we’re now going to dine at 7 pm because it’s getting old. If we’re going to take a serious look at sexual problems/incompatibility where does logic tell us the problem lies; with the person who is still turned on by their partner the way they were 10 years ago or with the person who has lost that initial attraction and now demands “encouragement” (romance, extended foreplay, etc.)?
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 74
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How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/14/2013 6:14:32 AM
@dave
yes you have correctly identified the "fizzle out factor"

these are pitfalls... and each of us must find a way around it, reinvent the relationship, or move on...

sometimes I think that most all of us have a relationship expiration point....some like yourself somehow are not impacted by it... and that is a wonderful gift too.....

@eff

you have correctly identified those who have a personal agenda that overrides most enduring soulish connections ie "Golden Vag!na" etc

the key is mutuality and cooperation at all levels and being on the same page...
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 75
How Important is Sex in a Relationship????
Posted: 4/14/2013 8:07:04 AM
what some 'evolved', poetic, gentlemanly, Dr. Phil Donahue types like gentleplus may not get is that SOME women, at least SOME of the time, want to be f*cked hard, not made love to..

they don't always want to 'make love' in this poetic, mystical, 'soulish' way.. they may at times want to make love, at others just want to f*ck like beasts.. some may want to 'make love' most or all of the time, some may want to just f*ck some or most of the time, others like a mix over time or even during the same session.

but spouting the stereotypical, mystical, soulish flowery stuff that some guys THINK all women want to hear..ironically probably helps them get laid more, with some women

yes, it's (shockingly) true, IME, some of those gentle creatures (women) at times want to just do it like the animals on the Discovery Channel ;) -despite societal brainwashing & conditioning to the contrary
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