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 mikelgreco
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 188
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????Page 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
^^^ Is there any man out there that would think this would be a BAD idea???

 SpiderJohn416
Joined: 4/4/2004
Msg: 200
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Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 8/20/2005 2:19:28 PM
Go for it, on one very important condition: both of you are upfront about what you want, and if what you want changes, you communicate that upfront as well.

I've been in FWB relationships before and they've probably worked out better than most of the dating relationships I've been in. Neither party feels pressure, you can still hang out and do stuff, the rules are clearly defined, no one really gets hurt, and if either party wants to end it, it just ends quickly and neatly (no crying into the pillow or anything.)
 TLC4TLC
Joined: 9/11/2004
Msg: 203
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 8/25/2005 3:59:14 PM
Hi, MidWestGirl

I've found this thread to be pretty fascinating, from what I've read so far.

I guess I'm going to take the road less traveled, since I don't think I've seen a post, yet, that considers anything but an individual's opinion of what is good and bad.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to believe that it would be ok to have a FWB relationship of the nature that you're refering to. And I'd love to be in such a relationship, if I could believe it was ok. But, as I read it, it is not something that God is ok with. I've been around long enough to have learned that if God ain't ok with it, then it's best to leave it alone. He has reasons for directing us in how we should live. To live any other way is just inviting heartache and misery into our lives. You didn't imagine many men thinking "friends with benefits" is a bad thing. Well, as much fun as I'd like to believe it could be, here's one that thinks it's a bad idea. I currently have a "friend with benefits," but the benefits only extend to having someone to hold when we watch videos, swapping an occasional passionate kiss and having someone to run around with when we just need to get out of the house. And I'm concerned that even THAT may end up leading to someone's heartache, eventually. So, that's my take on THAT question.

You seemed to indicate in one of your responses that you would really prefer NOT to be in a FWB relationship, but wish you could find someone to have a lasting, romantic relationship with. However, it appears that, in your opinion, that relationship only exists in fairy tales and cannot be achieved in real life; presumably because there are just no guys interested in that type of relationship. Please forgive me for disagreeing, but I know there is at least ONE guy out here that is looking for a relationship EXACTLY like that. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that, although there must be some 95% of women on dating sites SAYING they want a romantic man with sense of humor, there is really much more they are looking for than that. Otherwise, I shouldn't have had to spend so long on so many dating sites to find the woman I'm looking for. I, myself, have a pretty lengthy list of attributes I'm searching for .... and have found several women that would seem to meet my tough criteria. But, for some reason or another, this romantic and humorous man can't seem to catch their attention. It's understandable that women aren't just falling all over me. I admit that I have a few negatives going for me. Just look at my pics for an example. lol But I'll keep looking, because I believe that my "perfect match" is out there, somewhere; and I also meet HER lengthy list of desired attributes. Once we find each other, that romantic and humorous relationship will no longer be a fairytale. I don't know. Maybe I'll start a forum on this. Whadaya think?

Oh! And her knees will wobble, just as mine will!

I hope you find your guy that makes your fairytale come true, before you DO end up feeling used and thrown out. And remember, I'm available and close by.

May God bless you and grant you all the desires of your heart!

Rick -- a mid-west guy from southern Indiana
 angeleyezhhs
Joined: 8/19/2005
Msg: 207
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 8/26/2005 6:32:29 PM
Girl, as long as its mutual that you two are just friends, it's fine.. I did it with a friend of mine, it was great, no pressure to call, or make "dates". Nothing like a real relationship, we still just hung out whenever we wanted, went out to dinner, things like that, just he started spending the night. Just think of it as adding something to the friendship. It really is a lot of fun.
 redemption25
Joined: 12/22/2004
Msg: 209
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 8/26/2005 9:29:18 PM
still searching for such a thing hahaha....jk....maybe. lol..
 Wylde
Joined: 7/27/2005
Msg: 210
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 9/2/2005 1:56:20 AM
I just LOVE my FWB's...yes...I have more than one. That doesn't make me a bad person does it? LOL
We're just all at diffrent times in our lives where we can't have anything more.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 211
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 9/2/2005 2:04:13 AM
If it works for the two of you...go for it.

It might work for me with the right woman...OTOH, I might get emotionally involved if I liked her a lot.
 Wylde
Joined: 7/27/2005
Msg: 212
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 9/2/2005 2:07:59 AM
Oh that happens too..it's most times unavoidable...falling too hard when initially there was no intent for involvement. **shrugs**
 yepper1218
Joined: 10/4/2006
Msg: 213
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Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 12/11/2006 7:36:47 AM
Hell I wish I could find a close FWB any lady looking for one email me
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 214
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 12/11/2006 11:59:40 PM
there is a good thing to having one & a bad thing to having one also....

Good thing: is if u need sex they are the ones to call when u get a bit horny and needed some lovin'

Bad thing: is when they decided to date someone else exclusively that ruins everything not just for the both of u but just for u because then u have to find someone new to be your boy toy....

I have gone through a bunch of friends with benefits in my lifetime after my last engagement ended in June of this year & highly unlikely i dont recommend it at all because esp if its not your style or you are not used to that then you are meant to have a total disappointment & hurt in the process.... or even a stalker which i have gotten scared because he got mad when i decline to sleep with him ever again....
 pebbles_2006
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 221
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits? but I wouldnt recommend it if your friendship suffers
Posted: 12/23/2006 9:01:07 PM
Well to be honest here??? I am somewhat disappointed when someone claims to care for u then over-reacts in something that isnt true that ruins everything....

I myself wouldnt ever try a friends with benefits relationship at all EVER because it just doesnt hurt your relationship.... friendship suffers the most because it happened to me with this special person (he knows who he is). We were planning to have something more but then for one misconception everything is gone down the drain....

We had chemistry, we relate well with each other & just a miscommunication and over reacting over something that isnt really what happen ruined everything between us... I hate to admit I do miss sharing things with him & I am sure he miss sharing things with me because we had an instant connection from online, over the phone & in meeting each other we had sparks with each other as well.... And also we related everything in syncronize....... but then through exchange of words & emails that were given to each other in hurtful manner ruined what could've have been something special between us....



thanks
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 224
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Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 12/27/2006 12:15:43 PM
I think if you have to ask others if its ok to have a friend without benefits then you probably should have it.
 §püngl䧧
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 228
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/5/2007 5:16:13 PM
My friend with benefits was the best thing that ever happened to me... My saddest thing is..that's what I'm looking for now, and it seems to be the hardest thing ever! If I was looking for marriage..done deal..if I was looking for a one nighter...done deal... But a friend with benefits? For some reason it seems unfathomable......
 GoGirl1302
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 229
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:11:37 AM
Yeah i guess it can go "to shit" but if u both upfront to start with and have a rapport and friendship then when one is ready to leave the equation should still be able to retain a friendship.

I have been there few times and find guys can handle it better generally as they don't seem to have or allow that emotional attachment to creep in... we females seem to stuff it up eventually by doing that but hey u gotta look at it as a good experience, one done with respect for each other and no time limits... just enjoy the ride and journey and when time to get off the train well all good! We all get lonely and have needs and is all good.

I just stick to my bag of toys now, I know where they have been, they never let me down and always there haha
 eb3267
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 231
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/6/2007 1:23:14 PM
Hmm, as long as he's ( or you) is /are not married or with someone, I don't see why not..
 eb3267
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 239
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/8/2007 2:03:16 PM
She told the guy, and he told her about their count. He was 2. She told him 8. Then he stopped talking to her, and that was 8 months into a serious relationship growing to be more serious...... oh well.


This is not the 40's when you didn't have sex untill you were married.. Allthough life was easier then, and you grew together sexually, it didn't mean that relationships last any longer..

I for one don't realy want to know how many partners you have had, I want to know that I'm the only one that you're with now !!

But that's me, as long as the sex was safe it's your past and hopefully you've learned something by it !!

Ems..
 2crazy4u
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 242
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Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/9/2007 1:25:13 AM
I totally have to agree with shadow captain on this one, I have tried it and i was actually the one to get my "feelings" involved and then my heart broken although from day one, we were both on the same page with that "no strings,commitments,emotions" clause. I do agree that morally, a friend with benefits is ok but as he stated, almost always, someone gets hurt in the end wether it's intended or not. I am curious to know if anyone has any suggestions to how to "distance" those feelings and keep them away and just enjoy every moment of "quality" time with this "friend",LOL. So many scenarios, so many "quotes" HAHA!!! Guys, you're probably the best ones to be able to keep emotions out (no offense of course), any suggestions how to keep the heart out of it ? If there's some secret, i know i'd like to know!! But then again,i'll have to disagree about bring on the one night stands cause then you're playing without a clue while with a "buddy" at least if you're both open and honest, you know where each other has been, if has been with someone other than you, of course...
 open_minded28
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 244
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:10:03 PM
I definitely think so, as I've had several throughout my life.
All were long term (years). Some were deeper friendships than others, some were sex first, then the friendship delevoped, others were friends first.
Because people are different, each relationship was different. In all cases, we were crystal clear about the terms up front, and understood it was really all about physical gratification and nothing more. It was just a really nice perk that we already had that trust and comfort level first!
Yes, there were a couple that ended up being too attached (myself or them), but we dealt with it and moved on. If both partners are mature enough, I think friends can make it work.
I think POF is a great place to meet a potential date or romance partner, I think other sites are best suited for sexual relationships (e.g. friends with benefits!). Why not post a profile on each? bedtreasures is new and free like POF is.
 liveyourlife
Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 245
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Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:05:58 AM
Well here's a situation for you....Friends with benefits are okay so long as there is an understanding that if either partner is seeing another person the fun stops immediately. (those are the words I told my long term friend and it was agreed by both of us) However some new information has come to light that he doesn't know that I know and I'm ready to bust his balls on this one. Turns out that he's engaged and never said a word to me. Now I feel like a bag of shit cuz I know what its like to be cheated on. I need to figure out how to tell him that the gigs up and see the expression on his face when I tell him that I know his dirty little secret. Any thoughts/suggestions are welcome. He can't have his cake and eat it too!!
 akgrl
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 249
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 5/3/2007 1:05:28 AM
I agree there's a lot to be afraid of out there. I was in a FWB relationship until he told me that he was with another on the side and she was with others too. We had discussed this and would tell each other if we were with others...he neglected to tell me. Anyway I was pissed...

FWB just makes me feel less of a woman and I tend to respect myself less as a result. Been there done that...I'd rather be with a man long-term. Take me or leave me, but I'm going to respect myself for being true to me.
 baddog
Joined: 5/31/2004
Msg: 251
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 12/9/2007 4:57:49 AM
Been there, done that; not too kewl when she got too dependant and attached. Too make a long story short; she blew it all up and caused a major commotion. My wife doesn't care if I get a little on the side as long as she doesn't have it thrown at her after the fact but this girl hunted me for 2 years. She got totally weird and wanted to marry me and so on. Thankfully, she found someone and got married and my wife and I had a baby so there is final separation. I still wouldn't mind a bit on the side with the right one as wife is no longer too much into sex, but I would be much more careful now. I would state right up front, "This will never be more than what it is, period." There is nothing wrong with friends with benefits, but make sure you both know what you are getting into and end expectations. Also, don't forget the condoms; I never want to bring home.
 luv4play2
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 252
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:04:46 AM
I think having a "special" friend is GREAT !!
I had the same one for 14 years.. We shared a friendship of many facets..
Neither of our spouses ever had a clue.. And I honestly feel that the "extra" sex is what has kept me young..
Moving out of state is the reason it ended..
 latinlady58
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 263
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History
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:32:35 AM
you mean u never had a one night stand ................wow, but a partner just for sex, i could not also, i want the other feelings that come with it .
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 264
Is it ok to have a friend with benefits.....???????????
Posted: 3/28/2008 8:26:19 AM
I have not met a woman who wants me for a freinds with benifits relationship .
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