|Friendship FirstPage 2 of 12 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)|
|Ahh yes, some men have the test-drive a woman theory. Women are not cars, they are human just like men. If a man wants to treat a woman like a car, then it should be o.k. for a woman to treat a man like he is a bank account with endless funds.|
There are lots of people out there with very poor character and standards for themselves and others. Relationships are all about nurturing a friendship first......otherwise I usually tell a man to go stick it in his carburator.
Be careful what you wish for
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:19:42 AM
|For those women wanting to try out the merchandise........there are many low-quality Fords out there........however, I am looking for a Ferrari. Better engines and lasts longer.|
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:24:06 AM
Funny...some dirty old stranger sent me an e-mail recently going on how sexy I was.
He used almost the same rhetoric to try to schmooze me.
You are confusing poor internet etiquette, with the natural procession in a relationship to shared intimacy.
MEN as well as women are guilty of objectification.
Posted: 5/26/2009 1:48:32 PM
|I believe that my profile mentions frienship first. I was friends with my ex for 2 months prior to sex. I have dated a few men in my lifetime and tried it both ways. Friendship is a crucial part of any relationship. I also believe that there is a lot of fun and satisfaction in a new relationship without jumping in the sack right away. So maybe it is your definition of friends that is getting in the way. We are all adults here or should be and I think we all know that sex is also a crucial part of a long term relationship. Everyone has their own idea of how to approach a possible new partner.. Also think it is important to mention that I have read many men's profiles that also say friends first!!!!|
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:14:31 PM
|While you were calling me an old cynical player, you didn't even bother to read the rest of what I had written, did you, Boudacia? Or does it not jive with your belief in what EVERY man must be like, so you ignore it?|
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:19:28 PM
If you know *anything* about Ferraris and Italian cars in general, you'd know that in terms of quality or durability, just about ANY Ford beats them.
And if you knew anything about Ferraris........you would probably own one as I do, and for many years now. It's all about the love and attention that you give to it.
Much like the love and attention that you give and take from the person that you established a "FRIENDSHIP FIRST."
My Ferrari has lasted longer than the men in my life.......what do you think I am going to place more value on. The Ford's of my life, Fix or Repair Daily or the Ferrari that I treat with a gentle loving touch.
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:07:34 PM
|I was struck by the OP's observations about couples:|
they don't talk, they don't call each others, they don't enjoy spending time together, they keep secrets and so on....
This is really what you find most couples are like? Really? Your idea of what a relationship is sounds terrible and I can see why you are trying to "trick it" or "change it" into being something different. I suspect your focus does need to be more on relating than it does on relationship.
I am wondering why you feel sexual intimacy BLOCKS the development of a good friendship? Intimacy, including sexual intimacy, is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Usually, people find being sexual with someone they love deepens their intimacy and the benefits extend into in many, many other areas of their relationship. I'm wondering why you have found the exact opposite to be true for you? Perhaps it is your attitude towards sex, or possibly (once you have sex) you change the way you are being with a man?
It sounds like: once you are sexual with someone, you do not focus on relating, getting to know them well and revealing who you are. Frankly, I think that might be the bit you have backwards. Either that, or , as soon as you become sexual, it's "A Relationship" and takes on a life of its own.
I'll agree you're doing something that isn't working, but I'm not sure a system of 6 months of friends first will get you to where you want to go. Think you need to think some more about why sex gets you so messed up that it derails the development of a friendship.
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:36:32 PM
|What is relative about the one6girl story post is that the friendship first for six month|
deal has astronomical odds that one person will fall in love.....and not the other, leading to many broken hearts.
However, after reading some of the OP's latest postings, I actually, sincerely understand where she is coming from a little better. I think that she is saying to have numerous aquaintences or friends, often in group settings (sort of like college) and as time evolves, determine if there is someone who piques one's interest more, that you find yourself inexplicably attracted to more, by virtue of his/her character traits, such as loyalty, honesty and integrity which, by the way, lead to trust.
Many including myself have thought of the intro "Yes, I will date you, but we will not have any romantic feelings for six months" taken it literally and kept it within strict context....and I think OP is more flexible than that....
So, OP, am I right?
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:29:04 PM
And exactly why should I deprive myself of pleasure so that women like you can stand on your high horses? In my family I was raised to embrace my sexual being as a woman. No sense in treating it as a duty.
You shouldn't ~ if that's how you feel (deprive yourself, that is.) However ~ you shouldn't be condemning those of us who would rather wait than not. I certainly embrace my own sexuality, that doesn't mean I'm getting naked just for the sake a quick romp. That's meaningless, hollow and most generally ~ disappointing. Ah, the glory of getting older ~ some of us realize that sex can happen with anyone, good sex can happen with a portion of those, but great sex? That takes more than a coochie and a winky. JMO
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:58:09 PM
not what i meant at all, Verygreeneyez.
Thanks for the clarification.
Well it sounds good in theory but if I don't have any physical yearnings to be close to someone in less than six months chances are it wont happen.
I like the ideal but six months seems like a long time...
I agree ~
Posted: 5/27/2009 12:11:37 PM
If I had given in, it would've been "putting out". Guilted into it.
Why is this? Why give in? Why feel like you are putting out?
Actually, I've heard your story many many times and it's a mix the typical idiot guys that believe that the way to get the woman is to buy her dinners, tell her superfluous complements and then guilting them into trying to be intimate. Sad. I could go line by line into what he did wrong, but well, then he will have to pay me. Hehehe.
When I was dating any woman that we had gone more than 5 dates and were were not intimate, more than likely did not go anywhere. But usually I had sex with them about the second to third date. The awesome woman that is my partner for the long haul kiss me instead of me kissing her and became intimate by the second date. She took a big chance and risked being rejected after that, but she preferred to trust. The friendship that evolved having been sexually active has no comparison to one where you are not.
Posted: 5/27/2009 12:54:22 PM
Apparently it does with the guys you're choosing. When I go out with someone, it either happens or it doesn't without having say anything. If it doesn't happen in a few dates, I just don't date that person again.
And no pressure, you move on. Abe, you hit the nail on the head, she's been going out with pushy losers.
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:07:04 PM
Because once in the Friendship Zone, you're in the Bermuda Triangle of relationships. And the reason for that is because doing that firmly establishes a non-sexual relationship...
Well Zeke, you do have a pretty wicked sense of humor, but I would rather be in the Bermuda Triange of relationships than to be taken advantage of.
If a man isn't interested in exploring my mind and soul as a friend.....I will be damned if I will let him explore my body. Sometimes men are programmed by their previous relationships...........OH, it took 3 weeks to get the last woman into bed, so they expect that in their future relationships, which have not begun with friendship.
How long has it been since I last had sex with a man, perhaps it's none of your damn business!! But, it has been long enough that I think I am turning back into a Virgin...just like "MARY" the mother of Jesus Christ. I am enjoying that for this present moment in time and my Ferrari.
Be careful what you ask for........
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:42:53 PM
|Me thinks that the x file is just looking for a Vagina and has no thought about the human that is attached to it.|
Check out your local grave yard x file......bodies are a dime for a dozen there and at this point, they have well moved well beyond your materialism. Check out the Marys, Sarahs and Jills in their respective grave sites.
Be careful what you place value on
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:50:40 PM
|I think you are headed in the right direction with this... I would add tho, prior to ANY Legal commitment; ensure that you have had between 4~5 years of Friendship whereas you have witnessed most anything that may later arrise in the relationship, deal with it, live on and see is there is ever a trend... Dat Ding, Might Drive You up a wall later in marriage, or other legal arrangements... |
"It's not who's known you the longest... It's the One's that Never Left Your Side"
Posted: 5/27/2009 2:02:33 PM
He has just finished phoning me for the 12th time apologizing.
Don't quit now, Boudacia! You've got him right where you want him!
In fairness, his behavior was awful........I would never grab someone and try to kiss her....(thinking Rhett Butler/Scarlett O'hara).......when I noticed your being uncomfortable in the restaurant, I would have said "You really aren't going in the same direction as I am, are you?", felt uncomfortable and that would have been the end of it.
But his point about intimacy helping boost the relationship in the beginning I think is something that a lot of guys feel to some degree......and often would inspire trust and loyalty. You will never believe that, and more guys are of the 'get some' mentality but to claim it does not exist in some guys (or women) is denial.
Posted: 5/27/2009 2:07:14 PM
(metrosexual) DEFINITELY doesn't mean a man who is emasculated.
Yes, Angie, you are right.
I could not think of the right word. So I substituted one! And you called me out on it!
I probably would have written "emansalated" or something equally ridiculous.
Posted: 5/27/2009 2:13:31 PM
|MSG 168..."It's not who's known you the longest... It's the One's that Never Left Your Side"|
dvallish1..........I like the thought you have posted today.
Do you mind if I hold onto it for a little while!!
Posted: 5/27/2009 5:47:13 PM
|I simply cannot see leaving sexual intimacy out of the mix for 6 months - it’s too important. To want sex much sooner (than 6 months) does not suggest impropriety it suggests wanting to understand and explore that part of a fully functioning adult connection. Sexual compatibility imo, is no less important than any other qualifier/compatibility indicator or deal breaker out there. Friendship is a component of a relationship, but it is not the defining characteristic of a sexual/romantic relationship...sex is. To suggest that friendship supercede the importance of sex dampens the natural pace and energy that moves a new relationship toward sex---and what makes it such an exciting time. |
Both partners should be completely be attracted to the other and equally want and desire for that to happen. A deepening friendship can build alongside and intensify relationship and often does, as both get to know each other better---but true 'knowing', intimacy and caring is in large part revealed through sex.
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:41:23 AM
As long as you treat sex as a prize, all you will get are guys who are out to win the prize. Those of us who think sex is something both partners ought to want, aren't interested in trophy hunting.
This if brilliant.
Posted: 6/3/2009 11:06:17 PM
|Really nice notion for thought, but every couple would need set a flexible time frame that best suits their charater. On the otherhand, there are those are more inclined to be open with each other as they get closer and a prolonged friendship only holds them back! SD|
Posted: 6/4/2009 11:17:11 AM
Sigh...DBB...got his reply in the player thread where he posted that whole thing there, too.
Okay I am getting my pop corn, do elaborate.
Posted: 6/5/2009 11:55:43 AM
If you've been kissing and it hasn't led to sex yet, he must not be very good at it unless you're talking about a goodnight peck on the cheek from a friend.
Abelian, you've got it all wrong. Don't you see, this guy is a top executive in a fortune 500 company and makes tons of money, has plenty of material possessions, manages a kazillion employees and is a whiner, I mean winner!!
In addition the poor b astard has a high thresh hold for blue balls. No pain, no gain. Just patience for 5 and a half more months.